parenting plans - Page 3

Free Printable Parenting Plan

The Benefits of Parenting Plans – with a Free Printable Parenting Plan

Published on
Ruth Langford
Qualified Paralegal specialising in Family Law

One of the most difficult discussions that parents may have as part of their separation or divorce is what happens to the children; knowing what to discuss and where to start can be very difficult.

Parents may tend to focus on the ‘every other weekend and one night in the week’ scenario, rather than the entirety of arrangements for their children.

By using a parenting plan as a discussion tool to begin with, parents can use the questions asked in the plan to talk about what arrangements would work best for them and their children.

What is a Parenting Plan?

A parenting plan is simply a written record of the agreement made by parents that set out how they would like to continue parenting their children after separation or divorce and what the practical arrangements are.

Why Use a Parenting Plan?

Using a parenting plan provides parents with a structure when they discuss making practical and workable arrangements for their children.

There are many advantages to using a parenting plan, not least because it helps keep parents out of court and focused on their children; and unlike a court order, which is set in stone, a parenting plan allows for flexible arrangements and can be reviewed at appropriate times – for example, when a child moves from nursery to primary school. Other benefits include:

Helping to keep both parents’ legal fees down, as you are discussing the arrangements between you and not using the solicitors to communicate with your partner or spouse.

Helping to create a stable environment for your children as there is reduced conflict between you and your child’s other parent.

Helping parents focus on work together for their children, which shows your children that you are working hard to put their interests and needs first.

Parents who have invested in coming to agreements about the arrangements for children feel more empowered and are far more likely to stick to the plan.

If parents wish, their children can have an input into the arrangements so that any considerations the children would like taken into account can be heard – for example, having friends to sleep over at both their homes and, in the case of older children, having new freedoms.

This is not the same as allowing children to decide or choose the arrangements themselves – children should never have that burden of responsibility placed on them, but they should be able to have a say and make some suggestions as to what they would like.

A parenting plan can include specific important events for your family – the annual summer barbeque that Uncle Mike has each year or Granny’s Boxing Day feast, for example. All families are different; a parenting plan takes this into account and allows parents and families to include these all-important family gatherings and traditions.

Who is the Plan for?

The parenting plan is useful for all parents who are separating or divorcing, but it’s especially for parents who wish or intend to put together a proposal regarding the child arrangements for the other parent to consider whether that’s for informal discussion between them or for mediation sessions.

A parent who is considering applying to Court is also required to submit a completed parenting plan along with the application.

This shows the Court that you have put a great deal of thought into what it is you are asking the Court to consider and that you have a very clear idea of what you think are the best arrangements for your children.

Once you have an agreement with the other parent, you can also formalise the agreed arrangements for children by signing a copy of the parenting plan, which sets out the final arrangements.

This signed, final copy not only formalises your agreement but can also act as an important guide to refer to if any issues are raised in the future over what the agreed arrangements are.

And remember, the arrangements don’t have to set in stone – there may be events or life changes such as a new job or moving to a new town that mean any carefully thought-out arrangements are no longer relevant, and they need to be revised and changed to reflect your new circumstances.

I have written this parenting plan specifically to help parents have positive and constructive discussions about parenting after separation or divorce. I really wanted it to be something that facilitates conversation and dialogue between parents and at the same time guide them a little by making some useful suggestions as part of the questions posed.

I also am a firm believer in keeping parents out of court whenever possible, and empowering and enabling them to work together, because it’s not better just for their children – it’s better for parents too.

Here is your free printable parenting plan – Downloadable parenting plan document from Oratto

About Ruth Langford, F.Isnt.Pa

Ruth is a Qualified Paralegal specialising in Family Law in both England/Wales and Scotland, with a particular interest in the law as it applies to children.  She has been advising and assisting people going through family break-up for over 9 years.

Ruth is co-author of The Family Law A to Z – A,  the reference book for litigants & students; and is an established and published writer, and has written for publications in the UK, Australia and the USA.

She has made a number of appearances on radio and television, and been featured in a number of media and magazine articles. In 2014, she was a consultant for a major story line on an award-winning television drama series.

Ruth is an elected Fellow of the Institute of Paralegals, a member of the Association of Lawyers for Children and was one of the first UK women to join Leading Women 4 Shared Parenting. In October 2015, she was awarded the honour of Jordan’s Family Law Paralegal of the Year.

Ruth previously worked for Wikivorce and now works for Oratto, an innovative client-led business. Oratto is about helping people choose the right lawyer for their particular issue as well as providing a quick and easy route to engage with a legal practitioner.

