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Could One Lawyer be the Right Choice for Many Couples?

Published on
James Pirrie
James Pirrie
Director at
Family Law in Partnership

Is there another way to begin?

Most people assume that if a relationship ends, the first step is for each person to find their own lawyer. Sometimes that is exactly the right decision but in other situations, it may not be.

For many couples, the biggest challenge is understanding their options, making informed decisions and finding a way to move forward without unnecessary conflict or cost.

That raises an important question. Could one lawyer, advising both people together, be the better option for some couples?

When a family goes through change, it can be difficult to know what to do first. The path ahead may feel uncertain and, at a time when emotions are running high, making the right decisions can seem overwhelming.

In the past, you might have talked things through with your partner but now, they may be the one person you no longer feel able to rely on for guidance.

Instead of immediately asking, “Who should represent me?”, there may be a more helpful first question: “What process will help us make the best decisions for our family?”

For some couples, appointing separate solicitors is the right answer from the outset. For others, there may be a different way to begin, one that helps both people understand the legal framework, explore their options and work towards informed decisions together.

Why do people look for an alternative?

The traditional process can be expensive. A simple conversation may involve several stages:

  1. You speak with your lawyer
  2. Your lawyer contacts the other lawyer
  3. The other lawyer speaks with your ex
  4. They receive instructions
  5. Those instructions are passed back to the other lawyer
  6. The other lawyer contacts your lawyer
  7. Your lawyer then comes back to you.

That is a long process simply to begin a conversation.

People also worry that different lawyers may offer different views about the likely outcome. Legal advice is always shaped by the facts and circumstances, but it can sometimes leave people wondering where the common ground really lies.

When can one lawyer work?

Of course, one lawyer is not suitable for every family.

Where there are safeguarding concerns, controlling behaviour or deeply entrenched positions, separate representation may be the right and safest option.

There is, however, a large group of couples who simply want clear, independent legal information to help them make informed decisions together. They are asking questions such as:

  • What do we have and what are our options?
  • What is the usual approach?
  • What is likely to happen for each of us?
  • What risks should we avoid?
  • How do we meet our children’s needs while allowing both of us to move forward?

Choosing the right process

Choosing the right process at the beginning is one of the most important decisions you can make. The right process, with the right people at the right time, often leads to better outcomes.

Too often, uncertainty about what the other person might do leads both people to appoint specialist litigators before exploring whether there is a more constructive alternative.

For many families, a different approach can:

  • Provide clearer answers
  • Resolve issues more quickly
  • Reduce legal costs
  • Give everyone a better understanding of the available options
  • Allow both people to play a more active role in shaping the outcome

How does one lawyer work?

One lawyer sees the common interest between two people who might be separating as sufficient glue for acting for both of them together.

Before the process begins, there is a careful assessment to ensure that both people are choosing the process freely, that it is safe and appropriate and that each person is willing to listen, understand the options and make informed decisions.

When that foundation is in place, the conversation often becomes more productive. Both people hear the same advice, ask their own questions and develop a shared understanding of the legal framework within which they will make decisions.

In many circumstances, it allows a couple to work together again, not as partners, but as parents or former partners seeking practical solutions for the future.

A flexible approach

Importantly, choosing one lawyer is not an irreversible decision.

A couple can move to separate representation if the process no longer meets their needs. Equally, they may arrive at one lawyer after beginning in another process, such as Mediation.

For many families, it provides an excellent starting point. Two people hear the same advice, from the same lawyer, at the same time. From there, they are often better equipped to work together, understand their options and find their own way forward with clarity, care and confidence.

Find out more

Every family is different, and no single process is right for everyone. If you are considering whether the one lawyer approach could be right for you, we are here to help you understand your options.

Find out more about FLiP Together, One Couple, One Lawyer at:
https://www.flip.co.uk/flip-together-one-couple-one-lawyer/

Read more articles by James Pirrie.

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About James Pirrie

James Pirrie is a Director of Family Law in Partnership, a highly regarded law firm based in London, which specialises in de-escalating conflict in family law.  He is an Arbitrator, Family Solicitor and Mediator accredited in child-inclusive mediation.

James is driven to improve long term outcomes for families who are experiencing separation or divorce.  He is credited with introducing collaborative law to the UK and with changing how children’s needs are addressed during family breakdown through the Parenting after Parting initiative.

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Powerful Partnerships: Jones Myers and The Divorce Magazine

Published on
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Jones Myers niche family law firm was among The Divorce Magazine’s first collaborators when it launched in January 2013 – and is delighted to remain a key partner in the publisher’s dynamic journey.

Offering a valuable resource comprising legal, financial and emotional support on divorce from established and respected family law experts chimes with Jones Myers ethos to enhance understanding of family law – and the options, guidance and support available to those in need.

As a practice achieving top rankings in esteemed legal guides for over three decades, TDM’s platform enables us to share our extensive expertise.

For example, many separating couples believe that going to court – which can be expensive, drawn out, and stressful – is the only way forward. Our articles explain how alternatives, such as mediation and collaborative family practice, are conducted in a spirit of cooperation with the aim of resolving matters without the need for court proceedings.

At the forefront of complex areas of children law, including international child abduction, we share insights on how concerned parents can spot warning signs along with advice on other key issues including child arrangement orders, co-parenting, alienating behaviours and grandparents rights.

Understanding only too well how the financial aspects of divorce can be bewildering to those who have not managed practicalities such as tax and direct debits during their relationship, we focus on pertinent areas such as common financial mistakes and related topics like pensions and financial settlements.

Social Media Benefits

Great partnerships always aim to be reciprocal, and additional benefits of this collaboration see TDM and Jones Myers raise awareness of content across our respective social media channels, reaching thousands of followers across LinkedIn and Twitter. I have also been involved in a  podcast with a panel which was well received.

