Suzy Miller

Suzy Miller is the Alternative Divorce Guide - keeping divorcing people out of court and away from adversarial lawyers

Suzy Miller - The Divorce Strategist

Suzy Miller – The Divorce Strategist

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Suzy Miller
Divorce Strategist

The Divorce Magazine met up with Divorce Strategist, Suzy Miller to find out how she can help couples going through the divorce process as well as cohabiting couples going through separation.

This is what Suzy told us about her role, her job and how she helps.

I am a Divorce Strategist who helps to prepare people who are divorcing for a more peaceful journey through divorce.

I am independent – I am not a lawyer, not a mediator (though I am an affiliate member of the Family Mediator’s Association) – but I know who you need to talk to when divorcing to stay on a peaceful path, and when is the best time to talk to those experts.

Quite simply, my mission is to inspire and empower parents to co-parent without conflict during or after family breakup by making sure they create a strategy that will be win-win for the whole family.

I’m your ‘travel guide’ through divorce – helping you to create your own Divorce Strategy.

Because I am on the co-parenting journey myself, and I want to share what I’m learning from the many experts I speak to, it’s important to me to bust some myths (like “mediation only works for divorcing parents who “get on well” – when actually it can work for adversarial couples too), and I take clients on a journey that is a bit like going up in a balloon and traveling over the landscape of divorce, looking down and understanding just how toxic the family law system can be, and what strategies you need to protect yourself – and your family.

I do not believe in broken families. What we evolve into during divorce are extended families.

I am able to enlighten people on how to save at least £65,000 on their divorce, and who they need to be guided towards to provide the best support for their financial decisions, and for their children (eg. parenting experts like Soila!).

I receive referrals from mediators for people they cannot yet work with – because they are not in a good space for mediation to have a chance of success.

The work that I do gets them ready to access mediation with confidence and understanding the full strategic benefits of sticking to a peaceful route through divorce, and I steer them back (when they are ready) to the professional who originally referred them.

Because the time-lag can be large if that referral takes ages to contact me, I provide affiliate links to make sure I know where each client has come from.

How are you different from a divorce coach?

Well, I’ve observed very successful divorce coaches during their workshops and what I have that they don’t, is clarity on who does what.

At a workshop I was witnessing last year there was a point where the attendees where quite confused, asking questions like: “What does a financial planner do? Doesn’t the lawyer deal with all the financial stuff?” … and: “Isn’t mediation fluffy?” … and: “What is Collaborative Law anyway?”

I am the person who understands how the jigsaw of divorce can be put together in a different way, through empowering the divorcing person (or couple) to understand who they need to talk to, and when, to get the best outcome.

The reason this is important is because the impact of that knowledge can have a powerfully beneficial affect on their children.

This is why my Divorce Strategy Sessions are 100% refundable at the end of the session.

That might seem crazy, but I provide all the information I can during our session and if the divorce is fairly straightforward and the person is happy to take action on their own, with the information they have, then that’s all they need.

It is only if they choose to have a further session and benefit from other support structures that I’ve created, then they can choose not to have their initial payment refunded.  It’s entirely up to them.

That way I know no-one needs to miss out on information that could change the course of their divorce – not just financially, but psychologically as well.

Every family has the right to a peaceful divorce.  That doesn’t mean easy, or without anger or pain (I don’t have a magic wand!).

But to have the ability to rise above such a traumatic and challenging aspect of family life, and look down as you float past and see it all in a different way – that for me is my core role.

And in practical terms, my ambition is to continue to help families access dispute resolution who otherwise may have to be turned away as ‘not suitable’, when in fact, what they need to ‘be suitable’, is a different way of looking at their situation.

I use coaching techniques but my focus is very pragmatic – making sure they understand the process and have realistic expectations.

Many divorce coaches don’t have the network of expertise that I have to tap into and share with my clients, because I’ve also created an Alternative Divorce Directory to gather together professionals in a wide range of disciplines.

But I value the role of divorce coaches highly, which is why I include them on my Alternative Divorce Directory and refer clients to them.

I have collaborated with the MOJ in promoting dispute resolution, am an affiliate member of the Family Mediators’ Association, have written for the Daily Mail and been featured in many national magazines and appeared on BBC Breakfast TV, Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour and C5’s The Vanessa Show.

I also have a talk that is a little ‘raw’ in nature, but I’m keen to be real with people about why I do what I do, sharing my own story. 

It all sounds really interesting but how do you work with Divorce Professionals or do you work with them?

