Moving On After Divorce | The Divorce Magazine

Post-Divorce Trauma and Mental Health: Making Peace with the Past

Published on April 14, 2025April 11, 2025

Lee Hawker-Lecesne MBPsS
Clinical Program Director
The Cabin Chiang Mai

The Hidden Cost of Divorce

In a culture increasingly obsessed with curated happiness and tidy healing narratives, few life events are as misunderstood or underestimated in their emotional toll as divorce. Often reduced to paperwork, asset division, and custody schedules, the psychological aftermath is left largely unspoken—an invisible grief that reshapes identity and lingers quietly in the body.

“The emotional wreckage of divorce is not undone by paperwork – it’s rewired into the nervous system,” says Lee Hawker.

From the outside, divorce may appear as a fresh start, but to the individual experiencing it, it can feel like an implosion. The loss is often multilayered – not just of a partner or home, but of an imagined future, daily rituals, and even social identity and often we see trauma responses are triggered long after the final decree. Healing from divorce requires more than procedural resolution; it requires emotional integration. Without this, clients are left carrying invisible scars that shape future relationships, parenting dynamics, and self-worth. Recognising this trauma -and naming it – is the first step in reclaiming emotional integrity after the end of a marriage.

Divorce: A Trauma in Disguise

Divorce is trauma. Not metaphorically, but neurologically and psychologically. It dismantles one’s emotional infrastructure and often activates dormant wounds that trace back decades. It’s not merely the end of a marriage; it’s the crumbling of the self that existed within that union – one that may have taken years to build. The impact is frequently cumulative, tapping into unresolved attachment injuries, childhood trauma, or intergenerational emotional patterns that have long gone unexamined.

“In my clinical work, I’ve seen how divorce unlocks every unresolved attachment wound, often more powerfully than bereavement,” says Hawker.

Symptoms often mirror those of trauma-based conditions: flashbacks, ruminative thought cycles, depressive lethargy, social withdrawal, and intense fear of future connection. Divorce may strip people of emotional safety, routine, and self-concept in one fell swoop, leaving them feeling destabilised and ashamed. And yet, because divorce is so normalised in legal or social terms, the profound psychic dislocation it causes is often dismissed. At The Cabin, we treat many individuals whose emotional responses to divorce were minimised by others or by themselves – leading to delayed or suppressed healing. Recognising divorce as a legitimate trauma experience allows space for compassion, clinical intervention, and meaningful growth.

The Harm of ‘Moving On’

“Just move on.” It’s a mantra of the modern wellness era, uttered by friends, family, and even therapists in the hope of fast-tracking recovery. But this insistence on progress can be deeply damaging. Healing from divorce doesn’t obey a linear timeline, and certainly not one dictated by social convenience or cultural comfort. The idea that moving on is the benchmark for wellness often results in internalised shame when grief inevitably resurfaces.

“Real healing doesn’t demand movement – it demands presence,” explains Lee. “You don’t have to ‘move on’ to be okay.”

We encourage individuals to resist the pressure of performing wellness. Instead, we focus on emotional presence – allowing grief to unfold without suppression or rebranding. The push to “move on” frequently bypasses necessary grieving processes, prematurely shutting down reflection and emotional expression. This can lead to emotional numbing, unresolved anger, or dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Healing is not about speed; it’s about depth. By acknowledging that divorce is not something to be “gotten over,” but something to be lived through, we invite a more authentic and sustainable recovery path. The discomfort may linger, but it becomes less corrosive when not silenced or denied.

The Myth of Closure

Closure is a seductive but ultimately misleading idea. It suggests a clean ending, a box we can tick before moving on with our lives. But human emotions, especially grief and loss, rarely conform to such tidy arcs. Divorce doesn’t offer clean lines – it often leaves jagged edges. When we seek closure, what we are often craving is certainty, finality, or even emotional vindication. And yet, in most cases, these never arrive.

“Closure is a myth we tell ourselves to end pain prematurely,” says Lee. “Containment is where real strength lies – the ability to live beside grief, not erase it.”

It’s about reframing recovery not as the achievement of closure, but as the development of containment. This involves holding pain without being consumed by it – learning how to coexist with memories, regret, and longing in a way that doesn’t derail one’s forward movement. When we stop searching for the elusive finish line and instead focus on emotional spaciousness, something remarkable happens: grief becomes less sharp. Not because it has been “resolved,” but because we have built the capacity to carry it. The goal isn’t to close the book—it’s to keep living even as the story evolves.

Divorce is a Mirror, Not a Window

Many people expect divorce to serve as a window into a new chapter—an escape route toward reinvention. But more often than not, it acts as a mirror, reflecting back parts of ourselves we have long avoided. Post-divorce, individuals are often faced with confronting their emotional patterns: fear of abandonment, enmeshment, suppressed rage, or an over-reliance on external validation. These traits didn’t appear because of the divorce—they were always there, hidden within the relational dynamic.

“Divorce forces us to meet the parts of ourselves we used relationships to escape,” says Lee.

The therapeutic process involves identifying these patterns with compassionate honesty. When divorce is approached as a mirror, it becomes a powerful diagnostic tool. We begin to understand not only the relationship that ended, but the internal architecture that made it feel inevitable or unsustainable. This does not mean self-blame – it means self-awareness. By confronting our own emotional inheritance, we create the possibility of healthier future relationships and a more grounded sense of self. In this light, the pain of divorce becomes not a detour, but a necessary part of the journey inward.

Identity After Divorce: Rebuilding Without Rebranding

One of the most destabilising aspects of divorce is the collapse of identity. Who are we without the relational roles that defined us – spouse, co-parent, provider, partner? For many, this loss of identity can feel more shattering than the relationship itself. It is not uncommon for clients to report a sense of emotional disembodiment – like they are living someone else’s life.

“Your identity isn’t lost in divorce – it’s just buried under disappointment,” says Lee.

We encourage clients not to rush into reinvention. The pressure to “bounce back” often leads people to perform confidence while privately unraveling. Instead, we explore the idea of reclamation – retrieving the parts of the self that predated the relationship, and discovering aspects that were never fully allowed to emerge. Divorce becomes a threshold moment: not a reset, but a reckoning. Who were you before compromise diluted your voice? Who are you when nobody’s expectations are crowding your authenticity? When approached gently, divorce recovery allows individuals to rebuild not through wholesale reinvention, but through rediscovery – and in that process, something vital and durable begins to take root.

Recovery is Not Linear: Grit as the Benchmark

Progress after divorce is rarely tidy. Some days feel hopeful; others feel like regression. This oscillation is not a sign of failure – it is the nature of emotional healing. And yet, many clients fear they are “backsliding” when grief revisits them unexpectedly. The truth is: recovery does not follow a timeline. There is no deadline for feeling whole again.

“We must normalise regression in healing,” urges Lee. “Progress is not a straight line. It’s a spiral.”

We help people reframe success not as emotional consistency but as emotional engagement. The benchmark is not how well you are coping – it’s how honestly you are participating in your own healing. Grit, in this context, is not about stoicism in the traditional sense; it’s about turning up, again and again, to face the inner storm. It’s about making the bed, attending therapy, showing up for your kids even when your heart is breaking. When we stop measuring healing by perfection and start recognising the bravery of persistence, a more compassionate recovery process becomes possible.

Anger as a Useful Companion

Anger is often framed as the enemy of healing – but this is a mischaracterisation. In the wake of divorce, anger is not only normal; it’s necessary. Beneath the rage lies grief, betrayal, loss of agency, and shattered expectations. When we deny anger, we risk burying truths that require attention.

“Anger is grief’s first language,” says Lee. “We just have to learn to translate it.”

It’s important to explore anger as a doorway rather than a dead end. When expressed constructively, anger clarifies boundaries and reclaims power. It identifies where needs were unmet and where one’s values were violated. Importantly, healthy anger can act as a defence mechanism against depression and self-blame. But to access this clarity, clients must feel safe enough to express and metabolise their rage. Unprocessed anger doesn’t disappear – it mutates into bitterness, isolation, or anxiety. By honouring it, we transform it. Anger is not a flaw in the recovery process – it is a compass pointing to what still needs to be named, felt, and healed.