Client Feedback  

Joining Jones Myers as a partner in 2019, I am delighted with feedback from clients and partners on our articles which have been read by almost 88,400 readers in the last three years alone. The need for, and interest in, TDM’s offering looks set to further increase following its  22% readership expansion from 99,000 to 183,000 across 2024-2025.

We have always enjoyed working with Amey and the upbeat team at TDM who are receptive to ideas and pro-actively invite contributors to share their knowledge, experience, and perspectives in the monthly TDM Contributor Update.

TDM’s continued success is well deserved and Jones Myers looks forward to sustaining our long lasting and mutually beneficial partnership with its team.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk

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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You
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Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You

Published on
Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

As an experienced Family Law Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer with extensive expertise in litigation, I understand the challenges facing separating couples in finding the right way to divorce for their individual circumstances.

The trepidation of a prolonged, costly and stressful court divorce is prompting an increasing number of  couples to seek out routes such as mediation and collaborative family law which avoid going to court. 

Another option is arbitration where separating couples hire a ‘private judge’ to accelerate the outcome of their financial settlements. 

Known as Alternative Dispute Resolution – because they provide alternatives to litigating in court – these three options put children’s best interests first. They also promote a spirit of spirit of collaboration for spouses and parents to achieve the best solutions.  

I hope the insights below will help you to decide which is best for your unique situation.   

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving family disputes constructively. It enables you to keep  control over  decisions which will  affect the future of you and your family.  In  the court process you hand those decisions over to a judge, who does not know you or your family and knows nothing about what is important to you. Mediation is appropriate for most situations including the most financially complex. 

Who is involved in mediation?

The private and confidential process takes place in a safe, impartial environment and involves a mediator like me, an independent third party who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement over key areas.  At the outset both of you sign an Agreement to Mediate so negotiations can continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis. 

The number of discussions/sessions varies for each couple depending upon the complexity of the split. As a facilitator, the mediator assists, guides, and helps you to move dialogue forward.  

Many mediators, myself included, are lawyers and can provide extremely useful information about the law to inform your decisions. 

Whether or not they are legally qualified, mediators will recommend that you each  retain  your own solicitor who can provide specific legal advice where required during the process.

What does success in mediation look like?

A successful outcome in mediation can mean many things.  Many couples choose the mediation process to get to an agreement which is formalised in a binding Court Order. 

Often called a Final Order, this is a legal document which officially terminates your marriage without you having to go to court.  However, mediation has many other advantages, including developing a new way of communicating as separated parents. 

Is mediation compulsory?

No. Mediation is a voluntary process. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which all divorcing couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued. 

These meetings are designed to inform  you both about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged court cases between warring couples. Highly confidential, it is a more impartial and considered approach and can lessen the emotional impact of separation and divorce on children. 

What happens if mediation fails? 

Due to its voluntary nature, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made. However, there are many ways in which the process can be adapted to get over sticky issues and avoid failure.  

There is an increasing trend towards lawyers being present in mediation sessions to provide technical advice and support during the process, in particular where there are complex legal issues.  

Alternatively, disputed legal points can be determined by bringing in a neutral lawyer to give a view or even an arbitrator to give a binding decision on a particular issue.  All of this can be done in the context of mediation.

What is collaborative family practice?

In collaborative family practice separating couples make a commitment to avoid the court route and to work together with specially trained lawyers to make their own decisions about the future. 

Like mediation, it champions a spirit of collaboration and compromise, is entirely confidential – and puts children’s needs at the heart of discussions.   

How does it work – and who is involved?

You and your ex each appoint your own collaboratively trained lawyer and undertake a series of meetings where you all work together to identify, address and resolve financial, parenting and other key issues.   

Collaborative family lawyers  provide support and legal advice throughout the sessions. Accountants, independent financial advisers, pensions advisers and/or childcare specialists can also attend and provide guidance on a neutral basis. You have as many or as few meetings as are necessary to resolve the issues between you.  

At the outset you, your collaborative lawyers and other specialists involved, sign a Participation Agreement that commits all of you to strive to reach resolutions without going to court. 

The agreement  prevents your collaborative lawyers from representing you in court if the collaborative process fails, ensuring everyone is wholly bought into making the process work.    

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Like mediation, collaborative family  practice puts you and your ex in the driving seat so you can progress the sessions at your own pace, working around your respective work and family commitments. 

Faster, less stressful and more cost effective than going to court, it ensures that everyone involved is committed to achieving a solution. In times where transparency is encouraged in the family courts and journalists can attend hearings, collaborative practice guarantees your family’s privacy.

What happens if a successful outcome is reached? 

Once an agreement is reached, your lawyers will put it into effect, obtaining a formally binding Court Order without you having to go to court. 

What if talks break down?

At any time during the sessions either of you can terminate the process through a Formal Notice of Withdrawal if you feel no headway is being made. Again, as in mediation, failure can be avoided with the right support, including where necessary, an early neutral evaluation or arbitration on disputed legal issues. 

What is the difference between mediation and collaborative family practice?

In mediation, family mediators are neutral – they cannot give advice to either party as their role is  to facilitate discussions.

This differs from collaborative family lawyers who can advise those they represent at the same time as conducting the negotiations. As highlighted above, collaborative lawyers sign up to an agreement not to go to court, which provides a positive investment in the process for the whole team.  

What is arbitration?

Arbitration is a private court hearing where divorcing couples take on a ‘private judge’, officially known as an arbitrator, to achieve a resolution to their financial settlements.  

How does it work?

Like mediation and collaborative family practice, this option, also conducted in a safe and confidential environment, can avoid a prolonged, expensive and, potentially, public court hearing.  

Similar to a judge, the arbitrator hears evidence from both of you, collects relevant facts and bases their decision on the evidence, considering the views of you both.  