If any divorce professionals would like to make my Divorce Strategy services (effectively free to clients as they have a fully refundable deposit) available to their clients, they can access an affiliate link here

For divorcing people who want to access my service direct, and are scared of the cost and the emotional upheaval of divorce – and need a strategy that’s fully refundable – then there is more information here: Family Life Resilience

 

“Peace is my weapon of choice”

Click here for articles that Suzy Miller has shared with The Divorce Magazine

To find out more about Suzy:

07525 059 634

www.AlternativeDivorceDirectory.co.uk

linkedin.com/in/startoversuzy

@StartOverSuzy

@sosDivorce

 

Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash

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family arbitration

Family Arbitration and Privacy

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukAccording to Sir Peter Singer, the ability of parties to conduct an arbitration in relation to their private financial affairs without fear of unwelcome publicity is another important advantage which the IFLA Scheme offers.

What may draw people to Arbitration more than any other factor, indeed, is the privacy aspect, and the perception of fairness when the balance of power within a relationship is heavily skewed – though in reality an experienced mediator will help keep that balance.

But for some clients, Arbitration may be of value for psychological reasons.

“It is perfect for resolving discrete issues in a binding way and can assist parties who are frightened that they may be making too many concessions.” Malcolm Martin, Solicitor and Family Law Arbitrator

Your own private court

The way I see it, Arbitration is like your own private court with your own private judge, hired by you, working to your availability and time scales.

Also, the couple can choose their Family Arbitrator, picking one who is specialised in the required legal area, and they are still in control of their case.

If they go to court – they do not get to choose the judge and it can take months instead of weeks to get the decision finalised. A significant benefit of arbitration is confidentiality and privacy. These cannot be assured in the court process.
* The Arbitrator can resolve the whole dispute (and not just one aspect);

* The parties decide the venue (rather than be stuck in a Court waiting room with hordes of others – only to be stood out!);

* The proceedings are confidential – and so cannot be reported (a great advantage to many), and…

* The parties decide on the level of disclosure (again, this might be a great advantage especially if there are few assets and/or only one issue to be determined).” Richard Nail-Cain

 

For more information regarding Family Arbitration, refer to the IFLA website: ifla.org.uk.

By Suzy Miller creator of the Alternative Divorce Guide and the Living Together Agreement

 

 

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FRIEND OR FOE

Family Arbitration – Friend or foe

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukSo are family law solicitors going to support the education of their clients with regard to accessing Arbitration – or are they going to effectively hinder the process?

Arbitrator Olive McCarthy believes that a setback to the scheme is that unfortunately other family solicitors have yet to embrace the revolutionary process and its benefits. “Arbitrators believe this maybe through a fear on the part of solicitors that they will lose out by referring to Arbitration.

However, clients need representation and advice in the process.

Another fear they may have is that if an award favours one client, the other client may complain about the choice of Arbitrator if their solicitor nominated the Arbitrator. However, The Institute for Family Law Arbitrators (IFLA) can nominate an Arbitrator instead.”

Olive thinks that solicitors may be unsure as to what happens in the process and do not want to look inexperienced in front of their clients. She reassures them: “It’s similar to a First Appointment in financial remedy proceedings but can be adapted so as to suit the circumstances of the case. Nothing to fear!” 

David Hodson OBE, Partner at The International Family Law Group LLP, was the originator and one of the creators of the English family arbitration scheme, and one of the first trained.

He says: “It took 10 years for family arbitration to go from a good idea through to possibility then to reality but it has arrived at just the right time.

family arbitration friend or foe
Family Arbitration – Friend or Foe

With the dramatic cutback in legal aid, ever increasing legal costs, real delays in having cases heard in court and with many people wanting a more flexible and adaptable system for resolving disputes, this is really a good time and opportunity to use family arbitration. Many have already done so and have felt it has been a beneficial experience and outcome. It should be considered by many people and their lawyers.”

James Pirrie of Family Law In Partnership is a staunch supporter of Arbitration and is frustrated by the lack of support from other divorce professionals:

“My experience is that we try much harder as arbitrators and work with fine scalpels instead of the meat cleavers that are more often in evidence at court just because of the pressures of the court list.

I find it infuriating that the resistance to stepping into arbitration so often comes from the divorce professionals.

In their daily lives, those professionals struggle within the court system to deliver principled, efficient, careful and affordable outcomes to their clients but they don’t take the step over the threshold into arbitration which is the system that would enable those goals to be delivered so much more easily.” James Pirrie, Solicitor, collaborative lawyer, arbitrator, mediator & Board member Resolution

I think it will be interesting to see how many Family Law Solicitors in the UK will recommend Financial Arbitration as a good option for those couples who are struggling to come to an agreement on a financial or legal issue.

As is the case with Mediation and Collaborative Law, I feel strongly that it is the general public who need to be more aware of the options open to them, and not wait for the legal profession as a whole to embrace another great tool in the toolbox of a non-adversarial divorce or separation.

