Sarah Barr-Young

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I’m Divorcing A Narcissist – What Do I Need to Know

Published on
Sarah Barr-Young
Sarah Barr-Young
Head of Financial Remedies Department
Jones Myers, Harrogate

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

The decision to divorce is among the most difficult and distressing decisions for anyone to take.  It presents numerous emotional, financial and practical challenges, even where both agree the relationship is over.

Severing ties with a narcissist – especially if you are the one instigating the break up – can present even greater obstacles and complications. In this article I share insights into behaviours of narcissists, and how to find the right family lawyer to help you come  through it.

What are the traits of a narcissist?

The origins of the term narcissism date back to Greek mythology when Narcissus, a handsome and self-absorbed young man, fell in love with his reflection in a pool of water.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition which is included in the broader category of personality disorders and wide-ranging studies reveal around 70 percent  of narcissists are male.

The following are some common traits of narcissism, which experts say originate from a combination of genetic, developmental and environment factors:

  • Inflated ego/sense of self importance
  • Craving for constant attention and admiration
  • Lack of feelings and empathy for others (including nearest and dearest)
  • Highly controlling/competitive nature and desire to dominate
  • Fragile self-esteem

How do narcissists react to divorce?

 In general, narcissists do not marry for love, respect and affection, they tie the knot for stability and to boost their standing and dominance. If a divorce is initiated by their spouse, and not on their terms, it can prompt extreme reactions, reigniting their worst fears of self-abandonment and isolation.

In what ways do they make separation difficult? 

 Due to their overwhelming need to manipulate people and circumstances, narcissists are known to employ tactics to try to control every aspect of the divorce.

This can include racking up unnecessary legal costs for their spouse and prolonging and hampering financial disclosure which legally obliges both parties to provide open and honest details of their financial circumstances. Such machinations then delay the financial settlement which brings legal closure to the financial aspects of divorce.

These combative ploys to thwart the instigating party at every turn are deliberately intended to wear down their ex- spouse and derail the divorce process.

How does divorce affect the children of narcissists?

Narcissists’ obsession to ‘win at any cost’ can see them trying to use their children as pawns and deprive them of time with the other parent – even when it is not in the children’s best interests.

How do I secure the best legal advice to guide me through this maze?

By working with family specialists like me who are highly experienced in dealing with high conflict individuals and have successfully steered clients through impediments which they initially thought to be insurmountable.

At Jones Myers our experts can advise you of your options, help to prevent costs from spiralling out of control and guide you through the complexities. We do this by deploying strategies to  secure you the best solutions regarding financial settlements and fair child arrangements so you can embrace the next chapter of your life.

For queries on divorce, separation or any aspect of family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 01904 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce.

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th among the Uk’s Best 20 Family Law Blogs and Websites to follow in 2026.

About Sarah Barr-Young

Sarah brings a wealth of expertise to her role as Head of Jones Myers’ award-winning Financial Remedies Department at the firm’s Harrogate town centre office.

Highly experienced in complex, high net worth financial disputes, Sarah’s reputation in business property portfolios, pensions on divorce and resolving disputes out of court through negotiation is widely recognised.

A named Legal 500 ‘Key’ Lawyer and Chambers ‘Notable Practitioner’, Sarah is respected and valued by clients as a strong ‘no nonsense’, knowledgeable, strategist who is also patient and empathetic.

A long-standing admirer of Jones Myers’ reputation for delivering excellence in client care and legal services of the highest calibre, Sarah relishes the opportunity to be instrumental to the practice’s continued growth.

Sarah is an accredited resolution specialist in Complex Financial Remedies and Private Children Law and is a Member of Resolution.

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Neurodivergency – What Is It? And Does it Affect Divorce?

Published on
Sarah Barr-Young
Sarah Barr-Young
Head of Financial Remedies Department
Jones Myers, Harrogate

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

Over 15 per cent of the UK population – which equates to one in seven people – are neurodivergent, which means their brains work in different ways.

Neurodivergency is not a medical condition or a disorder, but a term to describe differences in how the brain is wired. Neurodivergent people have alternative thinking styles which include dyslexia, developmental co-ordination disorder (dyspraxia), dyscalculia (which affects mathematical skills) , autism, Tourette’s and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

How does neurodivergency affect relationship breakdown?

Divorce and separation is emotionally difficult for any separating couple. For neurodivergent people, who see the world differently, the challenges are even harder to navigate. Their different communication styles can lead to misunderstandings in communication, triggering higher levels of anxiety, rejection and depression.

Many tend to feel paralysed and overwhelmed at the prospect of dealing with the unknown and working with strangers – whether they be family lawyers, mediators or counsellors -through the divorce process.

Which specific areas of divorce do neurodivergent people find particularly difficult? 

Many struggle with working through the process of financial disclosure, which requires a complete and accurate account of their financial situation including assets, income and debts.

Concerns separating couples face over finances and living accommodation after a break up can be particularly acute for neurodivergent people, especially parents who are worried how divorce will affect their relationship with their children.

How does divorce impact on neurodivergent children?

Children of all ages are susceptible to the anxieties of divorce and separation which can be made worse by events such as birthdays, school holidays, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day.

For neurodivergent children, the turmoil of disruptive daily patterns and splitting their time between two households can heighten a sense of insecurity and result in withdrawal.

What do family lawyers need to do differently to help neurodivergent clients?

It is a given that family lawyers have a duty to understand their clients’ needs in every aspect of family law. When guiding and advising neurodivergent clients it is vital that family lawyers can establish whether a client is neurodivergent.