The arbitrator then makes an Award over who should have what which is final and binding.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Divorcing couples have the same arbitrator through the process, something which  rarely happens at court where different Judges are involved at different stages of the proceedings.

Quicker, confidential and more flexible than a court option, there is a substantial cost saving when delays are avoided. Divorcing couples set and agree their own timetable at the outset. 

If an arbitrator is to be used, this is something which must be agreed. There is no power to compel anyone to arbitrate. Also, arbitrators have no power to secure disclosure from third parties such as accountants or financial advisors or instruct them to present evidence at meetings.      

Can couples involved in a court divorce opt for arbitration?

Yes. Court rules give judges the power to halt court proceedings to give you both the opportunity to resolve the dispute through arbitration or indeed any other form of NCDR.

In what circumstances do couples choose a court divorce?

This largely depends on the advice which couples receive. Whilst most lawyers will explain all the dispute resolution options to clients, some, who may perhaps have less or no experience of NCDR, are more inclined to recommend court applications.  

The court process has its place. A Judge has the power to compel the production of financial information, ultimately by sending someone guilty of non-disclosure to prison. The court can also order third parties who hold information relevant to the case, for example accountants and other advisers, to provide information. In extreme cases a court can make orders without any engagement from one of the parties. 

What does a court process entail?

Before an application can be made to the court for a Financial Order an application must have been made for a divorce or dissolution of a Civil Partnership.  The various steps required to get a divorce can be found on the Government website.

As outlined above, before a court application can be made for a financial or children order, every divorcing couple must also  attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting

A financial application will involve the exchange of full financial disclosure followed by a series of up to three main court hearings.   

What are the pros and cons of a court process?

The role of the court is to encourage parties to make agreed decisions about their finances and children and, in default of agreement, to make binding decisions for them 

Court orders, whether made by agreement or imposed by a Judge, are legally binding and enforceable. 

There is no privacy in a court divorce, where the proceedings are open. Since 2023 journalists have been able to report in family law courts on cases which include the wellbeing and future of children whose parents are divorcing.  

Couples are appointed a judge, who is unknown to them, and who makes vital decisions on key issues about their future.  Continuity is not assured with different judges often involved in the proceedings.  

Court hearings can be costly, stressful and time consuming. They can heighten conflict between the couple and run the risk of a case being adjourned or unfinished due to pressure on court time or a judge becoming unavailable.

The duration of a court divorce can vary significantly from a few months to years if the divorce is contested. 

The breakdown of a marriage invariably leaves those involved emotionally and physically drained and few couples take the decision to separate and divorce lightly

Knowing where to start on this critical path, which will impact on the future of all involved and affect the wellbeing of children involved, can seem overwhelming.  

Whichever route you take when embarking on divorce, it is critical that you secure the best possible legal advice.

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of working with highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers who are members of family law group Resolution and have a strong track record in their respective fields.   

Because we understand that every case is different, our family law experts, who are leaders in their field, deliver a bespoke service, outlining options and offering legal and practical advice at every stage to help them make informed decisions.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk

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New Guide to International LGBTQ+ Laws
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New Guide to International LGBTQ+ Laws

Published on
David Allison
David Allison
Director & Mediator
Family Law in Partnership

It’s hard to believe in 2025 that consensual sex between same-sex individuals is still criminalised in a third of the world and there are countries which retain the death penalty.

An exciting and informative international guide of the laws affecting the LGBTQ+ community has been published by the International Academy of Family Lawyers (IAFL) with contributions from specialist family lawyers across the globe.  The guide includes contributions from 56 legal jurisdictions, including several within Africa and the Middle East. 

Each contributor was asked the same set of questions covering topics including the legality of same-sex relationships and gender identity (including legal penalties), relationship status and marriage, as well as parenting.

Whilst there are some bright spots with proper equality before the law for LGBTQ+ individuals, progress is still slow and in parts of the world there has been a worrying regression. For example, in 2021, a Bill titled, “Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill” was presented before Ghana’s 8th Parliament. The primary objective of this Bill was to explicitly outlaw activities associated with LGBTQ+ identities and related practices, including gender identity and gender-affirming treatments.

FLiP director, David Allison, Chairs the Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Committee (SOGI) of IAFL. He launched the guide at the IAFL’s Annual General Meeting in Kenya, where homosexuality is currently illegal and punishable by 14 years in prison.

He says:

“There is no other guide on this topic that provides expert insight from the very people who act for clients in these cases, in their own words.  It will be an invaluable resource for many. 

We intend for this guide to be a living resource, which is updated regularly to reflect changes in the law, and we want to find contributors in more countries.  Please do get in touch if you are willing to contribute or know of suitably qualified people who can provide information about jurisdictions which are not included in the guide.”

As IAFL President, Rachel Kelsey says:

“IAFL supports all efforts towards full equality of the LGBTQ+ community throughout the world, and the end to rules that discriminate against such individuals and their families. There remains a lot of work to be done and this Guides is part of our contribution.”

You can access the guide at: www.iafl.com/news-blog/2025/sexual-orientation-and-gender-identity-guide/ 

In Kenya David worked with the National Association of Gay & Lesbian Human Rights Commission based in Nairobi on a press release for IAFL. The press release was issued at the General Meeting calling for the elimination of laws that unfairly discriminate against LGBTQ+ citizenry and criminalize countless couples in Kenya.  You can find that release at https://www.iafl.com/news-blog/2025/statement-in-support-of-lgtbq-kenyans-refugees-and-asylum-seekers\

Read more articles by Family Law in Partnership.

About David Allison

David specialises in financial claims on divorce, especially cases with an international element. He has extensive experience in cases where jurisdiction is an issue and those which involve claims for financial relief after an overseas divorce. He is also well known for his work for cohabitants, same sex couples, and civil partners. You can find out more about his work here.