Parenting Through the Lens of Grace, Not Guilt

Parental guilt is perhaps the most corrosive emotion that accompanies divorce. Clients often express paralysing regret about how the separation might affect their children. They fear emotional damage, disrupted routines, and fractured trust. But what most research – and lived experience – shows is that children do not suffer from the divorce itself, but from ongoing conflict, emotional unavailability, and inauthenticity in the home.

“Children benefit more from witnessing your growth than your performance,” says Lee.

It’s important to support parents in shifting their internal narrative from “I’ve damaged them” to “I can still model recovery.” Children thrive when they see resilience in action. They benefit from witnessing parents who are willing to own mistakes, apologise, seek help, and prioritise emotional safety. Divorce offers a profound opportunity to model imperfection with dignity and vulnerability. The goal is not to shield children from pain – it is to equip them with the language and tools to navigate it. When guilt is replaced with grace, parenting becomes less about control and more about connection – and in that space, healing multiplies.

Endurance Over Enlightenment

Cultural narratives often sell us a redemptive arc: the idea that divorce is a painful but ultimately empowering prelude to reinvention. And while that’s sometimes true, it’s not the whole picture. For many, post-divorce life is not a clean ascension. It’s a long, quiet endurance. It’s putting one foot in front of the other when joy still feels out of reach. And that’s okay.

“Endurance is the hidden virtue of recovery,” says Lee. “You don’t need to be transformed to be okay.”

We view endurance as a sacred act. It means continuing to live with the full weight of emotion without collapsing. It means surviving the empty house, the changed finances, the new co-parenting schedule – and doing it with a shred of dignity. Healing does not need to look like euphoria or reinvention. Sometimes, the bravest thing a person can do is keep showing up. In these moments, endurance becomes a quiet defiance against hopelessness. It says: I’m still here. And for many, that is the first and most powerful declaration of recovery.

Final Thoughts: Resilience as Realism

True resilience after divorce isn’t about glossy transformation – it’s about staying real. It’s about rejecting cultural pressure to perform happiness and instead, embracing the mess of being human. There will be days when grief blindsides you, when shame whispers lies, when hope feels distant. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re healing.

“Healing doesn’t need to look like joy. It just needs to look like you, choosing life again,” says Lee.

Divorce recovery is not a success story – it’s a survival story. And the most powerful part of that story is that you’re still writing it.

References

Hawker, L. writing as Marcus A (2025). Pessimism: A Survival Guide. [Manuscript].
Hawker, L writing as Marcus A (Unpublished) Divorce: A Survival Guide [PrePub. Manuscript]
American Psychological Association. (2022). The Psychological Impact of Divorce.
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
Frankl, V. (1946). Man’s Search for Meaning.
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development.

About Lee Hawker-Lecesne MBPsS

Lee Hawker is the Clinical Director at The Cabin Chiang Mai.

He is a Registered Member of the British Psychological Society. He graduated from Anglia Ruskin University in the UK with a degree in Behavioural Science and a postgraduate clinical focus on addictions from the University of Bath. Lee is a focused and ambitious individual who has in-depth training and experience in a broad range of clinical psychological interventions in the treatment of addiction, dual diagnosis, and complex trauma.

Having worked in the field of addiction for over twenty years, Lee has experience having assessed and treated many clients and families presenting with substance misuse and chemical dependency along with managing and treating trauma. Lee heads the clinical programme for The Cabin and shapes the treatment plan bespoke to individual client needs; so that focused treatment is delivered to address specific individual needs – and thus providing for higher treatment quality that is measurable and progress that is observable to both client and clinician.

Lee’s passion is to provide the best possible clinical quality and experience to ensure that clients have an opportunity to achieve lifelong recovery and are able to be a beacon to others in their lives.

Moving On/Well-being/Your Emotions

Breaking Free from Emotional Over-Dependence: 6 Steps to Self-Reliance After Divorce

Published on April 2, 2025April 2, 2025

Karen Omand BASoc BAThan CT
Co-Founder
Divorceworkshop

I remember the uncertainty and fear that crept in after my marriage ended. How would I manage on my own with two children after nearly two decades of shared life? Though I wasn’t overly dependent on my ex for emotional support, our lives were deeply intertwined, and his presence had always been a constant. The prospect of untangling those ties felt overwhelming. For some, this is the real deep fear.

Divorce often feels like standing at the edge of a vast, unfamiliar cliff. Behind you lies the life you once knew, and ahead is a new reality where self-reliance becomes essential—often before you feel ready for it. While daunting, this moment also offers the potential for profound transformation.

Divorce is not just about dividing assets or rearranging living situations; it’s about untangling the emotional ties that may have defined you for years. For many, this process reveals a subtle but deep reliance on a partner’s approval, presence, or support. Breaking free from this emotional over-dependence isn’t just a challenge—it’s an opportunity to rediscover your inner strength and independence.

What Is Emotional Over-Dependence?

Emotional over-dependence occurs when your identity or wellbeing becomes too intertwined with another person. In a marriage or long-term relationship, it can manifest as:

Seeking constant validation from your partner.
Struggling to make decisions independently.
Feeling incomplete or unworthy without their support.

While interdependence—a healthy balance of independence and connection—is a cornerstone of strong relationships, over-dependence often leads to feelings of loss and instability when the relationship ends. Divorce, therefore, becomes an opportunity to recalibrate and reclaim your sense of self.

Why Self-Reliance Matters Post-Divorce

Self-reliance is not about isolating yourself or rejecting help; it’s about building confidence in your ability to navigate life’s challenges. Developing self-reliance can:

Help you manage the emotional upheaval of divorce.
Reduce anxiety by empowering you to take control of your choices.
Strengthen your ability to set boundaries, especially in co-parenting situations.

About four months into the separation process, I received a phone call that initially seemed to be from a government official. The call was alarming and caused a lot of anxiety. My first instinct was to call my ex for reassurance. He quickly explained that it was a scam, which was a relief. As I reflected on this moment, I realised how deeply ingrained the habit of seeking reassurance from him had become. It made me realise that part of developing self-reliance is learning to trust my judgment, especially in moments of stress or uncertainty. This was a wake-up call for me: the journey to emotional independence meant finding the confidence to navigate challenges without always relying on someone else for validation.

6 Steps to Break Free from Emotional Over-Dependence

Emotional over-dependence can hold you back from fully embracing your independence after divorce. Learning to rely on yourself and build a strong foundation is a journey, instead with each step forward, you can regain confidence and redefine your life. Here are six steps to help you break free, along with personal insights and actionable tips.

1. Recognise Patterns of Dependence

Begin by reflecting on your relationship dynamics. Were you overly reliant on your partner for decision-making, emotional support, or a sense of identity? Acknowledging these patterns is the first step toward change.

For me, wearing my wedding rings was a defining part of my identity. They symbolised being a wife and partner and taking them off felt like losing a piece of myself. Recognising this dependence helped me start redefining my identity on my terms. (Read my blog about The Significance of Taking Your Wedding Ring Off for more insights.)

2. Rebuild Your Identity

Divorce is a chance to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship. Explore your interests, hobbies, and values. Journaling, therapy, or trying new activities can help you reconnect with yourself.

When I started journaling after my divorce, it wasn’t with any grand plan in mind—just an attempt to sort through the overwhelming thoughts swirling in my head. At first, my entries were raw and unfiltered: anger, sadness, fear, and confusion spilled onto the page. But as weeks turned into months, my writing began to shift. I started to think more about what I wanted for myself. After years of giving my ex everything I had, it was time to start focussing on me. Journaling became a tool to rediscover my passions and dreams.

3. Strengthen Your “I-Position

The concept of the “I-position,” rooted in family systems theory, emphasises acting based on your values and rational thinking rather than reacting emotionally. Practice making decisions independently and standing firm in what matters to you.