She lives in Hampshire with her husband, daughter, and a variety of animals. In her spare time, she enjoys crochet, walking and photography.

www.Oratto.co.uk

Ruth.Langford@Oratto.co.uk

Twitter – @Ruth_Langford  or @OrattoLaw

 

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Reduce Half-term Friction

Co-parenting Children of Divorce and Separation – How Cooperation can Reduce Half-term Friction

Published on
Kate Banerjee
Partner and Head of the Children Department
Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors

Half-term holidays can spark the onset of headaches for many divorced and separated parents.

The perennial argument over who gets the children – and when – can be further exacerbated by work patterns and domestic arrangements.

Common issues include full time working fathers being unable to arrange days off when colleagues are also requesting leave – sparking mothers’ concerns that their children will be put in Kids’ Clubs or left with a new partner.

Similarly, a parent who works from home or does not work is better placed to justify having the children than their commuting ex.

With increasing family and work demands putting leisure time at a premium, rifts and tensions result in some couples ending up back in court. Here are some tips to reduce the emotional strain of half term.

  1. Set objectives: just as in the wider context of separation and divorce, start with seeking to achieve what is best for the children, despite your feelings or grievances. Genuinely strive for what will make them happiest, don’t criticise your ex in front of them – and avoid asking them directly or indirectly to take sides.
  1. Be flexible: accept that children will want to see as much of both their parents, their grandparents, wider family and their friends as possible. It falls to both parents to try to achieve this – and if it means that you end up spending less time with your children this half-term, discuss it reasonably with your ex to make up for it in the next one.
  1. Communicate regularly: talk to each other and plan ahead – giving you time to agree on and organise logistics, such as travel, seeing wider family and grandparents’ access.
  1. Keep the children updated on what’s happening: they like certainty and security so let them know as far in advance as possible about half-term arrangements. This will help them adjust to the unexpected and, hopefully, present a scenario they can look forward to.

If you really can’t reach agreement with your ex, mediation is a far less stressful, more cost-effective option than a return to court.

About Kate Banerjee

Kate, Head of the Children Department at Leeds and London based Jones Myers, is highly skilled in cases relating to children including contact and residence disputes. She specialises in child protection law and is a Member of the Child Care Panel with experience representing parents, guardians, Local Authorities and children.

As well as working regionally and nationally, Kate has considerable expertise in international child abduction cases and is a Member of the International Child Abduction and Custody Unit.

Kate has “Higher Court Rights,” something fewer than 2,500 solicitors have in England and Wales, which enables her to offer clients an all-round litigation service.

 

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Christmas Parenting Plan Examples

Christmas Parenting Plan Examples

Published on

Christmas is only but a few days away which means that some of you divorcing or separating parents have got your future parenting plans or co-parenting plans firmly in place.

But if you don’t yet have your parenting plan in place and are still struggling to set one up or have a temporary one in place, then here are some Christmas parenting plan examples that you may want to consider for you and your children:

Full Christmas Alternate:  This is the one my exes and I have used for the past 20 years or so.  As we all like to travel with the children over the holidays, they get to spend the entire Christmas and New Year period with one parent and then with the other parent the year after.

Of course, I miss my girls when they are away just as I’m sure their dads miss them when they are with me but one thing we always do is make our own plans so that we aren’t too lonely or sad without them.

This Christmas parenting plan example can work well for older children, maybe 6+ years, as they are better able to handle long blocks of time away from you or the other parents. Skype, Facetime, WhatsApp etc. help plenty in keeping in touch with each other during your time apart.

Half Christmas Alternate:  This is where one parent has the children over the Christmas period and the other over the New Year Period and then you alternate the year after meaning the children get to spend Christmas day itself with each parent at some point.  It can work well for parents who like to travel but have younger children but maybe not for the under 3-year-olds unless the “absent” parent can get an opportunity to physically touch base with them at some point during the week that they are with the other parent.

Christmas Day Share:  I once met a young lady, who was in her twenties, who spoke fondly of how she and her siblings would spend Christmas morning with one parent and then go over to the other parent’s later on in the day.  She said it worked brilliantly for them as they would then see both parents and get to open all their presents on the same day!

This Christmas parenting plan example can be a tricky one as children having fun, especially toddlers, may not want to change gears and up and leave.  It may also cause conflict if one parent is running late.  So I would suggest that should you opt for this option, that the children are given as much information as possible so that they know what is going on.

Whom are they spending the first half of the day with?  Who will be there?  What time are they going to the next home?  Who will be there?  How are they getting there?  When and where will they see the other parent again?  All these details may be inconvenient for you, but they are important for your child.  They need to know where they stand.

These are just 3 Christmas parenting plan examples but there are many others.

