The Hidden Gift of Heartbreak

The Hidden Gift of Heartbreak
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
Johanna Lynn
Johanna Lynn
The Family Imprint Institute

Did You Sleep With Her? the words tumbled out of my mouth. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat as I waited for his response. It felt as if everything was in slow motion, how he looked at his hands, the way he looked at the steering wheel, then over at me and I couldn’t help myself from asking again, at this point, I already knew the answer – it was written all over him.

Yet somehow it helped to hear it….the sheepish yes. The weight of that one simple word certainly overshadowed the “I do” we exchanged years ago. The admission that offered the proof of just how far apart we’d come, just how much distance had grown between us.

The affair was like a symptom of all that lived between us – the resentments, the broken promises, how we had disengaged from each other and all the hidden anger. The affair was the breaking point that we could not go on like we had been.

I have friends who have made it to the other side of an affair, with a stronger, more solid connection with their partner. That was not my experience.

The effects of the affair were like being dropped from the tallest building and breaking into a million pieces. Looking at all those little pieces and realizing I didn’t want to put myself back together in the same version of who I was.

All I could do was view reality in the emotional condition I was living in. It felt like everything inside of me was collapsing and my world was also shutting down around me.

I stepped away from work for a while to allow some space and time to unearth all that had been shoved under the proverbial rug.

I didn’t want to end up like a close friend whose ex-husband cheated and now her new partner comes home late and she’s overwhelmed with images of betrayal that she admits she can’t help but be her 1st expectation. If we don’t take the time to process the dynamics of our previous relationship, we tend to live by the same emotional reaction. As if a part of us is primed to live by those memorised emotions.

The deep pain I experienced had me seeking approaches that would help me explore what had contributed to the end of my marriage. By doing that, I discovered just how much our family influences how we bond in relationships and how we navigate separations. I was able to understand that so much of what happened in my marriage wasn’t all personal. There were greater influences behind both of us that shaped our relationship.

Over 80% of repetitive conflicts between a couple come from the family we grow up in.

Each of us brings along the behaviors and feelings of our early experiences. Unless we do our inner work, the cycle unconsciously continues.

For each of us, our early life experiences shape how we bond and navigate separations.

The hurt was so immense that I was committed to not bring unresolved feelings into my next relationship. In all that I was learning, it was clear that a healthy and complete separation was an essential step.

If you’re facing similar heartbreak, know that you are not alone.
“Sometimes the things that break us open are the very things that make us whole again.” – Paige Mitchell
Trust that your path to healing is there, even if you take baby steps to walk it as you step towards greater self-love and understanding.
Take the time to process your pain, explore your family history, and seek support.
Get curious about who you will become on the other side of this hurt. This heartbreak, though devastating, can be a catalyst for incredible personal growth.

About  Johanna Lynn

Johanna Lynn is the founder of The Family Imprint Institute with over 20 years of experience. She specialises in supporting individuals navigating divorce, helping them uncover the root causes behind their separation. Johanna uses innovative mind-body techniques to illuminate how family dynamics influence relationships, providing clients with deep insights, clarity and healing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.