How to Fall In Love Again After Divorce

Photo by Matt W Newman on Unsplash.
Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

After divorce, one may not feel it is possible to find love again. When a spouse ends the marriage, it can leave the other feeling unlovable. Love can strike in unexpected places or in strange situations. Love can sneak in as a whisper or like a bolt of lightning.

The way to find love is to be open to it and be ready. Ask your friends how you come across. After my divorce, friends said I was closed off and that was keeping guys away. You may not realise you are putting up a barrier to meeting potential dates. Work on any emotional baggage which is keeping you from moving on to a happier life.

People interviewed, stated that “Love just happens.” Some said “You just fall into it.” When trying too hard to attract someone, that can come across as too needy. Others can sense the desperation of a person feeling they have to be part of a couple.  People pick up on another’s energy which can be inviting or off-putting. Be aware of your appearance which can be either a turn-off or a turn-on

Be your natural self, which is what attracts people in the first place. Be authentic and not pretending to be someone you are not. Several women presented themselves as liking outdoor activities such as skiing and long hikes. This caused some break ups when they did not want to hit the slopes or trails. A false façade hurts a new relationship. These women pretended to like things they were not interested in to get guys. They were surprised when those fake interests were what the men mainly wanted to do.

How to meet that special someone

Go to venues where people mix, such as festivals, street fairs, bands playing outside and so forth. Conversation flows more easily among strangers at events. One woman talked to a guy ahead of her in a slow-moving queue at a Greek food celebration. They started dating and later got engaged. Take advantage of opportunities to connect with others.

Go to activities you enjoy and talk to the others there. Several couples, one now married, met at karaoke. They continue this shared interest, often singing duets. Join groups for what you like to do. MeetUp.com has special themed ones, such as hiking, cooking, book clubs, travel and many more. You will have common territory as a foundation for a new relationship. It is fun to find someone who shares what you like to do and this can lead to romance.

Enlarge your network

Let friends and co-workers know you are ready date again. I met a fun guy on a blind date. A girlfriend thought we could have a good time together and she was right. If a blind date is not your thing, then an informal gathering can allow you to meet others in a relaxed atmosphere. Less pressure than a one-on-one encounter. Professional conferences are a way to meet others in your field where you have a common interest to build upon. On the job, it can be tricky to date someone you are falling in love with, due to policies. On the trauma unit where I was a nurse, quite a few of us married medical personnel.

Getting ready

Get feedback about your appearance. Perhaps it needs tweaking or updating. When you look good, you feel good. Make eye contact and return smiles. An obvious mistake individuals make, is wearing a ring on their wedding ring finger. A flash of silver or gold when single, can keep someone from pursuing you. Be open to talking to people and be friendly. Love often happens unexpectedly.

Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.

About Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.

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