When I needed to find housing for my children and pets after the divorce, the responsibility fell squarely on my shoulders. For years, most major decisions in our family had been guided by my ex, with me agreeing or going along. This time, it was all on me. I scoured listings, visited potential homes, and considered not just the practical aspects but also what would feel safe and nurturing for my children. It was daunting, but in the end, I made a choice that aligned with my values and instincts. That experience reminded me of my capability and reinforced my belief in my ability to lead and provide.

4. Set Healthy Boundaries

Learning to say “no” and establishing clear boundaries with your ex-spouse, family, or friends is crucial. This is especially important in co-parenting relationships, where maintaining a focus on the children’s wellbeing can help keep interactions productive.

Flexibility is important in co-parenting, but one of my clients faced a particularly stressful situation when their co-parent requested a very last-minute change to the parenting plan, despite there being no emergency. My client had already made plans, including inviting friends to stay over, which added to the stress. This situation highlighted the importance of setting clear boundaries and communicating them respectfully, to avoid unnecessary disruption and prioritise everyone’s wellbeing.

5. Build a Support Network

Self-reliance doesn’t mean doing everything alone. Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Friends, family, or support groups can provide a sense of community while you strengthen your independence.

I wrote about this in another blog, “The Four Pillars of Support,” which explores emotional, practical, informational, and social support. These pillars became my lifeline as I worked to rebuild. You can read it here.

6. Focus on Emotional Regulation

Divorce often stirs up intense emotions. Developing tools to manage anxiety, anger, or sadness can prevent emotional reactivity and help you make thoughtful decisions. Practices like mindfulness, meditation, or therapy can be valuable here.

Naming my emotions—whether it was anger, grief, or frustration—helped me process them without feeling overwhelmed. Practices like deep breathing and mindfulness gave me the tools to pause before reacting. As most say, divorce is 95% emotional and 5% legal. To get through your divorce journey, you must allow these feelings to come up, name them, accept them, and release them in healthy ways.

Embracing Your Independence: A Journey of Growth

The path to self-reliance after divorce is rarely a straight line. There will be moments of doubt, fear, or loneliness, but each step forward builds a stronger foundation for your future. True self-reliance comes from trusting yourself, valuing your voice, and knowing when to lean on those who genuinely support you.

Breaking free from emotional over-dependence isn’t just about surviving—it’s about thriving. It’s a journey of rediscovering your identity, embracing your values, and creating a life that reflects your dreams. Strength doesn’t mean going it alone; it means finding the balance between standing confidently on your own and reaching out for connection when needed.

Wherever you are in this process, know that you are capable and resilient. Each challenge you face brings you closer to a more empowered, fulfilled version of yourself. Trust the journey, take it one step at a time, and believe that the best chapters of your story are still ahead.

If you’re ready to rebuild, reimagine, and rediscover your independence, the Just Separated Workbook can be your trusted companion. Packed with practical recovery tools, valuable insights, and guided exercises, it’s designed to support you at every step of your journey. Available worldwide on Amazon, it’s never been easier to take the first step toward healing.

Want to explore it before committing? Grab your free 22-page sample of the Just Separated Workbook here!

Disclaimer: This blog is for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. If you are experiencing significant emotional distress or have questions about your specific situation, consider consulting a qualified therapist, counsellor, or legal professional.

About Karen Omand BASoc BAThan CT

Karen Omand holds a rare university degree in Thanatology and a B.A. in Sociology. She is the co-author of the “Just Separated Divorce Workbook,” coming out this October, and co-founder of The Divorce Workshop. As a private counsellor and coach, Karen specialises in high-conflict cases, post-divorce abuse, grief, and divorce. Having navigated her own high-conflict divorce, she is also the mother of two lovely daughters.

Divorce and Finances/Financial and Legal Advice/Moving On

How to Create a Post-Divorce Budget: Steps to Financial Stability

Published on March 31, 2025

Peter Marples
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

Steps to Regain Financial Stability and Plan for a Secure Future

Divorce can be a challenging and emotional journey and managing your finances during and after this period is crucial for your long-term wellbeing. This blog aims to provide clear, actionable steps to help you navigate your finances post-divorce, regain stability, and make informed decisions for a secure future.

The Importance of a Budget After Divorce

Adjusting to a Single-Income Household

One of the most significant changes after divorce is moving to a single-income household whereas prior to divorce it was a single household with two incomes. This shift requires careful budgeting and financial planning to ensure you can meet your needs and obligations and don’t quickly fall behind and into debt.

The Impact of Divorce on Personal Finances

Divorce often brings about substantial changes in your financial situation. Understanding these changes immediately and their impact on your income, expenses, and overall financial health is essential to navigate this new phase effectively, adapting to your new post-divorce budget.

Assessing Your New Financial Situation

Start by evaluating your current financial status. Make a list of all your assets, liabilities, income sources, and expenses. This assessment will provide a clear picture of where you stand financially and help you plan accordingly ensuring you can obtain financial stability after divorce.

List All Income Sources

Salary, Spousal/Child Support, Investments

Identify all sources of income you have post-divorce. Managing your finances after divorce is crucial. This includes your salary, any spousal or child support payments, and income from investments. Understanding your income streams will help you create a realistic post-divorce budget.

Understanding New Expenses

New expenses can arise after divorce, such as housing costs, utilities, legal fees, and child-related expenses. Listing these expenses will ensure you account for them in your budget. Divorce and money management is essential to your future financial planning

Creating a Practical Post-Divorce Budget

Develop a budget that reflects your new financial reality. Include all your income sources and expenses, and ensure it aligns with your financial goals. A realistic budget is a cornerstone of financial stability. Financial planning for divorcees is important for all parties to the divorce and start to do this as you come to the completion of the divorce process and financial dispute resolution so you are ready when the consent order is finally approved by the court.

Differentiating Between Essential and Discretionary Expenses

Setting Realistic Financial Goals

Distinguish between essential expenses (housing, utilities, groceries) and discretionary expenses (entertainment, dining out). This differentiation will help you prioritise spending and set achievable financial goals. What you would like and what you can afford is going to be very different post-divorce and managing your finances after divorce is imperative and needs to be set in place right at the start. Things will become easier as you adjust to life after divorce.

Emergency Funds and Why They Matter

Building an emergency fund is crucial. It provides a safety net for unexpected expenses, such as medical bills or car repairs, ensuring you don’t fall into debt. A little and often will build up this fund.

Managing Debts and Obligations

Handling Joint Debts and Separating Finances

Address any joint debts you have with your ex-spouse and take steps to separate your finances. This might involve refinancing loans or closing joint accounts. Most of this should be done within the sphere of negotiating the consent order for the financial dispute resolution.

Prioritising Debt Repayment

Create a manageable debt repayment plan that prioritises paying off high-interest debts first. Reducing debt will improve your financial health and credit score. Stick to this plan as you navigate yourself away after the divorce.

How to Rebuild Credit After Divorce

After divorce, your credit score might take a hit. Focus on rebuilding your credit by paying bills on time, reducing debt, and monitoring your credit report. Pay them on time and if there are any problems contact each creditor immediately the problem becomes apparent.

Long-Term Financial Planning

Reviewing and Updating Financial Documents

Ensure your financial documents, such as wills, insurance policies, and pension plans, reflect your new circumstances. Updating these documents is critical for long-term security.

Retirement Planning as a Newly Single Individual

Reevaluate your retirement plan. As a single individual, you may need to adjust your savings strategy to meet your retirement goals.

Seeking Professional Financial Advice

Consider consulting a financial advisor to help you navigate the complexities of post-divorce finances. Professional advice can provide tailored strategies for your unique situation.

Practical Tools & Resources for Financial Stability

Budgeting Apps & Financial Management Tools

Budgeting apps and financial management tools to track your expenses, manage your budget, and stay on top of your finances. It is possible to streamline all your entire expense management using any of the free apps on the App Store.

If you find yourself struggling with your financial situation post-divorce, don’t hesitate to seek professional advice. Call the team at Fair Result to discuss your financial planning pre and post-divorce at any time.

