This was my second interview with the fabulous Passion Coach Vena Ramphal. Our first was on flirting – very informative, fun interview. I’m almost certain each one of you will find something in both interviews that you could put into practice when dating after divorce!
Vena tells us that dating after divorce can be a very rich phase for creating a consciously fulfilling love life.
She helps you think through what it is that you really want because, as she explains, that’s a skill set that we don’t generally have. We’re not really taught to think, “What is the relationship that I really want? What does that look like?”
It’s very easy to go into a default mode and think, “Well, I want what everyone else wants.”
I asked Vena several questions and here’s some of what she had to say on the topic of dating after divorce, but I tell you now, you will need to listen to the rest of the interview to get the full benefit of Vena’s knowledge. She’s not called the Passion Coach for nothing!
My first question, sent in previously by a reader of The Divorce Magazine, was:
What are the top 5 things one should do when they go on a date?
It’s not a question of having a set stock of things that everybody does.
Dating is a very personal thing and so the first thing I would say is to think about what you’re comfortable with in terms of your behaviour and how you want to come across. Thing about what it is that you want to get out of that date.
Having said that, as a general approach, remember that last week I said that flirting was about self-confidence as opposed to just getting the other person interested, well this time I’m going to say that dating is about having fun.
So don’t worry about the 5 things, dating is really about having fun and that really means having fun in the moment, especially in the beginning, rather than thinking about planning the next stage or wondering if this person is the next one or whatever it is.
The most successful serious relationships are built on a foundation of fun.
Fun is very attractive but some people have a bad reaction to the word fun because it sounds really frivolous and do you want to come across as frivolous. I would say be frivolous, be fun, don’t take it seriously, don’t take yourself too seriously or the other person too seriously and that’s really the main thing.
Beyond that just make sure that you look and feel as confident as you can in that moment. More for yourself than anything else.
Does your stage in life matter as to how you view dating? What if you’re really looking for that one person to have children with and get married to?
There are two things here.
Firstly there’s the attitude. The attitude you want is to just have fun in the moment and enjoy for the moment.
The second thing is to be clear on your intention. So if you are looking for a long term partner, I think it’s very important to be clear on your intention. Clarity of intention is very important.
This may sound like a contradiction but actually it’s not. It’s a dynamic between 2 opposing poles and the dynamics is between having fun in the moment just for the moment and being clear on what it is that you want.
And there’s a difference between stating your intention clearly and confidently and coming across as desperate and needy.
Find out what that difference is and much, much more when you listen to the rest of the interview on dating after divorce!
I repeat, Vena knows her stuff!
Good luck! And don’t forget – HAVE FUN!
VENA RAMPHAL IS THE PASSION COACH SPECIALISING IN ROMANCE AND EROTIC PLEASURE.
She facilitates people to make choices that bring them more fulfilling love lives, whether its ending a partnership, creating a new relationship, or cultivating a deeper experience of erotic pleasure.
Vena’s work draws on the erotic wisdom of the kama sutra traditions and classical Indian philosophy.
As a coach she brings warmth, clarity, a sense of play and a deep belief that life should be delicious.