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Five Modern Myths about Family Mediation

Published on
Elizabeth Bilton
Elizabeth Bilton
Accredited Mediator and
Qualified Solicitor for Midlands Dove

Mediation is essentially a safe environment for two people to air, discuss, and hopefully resolve their difficulties.

It is facilitated by a mediator, who is there, essentially to “chair” the meeting, in other words to keep it on track and to ensure that both parties have a fair and equal chance to speak and to be heard and likewise to listen to what the other party has to say in their turn.

They are not referees and definitely not judges. There seems to be quite a bit of confusion about family mediation so here are 5 “urban myths” on the subject along with the hard facts.

Mediation is the same as counselling

Counselling focuses on finding the reasons why a relationship is in trouble and tries to determine what change needs to take place in order to save that relationship (or to minimize the damage to the parties as they separate).

It can be extremely valuable, but it is usually a long-term process involving the recognition of a need for change. Mediation simply accepts the current situation as is, without judgement, and looks to find a way for both parties to move forward with their lives.

Mediation is about finding a way for couples to reconcile their differences

As previously mentioned, mediation is about couples finding a way forward. It may result in couples agreeing to reconcile their differences, but there are many other possible outcomes to the mediation process.

In short, mediation is not a way to “get your partner back” any more than it is a way to “get back at your partner”. It is basically intended to be a way to have a meaningful conversation with your partner.

Mediation can be legally enforced

In and of itself, mediation is just a framework in which to hold a productive conversation on a given topic (or topics). You may choose to convert any agreements made into a legally-binding format but that would be up to you (and your partner).

Mediation can be held against you in court

You and your partner can choose to tell a judge that you have been to mediation and agreed a route forward which you would like to present for their formal approval.

The judge does not have to agree to it, but would probably require a very compelling reason not too (such as reason to believe that one partner had been coerced into an unfavourable arrangement). If, however, you are unhappy with the result of the mediation process, you can simply put the whole situation into the hands of the judge, who will take it forward.

Mediation is a substitute for legal advice

You could argue that there is a certain degree of truth in this in that couples with minimal assets and no children might just agree a way forward in mediation and choose to proceed in court on that basis, but where there are significant assets to be divided and/or children, then it is generally very much recommended to speak to a lawyer as well as to a mediator.

About the Author

Elizabeth Bilton is an accredited mediator and qualified solicitor for Midlands Dove, with a specialism in family law disputes.

Elizabeth is one of only a few Mediators in the UK with an appropriate FMC accreditation to sign off on MIAMs required by the Family Court prior to an application being issued.

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What Happens if I Don’t Make a Full Disclosure
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What Happens if I Don’t Make a Full Disclosure to my ex?

Published on
Vanessa Fox
Partner and Head of
Family Law
hlw Keeble Hawson

There have been many high profile cases where an ex-partner in a divorce case has hidden money or assets to avoid them being included in the joint assets that will be divided by the court or an arbitrator.

It is surprisingly common for people to attempt to do this and I have worked on many cases where it has happened – including when a client’s ex squirrelled away stacks of £10 notes. In fact, almost every family dispute I have handled has involved an alleged non-disclosure.

Reasons for hiding or undervaluing assets include a wish to save money, a desire for revenge or a belief that the asset or the person’s wealth is too trivial for scrutiny.

However, before the court can reach a financial settlement on separation, both parties have a legal obligation to provide full and frank disclosure of all their assets, including pensions, income and liabilities.

Unless and until this has been done, a financial order cannot be made, even if both parties are happy for it to go ahead.

The court does not take into account who is ‘at fault’, meaning that the ‘wronged’ party has no excuse for not making an honest declaration. Nor is it justified for the poorer partner to fail to disclose.

That person may feel aggrieved at having to list a tiny savings account or income from a part time job, when the other person is far better off. However, the court’s duty is to assess a couple’s joint worth and how this can be divided fairly to meet the reasonable needs of both parties.

Declaring everything that you own does not mean you will receive a reduced settlement, but failing to disclose an asset can produce that result.

If one party fails to fully disclose, it can lead to a more extended, costly dispute.

The person who has not disclosed can, in extreme cases, be ordered to pay the other side’s legal costs and it is usually the case that that person will receive a far less favourable settlement, with more allocated to their ex on top of what would have been awarded in the first place.

There is nearly also extra expense for both parties, relating to applications for court orders for further disclosure or the hiring of a forensic accountant to track down hidden funds, the cost of which is sometimes ordered to be paid by the “non-disclosing” party.

In any event, legal costs always are paid out of the pooled assets that the court would prefer to be spent on the households of the separating couple and their children.

One partner’s dishonest disclosure can severely reduce the funds available to do this, which could diminish everybody’s standard of living and affect a parent’s long term relationship with their offspring.

There are often no winners from somebody’s refusal to fully declare, but there can be many losers. Honesty is always the best policy – no matter what misgivings or lingering bitterness one party has for their ex.

Click here for more articles by Vanessa Fox

About Vanessa

hlw Keeble Hawson partner, Vanessa Fox, has been head of the firm’s family law department since 1991.

The latest edition of the Legal 500 Guide praises Vanessa for her ‘broad knowledge of finance and childcare, and for her passion for collaboration; she is efficient, caring and robust’.

Collaboratively trained and a qualified mediator, Vanessa is a former chair of South Yorkshire Resolution and a member of the Law Society’s Family Law Panel and the Children Panel.