About Peter Marples

Peter Marples – Director of Fair Result and qualified accountant, with the determination to change the way divorce is transacted. For further advice on financial settlements and navigating divorce, use the contact details below:

Email
Give the team a call – 07500933818 or 0333 577 7009
Complete an enquiry form

Moving On/Well-being/Your Emotions

Resilience After A Relationship Breakdown

Published on March 28, 2025March 27, 2025

Noel McDermott
Founder
Mental Health Works Ltd

Resilience isn’t a skill, or a thing that we achieve, it’s how we organise our lives on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis. We can pretty much guarantee that life will throw curve balls at us. It’s not possible to insulate oneself against that, but only possible to be living in a way that means we are more likely than not to walk away from those experiences rather than be ended by them. If life is a care journey, then resilience is the safety belt. If you have never had a crash in your car doesn’t mean you get rid of the seat belt.

So what are the seat belts and the crumple zones of life?

Loving, diverse and honest relationships
General health and wellbeing lifestyle
Self knowledge
Broad range of interests
Growth mindset
Capacity to see the bigger picture
Basic needs met – Safety, food, accommodation

When we divorce it’s pretty obvious that some of these resilience factors will be affected. Our basic needs might be at threat and our range of relationships for instance. It may take some time to make those factors more secure, but as we can see other things factor in our capacity to survive the emotional crash. We can turn to our self care and ensure we meet that, we can ensure we keep our hobbies and interests going and not let them slide, we can focus on healthy living by ensuring we exercise and eat properly.

The fundamental lesson of resilience is that it is achieved via a network of intersecting behaviours and attitudes that don’t work alone. Again thinking about a car crash, the force of the impact is spread through the whole of the car’s system. The crash is spread around the car and therefore is more survivable. The car might end up a right off, but we can walk away.

Why does having a growth mindset and seeing the bigger picture help?

Studies have shown that one of the useful effects of spiritual beliefs in life is a lesson that it inspires us to go through and experience rather than succumb to it. Believing in the big picture that struggle is an important teacher of growth reduces the risk of depressive collapse or anxious avoidance. It’s not necessary to have a specific belief system but simply to believe that life is not out to get you! As Churchill is ascribed to have said, ‘if you find yourself in hell, keep going’. This ability to keep going and take action is crucial in resilient living. Resilience isn’t a feeling state, it is keeping going.

What about self knowledge?

It’s not about what you know about yourself, your own personal diagnosis of yourself that is important, but the skills around thinking and behaviour modification that you used to develop the knowledge. Ford used to cream off the top history graduates every year to join their corporate management structure, not because of the knowledge base of for example Tudor Kings and Queens, but because of the skills in dealing with complex information sources and making some sense of that. Similarly in terms of self knowledge it’s not what you know about yourself but the skills you have in continuing to know yourself as you go through change; a personal form of self reflective practice.

Maintaining your health and looking after yourself should be self evident as a useful thing to do during stressful times of change, but let’s make it easy:

Maintain healthy eating habits as much as possible but also be compassionate if you comfort eat. Eat to a timetable not to feelings of hunger or not. Stress messes up your appetite, so use your diary not your feelings.
Stay hydrated with water, not wine!
Rest and sleep, if you can’t sleep then rest. Maintain good ‘sleep hygiene’ (search that term).
Exercise, preferably outdoors if you can manage it.

Above all, be compassionate to yourself and try to say nice things to yourself in your head as much as possible. If you can’t think of any then search for positive affirmations and use some of those lists.

About Noel McDermott

Mental health expert Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years’ work within the health, social care, education, and criminal justice fields. His company Mental Health Works provides unique mental health services for the public and other organisations. Mental Health Works offers in situ health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised teams to meet your needs – https://www.mentalhealthworks.net/

Moving On/Well-being/Your Emotions

The First Three Places I Travelled to After My Divorce

Published on March 20, 2025

Laura Ericson
Founder
Laura Ericson Group Trips

I’d always been a traveller, but I tended to stick to the typical tourist path and conventional places that were deemed “safe” for female travellers. After my divorce in 2018, I made a promise to myself: I would take advantage of every opportunity to experience new places and step out of my comfort zone. Though it took a few years to find my footing, in 2021 I embarked on a series of transformative journeys that would change my perspective on both travel and life itself. Here are the three destinations that helped me rediscover myself and my love for adventure.

Colombia: Finding Beauty in the Unexpected

My journey began in Colombia, a country that wouldn’t have crossed my radar just a few years earlier. Like many, I had preconceptions about its safety, especially for solo female travellers. What I discovered instead was a hidden gem full of vibrant culture, warm people, and breathtaking landscapes.

In Medellín, known as the “City of Eternal Spring,” I found myself surrounded by perpetually blooming flowers and year-round perfect weather. Walking through Comuna 13, once considered one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the world, I witnessed how art and community could transform a place. The stunning street art told stories of resilience and renewal – themes that deeply resonated with my own journey.

The lesson Colombia taught me was simple but profound: sometimes the most beautiful experiences lie just beyond our comfort zone. The places we fear might just become the ones that heal us the most.

Mexico City: Rediscovering Adventure in the Familiar

Mexico had always been my “safe” travel destination – the place I visited multiple times growing up and during my marriage, sticking to mostly tourist areas. But Mexico City showed me a completely different side of a country I thought I knew. Instead of predictable resort experiences, I found myself immersed in a sprawling metropolis rich with history, art, and culinary innovation.

In the heart of Mexico City, surrounded by ancient pyramids and modern art museums, I realised how much I had limited myself by always choosing the familiar path. This wasn’t the Mexico I knew from my previous trips – it was better, more authentic, and exactly what I needed to break free from old patterns.

The city taught me that even in familiar places, we can find new adventures if we’re willing to look beyond the surface.

Turkey: Embracing the Unknown

My journey to Turkey marked a complete departure from anything I’d done before. From hot air balloon rides over Cappadocia’s otherworldly landscapes to exploring ancient ruins along the Mediterranean coast, every day brought new wonders and challenges.

What struck me most about Turkey was how my preconceptions about it being “unsafe” melted away in the face of overwhelming hospitality and kindness from locals. Sipping Turkish coffee with strangers who became friends, watching the sunset over the Bosphorus, and getting lost in the Grand Bazaar – these experiences showed me that the world is far more welcoming than we often imagine.

This was the trip that inspired me to start my group travel business. As I stood in a hot air balloon overlooking the surreal landscape of Cappadocia at sunrise, I felt like I found my purpose. In that moment, I gained the courage to make a change: when I got home, I put in my 30-day notice and quit my 14-year career in higher education to start helping other travellers get out of their comfort zones and explore the world off the beaten path.

Turkey taught me that the greatest growth happens when we push ourselves beyond our perceived limitations, trust in the journey, and take big risks.

What These Journeys Taught Me

These three destinations did more than just stamp my passport – they fundamentally changed how I see myself and the world. They showed me that the “dangerous” or “sketchy” places I once avoided often held the most profound beauty and opportunities for growth.

More importantly, these trips helped me rediscover the fearless traveler I’d been in my youth – the one who moved to Spain by herself to teach English and wasn’t afraid to take the road less travelled. Each stamp in my passport became a reminder that I was capable of so much more than I’d allowed myself to believe during my marriage.

The greatest lesson from these journeys wasn’t about the destinations themselves, but about the power of pushing beyond our comfort zones. Sometimes, the best way to heal and grow is to go places that scare us a little – both literally and figuratively.

For anyone emerging from divorce or any major life change, I encourage you to consider taking that trip you’ve always dreamed of. The world is waiting, and you might just find yourself along the way.

About Laura Ericson

Laura Ericson is the founder of Laura Ericson Group Trips, where she leads curated group trips for solo travellers seeking authentic cultural experiences and personal transformation through travel.

Follow her adventures on Instagram @lolawhiskey, join her women-only Facebook Group Lola Loves Travel or visit lauraericson.com to learn more about upcoming trips.

Coping with Divorce/Moving On/Well-being

Domestic Abuse: A Guide to Getting Legal Advice and Support

Published on March 10, 2025March 7, 2025

Laura Mounsey
Director and Solicitor
Harrogate Family Law

2.3 million people over the age of 16 are estimated to have experienced domestic abuse (year ending March 2024).