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Strengthening family bonds post divorce – how conversations about boundaries can help (and how to have them!)
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Strengthening Family Bonds Post-Divorce: How Conversations About Boundaries Can Help

Published on
Jo Harrison
Jo Harrison
Divorce Consultant and Relationship Therapist
Family Law in Partnership

On a recent walk with this article in my mind, I noticed that the trees that were planted locally to me for the Jubilee had grown so tall and green since they were tiny little seedlings a few years ago. Inside a circular fence to protect them from deer, I couldn’t help but think how it is the healthy boundary in place around these trees that is supporting them to grow. When we have helpful boundaries in place, it can help us grow, and our relationships too. Healthy boundaries are an investment for our relationships. In this sense they are different from the fence that keeps the deer out, because healthy boundaries aren’t just about keeping people out. They are about helping us to feel more able to show up in our relationships. They help to make the relationships that we want to keep grow and flourish, rather than become places that we try to avoid or feel resentful about. 

Of course, there will be some relationships in our life that we won’t want to invest in and will want to walk away from. But in divorce it can be quite difficult to walk away, especially where children are involved. Not just the relationship with a co-parent, but also with the wider family. In order for these relationships to be supported post-divorce you might want to focus on trying to set healthy boundaries. 

When I work with couples who are separating, who are able to talk to each other and discuss things with each other, healthy boundaries evolve out of them being able to air each of their concerns, acknowledge them, listen to them, and plan around them. For example, they might have a conversation about how they are going to live in their home together until it is sold, addressing aspects like how they are going to communicate about their comings and goings, how they are going to share out childcare responsibilities between them, even what the deal is when the milk runs out. When these things are worked out mutually and clearly and the agreement is stuck to it can really support the atmosphere in the house during this period of their lives, which is often difficult. Call them ground rules, call them boundaries – what we are really talking about is how we can make this situation work for everyone.  

What strikes me about these conversations is that there is a lot that may not have needed to be discussed in such depth when a couple were together, but once a couple separate, paradoxically, there can be more to discuss and more boundaries to set. Don’t assume your partner is a mind-reader – it is helpful if you can be clear about what works for you.

Of course, it isn’t always possible to have these conversations in a straightforward way or without the help of a third party, so here are my tips to support productive conversations about boundaries:

  • Use “I” statements to support not putting each other on the defensive. For example, instead of “you’re so annoying, why do you keep emailing me so much, you have to stop”, the shift would be something like “I am struggling to keep on top of all the emails you send me and I wonder if we could do it a different way – perhaps to agree on a time where we put it all into one email at the end of the week.”
  • You don’t have to agree with someone to listen to them and acknowledge where they are coming from. It can really support making boundaries if you can listen to a concern and acknowledge it, because when both people feel heard it’s more likely you will be willing to work to something creatively between you.  
  • Schedule times to talk rather than spontaneously – and if something comes up spontaneously and you feel that you aren’t ready to talk about it just that minute, you can set your own boundary by saying something like “I know it’s important for us to talk about that but I think the conversation will be more useful if I’ve had a bit of time to think about that. Can we talk about it at this specific time?” 

What about conversations that aim to set healthy boundaries with wider family members? The principles above can support these conversations. Sometimes it can feel strange or more intimate than you are used to with members of the family to express your needs or feelings about certain areas of your life. It can be helpful to preface these kinds of conversations with something like “now that we are getting divorced, I wonder if we could have a chat about how it’s going to work when the kids come to stay with you.” There may be some important things you need to explain to be clear with the wider family, and this will be more powerful if it comes from both of you. For example: 

  • We have agreed between each other not to badmouth each other in front of the children. We feel this really supports the children and we would ask you to support us on this. 

With this kind of thing – you can’t really control other people and set boundaries around them. What you are doing is modelling the boundary that you have agreed, and asking for people’s support with doing so, as well as being clear about what you feel it is important. 

In all the relationships around you, take time to think about what matters to you, as the clearer you feel about it, the clearer you will be able to express it to others. Being clear about your needs may not come easily to you, depending on your experiences. Starting small with communicating something that matters to you in a constructive way to your ex, or to a family member, can be the start of practising this muscle.

Read more articles by Jo Harrison.

About Jo Harrison

Jo is a Divorce Consultant and Relationship Therapist with Family Law in Partnership. She is very experienced in working with individuals and couples who are separating.  A former family lawyer, Jo has a depth of experience and understands the legal process, which many if her clients find helpful.

If you would like to enquire about support individually in relation to preparing for a divorce or separation, please contact the FLiP relationship support team at E: therapists@flip.co.uk 

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Divorce & dissolution and financial remedy – how to prepare for your initial meeting with a family solicitor
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Divorce & dissolution and financial remedy – how to prepare for your initial meeting with a family solicitor

Published on
Hannah Coupe
Solicitor
Burgess Mee Family Law

Once an individual has made up their mind that they are going to separate from their spouse or civil partner, their attention may turn to instructing a solicitor. Whilst this is not necessarily the best way to proceed for everyone, and individuals should first consider whether their case might be suitable for mediation (which can be a quicker and cheaper way of resolving disputes), many individuals do end up taking this step.

Going to meet a family solicitor for the first time can be a daunting prospect, particularly because of the personal nature of what you are going to discuss with them. To try and help reduce any anxiety about this meeting, set out below is a summary of what you can expect to discuss with your solicitor at that initial meeting and what it might be helpful to have thought about and prepared ahead of time.

What you will discuss

  • What you would like to achieve;
  • Basic details about your spouse and any children of the family;
  • What has brought you to this point;
  • Your solicitor will explain how any divorce or dissolution will proceed alongside resolving the financial aspect of your separation and the arrangements for any children;
  • The overarching principles surrounding the above, which will inform the advice your solicitor provides to you; and
  • Your solicitor will provide advice regarding the likely timeframe to achieve your objectives.

