At the beginning of any relationship there is the usual fervour and excitement.
This is no different in a relationship where domestic abusers reside. The early signs are very subtle and our best chance of being free from abusive behaviour is to gain knowledge of abuse; in order to get out early, or preferably not get into it at all.
Abusive men will always ‘move in’ on you quickly, this is like a way of snaring you, and removes the chance of you discovering what they are really like.
Remember this person will always seem amazing and be almost everything you want in a man; kind, loving, generous. If he wasn’t that way you wouldn’t be attracted to him. Of upmost importance is you take your time in the early stages of a relationship.
Domestic abusers CANNOT keep up the act and so they will reveal their true selves before too long
Here are some early very early signs of mental abuse and other forms of abuse:
- They want the relationship to move quickly.
- These men are often not talked about kindly even by their own family and friends.
- They will have had a violent past and if you confront them will this early on, they will say that it’s all in the past and it was when they were young men/boys.
- They show early signs of not being able to tolerate that you have had other relationships in the past. This can appear to be ordinary jealousy early on which you’d imagine would go quickly as your relationship deepens. This however does not go away and in fact intensifies to dangerous proportions; including YOUR close family and friends. They want to have you exclusively and this is an early sign that they will try to isolate you from family and friends.
They are not at ease sexually, often inadequate in this area, and inconsiderate to their partner. You will pick up very early that he will struggle to talk about this. Domestic abusers are unable to accept their inexperience/inadequacy in this area, they will anger quickly if you approach this subject.
- They will think that they are right about everything, and will talk as if all others are rubbish at their jobs. This includes bank managers, accountants, financial advisors, teachers etc. Often most people who earn more than them, or are more successful or simply nicer people. This is a crucial sign; “do not enter into a relationship with someone who has nothing good to say about others”.
- They will often ‘blank’ you if you approach a subject they do not want to talk about. They will go completely quiet and not respond to you, this is in order to hide their fury at you for having the audacity to bring up an uncomfortable subject, and that you dare challenge them. Later this will ALWAYS lead to rage, controlling behaviour and/or violence. If this man cannot talk as an adult about things in life, he is not acting as an adult and is not good (and likely to be unsafe) to be in a relationship with.
- These men will often leave the house without telling you where they are going. What kind of person in a relationship does this? Someone who is self obsessed; wants to be in control; and may be trying to hide their rage. If someone needs to leave the house WITHOUT telling you where they are going it’s about controlling you, leaving you in an unknowing place, and is a thinly veiled threat.
- Listen carefully to their attitude towards children and women. This often reveals itself with a bullying attitude towards their own mothers, sisters, and children.
- These men are often so immature that they ‘score points’ against children even their own, and they think it is ok to hit children if the child hits them. They are affronted by ordinary childlike behaviours and retaliate without conscience that they are abusing their psychological and physical power over a child.
- Early and extravagant presents
- If it seems to good to be true, it simply IS
With 20 years of experience Anna is known for her building of relationships with people struggling to get back to their successes, both personally and in public life she finds where experience works for people and where it holds them still or in private turmoil. Anna makes a unique space for discovering the power beneath the stuff we ‘tuck away’, whether it be sudden events, long terms pains or hidden talents.
Anna knows there is a direct correlation between what we do not ‘attend to’ and the energy that it takes to keep it silent. She believes that when this energy is propelled in the opposite direction it leads to positivity and resilience never felt before. She genuinely supports people to make this happen, and fast.
People she works with have gone on to feel stronger than before and have expanded their 7 figure businesses or can see they achieve their full potential for the first time.
Contact Anna now to see how she can help you
Phone: 07899 688845
If you believe you’re in a abusive situation and need help please find below some free services helplines and websites:
- 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247
- Lesbian and Gay Helpline -0300 330 0630