She can be contacted on 0114 290 6232 or at vanessafox@hlwkeeblehawson.co.uk.

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round table meeting

What is a Round Table Meeting and Can it Resolve Disputes in Family Law?

Published on
Marc Etherington
Senior Associate at
Turner Nicholson Family Law Specialists

It has been a challenging time for Family lawyers so far this century. The legal aid budget has been reduced significantly and there are presently ongoing cuts to our court system.

Therefore, it has become important for practitioners to adapt their practice and explore different ways to help clients resolve their problems.

Leading this approach is Resolution, with over 6,500 members who are family lawyers and other professionals committed to the constructive resolution of family disputes.

The Code of Practice at Resolution promotes a non-confrontational approach to family problems and there are committees within the organisation that seek to take the lead in this regard. For example, the Parenting After Parting Committee, for which I am member, strives to ensure parents post separation co-parent with each other is the best interests of their children.

Through this website, and other resources, you may have come across various options available to you that may help you and your ex-partner come to an agreement. One option potentially available, which I detail in this article, are round table meetings.

These meetings would involve you, your ex-partner and your respective legal representatives coming together, ideally all in the same room, with a shared aim of exploring ideas to resolve your differences. This method really can encourage dialogue and provides an opportunity to hear each other’s point of view. It can be highly effective.

Sometimes trying to get across one’s point can be difficult to achieve in correspondence without offending the other party, and can be very time consuming and, therefore, very expensive if lawyers are sending frequent letters.

You may find one session (between 60 to 90 minutes long) is all you need, although realistically three or four meetings will likely be required.  Those meetings, over a few weeks, could achieve more than months of negotiations through correspondence.

Round table meetings will not work although if you or your ex-partner refuses to listen to the other and/or either of you is determined that your outcome is the only one you will accept.

Round table meetings can cover any aspect of family law, including financial and children arrangements. However, children and financial topics should not be discussed in the same meeting to ensure decisions concerning what is best for your child(ren) are not influenced by discussion relating to the finances.

Although, as I have said, it is preferable for all parties to be in the same room, if one or both of you is uncomfortable with this, you could begin the process in separate rooms. You could later progress to meetings in the same room dependant on how those discussions progress.

round table meeting

Round table meetings can involve third parties, if appropriate. Your case may have possible tax liability, pension considerations, international issues or assets concerning a business, trust or other types of assets.

In these situations, a third party may be needed who has expertise in a specific field to give advice to you, your ex-partner and the lawyers as to what issues need to be considered and how they can be resolved.

If there is a concern that one party may try to control the topic of the meeting, then you may want a mediator to sit in on the meeting to ensure the meeting is conducted fairly taking all parties’ views into account. If emotions are running high between you and your ex-partner, a family therapist may be a helpful addition to the meetings.

Who should be involved in a roundtable meeting, and how meetings are conducted, can vary from case to case. This is where you need the advice from your family lawyer to direct you as to whether a round table meeting is right for you and, if so, how they should be approached.

In my practice I have seen an increase in round table meetings in recent years. I believe this has been contributed to by family lawyers taking a more collaborative approach in family law and building trusting relationships with colleagues in the profession. It does help if the lawyer on the other side has the same philosophy as your lawyer as to how they approach family law.

From my experience round table meetings have worked because they do focus everyone’s mind on the issues in dispute and there is a genuine attempt by all to find a solution, rather than asking a third party to make the decision for them.  Psychologically this is very important as neither party feels disempowered.

Like with any form of dispute resolution there can be disadvantages. Unintentionally, lawyers can dominate the meeting therefore resulting in you and your ex-partner sitting as observers rather than as participants. They can be expensive, especially if you have taken part in meetings which conclude without an agreement being reached.  They can sometimes feel quite intense and tiring for all parties due to the pressure in trying to reach an agreement.  Tiredness can result in mistakes being made or important issues that needed to be addressed being forgotten.

This article is not intended to tell you that a round table meeting is the right option for you. It is an option and one that I believe has more positive than negatives. Most importantly, it gives you and your ex-partner the opportunity to control what the final arrangements are rather than that control being taken out of your hands by a judge or arbitrator.

When you do speak to your family lawyer make sure they give you all the options that are available to you. You can then weigh up the advantages and disadvantages and decide from there how you wish to proceed.

About Marc Etherington

Marc is a family law solicitor who works in Central London, close to Farringdon station, where he works at the highly regarding boutique family law practice, Turner Nicholson. In 2018, the firm was nominated for law firm of the year at the prestigious Family Law Awards. 

Marc has been working in family since 2009 and qualified in March 2012. Marc has experience in all areas of family law and regularly acts for those who are seeking a divorce, advice on the breakdown of a cohabiting relationship or assistance on matters relating to their children. To date, he has acted for clients who reside across the UK as well as those that live abroad.

Marc currently sits on the national Parenting After Parting Resolution Committee, YRES National Resolution Committee and London Regional Resolution Committee after being elected by his peers. This role gives Marc a strong voice on future policies and training adopted by Resolution on matters involving family law.

 

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Coping with Divorce and Separation - 5 Things you Should Know

Coping with Divorce and Separation – 5 Things you Should Know

Published on
Mala Mandalia
Divorce & Family Law Solicitor with
Woolley & Co Solicitors

When faced with a crisis such as a divorce or separation, many people suffer loss and grief and struggle to cope. They may refuse to talk about the difficult issues that need to be sorted out. They may be in complete denial about the realities of their situation. It may be hard to tell friends and family as this makes it all too real and they may well experience prolonger grief after divorce.