The benefits are summed up clearly and in plain-English here by Mediator and Arbitrator Nadia Beckett of Beckett LLP in this short video, and even to a non-legal person, the benefits do seem to be overwhelmingly clear:

For more information regarding Family Arbitration, refer to the IFLA website: ifla.org.uk.

 

By Suzy Miller creator of the Alternative Divorce Guide and the Living Together Agreement

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family arbitration

Is Family Arbitration a Flash in the Pan?

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukIt seems clear that Family Arbitration has something to offer in the divorce arena, but will it be adopted by the legal profession as another tool in the divorce tool-box – or be quietly left in a cupboard to be brought into the light only by a small band of hard-core enthusiasts?

It does have some limitations – currently, Arbitration cannot be used to decide children matters.

“Arbitration is certainly …a huge untapped resource at the moment… it can determine financial matters be it a discrete issue such as the level of maintenance or all issues as to financial/property settlement between spouses or unmarried couples…. It is not yet used for matters relating to the welfare of the children.” Olive McCarthy, Breeze & Wyles

Yet – according to Family Arbitrator, Sir Peter Singer – there are some who predict that as a logical development the Family Court judiciary will support this when English private children law principles are applied by experienced and trained family practitioners.

“They point to the fact that child issues are already arbitrated under Scotland’s version of the IFLA Scheme, and anticipate a parallel development south of the border.” Sir Peter Singer

Is Family Arbitration inherently part of an adversarial process?

From legal minds I have heard the viewpoint that Arbitration is inherently ’adversarial’, because it involves someone else making a decision on behalf of the couple.

But personally – as well as in my role as the Alternative Divorce Guide – I see an enormous difference between a couple in mediation mutually agreeing to instruct a highly qualified person to make a decision on a financial issue, which the couple are unable to resolve themselves – and then to continue on with the mediation process – rather than the alternative.

That alternative can often be that the couple give up on their mediation process and go to court, where the mediation agreements to date might be disregarded by the judge. High costs, more inconvenience and greater emotional trauma for the whole family will often ensue.

Because Arbitration keeps the couple ‘in control’ of the process, that in itself should encourage a greater level of communication and cooperation, compared to if they are throwing letters at each other via separate solicitors.

Christopher Pocock QC sees Arbitration as an empowering process for clients: “If you start the arbitration process and then agree, or agree part, that is fine – the arbitration is your process, so insofar as you agree something, it happens”.

Is Family Arbitration just for the rich?

But paying for your own ‘private judge’ – is that something that most ordinary people will be able to afford, or to access? Sir Peter Singer believes that Arbitration is accessible to most people navigating divorce:

“I would like to emphasise that arbitration is not just for the rich and famous: it offers many of the same advantages to Mr and Mrs Average as to those whose net worth is high. And amongst the 130 or so MCIArb qualified arbitrators there is a range of talent and experience and a spread of geographical availability which puts them within the range of most any couple otherwise headed for court.” Sir Peter Singer, Family Dispute Resolution Facilitator and Arbitrator (MCIArb)

“Arbitration is the way forward, the benefits are huge for clients particularly the costs. In the last year, some of the most eminent members of the profession agreed to fix the costs of achieving an award for £1,500 plus Vat – that’s £750 per person in straight forward cases. So strong is the belief and commitment to this scheme, Arbitrators were prepared to effectively “put their money where their mouth is” in making this offer.” Olive McCarthy, Breeze & Wyles

So is Family Arbitration being taken seriously?

Is Family Arbitration
Is Family Arbitration just for the rich?

Arbitration is being taken seriously by judges – perhaps because it has the potential to release some of the burden of litigants clogging up the courts.

The arbitration process for financial disputes in general and the IFLA Scheme in particular has received important endorsement from the President, who heads the Family Division, in a case he decided earlier this year: S v S.

He made it clear that in normal circumstances a court should be swift to confirm an arbitrator’s award in a court order, and to preserve the confidentiality of the process so that individuals and their financial arrangements will be kept free of press or public comment.

Further impressive support since that decision has come from the Financial Remedies Advisory Group’s report at the end of July which, amongst other things, recommended that the President should issue Guidance specifically directed to arbitration and produced a draft which is currently the subject of consultation.

The convenience factor

Perhaps it is the flexibility and convenience of Arbitration that will make it popular with busy professionals who just don’t have the time to battle out their divorce in the court room, let alone the desire for all that additional stress and misery.

“The Arbitration process is flexible in relation to timing. No need to wait for the court to appoint a judge when it suits the court diary. Family Arbitrators are likely to be able to arrange their diaries to suit the parties. So this means late sittings or even weekend sittings. So the couple are not faced with having to come back on an adjourned hearing in 2 or 3 months’ time because the judge is not willing to sit after 4-30.” Martin Loxley, Partner Irwin Mitchell LLP

Who needs to be convinced first – the public – or the legal profession?

