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The Importance of Child Inclusive Mediation - TDM Expert Interviews (EP. 2) - Nicki Mitchell
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A Guide to Child Inclusive Mediation – TDM Expert Interviews (EP.2) – Nicki Mitchell

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Discover the pivotal role of Child Inclusive Mediation in the divorce process as Nicki Mitchell, Partner at Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors, shares her expert insights.

In this enlightening interview, she explains why involving children in the mediation process is crucial and highlights alternative routes for separating couples, steering clear of the courtroom.  

Whether you’re revisiting the conversation, prefer to read, or wish to delve into the details, this transcript offers a comprehensive summary of Nicki’s valuable knowledge and guidance.  

Explore the essential insights and options for a more collaborative divorce journey. Read on for the full transcript of our video, “The Importance of Child Inclusive Mediation.” 

 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxsAMqn_CgA] 

[Music]

Hello everybody welcome to The Divorce Magazine. Today we have Nicki Mitchell. My name is Soila Sindiyo I’m the Founder of The Divorce Magazine and, I just love meeting our contributors and Nicki has been contributing to with The Divorce Magazine since um, last year but Nicki who’s a Partner at Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors, have been contributing since 2016 so, kind of like way when we had just started and um, so we have like 60 articles on the on The Divorce Magazine from Jones Myers so anybody who wants to know a little bit about this family law solicitors just go on there, you’ll find a lot of information about the processes and where they come from which, is the angle that I always get from your articles yours Nicki included is very child focused and trying to make divorce as amicable a process as possible um, so really happy that we are having this interview with you and so, who is Nicki Mitchell apart from being a Partner at Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors?

Nicki is a very skilled child inclusive mediator, and as well as a family mediator and a collaborative law um, practitioner Nicki is also has had extensive experience in family law, and in particular in financial issues that have to do with relationship breakdown, family businesses and where there are multiple properties involved, as well as that complicated matter of pension arrangements.

So, this is Nicki and we have her here um, so thank you so much for coming Nicki and joining us on this one today what we’re going to be looking at is the whole issue of child inclusive mediation. And I would is there anything you want to add about your introduction by the way Nicki because I’ve just gone off?

No, no that that’s, that’s, that’s very complimentary very nice here thank you very much and no that that encapsulates or I do have the kind of weird interest in pensions I have to say but certainly the ADR approach is absolutely right that that is, definitely the way in which I certainly and the firm as a whole try to approach, dispute resolution within family cases trying to keep it away from the court try and keep control for the people whose lives it affects. Yeah, yeah, you said ADR, not everybody knows what ADR stands for.

What does ADR stand for? 

I’m sorry okay, well in fact it’s now changed it’s Alternative Dispute Resolution, alternatives to the court it’s now become known as Dispute Resolution, the idea being that that it is not an alternative that should be the main way of approaching it so it’s really anything that doesn’t involve um, going to a court and asking a judge for a decision. Okay, so all the things you mentioned mediation, collaborative practice, and there’s also arbitration and um, private processes and so on so so all of that trying to trying to give people, ownership and autonomy and so they can work out their own futures rather than handing it over to somebody else to do.

Oh I like that I like the fact that they’ve removed the A and made it, yeah, it’s another way of getting divorced it’s not the alternative it isn’t one way and then also yeah, okay, that’s really good thank you thank you. So, but today we’re focusing on child inclusive mediation um, tell us what that is.

What is child inclusive mediation? 

So, maybe I should really start with mediation rather than, presuming what that is it’s really not rocket science it’s a it’s a dispute resolution process, the various different models but the kind of classic, conventional one is it’s just a meeting between, the couple and a an impartial mediator like me um, who uses various skills to get, them help them get to a position where they reach agreed proposals about their children about finances about whatever it is they need to discuss and it’s so it is it’s a series of meetings it’s you know they retain control, often there are children involved sometimes the mediation is just about resolving children issues, sometimes it’s you know all kinds of consequences a relationship breakdown, all kinds of things that need to be talked about.

When it comes to children, so actually this again bit of kind of background, in 1989, there was a UN Convention on the rights of the child and that provided, so UN, UN level that children’s voices should be heard in any, proceedings affecting the money issues affecting them so that hasn’t really happened very effectively in my view, despite the fact that was a long quite a long time ago. Yeah, yeah so and there are other jurisdictions Australia interestingly has a much better developed Family Justice System than we have here in England and Wales.

And so in Australia for quite a lot of years now the way in which they have worked to get the voice of the child heard, certainly within the mediation process, focusing specifically on the mediation process rather than courts and you know that’s not what we’re talking about here, is child inclusive mediation. So what it isn’t, is you bring a child in, to a meeting sit them down in front of the parents and say right what do you think, it’s definitely not that it is about the, the child’s voice being heard.

And so it is a separate, it’s within the process first of all the parents you’ll have a conversation with the parents, say “this is something which is a possibility what do you think?” Everybody would have to agree so the child or children and both parents would have to be comfortable with that there’s quite a lot of preparation, for that because it’s really, really important, that everybody goes into it with the right intention and prepared for what might come out of it. So what the child bit, is a separate meeting, a confidential meeting, between me as the mediator and the child or children, and generally speaking there isn’t there are no hard or fast rules about what age it might be, um, but generally speaking a child of around 10 sometimes a bit younger, um. and certainly younger if they are younger siblings of an older child to if you see what I mean.