One thing I frequently tell parents is that divorce and/or separation is an important time for your children but what is even more important is how well, or not, their life after divorce is managed by you because handled badly, that could be the primary trauma for them.

Each of the parenting plans above has the children firmly in mind. You may not like not being with your children on Christmas day but frankly, they are just happy to have a fab time whatever day you choose to celebrate Christmas.

You can create your own traditions.

If my children are travelling over the Christmas period, I make sure we have our Christmas dinner the day before they fly out. We sit around the table, wish one another a Merry Christmas, talk about all kinds of stuff, open our gifts just as though it was 25th and just enjoy the time together.  And it works.

It doesn’t mean that we don’t miss one another nor does it mean that I am not sad not to be with them, but what it does mean is that we all end up having a good time and we all know what the plans are, with whom and when and that right there not only grants our children a good sense of security but it also gives them assurance and peace which is precisely what they need.

ABOUT SOILA

Soila is a Parenting Therapist, accredited Triple P practitioner, Certified Trauma Specialist and trained Family Mediator.  She works in private practice mainly, but not exclusively, with families going through divorce and separation.

Soila is the founder of The Davis Centre and The Divorce Magazine.

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family mediation

What Good is Mediation?

Published on
Simon Robinson Barrister and Family Mediator
Simon Robinson
Barrister and Family Mediator

What good is mediation?  This was the question I was recently asked by a client.

John[1] had separated from his wife, Jane, with whom he had three children, and divorce proceedings had started.  John wanted to know how mediation would help him and was sceptical about its voluntary and impartial nature.

Mediation is voluntary and does depend on the commitment and goodwill of all those involved.  These may be its weaknesses, but they are also its strengths.

Mediation is more personal than a court case as its you, your (former) partner/spouse and the mediator(s).  This can help everyone get straight to the issues, and you, the parties, decide what these are.

A court case is inevitably formal, and there are complex rules, procedures and strict time limits. Mediation is much less formal and the parties are able to talk directly to each other, rather than via lawyers making submissions to a judge.  This doesn’t mean it’s a free-for-all, as mediators will make sure that everyone gets to have their say in a safe and respectful environment.

The freedom to express emotion, without it being held against you, can be one of the most important benefits of mediation.

As a mediator, I’ve heard clients say how valuable it was to be able to tell the other person how they felt.  This can significantly help you to acknowledge the complex emotional issues involved in your situation in a way that enables you to focus on working towards a resolution.  Whilst courtrooms can be the scene of high emotion and drama, experience demonstrates that they are unlikely to feel a safe environment within which to express those feelings.

Mediation is confidential, and so you can feel free to say what you feel you need to.

The only times mediators will break confidentiality is where we have to do so because there is a safeguarding concern about a child or vulnerable adult or to prevent a crime being committed, such as money laundering.

You might understandably feel nervous about going into a room with your ex-partner and having a face to face discussion about personal and emotive issues. But you’re not on your own.

Mediators are trained to level out any power imbalances between parties and will step in if we feel that one person is being overbearing or to prevent a discussion becoming an argument.  I’ve frequently mediated with colleagues of the opposite sex and this can be a good way to help balance out gender differences and ensure that no-one feels isolated.

What good is mediaiton
What good is mediation?

Mediators are impartial, but that doesn’t mean we just sit on the fence.  We’ll give you clear, unbiased information, but not legal advice, and we may actively manage the process so that you can work on resolving as much as you can.

Its not essential to get an agreement on every single point.

Mediation can be successful if the parties narrow down the issues. For example, you might agree arrangements for contact with your children, but don’t agree on whether the family home is to be sold.

The fact that you’ve agreed some issues can save you time and money if you need to go forward to a court hearing or family arbitration.

You can also come back to mediation if necessary and this can be particularly helpful when discussing changes to contact arrangements.

Mediators, and the Government, justifiably say that mediation can be quicker and less expensive than going to court. According to the Ministry of Justice press release of 7 January 2014, an average divorce case costs about £4,000 whereas mediation can cost about £500.  Whilst mediation is less expensive than litigation, that doesn’t mean that mediators are cheap or somehow a lesser service. 

Mediators are professionals, and we may be lawyers, therapists or from another background.  All of us are professionals and comply with a Code of Practice and must meet quality standards.

So, if you go to mediation, does that mean you don’t need lawyers? Not quite.  Although mediators help you to reach an agreement, you’ll still need some legal advice.

This is to help you make sure that your rights are protected and as its often best to then turn your agreement into a court order.  Solicitors and barristers can help you do this, and if the mediator has given you a clear written summary of the agreement, then that will help keep your costs down too as the lawyers will have to do less work.