Things to have prepared

  • Your solicitor will ask you to provide some key dates regarding your former relationship, such as:
    • When you commenced your relationship;
    • When you started living together; and
    • When you consider that the marriage or civil partnership ended.
  • A brief explanation of why the relationship broke down. It is helpful for your solicitor to have this background information so they can support you properly through the process and be aware of any relationship dynamics which might affect how they manage your case.
  • A brief summary of your financial assets. You will usually complete in-depth financial disclosure with the help of your solicitor. However, at your initial meeting, it is helpful to have a broad overview of what the assets are in the case. Perhaps make a bullet point list of yours and your spouse/civil partner’s assets and provide a rough value for each asset (you do not need to bring any supporting documentation with you to your first meeting). Some solicitors use an onboarding questionnaire to do much of the fact-gathering in advance, which means your first meeting will be that much more cost-effective and can concentrate on the advice. Generally, though, you should consider the value of the following assets:
    • The family home (and the value of any outstanding mortgage);
    • Any other properties you own;
    • Other assets of value such as cars, jewellery, watches, art etc;
    • The balance of bank accounts, savings accounts and the value of investments;
    • Any business interests (and start making available the last set of accounts); and
    • The cash-equivalent value (or CEV) of any pensions (as well as a state pension forecast as a precautionary measure).
  • Similarly, it is helpful for your solicitor to have a rough idea of your and your spouse/civil partner’s respective incomes (whether from employment, any trust interests or from your investments).
  • If you are aware that your spouse/civil partner has instructed a solicitor, it would be helpful to make a note of their name and firm so that you can pass it on.

The above points are by no means exhaustive and your solicitor may focus on what they think are the most important issues to be addressed. However, your solicitor will also be guided by you – the more information you can provide to your solicitor, the better, as it will allow them to give much more tailored advice and help you get the most of out of your meeting. Similarly, your solicitor will understand that you have a life beyond your divorce and as such it is not essential to attend your first meeting armed with all of the information set out above.

You do not need to go into the minutiae of the reasons the relationship has come to an end in your first meeting but in any event, your solicitor will be mindful that this is often a difficult topic to discuss. If you need to take a break from the meeting, you can ask to do so at any time or even park any of the issues you may not be ready to talk about.

Taking this first step after separation is bound to be difficult. However, making time ahead of your first meeting to think about the points above can pay dividends. The general stocktake will help you to feel that much more prepared and in control of what may seem like a very intimidating process. Remember that you are not alone – your solicitor is there to support you and help put in place a team around that will allow you to make informed decisions about your future.

More articles by Hannah Coupe

Hannah Coupe

Hannah Coupe is a solicitor at Burgess Mee, an award-winning specialist family law firm in London. Hannah advises on a broad range of family law matters, including divorce, matrimonial finance, nuptial agreements, and issues relating to children. She is also a member of Resolution, an organisation for lawyers which promotes a constructive and non-confrontational approach to family law cases.

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Everything You Need to Know About Family Mediation Process

Published on
Stacey Nevin
Stacey Nevin
Partner
Kingsley Napley LLP

In this Mediation Week, Stacey Nevin explains all you need to know about the family mediation process

Mediation is a confidential and voluntary process which involves a series of meetings between a couple and a mediator in which, together, they try to reach an agreement, perhaps on financial matters and/or children arrangements, during a divorce or separation.

A mediator’s role is to guide you and your ex through the process and assist you both in reaching an agreement, rather than to advise you. Importantly the mediator is a neutral professional meaning all the choices and decisions remain yours.

The drawbacks

The mediation process does not guarantee an outcome. The process is voluntary, so either you or your ex can end the process at any time and a decision cannot be imposed. The negotiations also remain confidential, and cannot be referred to in correspondence or court proceedings.

However, the only process that guarantees an outcome for a separating couple is a final hearing in front of a judge (whether this is by way of a private arbitration process or via the public courts), which can be expensive and slow.

The benefits

Even if you have solicitors in the background, mediation usually results in significant cost savings as the work of solicitors is greatly reduced. Where mediation does not result in an overall agreement, it can still narrow the issues so that the work your solicitors need to do is reduced.

There is an increasing push towards transparency in English courts, and so publicity is no longer a worry just for celebrity clientele.  Mediation offers complete privacy.

The family mediation process sees you and your ex coming to a compromised agreement, rather than having a judge (a total stranger to you and your family) impose an outcome. There’s a great power in this and research has suggested that couples are more likely to comply with terms to which they have agreed rather than terms they have had imposed on them.

Not only can mediation be more flexible in outcome, but the process itself is less rigid. You and your ex get to set the agenda and can tailor the process to suit your needs and priorities, with a timetable that works for you both.

Third parties can also be brought into the process by agreement. I have mediated a couple who were seeing a family therapist in parallel, to support them in telling their children they were separating. Her involvement was crucial in helping my clients move forward with living apart as they felt more confident in telling their children and had more trust in each other in doing so. Whilst they were separating, for the purpose of that conversation they were a real partnership, focused solely on their children, and it got their co-parenting journey after separation off on a far better footing.

I’ve also conducted mediations with my clients’ financial advisors present, who adjusted forecasts in the session as proposals changed.

The structure of mediation can be flexible too. The traditional model sees both individuals sat around a table with the mediator, either in person or remotely. But there are now options like shuttle mediation, whereby each person is in a different room, with the mediator shuttling between the two. This can even be conducted remotely, with the use of breakout rooms.

If both individuals and the mediator agree, solicitors can attend mediation meetings for the purpose of getting legal advice without delaying the momentum of discussions.

What can be mediated?

Any issue can be mediated.  Mediation can relate to finances and can also be used for issues relating to arrangements for children.