That’s just one shocking statistic from the Crime Survey for England and Wales. If you or someone you know is the victim of domestic abuse, you’re not alone. Take a look at our guide to your legal protections and how to seek help.

Understanding domestic abuse

Domestic abuse is a crime, and thanks to the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, victims have stronger protections enshrined in law than ever before.

The term isn’t limited to physical violence, and can also include emotional, psychological, financial, and sexual abuse, as well as coercive control.

It is not uncommon to feel that you are to blame or that you cannot get out of it. This is not the case with the right help.

What if I or someone I know needs immediate protection?

If you’re in immediate danger, you must always call 999. The Silent Solution is a system that ensures you get the help you need in situations where you’re unable to talk, are calling from a landline or are deaf or hard of hearing.

The police can issue Domestic Violence Protection Notices (DVPNs) and apply for a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO). These measures provide short-term protection by removing them from your home and prohibiting them from contacting you.

They can also give you the space and thinking time you need to seek legal advice about the future.

Reporting domestic abuse and getting legal support

All domestic abuse, even if there’s no immediate threat or danger, can be reported to the police. Then, it’s best to seek legal advice from a knowledgeable and reputable family law firm, such as Harrogate Family Law.

This will help you to fully understand your options and get any advice you might need about divorce and separation proceedings and the arrangements for the children.

Legal orders to protect you: what are the options?

Several legal orders can provide longer-term protection:

Non-Molestation Order: Prevents your partner from using or threatening violence, harassing, intimidating, or contacting you.

Occupation Order: Determines who can live in the family home, potentially excluding the abuser even if they own or rent the property.

Restraining Order: Issued by a court following criminal proceedings to prevent an abuser from contacting or approaching you.

Child arrangements Order: Deals with who the children should live with and how they should spend time with each of you (if at all).

Prohibited steps Order: Stops someone from doing certain things to protect the children. For example, taking them out of the country or removing them from you or school.

Financial remedy Order: if you are married, this will sort out what money you need to be able to move on with your life and break as free as you can from that relationship.

Your solicitor will be able to advise which option is the most appropriate for your situation.

Can I get support with my legal fees?

In some circumstances, yes, although you’ll have to meet strict criteria. Use the GOV.UK website to find legal aid solicitors in your area who can assess your eligibility. Even if you are not eligible for legal aid, there may be other options to give you a “fighting fund”. This is important because often, you can fear being overpowered and on the back foot.

Financial and Housing Support

If you’re leaving an abusive relationship, you’ve probably got lots of questions about what will happen financially.

It’s a good idea to find out what, if any, benefits you might be entitled to such as Universal Credit, or any assistance from charities like Women’s Aid and Refuge. The Citizens Advice Bureau is a good starting point for putting yourself in the know. However, it may also be the case that your ex should pay you an amount of money per month too.

If you need emergency housing for immediate safety, you may need to secure a place in a refuge. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, the Men’s Advice Line and IDAS can help to point you in the right direction, as can the police if they’re involved. There are also local authority housing options but it may also be possible to get a house through court.

What other support might I need?

It is common for you to feel like you will not be able to weather the storm of leaving an abusive person. It can be vital to get the right professional support including a therapist, re-connecting with your friends and family that you may have been isolated from as well as getting any help you need from your GP, work and your children’s school/nursery.

How a family law solicitor can help

Experiencing domestic abuse is a trauma, and you’ll need the right people in your corner. A family law solicitor can provide a range of support and legal guidance, including:

Applying for protective orders.
Child arrangements and safeguarding.
Divorce and financial settlements.

About Laura Mounsey

Laura’s expertise as a family solicitor is in making sure that clients know their worth and do not have the wool pulled over their eyes if someone tries to hide assets or be unfair. She works on divorce cases involving properties, trusts, businesses and pensions and supports people who have been in abusive relationships to regain control and move forward. She can help you secure what you are entitled to if you separate or divorce as well as protect your assets and income if you are wanting to live with someone or get married. Laura also has experience in resolving disputes about children. Laura has been ranked in Chambers UK in 2025 and was recognised in the Legal 500 2025 edition as being “an outstanding solicitor. She is committed, dedicated and goes the distance for each of her clients.” Laura says “I love being able to solve people’s problems. People want to be treated fairly, to have certainty and to move forwards. For me, that’s what family law is all about. It is an honour to get people through the difficulties so that they have peace of mind about the future.”

Moving On

The Unexpected Gifts of Divorce

Published on February 24, 2025

Catherine Cooke
Divorce Coach & Owner
Rightstep Coaching

When I realised my marriage was truly over, I felt like my whole world had collapsed. Divorce wasn’t what I had planned for my life. I didn’t get married thinking it would ever end, and facing that reality was devastating.

I ran through every possible what if—what if we tried harder? What if we could fix things? What if I never find happiness again? But the truth was, there was nothing more I could do to change the situation. I had to accept it, whether I was ready or not.

What I didn’t expect was that, over time, my divorce would give me more than it took away. It didn’t feel like that at first, but looking back, I see so many unexpected gifts that came from ending my marriage.

1. Learning to Enjoy My Own Company

I had never lived alone before, and the thought of it terrified me. In the beginning, I found it incredibly hard. The silence was loud, the space felt too big, and I was genuinely worried I would be on my own forever.

Over time, and from pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I started to enjoy it. I had complete freedom to shape my life how I wanted. I could decorate my home exactly how I liked. I could binge-watch the worst reality TV without judgement. I didn’t have to compromise on anything.

More importantly, I learned to love my own company. I went to the cinema on my own. I reframed the deafening silence into peace. By the time I eventually met someone new, I was scared of living with someone else again! Something I never thought would be possible in those first few months.

2. Gaining a New Perspective on Motherhood

One of the hardest parts of divorce was adjusting to not seeing my child every day. That was something I never thought I’d have to face, and at first, I found this incredibly difficult. The first few times he went with his dad, I did not know what to do with myself.

I then realised that being a good mum isn’t about being physically present 24/7—it’s about being emotionally present when you are with your child. Having time to myself made me a happier, more patient, and more engaged mum. And honestly? I learned to appreciate my free time, too. Instead of dreading weekends without my son, I used them to recharge, do things I loved, and invest in myself. I became a better mum because I had found more balance in my life.

3. Realising I Was Stronger Than I Thought

When you go through something as life changing as divorce, you discover parts of yourself you didn’t even know existed.

I had always been quite independent but that didn’t mean suddenly doing everything on my own wasn’t scary. I worried about who would look after me if I was ill, about paying for everything on one salary instead of two, going to social events as a single person when everyone else is a couple.

Divorce forced me to trust myself in ways I never had before. I handled things I never imagined I’d have to deal with, and with each challenge, I realised how strong and resilient I am. I now know that life can throw me pretty much any challenge, and I will be okay.

4. Having the Freedom to Rediscover Myself

For years, I had made decisions based on what worked for my marriage. After my divorce, I had the chance to ask myself, What do I actually want?

So, I started saying yes to things I had always been curious about. As a child, I had begged to go horse riding, but my mum never let me. So, I finally booked a lesson. Turns out, I didn’t love it as much as I thought I would—but that wasn’t the point. The point was that I had the freedom to try, to explore, to do things just for me.

I strengthened old friendships, made new ones, and stopped living according to someone else’s expectations. I didn’t feel trapped in my marriage, but it is only when you live on your own and make all your own decisions that you realise how incredibly freeing that is!

I took a gamble and went on a single parents’ holiday, and it was one of the best things I ever did! My son and I had a brilliant time and made new friends. I also joined a large social group as although I had lots of friends, I didn’t want to feel like I was always taking them away from their partners. I also wanted to meet other single people, but not as a date. This was also one of the best things I did.

5. New Career Opportunities

Initially, I panicked about my future and whether I would cope financially. Fortunately, I had a good career and although I found it difficult to concentrate on it for a few months, it was also something to distract me from what was going on at home. Not long after my separation I was offered a promotion which felt like the last thing I needed at the time but I took it anyway. It turned out to be a great opportunity and I loved my new role for many years. It gave me more flexibility, and more money, which I desperately needed as I had to support myself. In fact, my divorce was the catalyst for an even bigger change—I eventually left my career in teaching and became a divorce coach, helping other women navigate the exact same journey I had been through. I never saw that coming, but it has become one of the most meaningful parts of my life.