Not only do the public need to understand the benefits of Family Arbitration, but so do family lawyers – as it is another tool in the divorce tool-box that can benefit their clients. It’s usefulness is too immense to be disregarded. According to Sir Mathew Thorpe, Arbitration could be one of the most significant developments in the field of dispute resolution…. Ever.

“The creation of the Institute of Family Law Arbitrators in 2012 provides couples with the opportunity to choose arbitration regulated by Arbitration Rules and affiliated to the Chartered Institute of Arbitrators. There has been no more significant development in the history of Family ADR.” Sir Mathew Thorpe

I feel that a process that can add to the empowerment of a couple navigating divorce, by becoming an additional resource to call on during the mediation process if and when required – rather than to take their power away and hand it all over to a judge – has got to be a process worth taking seriously.

“I am quite sure that Arbitration is the future. The court system is woefully underfunded and it is going to all but collapse under the weight of litigants in person.

Family Arbitration provides a flexible and cost-efficient means of resolving disputes.  There is no “one size fits all” approach; the nature and number of hearings is tailored to the particular case.

Family Arbitration can deal effectively with all cases, from those where absolutely everything is in dispute to those where only a few minor issues remain.

It is ideal for those cases where the parties wish to retain control over the timing and cost of the process but nevertheless need someone to decide the case – or parts of it – for them.  The procedure being tailored to each individual case, it is extremely time and cost efficient.” David Walden-Smith MCIArb, Barrister & Family Arbitrator

For more information regarding Family Arbitration, refer to the IFLA website: ifla.org.uk.

Suzy Miller creator of the Alternative Divorce Guide and the Living Together Agreement

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Divorce and My Strong Willed Child

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Suzy Miller of Alternative Divorce Guide
Suzy Miller of Alternative Divorce Guide

There is something very liberating when you stop wanting people to change or to change people.

We get easily annoyed when people are not acting the way we would like them to. We have so many expectations about just anything and anyone.

We often think that life would be so much easier if only our ex-partner could act in a certain way, of course preferably the way that would please us.

Likewise if our kids could do exactly as they were told, we would not have to act as ‘police officers’ with them so much of the time.

I remember a time, just after my separation, when I found my son very difficult to ‘handle’.

Life was becoming a struggle, I was on my own for the very first time in my entire life, with 2 kids to look after. I had always dreaded that moment.

 

A ‘strong willed’ 5 year old

My son was 5 at the time, and had (and still has) a very strong character.

Tantrums were a big thing for me, and I could not get used to them. I felt terrible and tired, not knowing how to respond apart from jumping in and telling my son how he should behave. We had a very tough relationship.

Divorce and my strong willed child
Sandie Martel

Who has never dreamt of the perfect and very gentle child, respecting all the rules and doing exactly as Mummy says?

Well, things started to change when I finally let go of my need to change him and I finally accepted him exactly as he was, without trying to force him to behave in the way I had decided. I simply saw that he was very different from his sister, after all we are all unique, and I had to make peace with that.

I started to love and accept him exactly as he was, embracing his uniqueness rather than fighting against it.

The relationship totally transformed. No more confrontations. Whenever there now is a moment in which he is feeling extremely angry, I know that there is no point in me interfering and telling him how wrong I think he is.

I just take time to be present, listen and understand him. Understand where he is coming from. And know that he is doing the best he can with what he has in the moment.

The moment generally does not last more than 5 minutes, and we discuss any issue only when he has calmed down.

You see, when the head clears, there is an opportunity for fresh new thinking that no one could have in a negative state of mind. You gain a new perspective on the situation and solutions you had not even thought of start to arise. I also now always encourage my son to come up with his own answers. This is a great place to start once the storm is over.

A very productive way to handle any situation. And to me, this has been very liberating.

Interview by Suzy Miller of  Alternative Divorce Guide

smartel@papillontherapy.co.uk

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Is Arbitration legally binding? Does it have any teeth?

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Suzy Miller of Alternative Divorce Guide

Is Arbitration legally binding

Well I asked this question of Arbitrators who are, let’s face it, lawyers – so not surprisingly, I got both the ‘technically correct’ answers as well as the ‘in real life’ answers:

“It isn’t correct to say that an arbitrator’s decision is legally binding. Under English law it is still necessary to get the approval of the court on any arbitrator’s decision (“Award”).

There’s a recent case that basically says that the court will almost invariably approve an arbitrator’s award but there always needs to be a final step in getting the court’s approval, before an order is final and enforceable.” Alexander Chandler (Chambers of Deborah Eaton QC and Philip Marshall QC).

