Whether it’s a joint decision or hearing those words from your loved one that seem so final and marks the end of things as you know them right now, divorce is one of the most emotional situations you can go through in life.
It’s likely your head is crammed with so much that even simple everyday things turn into overwhelm. There’s so much to think about, talk about, organise, not to mention the future. And that’s often what gets many who are going through the divorce process… fear of the future, right?
Perhaps it’s not just you to consider, if you have kids or run a business together then there are more complications to the already stressful process.
You’re having to think about things you thought would never happen, be strong for those around you and all the while inside your feelings sway heavily from numbness to anger, anxiety to loneliness.
Divorce and the Benefits of Mindfulness Exercises
I hear this so often from people I help through family and emotional situations and coping with life’s challenges. If you’re not really sure what it is here’s a quick summary…
The misconception is that Mindfulness is sitting cross legged, blanking the mind so everything’s perfect – when that’s just not reality. It’s not a belief system but an outlook on life and way of using your mind. It’s far more than just positive thinking. It’s a “be here now” approach to life allowing you to look at things differently…
and when you change the way you look at things, what you look at changes.
So what about that worry that never materialised, or the concern that never came to anything? That’s how the mind can distort time, reality and perception. Thoughts can create a deception of perception, most things in life take place only in your mind!
But then what to do when challenges and life devastations occur? For many the proverbial ‘bury head in sand’ happens – don’t think about it and it’s not happening, only to suffer further when reality eventually hits.
So in answer to the question above… Mindfulness helps you stay very present to cope with life as it unfolds. So rather than living in the past with the ‘shoulda, coulda’ echoing in your mind or fear of what the future will be like, it grounds you in dealing with the now – which is all we ever have.
Mindfulness helps develop perspective and you may be wondering how on earth you can see a different outlook on life when your whole world feels like it’s caved in – so here’s something to think about.
False Emotion Appearing Real
When you’re right in the middle of a situation of course it’s tough to see any other angle and when stressed and overwhelmed our mind runs wild, thinking the worst and making things a lot bigger than perhaps they are. That’s where the distortion I mentioned comes in; it creates debilitating anxiety, panic of the unknown then add to the mix all the labels, judgements and criticisms you create through guilt, rejection, blame, etc.
Join Me for a Step Back
Remember this… you are not your thoughts!
Mindfulness is the key to gaining perspective in life. Bringing awareness to your thoughts is the first step to gaining control over them. Try this…
- Simply become aware of your thoughts, and when it’s safe to do so close your eyes taking a slow and gentle breath. Now take a mental step back and create space from that thought. Just as music must have gaps between notes to prevent one continuous noise, so must we create gaps between our thoughts to stop the incessant and unhelpful thinking pattern.
- Repeat the following affirmations. Recite aloud or in your head. Practice with feeling, power and with belief:
- I Release
- I Flow
- I Let Go
This simple exercise helps you create the space you need to become more aware of the choices you have, the decisions you make and the actions you take.
Practice this every day or as many times as you need to help you control your thoughts and manage your emotions through the process of divorce and beyond.
About Annette Du Bois
Hello, I’m Annette Du Bois, author and Mindfulness expert.
For over 15 years I’ve been helping adults, kids/teens and business owners understand the powerful connection between the mind and body, so they can make better choices, control emotions and feel healthier and happier about life. I teach Yoga, Tai Chi, Qigong, Kids Confidence and Mindfulness Meditation.
I’m author and co-author of books, DVDs and training programs on the subject, as well as a contributor to the Guardian Small Business Network, and been featured on Radio and in business publications worldwide. I’m co-founder of the Mindfulness Meditation Zone – the one-stop place for mindfulness living and practical meditation. Working alongside my husband and mind/body expert Ian Fox we provide advanced communication techniques and Mental Toughness skills to Corporates and Executives.
Ways to connect with me…