However bad the relationship, and even if you ended it, there is loss and the stages of grief. People are frightened of what else they may lose – children, home, money, security, even part of their identity.

As an experienced family law solicitor, I am aware of the different stages of grief, can recognise the stage a client may be at, and I take this into account when advising them, as well as directing them to other support on how to cope with the grief of divorce.

How long does grief last after divorce? What are the stages of grief after a divorce? Let’s start with the first stage…denial.

1. Denial around divorce and separation

The first stage of grief is Denial. It is really the first of our reactions to any form of sudden loss. The extent of it depends on the relationship you shared and how much of your life may be uprooted or altered. It is very common for people to try and initially deny the event in order to subconsciously avoid sadness or the thought of pending mental struggles. People in denial often withdraw from their normal social behaviour and become isolated.

In denial, a person may want to make the other wait, not face the choices, do nothing, hang on to their life as long as possible. Sometimes delay results in a lot of other problems that makes sorting things out eventually even harder.

Examples include failing to deal with correspondence from solicitors or failing to complete and return the acknowledgement form when divorce papers have been sent and serial rows over anything and everything.

2. Anger about the prospect of divorce

The second stage of grief is Anger. People that are grieving often become upset with the person or situation which put them in their grief state. After all, their life could now be in complete disarray. Other times people become angry at themselves if they feel they could have done something more to stop the loss from happening.

Anger and blame can be overwhelming. Sorting things out can feel impossible – all suggestions for the future may elicit a categoric ‘No!’  For example, some parents will use their “children as weapons” to upset the other parent and refuse reasonable suggestions for that parent to spend time with their children.

Anger may make you fight, fail to negotiate and prefer to go to court to try to ‘win’ and have your day in court. This can cost more than it’s worth and then everyone loses.

3. Bargaining to reach an agreement during divorce

The third stage of grief is Bargaining. This is when those who are grieving are reaching out to the other person to make the pain go away. It is very normal and largely considered to be a sign that they are beginning to comprehend their situation. People will often try to make a deal, or promise to do anything if the pain will be taken away.

An example of this could be if one party feels guilty (after maybe having an affair) and offers a financial settlement higher than they can reasonably afford.

4. Depression

The fourth stage of grief is Depression. Contrary to popular belief, depression is something that may take some time to develop. We often think we are depressed when a grief event first occurs, but there is usually a lot of shock and other emotions present before any real depression can set in. The signs of depression due to grief usually appear when a sense of finality is realised. This is not to be confused with clinical depression, which may be chronic.

When a divorcing client is suffering from depression, it is often difficult for them to make any rational decisions. It is important to understand that they may need time and to take things at a pace that is suitable to them. Appropriate referral to a counsellor may be appropriate.

5. Acceptance that the relationship is over

The fifth stage of grief is Acceptance. This is the point where the person experiencing grief is no longer looking back to try and recover the life they once had with their partner. It is not to say that they no longer feel the vast array of emotions brought on by their grief, but they are ready to embrace the idea that they are reaching a new point in their lives. At this point, they are beginning to understand that there is a new beginning on the horizon.

Each will have found a place of acceptance of their new living situation and would be eager to collaborate on how to map out their co-parenting future, how to divide the assets, and how to provide for support for themselves and their children.

An experienced family solicitor can work with clients where ever they are in the emotional grief process and tailor advice to match the stage in which they find their clients.

Often clients in the grief cycle go to some lawyers, who are not trained to deal with the emotional grief cycle. So, clients may end up feeling very frustrated and misunderstood.

As an experienced family law solicitor, I can help clients facing separation with all their fragility and begin the process of empowering them to find their way out.

Click here for more articles from Woolley & Co Solicitors

ABOUT MALA

Mala is a divorce and family law solicitor with Woolley & Co, based in Cornwall. She has clients in the South West regions and South East counties. Mala has extensive experience since 1998 dealing with married and unmarried clients in relation to all aspects of relationship breakdown including: divorce, separation, pre-nuptial agreements domestic violence and financial issues.

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make good decisions when going through divorce

10 Steps to Help you Make Good Decisions During Divorce and Separation

Published on
Linda Simpson
Linda Simpson
Divorce and Parenting Consultant
Writer and Speaker

Your partner has asked for a divorce and this great void called the future you didn’t expect is swallowing you up. 

You feel like every part of your life is crumbling. There are more questions than answers.

Perhaps the most important task at hand is that long list of decisions that will shape your future. The choices we make can have far reaching implications.

There are ten progressive steps to getting your decision making house in order. You want to make the best decisions for yourself and your family.

Step 1

Identify the problems that require a decision. There may be many depending on how traumatic the divorce, or there may only be a few. Whatever the number, it is safe to say that they are all important. These problems can involve any number of issues including–children, finances and housing.

Write down each problem as you see it. Be as specific as you can. For example, if you are looking at shared custody think of the whole picture. Consider every aspect – before and after school child care if they are young, holiday traditions, and anything else that goes with your children and family. 

Clarifying your thoughts and ordering the problems requiring a decision from most important to least important will bring some relief and clarity. Either it will be the feeling of finally taking charge of your future or you will identify there are fewer problems than you thought. Whichever way it goes, there will be a certain sense of moving forward.