It can also be used to help a couple reach agreement on very discrete points. For example, I have had clients use mediation to agree on how to introduce a new partner into their children’s lives and another wanted to discuss arrangements for a dog loved by both the parents and their children. In that respect, mediation can be a very proportionate way of dealing with more discrete matters.

Is mediation always appropriate?

No, and part of the mediator’s role is to assess the suitability of the case for mediation.

If mediation comes to an end for any reason, without an overall agreement, your mediator will usually explain alternative options to you and signpost you to any helpful resources.

Can mediation be used where there has been domestic abuse?

An old-fashioned view is that mediation can never be appropriate where there has been domestic abuse. I find this quite problematic when a survivor of domestic abuse wants to mediate. Domestic abuse can remove the agency and control from victims, and I am loathed to remove that if survivors want to mediate. By taking mediation off the table, there is potentially a greater risk of court proceedings, which is a process that can be traumatic for some.

However, the decision to mediate where there has been abuse must be one that is taken carefully. The family mediation process must be safe, and should not be used as a means to continue abuse. Your mediator needs to be confident that they can address any power imbalance, so both of you feel comfortable with voicing honest views in the room and will not feel pressurised into an agreement with which you’re not happy. Shuttle mediation can help with this.

Sometimes, however, it’s still not possible to ensure there is a balance of power or that mediation can remain a safe process, and a mediator then needs to conclude that mediation is not suitable. In these circumstances, they will usually signpost you to resources that might be able to offer you further support or guidance.

Can children be involved?

Children can be involved directly in the family mediation process by way of a Child Inclusive Mediator. These are specially trained mediators, who are able to speak to children directly in separate sessions (i.e. without their parents present) about their wishes and feelings in order to give them a voice in the process.  This mediator will then feedback on their views to both parents (with the child’s permission) and the parent’s mediator.

It can be very helpful for a child to know they have a way to have their voice heard.

Is mediation easy?

Not always. Even an amicable divorce isn’t easy. The nature of the feelings and emotions involved makes that almost certain. Mediation requires effort, by both individuals. Like any aspect of separation, it can feel like a rollercoaster at times; you may finish one session feeling more positive than your ex, and that might flip by the end of the next session, as different topics are explored.

But long term, it is often a far healthier route for separating couples and families. Like any healthy lifestyle, it can feel like hard work at first but the long-term benefits make the effort worthwhile in the end.

Read more articles by Stacey Nevin.

About Stacey Nevin

Stacey Nevin, an associate in the Family & Divorce Law team at Kingsley Napley LLP. She works on cases involving all aspects of family law including maintenance cases, private children cases and relocation cases.

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Ending a Civil Partnership or a Marriage: What are the Differences?
Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash.

Ending a Civil Partnership or a Marriage: What are the Differences?

Published on
Alexandra Bishop
Alexandra Bishop
Senior Associate
Kingsley Napley

Civil partnerships were first introduced in the Civil Partnership Act 2004 as a way for same sex couples to have their relationships legally recognised. Since 2019 couples irrespective of sex have been able enter into a civil partnership.

There are no real differences when ending a civil partnership or a marriage, or at least there are very few variations. This seems right given the context in which civil partnerships and same sex marriage came into play – to ensure the equal treatment for men and women regardless of sexual orientation to enter into a legally recognised partnership. This same equality and non-discrimination is reflected in the legal process to end a civil partnership or a marriage and the same legal and financial protection is given to couples when a marriage or civil partnership comes to an end.

Disappointingly, the law that protects those in legally recognised relationships is currently still lacking when it comes to protection for cohabiting couples where there is only a limited ability to make financial claims. As such there is a very real difference between ending a civil partnership or a marriage and ending a relationship that is not legally recognised.

Terminology

In England and Wales, aside from a difference in terminology (if you want to end a civil partnership you apply for a dissolution and if you want to end your marriage you apply for a divorce), the rules and the process for dissolution and divorce are the same.

If parties who are married or have entered into a civil partnership in England are seeking to divorce abroad, however, it is important to take specific advice in that jurisdiction. Whilst opposite sex marriage formed in England and Wales is recognised worldwide, civil partnerships and same sex marriages are recognised in some countries but certainly not all. It will very much depend on the jurisdiction where a couple intends to divorce as to whether that country recognises a civil partnership and as to the rights such couples might have under local law, regardless of the clear position in England.

The process for obtaining a divorce or dissolution

Since the introduction of “no fault” divorce on 6 April 2022 when The Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020 came into effect, the person applying for a divorce or dissolution only has to confirm within the divorce application that the marriage or partnership has broken down irretrievably and no supporting facts or evidence are required. This welcome change has allowed couples to end their marriages jointly and has removed the need for either party to blame the other for the breakdown of the relationship.

The process now takes place online via a court portal. If both parties agree to a divorce or dissolution then a joint application can be made. Alternatively, if just one party agrees to a divorce or dissolution then a sole application would be made. However, parties can only make the application once they have been married or in a civil partnership for over a year. The next stage of the divorce or dissolution is the application for a conditional order (the first stage of divorce and dissolution) which can be made 20 weeks after the application was issued. Once the conditional order has been pronounced there is a minimum timescale of six weeks and one day before the applicant can apply for a final order (for married couples) and a dissolution order (for couples in a civil partnership), which legally ends a marriage or partnership.

There is a very slight difference in the grounds required to annul a marriage compared to a civil partnership. Annulment is a different way of ending a marriage or civil partnership. Unlike divorce, either party can apply for an annulment in the first year of marriage or a civil partnership, although there needs to be very specific reasons for this. Annulment is very unusual. One of the grounds to be able to annul an opposite sex marriage is that a marriage has not been consummated since the wedding, although this does not apply to same sex marriage or civil partnership. Another reason a married couple could annul is because the respondent had a sexually transmitted disease when they married and the applicant was unaware of it at the time. Again this is not a valid reason to annul a civil partnership. 