Understanding the complexities, nuances and triggers associated with neurodivergency is essential to effective communication with between a lawyer and a neurodivergent client to enable them together to achieve an outcome that meets their particular needs. Identifying with neurodivergency also enables family lawyers to signpost clients to other relevant professionals who can guide them.

While The Family Justice Council (FJC), a body which monitors the effectiveness of the Family Justice  System, says a more inclusive system which meets the needs of neurodivergence is needed, there is still a long way to go in achieving this.

Sir Andrew McFarlane, President of the Family Division, rightly says that failure to recognise and accommodate neurodivergence results in parties to court proceedings, witnesses, and children being unable to participate fully in court cases.  A proper understanding of neurodivergence would lead to better participation and more effective justice.

Like all our clients, neurodivergent clients deserve the best possible support and understanding. As a family lawyer I fervently hope that we can improve our ability to understand and guide them by collaborating and adopting best practice in this critical and sensitive area.

For queries on any aspect of family law, call Jones Myers at Leeds 0113 246 0055, Harrogate 01423 276104, or York 01904 202550. Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th in the UK’s Best 25 family law blogs and websites to follow in 2025.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Sarah Barr-Young

Sarah brings a wealth of expertise to her role as Head of Jones Myers’ award-winning Financial Remedies Department at the firm’s Harrogate town centre office.

Highly experienced in complex, high net worth financial disputes, Sarah’s reputation in business property portfolios, pensions on divorce and resolving disputes out of court through negotiation is widely recognised.

A named Legal 500 ‘Key’ Lawyer and Chambers ‘Notable Practitioner’, Sarah is respected and valued by clients as a strong ‘no nonsense’, knowledgeable, strategist who is also patient and empathetic.

A long-standing admirer of Jones Myers’ reputation for delivering excellence in client care and legal services of the highest calibre, Sarah relishes the opportunity to be instrumental to the practice’s continued growth.

Sarah is an accredited resolution specialist in Complex Financial Remedies and Private Children Law and is a Member of Resolution.

You might be interested in

Menodivorce or Menopause? Feeling out of control at Christmas
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Menodivorce or Menopause? Feeling out of control at Christmas

Published on
Sarah Barr-Young
Sarah Barr-Young Head of Financial Remedies Department at Jones Myers, Harrogate

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

A series of studies has highlighted a connection between menopause and divorce – with many women attributing the menopause as a key factor in their relationship breakdown.

The festive season can be a particularly stressful time for married and separated couples for several reasons. High on the are list are financial worries, concerns about seeing their children – and the pressure of expectations to make the holiday magical and memorable for loved ones.

While I am not a medical expert, I am aware that seasonal stress can exacerbate physical and mental symptoms of menopause and perimenopause, the transitional phase before menopause. They include tiredness, hot flushes and mood swings along with feelings of inadequacy and shortcomings.

As a family law specialist with extensive experience in working with women in their mid-lives, I know how hard many of them find openly discussing their emotions with their nearest and dearest, a contributory factor in findings linking menopause and divorce.

Another worrying factor from the research focuses on the vital role of solicitors. Many women who have divorced while undergoing the menopause say their family lawyers failed to include the menopause and its impact on their deteriorating relationships in divorce discussions.

While this may be attributable to a lack of awareness or understanding, it requires addressing as a priority to ensure our family law profession fulfils its responsibility to assess every aspect of our clients’ lives following a relationship breakdown and guide and support them in reaching the best possible solutions.

Jones Myers’ holistic approach explores all areas of our clients’ lives, signposting them to third parties, whether this be counsellors, therapists or IFAs, when appropriate. Our firm’s approved internal list of referrers ensures clients receive the highest quality advice for their unique circumstances.

Finances are another key area where we guide and assist clients undergoing separation or divorce.

Many perimenopausal and menopausal women deciding to make the break have chosen to sacrifice their careers or put them on hold to bring up their families. This may have prevented them from saving money or accruing a work pension, later prompting major fears of how they will manage post-divorce.

We recognise clients’ concerns over finances – and how many women during their marriages have not had to manage practicalities such as tax, standing orders or direct debits.

Helping clients to plan for their future both pre and post-divorce, our holistic approach sees  us work with tried and tested financial advisers who support our clients to stay on track as  they embark on the next phase of their lives.

I urge all women who are feeling the season’s pressures and thinking about divorce and separation, to seek help from professionals and family lawyers who understand the challenges they face – and who can guide them on the right path.

For queries on any aspect of family law, call Jones Myers at Leeds 0113 246 0055, Harrogate 01423 276104, or York 01904 202550. Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th in the UK’s Best 25 family law blogs and websites to follow in 2025.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Sarah Barr-Young

Sarah brings a wealth of expertise to her role as Head of Jones Myers’ award-winning Financial Remedies Department at the firm’s Harrogate town centre office.

Highly experienced in complex, high net worth financial disputes, Sarah’s reputation in business property portfolios, pensions on divorce and resolving disputes out of court through negotiation is widely recognised.

A named Legal 500 ‘Key’ Lawyer and Chambers ‘Notable Practitioner’, Sarah is respected and valued by clients as a strong ‘no nonsense’, knowledgeable, strategist who is also patient and empathetic.

A long-standing admirer of Jones Myers’ reputation for delivering excellence in client care and legal services of the highest calibre, Sarah relishes the opportunity to be instrumental to the practice’s continued growth.

Sarah is an accredited resolution specialist in Complex Financial Remedies and Private Children Law and is a Member of Resolution.

You might be interested in