Why do People Have Affairs

Danielle Barbereau

Danielle Barbereau
Personal Crisis Coach

Here’s another interview with Personal Crisis Coach Danielle Barbereau where she answers the question, “Why do people have affairs?” among others.

Here are some of her answers but there’s more on the video below:

Why do people have affairs?

99% of my clients are at the receiving end of an affair.  So not only do they need to cope with the divorce process itself but other emotions such as humiliation and jealously.

To the question, “Why do people have affairs?”, Danielle explains that this can be due to:

  • opportunity – they may do so believing that they will not get caught
  • not considering the repercussions of their act and thinking that it’s just a fling  
  • ageing and feeling and wanting more from life
  • lack of communication between the partners and one may feel no longer valued

Can a relationship survive an affair?

It really depends on the people or the person.  It can be very hard for it to survive an affair as good, strong relationships are based on communication, respect and trust and affairs are the opposite of respect and trust and rebuilding this is can be hard. Not impossible but hard.

Once a cheater always a cheater?

This is often the case unless the reasons for cheating have been really worked through and the other partner is able to truly, truly forgive and not mention the affair all the time.

Should you take your partner back?

Again very personal situation.  Take your own counsel. The decision has to be right for you.  Sometimes an affair can serve as a wake up call.  If you’re able to really look at what happened in that instance and work through this it might be possible to resolve the situation. Communication, real communication, needs to be established and the one at the end of the affair needs to be ready to forgive and the one who had the affair needs to be very understanding about where the other partner is and what they are going through.

Would you recommend couple counselling?

Yes, especially if you’ve been married for a long time.  But you just have to accept that it might not work because couple counselling is also about clarity.  Clarity in that it may help you understand that it is indeed time to go your separate ways.

Danielle is a Personal Crisis Coach (www.personalcrisis.co.uk) and the author of “After the Split.

She trained with Barefoot Coaching who are renowned for providing University accredited, rigorously validated qualifications and coaches.  

She is a member of and volunteer organiser for the Association for Coaching, a leading independent, and not-for-profit professional body dedicated to promoting best practice and raising the awareness and standards of coaching, worldwide.

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