Resolving the finances upon a divorce or dissolution

Married couples and couples in a civil partnership have the same financial claims upon a divorce or dissolution under the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 and the Civil Partnership Act 2004.  There is no difference in the application of the law in determining a fair and reasonable financial settlement upon a divorce or dissolution. In the context of these financial proceedings, the court has the powers to make the following financial orders: property adjustment orders (transferring properties between spouses or civil partners or a sale of the assets), lump sum orders, pension orders (sharing a pension with your spouse or civil partner) and periodical payments (payments made from one spouse or civil partner to the other to provide income support).

Although the nature of civil partnerships and marriages in terms of their meaning and historical context are very different and couples may have strong reasons for choosing marriage over a civil partnership or vice versa, the legal protections afforded to these couples and the process for ending these relationships are essentially the same.

Read more articles by Kingsley Napley LLP.

About Alexandra Bishop

Alexandra is a Senior Associate in the Family and Divorce team at Kingsley Napley, with experience of all types of private family law work relating to both finances and children.

Alexandra offers practical and realistic advice and provides excellent care for her clients, working through technical legal problems pro-actively to achieve the best possible result.  She has been recognised for her work in Legal 500 2019, one of the leading legal directories in the UK.

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Couples still need lawyers to arrange financial settlements despite ‘No Fault’ divorce reforms
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Couples still need lawyers to arrange financial settlements despite ‘No Fault’ divorce reforms 

Published on
Megan Bennie
Megan Bennie
Family Law Solicitor
Furley Page

Financial settlements remain contentious during divorce proceedings, despite new ‘no fault’ reforms designed to simplify the separation process.

It remains essential for couples to seek professional legal advice when dealing with financial issues during their divorce.

The new no fault divorce system will improve couples’ ability to deal with divorce in a co-operative and constructive manner, which is certainly welcome, and couples now have the opportunity to apply jointly to the Court via the new online platform and to handle to process together.

However, there are still a number of areas in which using a lawyer will be highly advisable, particularly where financial matters are concerned. Despite efforts to simplify the process, the way finances are dealt with during divorce remains complex. There is a long list of factors to take into consideration, as set out in the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973, Section 25.

It is essential to get a good understanding of your financial rights and obligations as soon as possible. Entering into negotiations without first understanding what you might be entitled to, or required to provide, can create an unrealistic expectation on your spouse’s part that they could struggle to move on from, even if they then take professional advice at a later stage.

It is also advisable to settle financial matters within the divorce process because once the final order is made, entitlements to certain financial benefits as a spouse will cease immediately.

Furthermore, to have the financial settlement formally concluded it will need to be drawn up by a family solicitor in such a way to ensure the terms are approved by the Court and are formally binding on each spouse.

The Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020 came into force from 6 April 2022 and introduced wide-ranging reforms. Under the new system, the acrimonious conduct allegations, and need to evidence separation, have been replaced by a simple statement of irretrievable breakdown.

Click here for more articles by Furley Page

About Megan Bennie

Megan Bennie is a family law solicitor at Furley Page.  Megan joined the team in 2021, having gained valuable previous experience at specialist family law firms featured in the Legal 500 directory.

Megan advises on all aspects of relationship breakdown, whether divorce or separation, including in relation to civil partnerships, dealing with issues such as the appropriate division of finances and ongoing arrangements for children.

Megan also assists couples seeking to formalise arrangements through pre and post nuptial agreements and cohabitation (or living together) agreements.

Megan is primarily based at the Chatham office but is also available for meetings at either the Canterbury or Whitstable offices.

www.furleypage.co.uk

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Civil Partnerships for Heterosexual Couples Moves Step Closer - How Would it Differ from Marriage?

Civil Partnerships for Heterosexual Couples Moves Step Closer – How Would it Differ from Marriage?

Published on
Peter Jones
Founder of
Jones Myers
Family Solicitors

A bill, which if passed, would enable opposite sex couples to enter a civil partnership, will proceed to the House of Lords after passing its second reading.

Since 2004 only same-sex couples in the United Kingdom could be in a civil partnership which gives them the same rights, responsibilities and entitlements as married couples in key areas.

The milestone move to extend civil partnerships to heterosexual couples has been championed after the Supreme Court ruled that current laws are discriminatory to restrict civil partnerships to gay couples and incompatible with the European Convention on Human Rights.

The case centred on 37-year-old Rebecca Steinfeld and 41-year-old Charles Keidan who met in 2010, became engaged in 2013 and have two children.

Saying the “legacy of marriage”, which they believed treated women as property for centuries, was not for them, the duo became embroiled in a long legal battle for a civil partnership which they felt would best suit their relationship and life circumstances.

Civil partnerships are widely believed to give unmarried couples and their children greater security. Couples in these partnerships and married couples have the same rights regarding their children and applying for child arrangement orders and relating to financial remedies which include maintenance and property rights.

The similarities extend to protection from domestic abuse, inheritance claims and the process which must be followed to dissolve the relationship – with a decree absolute required to terminate a marriage and what is called a final dissolution order or nullity order needed to terminate a civil partnership.

However, whereas in a marriage adultery is one of the five reasons for divorce, civil partnerships cannot be dissolved due to adultery. The second main difference between civil partnerships and marriages is that civil partners cannot regard, or allude to themselves as being ‘married’.

The bill paving the way forward for heterosexual couples to enter into civil partnerships requires Royal Assent to become law.

With over 3.3 million cohabiting couples in Britain, many of whom have children, the outcome for those seeking an alternative way to cement their relationship and commitment will no doubt be eagerly awaited.