Would I Thank My Ex? Not Quite… But I’m Grateful for the Growth

I’m not sure I’ll ever go so far as to thank my ex for divorcing me. But I can say, with absolute certainty, that I am grateful for the person I’ve become because of it.

Divorce didn’t ruin my life. It reshaped it. It forced me to grow, to step outside my comfort zone, and to start living life on my terms. It gave me new experiences, greater self-awareness, and a renewed sense of purpose.

So if you’re in the thick of it, feeling lost and overwhelmed, I want you to know this: you won’t feel this way forever. One day, you’ll look back and realise that this wasn’t just an ending—it was the beginning of something you never expected but probably needed.

About Catherine Cooke

Catherine Cooke, an accredited coach with several years of experience, has supported hundreds of women through divorce via her free support group, membership, and private coaching. A former headteacher, she takes a practical and compassionate approach, helping clients navigate emotional and logistical challenges while minimising conflict. Passionate about keeping children at the heart of decisions, Catherine empowers women to move forward with certainty and direction.

Moving On/Your Emotions

The Beginning After the End

Published on February 7, 2025January 23, 2025

Johanna Lynn
Founder
The Family Imprint Institute

Sarah’s hand trembled as she set down the pen. The last signature was still drying on the divorce papers, a final punctuation mark on fifteen years of marriage.

It seemed that all there was left to do in this moment was to gather up her things, nod a brief thanks to her lawyer, try to hold a soft smile that signalled good-bye in Tom’s direction before pushing through the heavy courthouse doors. Her exhale once she passed through those doors came out ragged and deep, as if she’d been holding that same breath since the moment she’d signed the papers.

As Sarah stepped outside, she couldn’t help but notice that everything looked exactly the same. The same cracked sidewalk, same guy selling coffee from his cart, same traffic noise. Everything around her seemed the same, yet inside she felt like a completely different person.

Sarah sat in the car for a long time, gripping the steering wheel, not sure where to go. Home? Did it even feel like that anymore?

That evening, Sarah stood in her half-empty apartment, looking over at the pile of boxes, marked Tom or Sarah. Sarah’s thoughts drifted to how seamlessly their lives had once flowed together, now reduced to his pile and hers.

In the corner, her old easel caught her eye, dusty but still standing. She’d tucked away her creative dreams so gradually she’d barely noticed their disappearance, like photos fading in the sun.

Weeks passed, and slowly, Sarah began to create her new normal. She moved the bed to face the window, something Tom had always resisted. She replaced their beige walls with rich teals and golds. On Thursdays, she started taking ceramics classes at the local art centre, her hands learning to create something beautiful from formless clay.

Sarah intentionally set aside moments for quiet reflection. She gifted herself a beautiful leather bound journal and each day she’d sit with another question. Questions like:

What do I actually want, when I don’t have to compromise?
Who am I on the other side of this relationship?
What dreams did I put on the back burner?
What have I learned about myself?
What do I really need in my loving connections?
What am I choosing for my life now?

These questions aren’t easy—but they are the ones that open the door to your new life.

The real work is learning to sit with both the pain of loss and the possibilities in new beginnings—because they both have something to teach you.

Divorce has a way of throwing you into the deep end – exploring parts of yourself that perhaps you pushed to the side.

Three months after signing the papers, Sarah found herself in her newly arranged living room, surrounded by half-finished paintings. Her hands were stained with vibrant acrylics, and her cup of coffee sat forgotten on the windowsill.

As she stepped back to study her work, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror – hair messily tied back, paint-splattered shirt, and something new in her eyes. Not happiness, exactly, but something closer to peace.

She realised then that divorce hadn’t just ended something; it had cracked her life wide open. Through these cracks, new light was pouring in, illuminating possibilities she’d forgotten existed.

Divorce isn’t just an ending—it’s the start of a whole new chapter and you’re both the author and the main character.

About Johanna Lynn

Johanna Lynn is the founder of The Family Imprint Institute with over 20 years of experience. She specialises in supporting individuals navigating divorce, helping them uncover the root causes behind their separation. Johanna uses innovative mind-body techniques to illuminate how family dynamics influence relationships, providing clients with deep insights, clarity and healing.

Moving On/Well-being/Your Emotions

The Sensitive Woman’s Guide to Building a Growth Mindset in Divorce: Transforming Your Deep Feelings into Personal Evolution

Published on February 3, 2025January 29, 2025

Sue Bruckner
Holistic Relationship Coach & Founder of Tribe Rising
CEO of With Intention Coaching

As a sensitive soul navigating divorce, you feel everything deeply. The weight of change, the intensity of emotions, the uncertainty of what lies ahead – it all resonates at a profound level. While this depth of feeling can sometimes feel overwhelming, it’s actually one of your most profound strengths. Your sensitivity gives you an extraordinary capacity for growth, transformation, and rebirth.

When you’re feeling everything so intensely, it’s natural to want to protect yourself. You might catch yourself thinking: “I’ll never recover from this,” or “I’m not strong enough to handle this change.” These thoughts stem from what psychologists call a fixed mindset – the belief that our capabilities and emotional resilience are set in stone. But there’s another way to view your journey.

A growth mindset recognises that every challenge, even the heart-wrenching ones, carries seeds of transformation. It’s not about dismissing your pain or rushing through your healing. Instead, it’s about trusting that your sensitivity allows you to process this experience in a way that leads to profound personal evolution.

Embracing Your Emotional Wisdom

Your ability to feel deeply isn’t a weakness – it’s your internal compass. As a sensitive woman, you may have spent years muting your emotions, setting aside your needs, or abandoning your truth to keep the peace. Perhaps you’ve learned to question your feelings, to dismiss them as “too much,” or to hide them away entirely. This pattern of self-abandonment, while protective in the moment, often leaves a void where your authentic voice should be.

Divorce, though challenging, offers a profound invitation to reclaim your emotional experience as wholly and authentically yours. When waves of grief or anxiety wash over you, try sitting with them gently, knowing you’re building a new relationship with your sensitivity. Ask yourself: “What is this emotion teaching me about what I need?” “What parts of myself am I rediscovering through this process?” As you grow your capacity to hold these feelings without judgment, each emotion becomes a doorway to deeper self-understanding and more aligned decision-making. This is how you begin to trust yourself again – by honouring your emotional wisdom rather than pushing it away.

Learning to Celebrate Yourself

Your sensitive nature makes you naturally introspective, yet you may have spent years without truly seeing or celebrating yourself. Perhaps your accomplishments, strength, and resilience have gone unacknowledged – by others and, more importantly, by yourself. Now is the time to change that pattern.

Begin a celebration journal. This isn’t about gratitude for others or external circumstances – this is purely about acknowledging YOU. Each day, ask yourself:

“Today, I celebrate myself for…”
“I’m proud of how I…”
“I want to acknowledge myself for…”
“I’m showing up powerfully by…”

At first, this might feel uncomfortable or even impossible. You might hear that inner voice saying “Who am I to celebrate myself?” or “It’s not that big of a deal.” But remember – every step forward, every moment you choose yourself, every time you honor your needs or speak your truth – these are victories worth celebrating.

Your answers will likely surprise you, gradually revealing a woman who is far stronger, more capable, and more resilient than you’ve allowed yourself to recognise. This practice isn’t about ego – it’s about finally seeing yourself clearly and celebrating the woman who is emerging through this transformation.

Creating Your Future Story Through Inner Wisdom

As a sensitive person, you likely have a rich inner world. This gift of deep imagination offers you a unique pathway forward – through dialogue with your future self. She is there, waiting to connect with you, full of wisdom and profound compassion for your current journey. She understands every tear, every moment of doubt, every brave step forward you’re taking now.