Step 2

Identify the choices you have for each problem. For each one there is probably more than one choice as a solution. Using child care as an example, consider the benefits of flexibility with your former spouse. Try to put aside the intense emotion we so often feel and do what is the very best for your children.  Give these choices some consideration and again order them from most agreeable to least agreeable.

Step 3

Once you have identified the choices for each problem, identify the consequences, if any, for each choice. Again order these from least intrusive to most intrusive. This is where this decision making process might start to come unglued a bit. The choices and consequences might be at odds somewhat. Try to balance them to the best of your ability.

Again child custody is often the place where compromise and consequences come into play. Clearly defining the issues means there is a better chance for a positive outcome for all.

Step 4

This one requires a bit of personal assessment. How do the consequences line up with your values? Consider the values most important to you. Stability, security, fulfilment, love and family are just a few that may be in your list. Can you accept some consequences but not others? We do so much soul searching during separation and divorce. However, the tendency is to be very hard ourselves. Take some time with this one.

Step 5

make good decisions during divorce and separationThis step is an extension of step 4 and ties into our feelings toward the consequences. We may be able to accept a consequence but if it affects our feelings in a negative way then that can be an added challenge. A less than ideal living arrangement may have been a consequence but if it affects our mood for its dreariness or location then the situation has been further compromised.

Step 6

There may be some decisions that require more information before you can decide. Finances are certainly one area that require a fair amount of information gathering. For example, a budget needs to be considered that may include housing affordability, a car or transit expenses, and after school care. There are any number of expenses and some of them you may be handling for the first time.

Step 7

Think of advisers as your friends. Banking personnel that have been helpful in the past might be able to guide you through some of your budgetary requirements. A friendly estate agent can help you look at living options. There might be a self-help group of recently divorced that meet in your area. These people are at different stages in the process and can often offer help based on their experience.

Step 8

Make some decisions and see how they fit. If some decisions don’t work then be prepared to alter your decisions.

Step 9

Assessment of decisions is very important. During separation and divorce our minds are muddled with emotion. That is why whenever possible take as much time as you need to make some decisions. Then step back and look at the results of those decisions.

Step 10

Assess in the immediate aftermath of a decision and then reassess a few months later. How is it all working for you? Unless you have made some long term financial commitment, any decision can be altered or changed completely.

Organizing our decision making is a steadying force in the tumultuous separation and divorce process.

MORE ARTICLES BY LINDA 

ABOUT LINDA SIMPSON

“I take strength from your calm, your honesty, and the hope you give me for my future.” Cheryl 

Linda is a fresh voice in the divorce advice world. She offers a pragmatic, common sense approach to life after divorce issues based on over twenty years surviving and thriving following a very traumatic divorce.

As a single parent, her sons are an enormous source of joy in her life. She is a loving mother and grandmother to four delightful grandchildren.

She holds a degree from the University of Waterloo with concentrations in sociology and philosophy and guidance counselling certification from Queen’s University.

She is an accredited trainer for The Peace Education Foundation, a leader in conflict resolution training. The institute is ‘dedicated to educating children and adults in the dynamics of conflict resolution and promoting peacemaking skills in home, schools, and community.’

In a long and successful teaching career, she also served as a counsellor and workshop facilitator for SEL (social emotional learning) programming and The Peace Education Foundation throughout her school and school district and was a frequent conference presenter for SUNY Potsdam Faculty of Education USA.

She writes for The Divorce Magazine UK and her blog is seen regularly on Huffington Post Canada where the focus is life after divorce and parenting issues.

She is a writer and poet and is presently at work on a book based on her divorce experience.

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Keeping divorce out of school

Keeping Divorce Out Of School

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

Here are tips for parents, and divorce professionals to help keep divorce out of the schools.

Children bringing their parents’ divorce drama into the classroom is disrupting.

It wastes teaching time and can cause other students to lose focus on their lessons. It is not fair to anyone.

A first step is informing various school personnel of the divorce situation.   School staff cannot be fully supportive if they have no clue what is going on in a child’s life.

I worked with students, parents and staff with divorce issues in the schools. Some of the problems were due to lack of communication between parents and staff.

It can be embarrassing for a child to be asked what they did over the weekend with their parents in front of the other students.  They do not want to say, I went from’ Mum’s house to stay with dad.  The teacher who is not informed, can put a child in an awkward spot. It is up to adults, not children, to explain what is going on at home.

Teachers and the school secretary need to know to send copies of reports and letters to each parent.  Then both are on the same page. When I did not realize a divorce was in progress, an uncomfortable student would ask which parent was to receive the test results.

It is up to each parent to make sure the school has their e-mail address for newsletters and so forth. Both parents can check the school’s web site for events and updates.

A child is not to be told, by a parent that they were not aware of an event at school. Do not put kids in the middle.

A fallout from divorce is that the student does not have all they require for class. Some leave homework at the other parent’s house.

One time a sobbing child was in my office while I called a father to bring in an item left behind at his house the prior week.   It was a crucial piece of a project which had to presented in class that morning. Unfortunately, this occurred with other students as well.

Get a system, such as a check list which stays with the child between homes.

Parents, do not overshare divorce details with your offspring. That seems quite obvious, however it is not always put into practice.

I had to deal with students who were upset or on the verge of vomiting when distressed over the minutia of their parent’s divorce.

Keeping divorce out of school for divorcing parents
Why does a child need to know what is on the agenda for each divorce session?