So it is clear that a decision by an Arbitrator can be easily turned into a court order and made binding in law, so as far as the divorcing couple are concerned, they are entering into a process where they need to accept the outcome in advance, whatever it may be. Otherwise they make a mockery of the process and lose all the benefits of saving time, money and potentially drawing their children into a war zone.

But it is the finality of the decision that makes it so very powerful as a way of helping a couple to let go of the divorce and bring that part of their lives to a close.

And because it is a final decision that they have both signed up for – not one hoisted on them by a judge – they are more likely to accept it. One of the issues with combative court divorces is the number of times litigants continue the fight with new battles over the ensuing years as the war rages on.

“Arbitration, as a process, is guaranteed to get an outcome. The Award (decision) of the Arbitratoris binding on the couple in almost all circumstances. It remains open to the couple to reach an agreement between themselves if they can, but if they cannot, they will receive a reasoned decision from the Arbitrator in a format which can quickly be converted into a court order within their divorce”. Oliver Gravell, Owner Birketts LLP

But why is the legal solidity of Arbitration so important?

is family arbitration legally binding?
Why not bring in an Arbitrator and let the journey continue in safety?

In the emotional chaos of divorce, a key benefit of arbitration, is knowing that an issue can be resolved cleanly by an expert whom both the couple trust, and that the decision will stick legally so there will be no need to be dragged into court at a later date.

“As the Arbitration process is private and hearings, if indeed they are necessary (some matters can be settled on representations by the parties or their advisers on paperwork), can take place at the venue of the couples’ choice.

The award (Arbitrator’s decision) once made by the Arbitrator is final and binding on the parties unlike Mediation and negotiations between solicitors. The parties will generally apply to the Court for an Order confirming the award.” Olive McCarthy, Breeze & Wyles

Whatever the legal process involved in making an Arbitrator’s decision stick in law, the reality is that couples can feel confident that the decision they are paying for is going to lead to an answer, and so peace of mind, and the opportunity to keep the mediation process going or to round off the process as a whole and bring it to a close.

It is the control the couple have that is significant. On the divorce journey they choose the Arbitrator together; they decide on what points they want a decision made and they set the time scales along with the Arbitrator. In trying to avoid crashing into a bitter protracted divorce if their mediation should founder, they can gain a sense of security by having another tool in the divorce toolbox at their disposal.

‘Clunk Click’ every divorce trip

I don’t expect to have a car accident when I get behind the wheel, but I do bother to have a safety belt working properly in my car. You don’t need a seatbelt when the car is stationary, but when on the move, strap up. If your divorce is heading towards a disagreement that could dissolve your mediation process and lead to an emotional and financial crash into court, then why not bring in an Arbitrator and let the journey continue in safety?

The couple can still derail the process and let things get nasty, but if they have taken the trouble to belt up and pay attention to the road ahead, gathering the information about the routes through divorce that they have available to them, chances are they will make better choices about the direction they are headed and the people they bring in to guide them.

You can read the first part of this article here

For more information regarding Family Arbitration, refer to the IFLA website: http://ifla.org.uk/.

Suzy Miller

Alternative Divorce Guide

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Family Arbitration UK: a Safety Measure for Divorce?

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Suzy Miller of Alternative Divorce Guide

In this article, I explore how family arbitration UK could provide an element of psychological security on the bumpy road of the divorce journey.

I interviewed a range of family arbitrators about whether arbitration saves the client money, and whether the arbitrator’s decision is always enforceable by law.

As the court system struggles to keep it’s head above the rising fiscal tide, the reduced access to legal aid for court cases and ensuing explosion of DIY divorces clogging up the already overburdened courts, a long term viable solution needs to be found – and found quickly.

But isn’t it already here?

Despite some serious battles for recognition and still a long way to go to become established as the divorce option of choice, Mediation is surely the intelligent way to resolve differences of opinion during a divorce. However, the reality is that sometimes it’s necessary to agree to disagree on some issues – and that’s where an Arbitrator has such a powerful role to play.

That disagreement can be handed over to a specialist in that particular field, an Arbitrator, and their decision allows the mediation process to then continue, or be brought to a happy conclusion.

It’s a bit like when seat belts were brought in. I remember ardent Liberals complaining that enforced wearing of seat belts was denying people their right to take care of their own safety, but these days, I doubt there are many people who would rally the Government to change the law back to ‘choose for yourself’.

One day in the future, people may look back at the divorce process of our current times and marvel at how many initially amicable divorces crumbled into a fight in court, and be amazed to learn that the safety belt of Arbitration was there waiting in the wings to be used, if only the clients had fully understood it’s benefits.

Can family arbitration save clients money?

