Family Mediator and Founder
MinusOne Mediation
Every three months, more than 14,000 new disputes between parents about their children are brought into the court system in England and Wales, affecting over 20,000 children¹.
Let’s just stop and think about this. No child should be a case number. And yet, in practice, that is often what they become – part of a process designed to manage disputes, not childhoods. While the number of cases is unsettling, it is even more concerning that, inside the family court, a judge may have less than an hour – sometimes as little as 40 minutes – to move a case forward.
Forty minutes.
That’s less time than most families spend deciding where to go on holiday. Less time than a single school lesson. Less time than it takes to watch an episode of a television drama that, ironically, often portrays the very system parents find themselves in. And yet, some people continue to treat the court process as the default route for resolving parenting disputes.
Private law children’s cases are rising steadily. Behind each application is not just a legal issue, but a family in distress, often already struggling to communicate, regulate emotions, or make decisions together. And very often, it’s not as complicated as it first appears. It’s two parents stuck in conflict – hurt, frustrated, and often angry, reacting to each other, rather than stepping back and thinking clearly about what their child actually needs.
Of course, there will always be cases where court involvement is necessary, and where there are safeguarding concerns or risks that require clear legal intervention.
But for many families, that is not the starting point. Parents don’t enter the system thinking they are doing anything wrong. Most come in believing they are protecting their child or doing what they believe is right.
Frustration, hurt and anger can begin to shape how parents speak to, and about, each other. Over time, this can influence how a child experiences both parents. And this is where things become more complex because in the middle of conflict, perspective tends to shift. What may begin as two parents trying to do what they believe is best for their child can, over time, move further away from the child’s needs and deeper into conflict.
A court order can decide where a child lives, how much time they spend with each parent, and how decisions are made. But it doesn’t teach people how to parent together. It doesn’t help when a teenager suddenly refuses contact. It doesn’t ease the tension. It doesn’t prepare parents for the everyday realities of birthdays, new partners, changing routines, or a child trying to adjust between two homes.
At best, a court order gives structure. But real life doesn’t follow a timetable. And still, many parents come away believing that once the order is in place, things will fall into place too. Often, they don’t.
One of the biggest misunderstandings in family disputes is the idea that someone has to be right. But parenting after separation isn’t about winning. It’s about adjusting. Children don’t benefit when parents become fixed in their positions. They benefit when parents can stay flexible and keep talking, even when things are difficult.
But going through a court process together doesn’t always support that. In many cases, it can make it harder for parents to work together afterwards. This is where the system often falls short. Because while the legal process focuses on evidence, statements, and outcomes, children need something different: stability, understanding, and the sense that both parents can still work together, even if they’re no longer together.
For many parents, the legal process itself becomes an additional barrier. Legal terminology, let’s call it “legalese”, can feel overwhelming, confusing, and inaccessible for those without a legal background. Parents are expected to navigate complex procedures, interpret formal documents, and make important decisions, often without fully understanding the implications, at a time when they may already be struggling themselves. Parents are asked to make long-term decisions while everything still feels uncertain.
When parents have the right support around them, they are better able to think clearly, communicate more effectively, and make decisions that their children can actually live with. The end of a relationship is not the end of a family. It is a restructuring. And that restructuring doesn’t stop once the paperwork is signed or the order is made. In many ways, that’s when the real work begins.
Co-parenting is not a static arrangement – it evolves over time as children grow, circumstances change, and new challenges arise. Yet ongoing support for families after separation is often minimal. We prepare people for the legal process. We rarely prepare them for what comes after.
If the goal is truly to prioritise children, then we need to rethink how we approach family disputes. We need to move away from the idea that resolution is something imposed from the outside, and towards approaches that empower parents to create sustainable, workable solutions themselves. This is not about limiting options for families, but about expanding them.
It’s about recognising that while courts have an essential role, they are not designed to meet the full spectrum of needs that separating families experience. And perhaps most importantly, it’s about acknowledging that children should be spared unnecessary conflict wherever possible.
The reality is clear. The system is under pressure, and families are left to navigate a process that was never designed to support them holistically. But there is another way. One that looks at how families can resolve disputes without going through the court process and instead focuses on supporting parents to make decisions together in a way that works for their children. One that recognises that the long-term wellbeing of children depends not on court orders, but on the quality of the relationships around them. Because in the end, the question isn’t whether the court can make a decision. It’s whether that decision will truly help a family move forward. And in many cases, the answer may be more uncomfortable than we expect.
So where in the process are parents shown how to actually make it work afterwards?
- Ministry of Justice,Family Court Statistics Quarterly, January–March 2025 and July–September 2025.
Cafcass, Management Information and Demand Data (2025).
About Kristyna Hawkett
Kristyna Hawkett is a family mediator and founder of MinusOne Mediation. She works with separating parents to reduce conflict and support more constructive, child-focused ways of moving forward. She helps parents navigate both the divorce process and what comes after, when day to day co-parenting becomes the real challenge.
Email Kristyna Hawkett: kristyna@minusonemediation.com
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