At the end of the day, a mediation is where you are able to talk about your situation and you hold the decision making power.  In court, although you can put forward your views, a judge will make the decision for you.

Judges in family courts, as well as family arbitrators, are experienced and highly trained people who are committed to deciding cases openly and fairly, and at least some are also mediators.  But, if you can work out a resolution on at least some issues, it can be a way to help you move on with your life.

It can also be a good foundation for co-parenting with your former partner/spouse.  Whilst your roles as partners has ended, your roles as parents will continue, and mediation can help you to do this.

Simon Robinson LL.B(Hons) LL.M MCIArb,

Barrister and Family Mediator

simon@peoplemediation.com

 

[1] Individual’s names have been changed for privacy

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Can I Force my Ex to Stick to our Parenting Plan?

Published on
Karim Assad
Karim Assad
Divorce Solicitor
Cordell & Cordell

Is there anything a father can do in the case where an ex spouse is preventing him from seeing his children?

Is it possible to force a mother to agree to a parenting plan?

A father who is not getting the contact with his children that he wishes to have, should start a formal action in Court.  The result will be a formal and enforceable order securing his time and presence in his children’s life.

While a parent can not force the other to agree to a parenting time plan, if the parties don’t agree, the matter will be put to the Judge to decide. So, there will be a resulting order securing presence in their children’s lives.

There are of course risks as in every form of litigation that the order arrived at by a Judge may not be as much as a Father thought he expect to receive.

However, times are a changing and with the formal amendment to the Children Act of a presumption that the role of a non-resident is as equally important to the life of a child or children than a resident parent; the presumption being rebuttable on the basis of evidence to the contrary, it is a move to recognise the importance of both parents; in the life of a child(ren).

Can a father prevent an ex partner from moving out of the country with the children?

A father is always able to apply, in circumstances where he has a genuine concern that his child(ren) will be removed to another country to prevent that course from occurring by applying to the court for an order to prohibit such removal.

That matter will of course be returnable to the court and ultimately the court may have to decide the issue as to whether the removal either temporary or longer term of any child is in that child’s best interests.

What is important to note also here; is that if there are already child arrangements orders in place for a child already, there can not be removal of a child without a Father’s consent for a period of longer than 28 days.

Karim Assaad is a London divorce solicitor at Cordell & Cordell. He has a wealth of knowledge and experience practicing family law, owning a proven record of providing indispensable advice to clients and delivering positive outcomes for them.

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family mediation

Create and Embrace your Parenting Plan!

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www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Soila Sindiyo
Child Trauma Therapist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

There are so many positives to co-parenting that I remain amazed at why people resist it so much that they would rather go to court and allow for a judge, a perfect stranger to the children, to decide where they will live, with whom and for how long.

Most parents are very, very capable of creating a parenting plan that’s just right for them and their little ones yet, they choose to be blinded by the anger and resentment that they feel towards their exes.  They choose to allow these emotions to rule over the lives and destinies of their children

To be fair, it’s not easy to tame those hugely negative emotions and thoughts long enough to allow for a parenting plan to be created and it’s contents put in motion but it’s not impossible and it’s crucial to do so.

Why Create and Embrace your Parenting Plan!

– A parenting plan means that you don’t have to go down the parenting route alone. There’s a reason why single parents long for “just 5 mins” to themselves. I love my girls dearly, but I still do long for “my” weekends and “my” holidays where I get time alone while they are with someone whom I know will give them the time of their lives because, whether I like it or not, he too loves them just as much as I do.

– Most things school are shared.  Whatever issues, concerns and trouble come up, you don’t have to deal with on your own.  Think of those huge school projects which your child can do with his other parent over the weekend.

parenting plan
Parenting plans allow you to have some precious time to yourself.

– Best of all, co-parenting ensures that I will never have to answer any questions about daddy.  They will grow up knowing him well.  A parenting plan that is created with the children in mind allows for everyone to be happy.

If you don’t want to come face to face with your ex, then arrange for the exchange and transition to happen at school.  You drop them off and he picks them up at the end of the day and vice versa.

Your divorce has happened.  You have children.  You both love them dearly and want to spend time with them.  Well, unless there’s an issue around safety then creating a parenting plan can allow for this to happen.

If your mission is to make is as hard as possible for your ex to see the children for no other reason other than the fact that you hate him/her then realise that you are not doing your children any favours.  Put yourself in their situation and for one minute try and imagine what they might be feeling or going through.

It may not be easy create that parenting agreement right now but it’s not impossible and can be massively, massively rewarding for all concerned, especially your little ones.

Make it easier on you and your children. Create that parenting plan and learn to embrace it, enjoy it and live it!

 

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk 

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