It is fair to point out that compared to getting the court forms for a divorce and going the DIY route with no complex financial issues to resolve and no disagreement, obviously Arbitration will add cost on top if you need some help in resolving a dispute and choose not to use mediation or the collaborative law process.

Family arbitration UK
Can family arbitration save clients money?

“In many cases, it will be more expensive to arbitrate, because the parties will be paying the fees of the arbitrator whereas going to court involves no direct cost once the application fee is met. Of course, you’re right to say that arbitration is quicker which normally involves less expense (time is money), but I’m not sure I’d say it’s always the cheaper option.” Alexander Chandler (Barrister & Arbitrator Chambers of Deborah Eaton QC and Philip Marshall QC).

Alexander is making a fair point about the cost of court being less than the cost of Arbitration if you only count in the court fees.

From what I can see, family Arbitration provides an excellent alternative to going to court – cheaper, quicker and possibly fairer, bearing in mind how some family court judges have far less training and expertise in family law than a qualified Family Arbitrator does.

Time is money, and Arbitration can save a great deal of time – especially compared to going to court. Arbitrators can be accessed for as little as £500 depending on which Arbitrator you choose and the required specialised experience, which is a lot less than what you will pay for barristers and court time – especially if the dispute is a complex financial issue.

The process is flexible and allows for disclosure to be provided in an efficient manner which suits the issues to be resolved rather than the “one size fits all” method which the court uses. This clearly has an immediate costs saving for all concerned. Solicitors retain their involvement throughout and they have clients who are content because they have achieved an outcome, even if it is not the outcome they wanted, without the costs and unpleasantness of the court.” Clare (Sibson) Thornton, Thornton Jones Family Law.

It’s not just the money in the divorcees pockets that could be saved using arbitration, but also the State has much to gain financially as well in reducing the time litigants spend in court by finding quicker, cheaper solutions.

“By comparison, Arbitration is quick, cheap, private and confidential and the person making the decision is an experienced family practitioner who has been through a very difficult assessment process to be admitted as an Arbitrator.” Olive McCarthy, Breeze & Wyles

Is Arbitration legally binding? Does it have any teeth?  Find out in Part 2

For more information regarding Family Arbitration, refer to the IFLA website: http://ifla.org.uk/.

Suzy Miller

Alternative Divorce Guide

 

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Can Family Law Arbitration be The White Knight of a Tricky Divorce ?

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Suzy Miller of Alternative Divorce Guide

Should more mediators be paying attention to family arbitration?  It has after all been shown to quite effective in the US and Canada and is known to be able to rescue a mediated divorce from crumbling into a nasty expensive court battle.

My interest in finding out more about family arbitration was originally sparked by a conversation with New York Mediator Ken Neumann, who described how useful arbitrators could be in un-sticking a mediation process. “Sometimes,” he explained to me, “the couple can’t agree on one issue, and they just want someone else to decide for them.”

Family Arbitration is the new kid on the block in the family law community in England and Wales, and the potential benefits to divorcing clients are immense. An excellent talk given by UK Arbitrator Mena Ruparel convinced me that the rise of family arbitration in the UK was a cause worth supporting.

I made contact with several Arbitrators and to my surprise, received a cascade of responses! I was struck by the obvious passion and enthusiasm for arbitration amongst a wide range of family law professionals who have qualified as family arbitrators, ranging from barristers, mediators and collaborative lawyers. I include their contributions in the following articles, with thanks.

What is family arbitration for?

According to Nadia Beckett of Beckett Solicitors, “Arbitration is a fantastic tool for resolving issues where there is an agreement on most things but perhaps just one sticking point. However it can also be used where no agreements have been reached.”

Solicitors and mediators should understand the importance of family law arbitration and should always consider it as an option for their clients. As the courts grind to a standstill through financial cuts, the withdrawal of most legal aid and years of under-funding, it is becoming increasingly difficult for separating couples to resolve their issues quickly and efficiently.

Arbitration is flexible. It can be used by litigants who are legally represented and those who are not. It can be a lot less formal than going to court and it can be used to resolve a single financial issue or all financial issues.

There is still a degree of ignorance amongst solicitors, barristers and mediators about FamilyArbitration and a mistaken view that Arbitration is just for rich people.

That is not the case and ultimately it can actually work out cheaper than going to court as the parties have much more control over the process. Unfortunately family Arbitration cannot be used to resolve disputes over children.”

family mediation
Family arbitration can actually work out cheaper than going to court.

Suzanne Kingston, Family Partner at Withers LLP, spearheaded the Family Arbitration course in England and Wales and has been involved in training all of the family arbitrators to date.

She believes that arbitration is likely to become more prevalent than ever due to the problems with the current court system.