One boy spent time in my office while his parents were with solicitors, fighting over a shared care schedule.  He did not know if he was moving house, or would not see one parent very much.  Just say “we have a meeting with solicitors” and leave it at that.  Why does anyone need to know what is on the agenda for each divorce session?

Schools often send home a form to be filled out with contact information and any additional notes about the student. If one parent is not allowed to pick up their son or daughter, or is out of the picture, make sure to write that down.

I asked a five-year-old which parent should I call, when he was sick in my office.  The little guy got upset and said “mum.”  Although nothing was put in the official contact form, his teacher later told me that the father had abandoned his family.

In another instance, a form had both parents and their mobile numbers.  When the little girl was sick, I called her mum first and left a message that I would try dad.   Her father explained that he was out of town at the moment.

Her step-father later came storming into my office and screamed that the father should never be called.  I showed him the form which listed the father.  He calmed down when he realized that his wife had never informed the school about this situation.  He and his wife promptly took care of it.

A ploy of a divorcing parent can be to try and get school staff on their side.

We are not going to get caught up in the conflict and choose one parent over the other.  Our job is to be supportive of the students and remain neutral about their parents.

If your child is anxious about the divorce and is bringing it into the classroom, consider short term counselling.

My two boys met with a therapist during divorce and for a bit afterwards.  It helped them to be calmer and more centred, both in and out of school.  Talking to a professional or impartial adult, will help kids sort out their concerns instead of bringing them into school.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

 

Feature Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

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Reverse Mortgage assessment

The Reverse Mortgage Capacity Assessment

Published on
Natasha Palmer
Director
Simpson Financial Services Limited

As a Mortgage Capacity Advisor my main role is to ascertain the amount of mortgage lending a divorcing individual or couple can borrow to help them negotiate a fair settlement.

Although each individual or couples’ circumstances differ, and each assessment is unique, it is this type of assessment that I am often involved in.

However, more recently I have received several enquiries for, what I have come to call, a ‘Reverse Mortgage Capacity Assessment’.

This is where the amount of mortgage lending required is already known and what I am instructed to explore is how much income will be required to achieve the required level of borrowing.

The ‘income’ in most cases refers to maintenance payable by the ex-spouse. However, it could also refer to any form of income required to achieve a certain level of borrowing.

This could relate to an individual who is looking to increase or decrease working hours; switch roles or seek new employment.

With regards to maintenance income, whether spousal or child, I am often instructed to explore how much maintenance is required to achieve varying borrowing amounts, which, for example, could range from £100,000.00 – £500,000.00 in intervals of £100,000.00. This can help highlight how much additional income is required to achieve suitable housing.

The results of these reports often vary drastically due to mortgage lenders varying criteria regarding maintenance income. Some mortgage lenders are happy to use 100% of maintenance income if there is a Child Maintenance Service Agreement or Court Order in place.

The payment of maintenance will usually need to have been in place for several months, typically 3-6 although some lenders require 12 months history of this income with Bank Statements to prove it.

Many mortgage lenders will only consider a percentage of this type of income and some will not use this income whatsoever.

What is interesting and important to know for the negotiation of maintenance, is that large amounts of spousal or child maintenance may not always have the desired effect where mortgage borrowing is concerned. This is because many mortgage lenders are uncomfortable lending to those who rely heavily on maintenance income.

Therefore, it is important to be sure that the amounts agreed will help and not hinder any mortgage related plans.

About Natasha

Natasha Palmer is a qualified Mortgage Advisor at Simpson Financial Services Ltd with offices in Coventry and Leamington Spa.

With over 10 years experience in Financial Services Natasha starting her career in Financial Administration. She became qualified to advise on Mortgages, Protection and General Insurance in 2008 and then spent the next 4 years advising home owners, first time buyers and small businesses on the most appropriate lending and protection solutions.

Becoming a Director of Simpson Financial Services in 2010 she then went on to win the Insurance Institute of Coventry’s Young Achiever of the year award in 2010/11.

Her career in Mortgage Capacity Assessments started over lunch with a with a local family solicitor one day who asked if she could provide mortgage capacity details for a divorcee having difficulties negotiating future housing needs with their soon to be ex. Natasha began producing Mortgage Capacity Assessments from that day on.

She can be contacted at natasha@simspsonfs.co.uk and you can check out her services on the website: mortgagecapacityassessments.co.uk.

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Mills v Mills spousal maintenance decision

Kingsley Napley Comment on Mills v Mills Spousal Maintenance Decision

Published on
Stacey Nevin
Stacey Nevin
Associate in the Family & Divorce Law team at Kingsley Napley LLP.

Spousal maintenance is a thorny topic.

Traditionally English law has recognised the concept of maintenance for life on divorce, with the breadwinner (male or female) expected to support the financially weaker party.

Recently however there have been a slew of cases suggesting this principle is falling out of favour and in practice there are often moves by the financially stronger party to achieve a clean break divorce if possible, or to limit the scope of maintenance payments rather than sign-up to open ended awards.

That is why all eyes were on the conclusion of the long running Mills v Mills saga this week which went all the way to the Supreme Court.

The Supreme Court had been asked to consider whether the court was entitled to decline to increase Mrs Mills’ maintenance payments to fund payment of all or some of her rent when her housing needs had been catered for in the original divorce proceedings.

Mr and Mrs Mills separated in 2000 after 13 years of marriage, divorcing in 2002.  At the time of their divorce it was agreed that their now adult son would continue to make his home with Mrs Mills.

