Divorce provides the opportunity to reinvent yourself. This could be a new career path or change in scenery as in a move across country.
It is how one looks at divorce as either the world stops – or gently nudges a person into trying new endeavours. Reframe the negativity into something positive.
An example is several stay-at-home-mums reframed losing a leisurely life style with divorce, into having a fulfilled life with never a dull moment. They got jobs, met a new circle of people and expanded their social lives. These woman are fun to be around with their interesting lives. Some dads are full of funny stories with their recent pursuits of coaching or mentoring.
It is all about how you look at things post-divorce.
What helped several people post-divorce was starting over in a new locale. One high powered business woman without children, moved to a different city and got a job. She was totally out of her familiar environment both socially and professionally. This ecstatically happy person said to let others in divorce situations know about considering a move with finding different employment.
Another way to start over is by taking a vacation. Another woman was devastated after her break up and took a road trip from her home in Toronto to the Wild West. She stopped in a city for what was supposed to be a week and has been there eighteen years. She became an American citizen and enjoys her teaching job.
Others start over in less drastic ways. A second job in an area of interest catapulted several people into new careers. One divorced Canadian women followed her love of knitting and got a part-time job in a knitting shop. Now she owns it and has the pleasure of connecting with other enthusiasts as an instructor.
I know other divorced people who renewed their love of writing into careers. Discover your passions – whether or not that morphs into an occupation. One animal loving friend opened an animal sanctuary post-divorce for horses and farm animals. The bonus for her kids is that her ex is the manager.
Being in a toxic marriage or acrimonious divorce is draining. There is not enough time or energy to give back to others. Volunteering with a cat rescue group post-divorce gives meaning to my life. Taking care of appreciative cats and fun-loving kittens weekly, takes the focus off any problems that I am facing. They are homeless and I am not. Other divorce pals volunteer at soup kitchens, through their churches’ outreach programs and so forth, and also have a sense of fulfilment.
Starting over after divorce forces one to become more independent with relying on themselves. I have figured out how to do minor house repairs. One woman showed me a tile floor that she had laid with impressive results. A New York City cooking instructor teaches a class on the basics for preparing simple, but elegant meals. The majority of her students are guys after their break ups. These fellows become confidant in the kitchen and are proud of their new culinary skills.
Post-divorce can be the catalyst for forging a stronger bond with the children. Parents who work long hours or depend upon their spouse to do the bulk of child-care while married – have to do their share post-divorce. Both mums and dads have said that they feel closer to their kids after divorce.
As co-parents, child-care tasks are divvied up and play time is increased. Work schedules can be rearranged between visitations, so there is more time available with the youngsters. The other parent has less running around when they are taking turns doing trips to the paediatrician or dentist. My sons have told me that they felt closer to me after my divorce. Maybe I am more relaxed and can listen easier or have time to give them my undivided attention.
Whether or not to use the opportunity that comes with divorce to start over is a personal choice. A change can be small, such as joining a committee at school and meeting other parents or more extreme. I knew a few people who used divorce as something to blame all of their problems on, even career ones, and chose to stay in an angry rut. Post-divorce can be a new adventure.
Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).
Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.
She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.