She advocates considering arbitration as an alternative and suggests thinking about this at the beginning and part-way through a case to ensure that clients are given every available opportunity.

 How could family arbitration come to the rescue of a non-adversarial divorce process?

“It can save a family mediation from failure when one or two stubborn issues remain. The Arbitrator can be instructed just to resolve those remaining points over which the parties have agreed to disagree. The unpleasant conflict of a court case is thereby avoided, the settlement remains one achieved in a consensual manner.“ David Walden-Smith MCIArb, Barrister & Family Arbitrator

In other parts of the world, including the United States and Canada, when family mediation process founders an arbitrator is brought in, if the couple wish it, to resolve the disagreement for them.

This is also how it can work here – but currently not enough solicitors are informing divorcing couples adequately of this option.

Should family mediation prove unsuccessful, for instance, instead of ending up in court a divorce arbitrator could help unravel that single sticking point and quickly (compared to waiting months for a court date).

Unfortunately (in my opinion) this move towards working with a divorce arbitrator is only possible in the case of an unsuccessful mediation process but not in the case of an ineffectual Collaborative Law process.

Family arbitration
Instead of ending up in court family arbitration could help

Even if a financial planner gives clear advice on how a pension could be split or the division of property assets, it may be that the parties would like an adjudication from the arbitrator who will write their award and make a legally binding decision.

The arbitrator can also deal with discrete elements of a case so if there is a mediation where there is one issue that needs to be resolved, this can be referred to arbitration keeping the rest of the agreement in tact.

It would seem sensible for McKenzie Friend’s to acquaint themselves with the benefits of arbitration to provide a much needed resource for couples whose usual choice may be to go to court without representation from a lawyer. However there seems to be a reluctance at this early stage to encourage self representing litigants to consider arbitration as an option en masse.

And how will divorcing and separating families in general get to know about family arbitration as an option? It seems that it will rely on solicitors sharing the good news. And there’s the rub.

Nigel Shepherd of Mills & Reeve LLP states, “On arbitration, I remain of the view that the key market for some time to come is going to be family law professionals, but that is certainly intended to include mediators. 

Whilst the advantages of the scheme in terms of speed, flexibility and confidentiality etc are easy to convey, the details of exactly how the scheme works (interaction with court, restrictions on involving third parties etc) are rather more esoteric and the main task to date has been to try to get mainly lawyers to understand these issues and indeed to recognise that it isn’t mediation or collab.”

So it seems to me that family arbitration could well be the White Knight who charges in at just the right moment to save the family mediation damsel from being gobbled up by the dragon of a courtroom divorce battle, rescuing the family from all the additional costs and misery of a full scale adversarial divorce.

But will the news about this new tool in the divorce toolbox be able to get through the castle gates if the drawbridge is kept locked and bolted, because solicitors and the public remain largely oblivious to it’s benefits?

For more information regarding Family Arbitration, refer to the IFLA website: ifla.org.uk

 

Suzy Miller

Alternative Divorce Guide

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clean break

Coping with Divorce Anger

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukIn this interview by Suzy Miller, Counsellor and Psychotherapist Paula Farson of Cedar Counselling explains why it makes sense to get psychological support earlier rather than later when navigating divorce or family separation.

“Many clients come to counselling in crisis but realise it would have been life enhancing to invest in their wellbeing earlier.

We often carry the belief that it is disloyal to our family members to discuss our lives with a counsellor when in reality the reverse is true.  What we really need is to be able to express ourselves openly and feel completely un-judged – and not be afraid of upsetting anyone by expressing our pain or our rage.  So a counsellor we don’t know socially is much more useful to us than someone we are friends with.

When we work on our psychological well being the positive changes in us are picked up by people close to us, often leading to a healthy ripple effect.

Happy parents lead to happy children, relaxed adult children bring about contented older parents and an accepting relationship with one’s ex is a relief to all parties!

In Psychotherapy, there is no prescribed number of sessions and the process is different for every individual and tailored to their needs.

Counselling and psychotherapy provides a confidential, non-judgmental environment to be ourselves without masks or filters.  And the sooner we use it to release withheld anger and emotional suffering, the healthier it is for us and for our families and friends and – most of all – for our children.”

 

Interview by Suzy Miller of The Alternative Divorce

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The Single Mums’ Survival Guide

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukAlternative Divorce Guide Suzy Miller recently spoke with single mum Vivienne Smith, author of  The Single Mums’ Survival Guide, about her journey into single parenthood and how she grew from that experience.

“They do say that everyone has a book in them – for me, this was certainly true although it has taken thirteen years before I was ready to share it with the world!

The event that triggered my inner author was when (as a mother of a three year old and a tiny three week old baby) I discovered to my shock that I was about to become a single mum.