However, no matter what drawbacks there may be, a civil partnership offers a good deal of security and is better than the “no man’s or no woman’s land of cohabitation when there may be no rights at all.

Click here for more articles by Peter Jones

About Peter Jones

Peter Jones is one of the country’s leading divorce and family lawyers. A qualified arbitrator and mediator, Peter set up Jones Myers as the first niche family law firm in the north of England in 1992 and has acted for a string of high-profile clients.

Renowned for his sympathetic approach, he is a former national chairman of Resolution, a former Deputy District Judge – and instigated the D5 Group of law firms that promotes excellence in family law. www.jonesmyers.co.uk

Civil Partnerships Bill proceeds to committee in House of Lords

Amendments to be laid before the House in committee

Featured Photo by Gavin Penor on Unsplash

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Civil Partnerships – A Step in the Right Direction?

Published on
Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

In the wake of a Supreme Court ruling in June, heterosexual couples will now be given the chance to form civil partnerships.

The new legislation, which follows the tireless campaign efforts of Rebecca Steinfeld and Charles Keidan, aims to address a deep-rooted and long-standing imbalance in the law.

Steinfeld and Keidan were successful in their recent campaign for civil partnerships to be opened up to heterosexual couples, stating that it was a “major step forward”.

Theresa May announced earlier this month that all couples in England and Wales will have the legal rights to enter into a civil partnership whilst the Scottish government continue to take steps in the right direction.

Created in 2004, civil partnerships have previously been an exclusive unification ceremony restricted to same-sex couples only, however in light of recent events, this is set to change.

Since the legalisation of same sex marriage under the 2014 Act, homosexual couples have had the ability to choose between two different options that both formalise a relationship whilst giving both parties the ability to acquire rights similar to those held by married couples.

It is since these changes to the law in 2014 that an increasing number of people have started to campaign in the hope to equalise the imbalance of traditional heterosexual partnership ceremonies.

The court also issued a statement on the matter, declaring that the Civil Partnership Act 2004 was incompatible with the European Convention on Human Rights.

There are numerous reasons as to why heterosexual couples would prefer to enter into a civil partnership rather than marriage, the overriding reason being that marriage is seen as outdated and patriarchal.

Unlike marriage which has deep-rooted historical, religious and gendered connotations, civil partnerships offer couples the ability to form a relationship based on their own values and culture.

Despite social advancements and changes in attitudes that promote gender equality, marriage still continues to treat women as property and as a result people are seeking alternatives that are more reflective of modern society.

Families are also trying to set an example for future generations by raising children as equals and entering into a civil partnership which places importance on equality and symmetry is the best way of achieving this for many.

Furthermore, opting for a civil partnership will give cohabitating couples the legal rights and protection they would otherwise not be entitled to, without having to embark on the traditional route of marriage.

Many cohabiting couples believe that they are protected under ‘common law marriage’, however unmarried cohabiting couples have no protection or rights to their partners assets and this only accentuates the stresses when an individual finds out during separation proceedings or due to the death of their partner.

The civil partnership reform, which was pioneered by “accidental campaigners” Rebecca Steinfeld and Charles Keidan, gained an enormous amount of support during the 4 year process with more than 130,000 signatures for an online petition.

Equalities Minister Penny Mordaunt has promised that change to civil partnership laws will happen “as swiftly as possible”, with the legislation set to be introduced in April 2019.

Despite the positive steps that are being taken to equalise partnership ceremonies, there still remains a gap in the law regarding cohabiting couples that don’t want to enter into a civil partnership or marriage and their legal protection.

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

ABOUT KERRY

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

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Divorce law reform

A Campaign for Divorce Law Reform is Backed by Leading Lawyers

Published on
Lauren Jodrell
Family Solicitor

“Unjust and outdated” is how the Times newspaper described the UK’s current Divorce laws.

The newspaper has recently begun a campaign to reform the current system to bring it in line with modern day society. The campaign is being backed by several leading lawyers and judges.

The campaign is suggesting the government implement the following changes:

  • Making pre-nuptial contracts legally binding. At present they are non-statutory and although a family law judge may consider the content of a pre-nuptial agreement during divorce negotiations, they are not legally obliged to do so which can lead to further uncertainty and bitterness when marriages fail.
  • Despite this been the fastest growing family type in the UK the current law does not provide any legal rights for people who cohabitate and choose not to marry. If the relationship fails or one of the partnership dies then there is no legal protection. The Times is campaigning for legal rights for long term cohabitees.

Chairman of the Marriage Foundation, Paul Coleridge, said: “We must urgently do something about the laws on marriage and divorce. These are no longer fit for purpose.”

“Our chief concern is to address the impact of the breakdown of relationships…particularly where there are children. These breakdowns have devastating consequences for both adults and children that can last for decades.”

So far, the government has not given any indication that it is prepared to consider change and has rejected similar calls in the past.

However with major media group like the Times campaigning for reform alongside many other family law groups such as Resolution, then maybe now they will sit up and take notice.

Click here for more articles by Grindeys Solicitors

About Lauren

Lauren Jodrell is a solicitor who deals with all areas of family law, including divorce, financial negotiation and matters relating to children. She was trained and qualified in a Birmingham based firm, however, she was raised in Stoke on Trent and was keen to return to her roots and so joined the family law team at Grindeys in 2015.

She prides herself on being friendly and approachable as her clients are often going through a very difficult time in their life. She also appreciates the need to deal with matters as swiftly and as cost effectively as possible.

Her aim is to try and settle matters out of court, as this is cheaper and less traumatic for the disputing parties, but should your matter need court intervention you can rest assured that Lauren’s keen interest in advocacy will see you well represented.

Lauren is a member of both the Law Society and Resolution. Membership of both organisations requires a high level of continuous professional development and a commitment to exceptional client care.

Email: Lauren.Jodrell@grindeys.com

 

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