The parties reached agreement on the financial claims between them, with Mrs Mills taking a total of £230,000 of the net equity of the family home (approximately 91%) and receiving maintenance payments of £13,200 per year.  The husband kept the parties’ shares in their surveying companies and £23,000 of cash from the sale of the family home.

Mrs Mills’ maintenance award did not include provision for rent, as it was anticipated she would use her capital award to purchase a mortgage free property.

Even though it was accepted by both that she had no ability to raise a mortgage, nevertheless later in 2002 Mrs Mills purchased a house for £345,000, raising the balance on mortgage.

What then followed was a series of property transactions where Mrs Mills “committed herself to borrowings which were too high”.  

These are neatly summarised in the Supreme Court’s judgment, but ultimately the result was that by the time Mr Mills applied to court to stop maintenance payments in 2015, Mrs Mills was living in rental accommodation, had no capital and debts totalling £42,000.

Mrs Mills cross applied, seeking an increase to her maintenance award, as she now had rental costs which had not been factored into the original award.

The decision of the first court saw the order remain at the rate of £13,200 per year with both parties’ applications failing. Both appealed, and in the Court of Appeal, Mrs Mills successfully argued to increase her maintenance to £17,292 per year, which included her shortfall in her rental payments.

Whilst Mr Mills was not permitted to appeal the decision that he should continue paying maintenance, he was given permission to appeal the decision to increase the maintenance award to cover the shortfall.  The Supreme Court allowed his appeal and effectively restored the maintenance to the 2002 amount.

The judgment makes clear that Mrs Mills’ housing needs had been catered for within the original capital award given to her in 2002 and that Mr Mills should not be expected to bear the consequences of his ex-wife’s poor financial decisions over the last 16 years.

Whilst these cases remain fact specific and the Mills v Mills decision does not totally bar future claims being made due to the court’s wide discretion, it does give us a strong indication of the law in this area.

Spouses seeking to increase their maintenance award to meet a need that was already catered for with a capital award face a tough test. Even though it was accepted that Mr Mills could afford to pay at the higher level and that Mrs Mills had a greater need, it was not considered fair that he should meet this greater need.

The question of fairness will play a key role in future cases looking at this point.

What paying parties may find disappointing about this case is that Mr Mills remains obliged to pay his ex-wife maintenance, even at the original level.  Mr Mills has now been paying maintenance for 16 years, three years longer than the parties were married and living together.

The question of how long maintenance should be paid remains unanswered and fact specific.  No doubt, the Mills v Mills case will be an incentive to those wanting to push for further change in the area of spousal maintenance. Many argue that a lifelong maintenance payment obligation is outdated and patriarchal and that the law should support financial independence between divorced couples.

For the moment the message is clear: whilst Mrs Mills is not required to move to full financial independence from her ex-husband, she must now meet her increased housing costs herself and cannot look to her ex-husband to meet her needs generated by the choices she has made; responsibility for these choices rests solely with her.

About Stacey Nevin

Stacey Nevin, an associate in the Family & Divorce Law team at Kingsley Napley LLP. She works on cases involving all aspects of family law including maintenance cases, private children cases and relocation cases.

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Top 5 Tips for Parenting after Divorce

Published on
Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

Becoming a parent is the most joyous and rewarding moment of your life, but it can also be the most difficult challenge that you are ever tasked with, and if you separate from the parent of your children, you may well think that the task is about to get much harder.

However, this does not have to be the case and you can indeed manage as a single parent living without the other parent of your children, without the failure of your relationship having any form of negative impact on them.

Parenting Post-Divorce: Our Top 5 Tips

Although certain aspects of parenting may become harder being on your own and without the other parent of your children, our top tips will certainly go a long way in helping you to manage.

Here are our top five tips to parenting post-divorce:

Ensure that your Children aren’t Involved in any of your Disputes – Before, during and after a divorce, you are likely to have many disputes with your former partner, and this is very understandable.

However, one thing that you should always make sure of is that you never allow your children to be involved in any of the conflict. Not only can it have a big impact on your children, it can also damage the relationship that both you and your former partner have with them, and that is not good for anybody involved.

Take Advantage of Counselling – After a divorce, issues that you were suffering from can often stay with you, even if they are as a result of the marriage rather than just the divorce.

If you are suffering from any issues, then it may be wise for you to seek counselling in order to deal with those issues in the most effective way possible. By gaining support and advice from an expert, you will be able to move on from those issues, helping you to be a better parent to your children.

Make sure that the Children don’t blame themselves – One of the biggest worries as a parent going through a divorce is that the children will begin to blame themselves for your separation, which can cause them deep distress.

You should be looking to dismiss these thoughts as soon as you can, telling them that it was nothing to do with them or anything that they did, allowing them to focus on feeling like a normal child once again.

Be Civil with your Former Partner and Never Speak Badly of them – In order to move on from the relationship and any issues that you have previously suffered from, you should refrain from speaking badly of your former partner to anybody, especially your children, whilst also focusing on being civil whenever you come into contact with them.

Although you are likely to have issues with the other parent of your children, it is not fair on them for you to express them, as they still love them and look up to them. Voicing your issues is only going to cause further issues, and may well place a barrier between you and your children.

Work as a Parenting Team with your Former Partner – Your children should be the main priority and focus of both you and your former partner, so you should both do all that you can to do right by them.

The best way to do this is to set aside your issues and work together as a team to be good parents to your children, which is sure to enable them to have the best childhood possible.