To say nothing had prepared me for the news is an understatement. Very little made any sense to me in those early days of survival and adjustment, save for a determination that I was going to survive and turn my life around, come what may.

I also found that writing was one of the only ways I could express the turmoil of emotions that now consumed me.

A strong certainty had also begun to emerge in me – that when I got through this, I was going to somehow find a way to help other women in the same boat.

So I started writing – a novel at first, inspired by my experiences of single motherhood, divorce and internet dating.  But then real life took over and I reluctantly shelved the project in favour of being a busy working mum. Then one day inspiration struck and I felt compelled to rescue my pages from the shelf and give my manuscript a whole new slant.

I realised that what single mums needed most (and what I had been craving at the time of my separation) was a combination of practical advice, expert guidance, inspiration, encouragement and support.

As a friend of mine said: reading this book is a little like having a wonderful group of women sitting round the kitchen table, sharing their tragedies and triumphs – dishing out advice, humour and hugs in equal measure.

Interview by Suzy Miller of The Alternative Divorce Guide 

 

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Divorce Mediation vs Family Court
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Divorce Mediation vs Family Court

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukWe often hear that Mediation is “better for the children” – but when it comes to making the decision divorce mediation vs family court many people are unsure which way to turn.

Suzy Miller interviewed Divorce Mediators John Stebbing and Wendy Still of Stephen Rimmer LLP and he explains why using divorce mediation instead of the courts is a wise choice

John explained how the adversarial nature of divorce is based on recent history but how this no longer needs to be the way the process is carried out.  He spoke of a successful mediation where a father had not seen his children for 3 years, but through using mediation techniques even at the late stage of the case being handled by the courts, a clever resolution was found.

The edicts from the court were in practice unrealistic, asking the father to write letters to his small children as his only way of contact with them – yet the poor father had no way of knowing what to write because he had no knowledge of the daily lives of his children.

This whole process was taking a very long time with long gaps between court dates, which was leaving his children feeling that he didn’t care about them as he was struggling to know what to write to them.

Through mediation, the couple learned to communicate, and the father got to know more about his children which meant that he was then able to have something meaningful to write in the letters.

Mediation is known to help parties reach an agreement which is suitable to meet their own particular needs rather than a court directing what will happen in theirs and their children’s lives.  Families know what will work best for them so it makes sense that they decide how their lives will move forward.

There are also financial benefits of going through mediation as opposed to family court.  For instance, going to court very likely means taking your solicitors with you which is a very expensive process as it maybe lengthy and may entail more than one visit.

Also, the adversarial nature of the the family court route means that more likely than not, there maybe long-term damage done within the family and beyond, demolishing any existing relationship – intentionally or not.

Some people are nervous about mediation and benefit from attending an initial MIAMS session where you learn about how it works and what you can expect from the process.  Even people who are dead against it are usually acting out of fear of the unknown.

“My recent experience has been that even if the parties or one of them doesn’t think mediation will help or work, they are surprised once they have attended at how helpful it ends up being.  It is, of course, now a statutory requirement (at least a MIAMS is), therefore the best that can happen is that they reach a suitable compromise between them enabling each party to move on with their lives.” says Wendy

So, divorce mediation vs family court?  You decide.

Interview by Suzy Miller of The Alternative Divorce Guide and creator of The Divorce First Aid Kit

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filing for Divorce – 3 Top Financial Tips

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Suzy Miller www.thedivorcemagazine.co.ukSuzy Miller interviews David Martin and Suzanne Craig of Knill James Accountants on 3 top financial tips when filing for a divorce.

 

Filing for Divorce  – Financial Tip 1

Be organised

Where are the bank accounts?  Where are all the bank statements – are they only online and how can you access them if you’re not the spouse in charge of the finances?

Don’t forget that if you are feeling uncomfortable about talking to your ex-partner about where the relevant financial information is kept, whilst gathering what you need in order to complete the Form E (also known as the Financial Statement – download it here), then no need to fear – your accountants can make those phone calls on your behalf.

 

Filing for Divorce  – Financial Tip 2

Visit an accountant early as possible

Please don’t turn up 3 days before a Form E needs to be submitted, and make your accountants’ lives hell!

They want to do a really thorough job and it is going to be in your interests if the financial information you submit is as comprehensive and accurate as possible.  Don’t bury your head in the sand.  Drop the kids at the school gates and get that meeting with an accountant organised as early as possible.

 

Filing for Divorce  – Financial Tip 3

Business valuations take time!

Business valuations take some time to complete, so seeing an accountant early is wise.  Don’t leave it all to the last minute.  Also make sure that the accountant you use has the expertise and the experience to provide a thorough business valuation.

 

Interview by Suzy Miller of The Alternative Divorce Guide

 

 

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