You can’t Blame your Ex for Everything

Caroline Palmy

Caroline Palmy

It was getting towards the end of the month, and the money hadn’t come into my bank account yet.

Once again my Ex was late, I thought.  Last month he waited till the very last day, and I got into trouble, as my credit cards had already been debited, putting my account into the red.

Here we go again, I thought. Why does he still play this game? What’s the need, we are divorced now, finally. No need, to play silly games anymore. I was angry, and in fear.

My thoughts would go all over; what if he is challenging the divorce agreement, what if he doesn’t want to pay, ok this time around I do have a signature, unlike the last couple of times.

I realized that I was still in that fearful energy and I hadn’t properly healed from the last 5 1/2 years, where I never knew what would happen. Would he pay, how much would he pay? When would he pay? Did I need to involve the lawyers again?  It was a draining time, and I am glad to have that behind me,  a signature and an end to it all.

Still, I was sitting there with no money on my account, I waited till the beginning of the next month, giving him the benefit of the doubt, but still on the 1st there was no money, nor on the 2nd.

I sent him an email; just stating facts:  ‘Hi, it is the 2nd 9AM, my money has not yet arrived into my account. I expect it by 4PM today.’ I was pleased with myself.  Standing up for myself was still a new experience, and tried not to let my anger or fear interfere with my email.   I was especially proud for setting a time limit and putting a demand on it.  It was rightly mine anyway. So no need to bow.

It took less than half an hour for him to come back to me.  He explained that the amount had been deducted on 23rd, and the money must have been lost in transition.

WOW, ok, so there was indeed a technical glitch, just as my intuition told me.  So while I checked with my bank, he sent me the transfer documentation and that’s when we realized, that he had used my married name, and the old address (I had moved 3 years ago), so my bank had sent the money back.

I was relieved that I had my money, that it wasn’t a bad sign and  that the whole divorce ‘battle’ was really over.  I was also pleased that  that I stayed calm and factual when writing him this email. Can you imagine, what could have happened, had I let my emotions run wild, and sent him an aggressive letter?

So what did I learn from this experience?  I have to admit laughingly, that I can’t blame everything on my EX, as convenient as that might seem. And you shouldn’t either.

If you can, stay factual, no need to be falsely friendly, but at least leave the blame game out of anything when dealing with your Ex and see the humorous side of it all.

Have a good laugh every now and then and concentrate on your own life, let them go.

have a wonderful time

warm hugs

Caroline

 

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