Take a quiet moment to sit with her. What would she tell you about the path you’re on? She knows that every choice you make today is paving the way to a future she loves living. She’s proud of your courage, your willingness to honor your truth, even when it feels terrifying. Ask her about the dreams that are quietly waiting to emerge, the parts of yourself that are ready to blossom. Let her remind you that your divorce isn’t just an ending – it’s an invitation to rediscover and reinvent yourself in ways that align deeply with your soul’s longing.

Your future self knows something precious: this transformation, though challenging, is a sacred journey toward becoming more fully yourself. She’s there, cheering you on, holding space for your emergence. When you need strength, connect with her wisdom. When you need reassurance, feel her compassion. She is the living proof that you not only survive this chapter – you use it to create a life that fills you with pride and joy.

Practicing Tender Self-Compassion

Your sensitivity extends to how you treat yourself, particularly in moments of intense emotion. As a sensitive woman, you might find yourself getting frustrated or upset with the depth of your feelings – perhaps criticising yourself for “still feeling this way” or “being too emotional.” This double layer of pain – feeling deeply and then judging yourself for those feelings – is a pattern we can gently transform.

Instead of harsh self-judgment, try speaking to yourself as you would a dear friend going through divorce. When you catch your inner critic chastising you for the intensity of your emotions, pause and ask yourself: “How best can I love myself in this moment?” or “What would love say instead?” These simple yet profound questions can transform your relationship with both your sensitivity and yourself during this transition. Remember, there’s no “right” way to feel during divorce – your emotional experience, in all its depth, is valid.

Daily Growth Practices for the Sensitive Soul:

Pay attention to your first thoughts upon waking and your final thoughts before sleep – make these moments intentional whispers of self-kindness and encouragement.
Notice and celebrate small signs of your resilience.
Honour your need for quiet reflection time.
Surround yourself with people who understand your sensitive nature.
Trust the wisdom of your emotions while not letting them overwhelm you.

Remember, your sensitivity isn’t a barrier to healing – it’s your pathway to profound transformation. Each day of this journey, you’re not just surviving divorce; you’re evolving into a more authentic version of yourself. Trust in your inner wisdom, honor your pace, and know that this challenge is unveiling strengths you never knew you had.

Your sensitivity is your gift. Let it guide you toward growth, healing, and a new chapter filled with possibilities you’re just beginning to imagine.

About Sue Bruckner

Sue Bruckner is a Holistic Relationship Coach who guides sensitive women through growth-minded divorce and into their next empowered chapter. She is the founder of Tribe Rising, an expert-led sanctuary that uniquely weaves together divorce support, personal development, and the healing power of community. Through this transformative space, women discover they don’t just survive divorce – they thrive. Learn more at: https://wonderful-dawn-34642.myflodesk.com/w751ywo2nj.

Coping with Divorce/Divorce and Finances/Divorce Law UK/Financial and Legal Advice/Moving On

How to Get Through Divorce in 2025: Proven Step-by-Step Process

Published on January 29, 2025January 22, 2025

Chris Sweetman
Editor at The Divorce Magazine
Director at Fair Result

1. Acknowledging the Emotional Impact

Divorce is one of life’s most emotional and challenging experiences. It’s essential to recognise and process these feelings, rather than suppress them. Many people find that seeking emotional support can make a world of difference during this time.

Tips for self-care during divorce:

Consider joining a support group to connect with others who understand your situation.
Seek counselling or therapy to work through your emotions in a healthy way.
Prioritise self-care through activities like exercise, mindfulness, or spending time with loved ones.

At Fair Result, we not only focus on the legal and financial aspects of your divorce but also recognise the importance of addressing your emotional wellbeing.

2. Understanding the Financial and Legal Landscape in 2025

The divorce process in England has evolved over the years. With changes such as the introduction of the no-fault divorce law under The Divorce, Dissolution, and Separation Act, the legal framework is now more streamlined. However, financial clarity remains crucial.

Key divorce trends in 2025:

Longer average timeframes: On average, the time to a conditional order in sole divorce cases is now around 36 weeks, with the full process from application to final order taking approximately 49 weeks. Joint divorce cases tend to be slightly quicker, with an average of 30 weeks to a conditional order and 43 weeks from application to final order.
Increase in divorces among older adults: The rise of “silver splitters” reflects changing attitudes toward relationships in later life.
Shifts in divorce applications: While January remains a peak month for divorce enquiries, overall divorce rates fluctuate based on factors such as economic pressures and societal trends.

At Fair Result, we emphasise the importance of financial preparedness. From property division to pensions, we help you navigate the complexities with transparency and clarity.

3. Fair Result’s Proven Step-by-Step Process

At Fair Result, we pride ourselves on offering a transparent, fixed-fee process designed to minimise stress and maximise efficiency. Here’s how our approach works:

a. Initial Consultation

We begin with a free consultation to understand your unique circumstances. During this meeting, we’ll identify your priorities and goals, laying the foundation for a tailored strategy that meets your needs.

b. Financial Assessment

Our team of legal and accountancy experts conducts a comprehensive review of your financial situation. With a commitment to transparency and fairness, our fixed-fee model ensures there are no unexpected surprises.

c. Tailored Strategy Development

Based on your goals, we develop a personalised plan that considers legal, financial, and emotional factors. This strategy ensures that you achieve a fair settlement while minimising unnecessary conflict.

d. Settlement Negotiations

We focus on avoiding the need for lengthy court proceedings. Our team works tirelessly to negotiate a fair and efficient settlement.

e. Finalising Your Divorce

From managing paperwork to obtaining consent orders, we handle every legal requirement to finalise your divorce. Our goal is to ensure you’re fully equipped to move forward with confidence.

4. Client Success Stories

We’ve helped countless clients achieve fair outcomes and build brighter futures. Here’s just one example:

“After years of financial uncertainty during my separation, Fair Result gave me the clarity and support I needed. Their fixed-fee model meant no surprises, and their team made the process so much easier than I expected. Today, I’m not only financially secure but also confident about the future.”

These stories reflect our commitment to putting clients first, every step of the way.

5. Looking Ahead: Building Your Future Post-Divorce

Divorce is not the end—it’s the beginning of a new chapter. Planning for your future is key to moving forward with confidence.

Post-divorce planning tips:

Reassess your finances: Create a realistic budget that reflects your new circumstances.
Set personal goals: Whether it’s advancing your career, pursuing a passion, or focussing on your children, take steps toward achieving what matters most to you.
Seek support: Don’t hesitate to lean on professionals, friends, or family for guidance as you navigate your new life post-divorce.

At Fair Result, we’re here to ensure you leave the divorce process feeling prepared and empowered to embrace the next stage of your journey.

6. Trends and Insights for 2025

The festive season often prompts reflection, and many couples decide to take the next step in January, leading to a surge in divorce enquiries. Known as “Divorce Day,” the first working Monday of the year—6th January 2025—is anticipated to see a spike in divorce applications.

While divorce rates have fluctuated, certain trends stand out:

Coastal towns like Norwich and Hastings have the highest proportion of divorced individuals.
Most divorces occur between 3 and 8 years of marriage, with “silver splitters” on the rise.

These insights underscore the importance of working with experts who understand the unique challenges of today’s world. Find out more about divorce trends here.

Conclusion

Divorce doesn’t have to feel like an uphill battle. With Fair Result’s proven step-by-step process, you can navigate this challenging time with clarity, confidence, and support. Our fixed-fee, transparent approach allows you to focus on what truly matters: building a brighter future.

If you’re considering divorce in 2025, let us help you take the first step. Contact Fair Result for a free consultation today.

About Chris Sweetman

Chris Sweetman is an independent family solicitor and director of Fair Result – An award-winning law office who pride themselves on using innovative ways to help clients through the stress and complications of a marriage breakdown.

Chris can be contacted on 07500933818 or via email chris@fair-result.co.uk.

Coping with Divorce/Moving On

To Live Together or Apart?

Published on January 22, 2025January 21, 2025

Wendi Schuller
Dating Coach
Author of The Global Guide to Divorce

After divorce, when moving on, there are pros and cons to living together. Would domestic drama drive a wedge in your relationship or are you in sync – both morning larks or night owls? When newly in love after divorce, little things slip by which can be a deal breaker down the road. It is easy to be caught up in the passion of a new love. Take a pause. Consider practicalities. What is important to each of you? Here is a check list.