ABOUT KERRY

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

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Photo by Samantha Sophia on Unsplash

Best Ways to Help your Children Deal with News of your Divorce

Published on
Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

Although it may be a very difficult and testing time for both you and your partner as you are separating and about to go through divorce proceedings, it can also be very difficult for your children.

However, one of the most difficult parts of a divorce is the moment you tell your children the news, with both you and your children set to face a tough time.

With this in mind, we have created a list of the best ways to help your children to deal with the news, to help minimise the impact that the news will have on them.

Tell your Children at the Right Time

A big mistake that parents sometimes make is informing their children of their divorce too soon, which then involves the children much more than they should have to be.

The best thing to do as a parent would be to formulate a plan for what you are going to say, how you are going to say it and ultimately when might be the best time to do so.

A big part of this would be to make sure that your children understand that they aren’t the reason behind the divorce, as this may well be one of their first thoughts.

They may begin to think that they could have done things differently to make their parents stay together, and it is essential that you make sure that they don’t think this way.

You and your former partner should ensure that you have everything in place for the divorce, such as a new home for the parent moving out and the divorce having already been filed, before telling your children.

This is because you don’t want there to be a big period of time before anything really happens, particularly as this can be very confusing and may provide false hope to your children.

As well as this, making it a joint effort will show your children that they will always have full support and love from the both of you, regardless of what happens.

Pay Close Attention to your Children

Once you have told your children about the impending divorce, try to pay extra close attention to them to monitor what they are saying, what they are doing and how they are behaving.

The news of your divorce may well have a negative impact upon them, and if it does, you will be able to notice it and look at ways to help them. Most children adapt well to changes that happen as a result of a divorce, but there is almost certainly going to be a difficult period of transition and you need to stay on top of things to notice any impact.

Your children’s teacher could also help with this, as if you mention to them the situation, then they will certainly keep an eye on your child and inform you of anything out of the ordinary.

If you do notice any changes and you aren’t able to work through them with your children, you may want to consider professional help, as this could really help your child to recover and will benefit them in the long run.

You as a parent may also benefit from professional help, as it may enable you to deal with any issues that you may face with your child’s behaviour and reactions.

Allow your Children to be Emotional but don’t give them Extra Reason to

It is very normal for children to be emotional when they learn that their parents are going to be getting a divorce, and often one of the most prominent emotions is anger.

Children will typically look for somebody to blame, and if that person isn’t immediately themselves, it will most likely be you as their parents.

It is important for you to allow them to be angry and to be hurt, but make sure that you don’t get too upset and get into conflict with them by going into any details, just simply maintain that the decision was a joint one between you and your former partner.

Something that you shouldn’t do is giving your children extra reason to be upset by saying things that may upset them or may trigger their anger again.

Telling them details of an affair or about what the other partner did or didn’t do is only likely to antagonise them and cause more issues.

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

About Kerry Smith

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

Photo by Samantha Sophia on Unsplash

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how is money distributed following divorce

Length of Marriage – How is Money Distributed Following Divorce

Published on
Katie McCann
Katie McCann
Head of Family Law and in-house counsel at Kuits Solicitors

Family law calls for quite a lot of mathematics. From calculating how matrimonial finances should be divided upon divorce, to considering the tax implications of the same, a lot of number crunching goes on.

Here, Head of Family for Kuits Katie McCann, who specialises in complex matrimonial finances, explains how a good divorce lawyer needs to be well-versed in the calculations that are necessary to ensure a fair settlement is reached for their client.

How is money distributed following divorce?

When dealing with finances after a marriage has broken down, parties must disclose their financial situations so that the ‘total available pot’ can be calculated. After this, each party’s circumstances must be considered so that finances can be divided in a way that takes care of their needs at the same time as being fair.

In the famous case of White v White (1 All ER 1) Lord Nicholls introduced the ‘yardstick of equality’ and explained that, as a general rule when it comes to dividing finances, equality should only be departed from if there is a good reason for doing so.

In order to consider what would represent a fair division of assets, judges will be guided be S25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973. Amongst other considerations such as the standard of living enjoyed by the family prior to the breakdown of the marriage, each parties’ income and earning capacity moving forward, judges must give thought to the duration of the marriage.

Does the length of the marriage affect the way money is distributed?

The significance of the length of a party’s marriage was highlighted in the case of Sharp v Sharp (EWCA Civ 408), in which Mrs Sharp claimed that the £10.5million bonus payments that she had accrued during the marriage should be protected. Mr and Mrs Sharp had no children, earned similar incomes and, most importantly, had only been married for four years. Based on the facts of the case, the Court of Appeal reduced Mr Sharp’s initial award from £2.7million down to £2million, thus highlighting that equality is more likely to be departed from when a marriage has been short-lived.

As a result, it is now more important than ever for family lawyers to be able to advise their clients whether a marriage is likely to be considered ‘long’ or ‘short’ by the Court. As there is no definitive guidance on this topic each case must be decided on its own facts and this is where things start to get tricky.

Does cohabitation affect the court’s view of the length of a marriage?

The case of GW v RW (EWHC 611) makes it clear that if a couple’s cohabitation moves seamlessly into marriage, such cohabitation must be considered when calculating the length of the marriage. Using a worked example to illustrate the importance of this guidance, in the event a couple have cohabited for 15 years and then are married for just three, this marriage is most likely going to be defined as long. This is extremely significant, as we know that a long marriage is likely to result in finances being divided equally between the parties.