Amount of alone time daily
Need for quiet (such as for meditation) at a particular time of day?
Need for loud music, such as when exercising or running inside
Entertaining styles. Having people over at home vs meeting friends out
How often to have relatives visit
Pets
Neatness
Splitting chores, tasks
Splitting bills, financial issues

A question is whether to move into one of your places or to find a new one together. Some want to start their lives in a new place which does not hold memories of the past. They decorate together, mixing both of their possessions harmoniously.

Logistics can play a part in a decision. If one person wants to stay near elderly parents and the other wants to be by their work, then compromise. It does not have to one or the other. Do both. Stay in each other’s homes frequently, and meet in the middle occasionally for a dirty weekend. The important thing is to have quality time with each other, not necessarily day-to-day.

Anticipation is important, which happens more when living apart. Planning trysts when living separately adds spice to a relationship. It is easier to look glamorous when not living in the same place.

Others who have compatible life styles may enjoy living together. They cook, take on house projects, plan gardens and grow closer with common interests. It is nice to have built in companionship. Someone to binge watch a series with, or pop into a coffee shop or pub on the spur of the moment. Couples have said they enjoy living together and spending more time at home.

Couples have chosen not to live together so family and relatives can drop in whenever. They don’t have to plan ahead and get their partner’s okay. When having clients come to your home for treatments or care, it can get complicated if your partner is present. Several couples who choose not to live together take trips. They experience intense 24-hours a day intimacy – snuggling at night, waking up together etc. Then they go back to their own homes until their next travel adventure.

A couple in London dated two years before they moved in together. Issues that were okay before, blew up when co-habituating. He is frugal and they had taken turns paying on dates. When living together, he scrutinised every bill and expense. It was a struggle to get reimbursed. She began keeping score: who cooked, cleaned more etc. The romance got stifled with domestic issues. Their sex took a nose dive.

Have good, honest communication when deciding whether or not to cohabitate. People crave different levels of alone time. An introvert may not want a lover around 24/7, while an extrovert enjoys the company. If you want to live together and not drive each other crazy, is there an area in your house where you can retreat? Some couples are able to cohabitate when they have separate bedrooms. They have different bedtimes or sleep issues such as snoring.

Be creative and willing to compromise. Respect boundaries and do not allow yourself to be pushed into a situation which is not comfortable.

Wendi Schuller

Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce. https://globalguidetodivorce.com

She writes the Jack Jack The Cat series for children.

Coping with Divorce/Moving On

Housing Transitions: Moving Forward in your Space or Finding a New Home

Published on January 20, 2025

Caron Kipping
Divorce & Separation Coach/IDVA
CK Coaching Ltd

Grieving for the loss

To some people it might seem ridiculous or petty to feel upset about the loss of your family home, but research shows moving home is one of the most stressful life experiences you can go through and it’s not just because of the stressful and often complicated practicalities of moving. It’s because homes are hugely connected to our emotions too – our home is built not just from bricks and mortar but from memories – happy or sad. We have celebrated, mourned, built, rebuilt and put our personal stamp on our home so when we have to let go (particularly if it’s not our wish to let go) it can feel tough.

When you lose your home because of divorce, you are grieving for the loss of the life you thought you were going to have in your home. You have a sense of loss about ‘what could have been’ had your relationship worked out. The sale of the home might reinforce the loss of everything you had before you moved to that house – perhaps you moved away from all your support network and everything familiar, to follow your ex to the home he/she chose and that makes you feel angry. Even if your relationship was abusive there might have been some good times had there. Leaving the family home marks the end of your relationship and the beginning of a new era for you, and that takes time to process and adjust to.

Moving On

As with other forms of grief, moving forwards takes time – the physical act of moving out can be tough if you haven’t quite managed to let go yet. Many people wish to hold on to the family home after divorce, but you must think it through practically rather than emotionally because often how you feel at the beginning of the divorce changes as you progress through it. Don’t hang on to it because moving on feels scary – think through the practical and realistic pros and cons of leaving it behind and when the answer becomes obvious, go with it – whatever the decision, if you stay or if you go, you will be ok.

Here are some practical tips to help make moving on easier:

Enlist the help of others to assist you with packing- get friends or family involved. It’s much easier and can even feel like fun if you have friends to help you.
Declutter as you go and try to visualise a cathartic process – ‘out with the old, in with the new’ – get rid of bad memories to clear space for new positive ones.
Just start. If you feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of packing up to do, just start. Start in one corner and focus on clearing and packing one part of a room at a time. Breaking down a huge task into smaller tasks helps it feel more manageable.
Use professionals to help you – If you can afford to, specialists such as https://thehomemover.co.uk/ can help with finding you a new property, moving furniture, changing utilities and unpacking.
Try to see the positives of your new home – it might be smaller but that means less housework and less maintenance! It might feel more secure than your previous home, you might be in a cul-de-sac which is quieter but with nice neighbours, rather than in a big house where you are actually quite isolated. It might be rented rather than mortgaged, but that allows you time to heal, to really consider long-term decisions without rushing and as long as it is a happy home, who cares?! Find the positives.

Creating a New Space

If you are staying in the family home that can still feel tough to begin with – although you don’t have the stress of re-locating, you are surrounded by memories – some of which you might want to forget. Here are some tips to help you reclaim your space and make it a place where you want to be again:

Move the furniture around – shift the chair where your ex used to sit to a different position in the room, moving the furniture creates a different feel in the room
Buy new bedding, move the bed to a different position if you can or make the bedroom feel different by putting new accessories in there and new happy pictures of you. Move your pillows to the centre of the bed so there is no obvious space on the other side of the bed
Put up happy photos in your home – photos of new memories. If you need to keep photos of your ex up for the children, put them in their room so you don’t have to look at them all the time. It’s important you focus on now and the future, rather than the past.
Get the paintbrush out and change the colours and space to suit you – if your ex was minimalist, put your trinkets out – if you previously had a grey and white theme throughout, add splashes of colour. It’s yours now, you can make the house suit your personality!

Change is always difficult but it can feel good once you give yourself space to adjust . A happy home is one that is safe, that feels like a sanctuary and is peaceful – wherever that is.

About Caron Kipping

Caron has worked in the domestic abuse sector for many years and now works privately as an accredited Divorce Coach specialising in coercive control and post-separation abuse. Caron is author of ‘Recognition to Recovery – How to Leave your Abusive Ex Behind for Good!’ and creator of her Insights Recovery programme. Caron supports clients through 1:1 coaching sessions, IDVA court support and via her peer support groups and is a highly respected speaker on all aspects of domestic abuse.

https://www.facebook.com/caronkippingcoaching

https://www.instagram.com/caronkippingcoaching

https://www.linkedin.com/in/caron-kipping

Suggestions

Moving On - Page 3

The Hidden Cost of Divorce

Divorce: A Trauma in Disguise

The Harm of ‘Moving On’

The Myth of Closure

Divorce is a Mirror, Not a Window

Identity After Divorce: Rebuilding Without Rebranding

Recovery is Not Linear: Grit as the Benchmark

Anger as a Useful Companion

Parenting Through the Lens of Grace, Not Guilt

Endurance Over Enlightenment

Final Thoughts: Resilience as Realism

References

About Lee Hawker-Lecesne MBPsS

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5. Build a Support Network

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Embracing Your Independence: A Journey of Growth

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Steps to Regain Financial Stability and Plan for a Secure Future

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The Impact of Divorce on Personal Finances

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Emergency Funds and Why They Matter

Managing Debts and Obligations

Handling Joint Debts and Separating Finances

Prioritising Debt Repayment

How to Rebuild Credit After Divorce

Long-Term Financial Planning

Reviewing and Updating Financial Documents

Retirement Planning as a Newly Single Individual

Seeking Professional Financial Advice

Practical Tools & Resources for Financial Stability

Budgeting Apps & Financial Management Tools

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