Based on the above, you would be forgiven for thinking that 15 years of cohabitation but no marriage would grant both parties an equal split. However, there is no such thing as common law marriage in the UK. A couple could have lived together for 30 years or more, but the absence of a marriage certificate means their entitlements are limited in the event the relationship breaks down.

This is where our current laws start to become illogical: either cohabitation is worth something or it is not. It cannot be fair that a cohabitation of 10 years followed by a short marriage will result in an equal split, but a 30-year cohabitation with no marriage is worth nothing at all.

With more and more couples choosing to cohabit, something has to change. If logic is to be worth anything at all, then either long-term cohabitation should result in an equal financial division following separation, or cohabitation should not be considered when calculating the length of a marriage. At the moment the maths simply doesn’t add up.

Click here for more articles by Katie McCann

ABOUT KATIE

Katie McCann is head of family law and in-house counsel at Kuits Solicitors in Manchester City Centre. She has a special interest in resolving high value relationship breakdown disputes.

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On the Rocks Divorce Poem
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On the Rocks – Divorce Poem by Malcolm Whyman

Published on
Malcolm Whyman
Malcolm Whyman
Poet

I recall that Monday morning when you said I was a bore,
That you didn’t find me sexy didn’t love me any more,
All day I couldn’t take it in that we were on the rocks,
But when I returned from work that night I found you’d changed the locks.

You wouldn’t let me take my clothes you wouldn’t let me in,
And when I phoned next morning you said they’re in the bin.
You said I’d had a cheque returned for just a small amount,
Then sniggered when you told me you’d cleared our joint account.

I was gutted when the judge declared that you could keep the car,
‘Cos you had to take the kids to school and wouldn’t walk that far.
And then it dawned on me that you were on a winning streak,
When your maintenance was set at three hundred pounds a week.

The judge said you could keep the house ‘till the kids got their degrees,
And I would have to pay for all their education fees.
My life was now in ruins all I could do was sob,
I couldn’t take the pressure so they sacked me from my job.

The kids don’t want to see me now ‘cos you’ve told them I’m the baddy,
And now you’ve moved your lover in they call the bastard Daddy.
They tell me that you’re happy now they say you’re on a roll,
While I’m dossing in a hostel and living on the dole.

A crumpled lotto ticket relieved my dark despair,
And overnight I became a multi-millionaire.
When you heard you came to see me with a low cut sexy dress on,
And told me you were sorry now and said you’d learned your lesson.

It seems your lover left you an affair you now regret,
But it seems he also left you fifty grand in dept.
They say revenge is sweet but a dish best eaten cold,
She’s living in a council flat now the house is sold.

I sent the kids to boarding school to teach the some respect,
Then flew to the Bahamas for a few months to reflect.
Now all you loyal married men with selfish wives and kids,
Don’t expect any sympathy when you’re on the skids.

About Malcolm Whyman

From a young age, writing was an attempt to resolve the mysteries of life. Reading other people’s work was an important part of that.

Boredom could a problem, which in my case, was offset by the library and the cinema. Leading one to contemplate that marriage was perhaps the default position in life. And so it was that, as a young man, it was through wedded bliss that I sought my salvation. I was mightily disappointed! Not least because my sexual expectations were far from fulfilled.

Two years and two attempts at a meaningful career later, my marriage was at an end. I found myself driving a crane in a London scrapyard and suffering from a debilitating depression.

Back in Nottingham and among friends, I eventually recovered and ever the optimist embarked on marriage once again, with much the same results as the first time. Only this time I was overwhelmed by a surfit of sex.

All this domestic chaos resulted in the outline of my book, ‘The Onion Peeler’. Throwing caution to the wind, I hitched down to Cornwall and a new career as a craft jeweller. But it also gave me the opportunity to complete the first draft of my Novel.

The end of the tourist season saw me broke and looking for work. An offer of a couple of weeks work at a scenery firm in Nottingham found me back home again and taken on for a couple of seasons by the scenery firm.

A contretemps with the management of the scenery firm saw me back on the cobbles again and contemplating fifteen years of work with nothing to show for it.

I barely owned the clothes I stood up in, little knowing at the time, that things were about to change for the better. Via a short stint in a junk shop, I was about to embark on a career in the antique shipping trade

Money was still tight in the seventies, mortgages were difficult, to get and bank loans even harder. Getting a wedge to start up a business was almost impossible.

Meeting Tony in the junk shop was nothing short of a miracle.

Tony had money, contacts and a car. It was said at the time, that all a buccaneering spirit needed to get into the antique shipping business, was a car, a roof rack and a tank full of petrol.

Tony had all those things and more, he was probably at that time, one of the smartest seventeen year olds in the country. From almost a standing start, within two years we were rich. Big house, fancy cars, continental holidays and expensive dinners, the usual indulgences of those with more money than sense. So It would have continued had Tony not got the creative bug.

Our nemesis was the first commercial pottery in Nottingham. Its capacity to consume money was prodigious and despite a huge injection of cash, from a legacy left to Tony by his father, it was to no avail and we went bankrupt.

We were rescued by a phenomenal rise in the price of gold and silver. So for nearly two years we became bullion dealers and made enough money to set up a shipping business in America.

The nature of our business was such that it allowed me to spend time on music and writing. Unitil now, in semi-retirement, I can concentrate on those things full time.

Feature Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

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