So it would be a separate meeting, sorry, you mean if they have older siblings then they can be, involved in the process I mean it doesn’t feel right, and I’ll come on to explain in a minute yeah so if you had a 12 year old and an 8 year old, the 12 year old, almost certainly would be, exactly the right age for this and and in terms of family dynamics, and all children you know, needing to be heard, it would be wrong, to in my view to exclude the 8 year old.

As long as they want or everybody wants to do it, really tiny children clearly not, because you can’t have that kind of conversation with them so, there are no hard and fast rules about the age. That, going back to the Australian experience, there’s a lot of research, that says that, children who have had their voices heard in this way have, have tend to have better mental health outcomes, as young adults, than their peers who haven’t gone through that but have experienced parental separation.

And, so, that can be the only reason, it’s a strange one because I’m not a therapist, not trained as a therapist and it isn’t therapy and you make that really clear, but it’s, but the research suggests that just by feeling that they’ve been able to have a confidential meeting with somebody impartial, that that has a positive impact, yeah, on children as they develop, yeah.

That’s really important I mean we see in studies that have been done because we know divorce can have, long-term effects on children, absolutely, if this is one way that that long-term effect can be eliminated or diminished, yes, yeah, absolutely so it may be, that all that happens in that meeting is that the children get things off their chest, and then, they’ve been able to do that, the parents know they’ve been able to do that and that you know that hopefully that will benefit them in the future.

And the reason why I say that might be it, is because the only thing that you can share from that confidential meeting with a child is what they agree you can share. So, it’s possible that some children will say “I don’t want you to share anything”, mostly, I can’t wait to tell you what they want you to tell the parents, and it’s not always what the parents want to hear, or expect to hear, but it is really, really important that everybody understands that that meeting is for the child it’s confidential to the child and anything that’s going to be shared is with the childs expressed permission.

Yeah, so, you know that, more often than not they’ll say things “I just want to just stop arguing”, you know or, it, it you get all kinds of things but, the reason why it’s really, really important to prepare parents for this is because there is a risk, that parents will think, well they’re just going to tell us what the answer is. The decision making remains very, firmly with the parents.

Okay, that’s, that’s one part that I really wanted to know about what happens at the end of that, um, and also I have so many questions that are going through my mind you know coming from my background as a psychologist and working a lot with children, um, and I have so many questions that are floating around in my mind so I like the idea that it’s a safe space for children to just come and, talk and say.

Um, at the same time I’m thinking or I’m wondering about children, do you do you have some kind of way or assessment where you realise that actually it wouldn’t be appropriate, even if the child is 12, 13, 14, where it looks like there’s been coercion, or possible parental alienation, that you think actually there’s no point?

Do you have some kind of way or assessment where you realise that actually it wouldn’t be appropriate to do child inclusive mediation, if there’s been possible coercion or parental alienation? 

Oh yeah, yeah absolutely, it is by no means. In theory, this is something which should be offered, to all children but in practice, the mediator manages the mediation process the mediator as a mediator I can make a call you know I, will not infrequently say right we need to stop that now because this isn’t for whatever reason not necessarily reasons of abuse but, you know it’s just, all becoming unproductive, certainly if there’s any suggestions becoming abusive anyway and similarly, that first meeting with the parents is key.

So there are many reasons including the ones that you’ve said but also, if I think that really, one parent if I think anybody’s going to coach a child, or put pressure on a child, or, if the other thing to expose what do they, what if, there is feedback that they don’t like. So if a child tells me no I do actually want to stay with Dad, and just for example relatively common, thing that we could talk about in mediation, and Mum really doesn’t, expect, to hear that, because the child might have been saying something different as you know you’ll know as well as I do that children want to please and protect don’t they so, they will tell parents different things not because they’re dishonest, but because they’re just, in a really impossible position.

So you know there are cases where the feedback might be entirely unexpected and unwelcome and where, there is the potential for that to have a prejudicial impact on the relationship between the child and that parent, or for them to put pressure on them or whatever you’ve got to spend a lot of time, talking about all of this and assessing it and if there’s any suggestion of that it doesn’t happen.

And do you have um, the meeting with the children do you have, with all the children at the same time let’s say they’re two or three children or do you have them separately, how does that work?

Do you have the session with the children separately or all together? 

Both, both so I would tend to start off with them all together, okay, and then, agree with them and that we spend time, separately.

I’ve never had it I’ve, I’ve never had anybody say “no we’re not doing that”, right, they, they tend to be but obviously you start off and you’ve got games to play but play a lot of Dobble and that kind of thing you know, you’ve got things to kind of put them at ease and have a bit of a chat and so on and once you’ve got to that point then they’re generally quite happy.

I wouldn’t make, especially you know I wouldn’t make a child do that but um, it’s really interesting, that, you know they often do have quite different things to say, and they understand that, they each, you know the children I’ve seen respect the fact that each one of them will have a different view and needs to be able to say that, so, yeah, it’s because it’s a dynamic thing and it’s also the individual perspective.

Yeah, I work a lot with children and families and in my own private practice I work a lot with family or couples or parents who are going through divorce and they’re concerned about their children, or have been Court Ordered to attend Triple P parenting programs so that they can either regain contact and, and so forth um, and I come from that angle, you know that where please listen to the children’s voices, please be health centred child focus it’s not about you here, it’s about them.

So what, what would you say, in your experience what have been the positive or the benefits of child inclusive mediation for the family and for you’ve mentioned a couple in terms of long term, effects, but within the process when you’re mediating and you have the children and you give feedback, what has been your experience um, in terms of the direction that the mediation has taken or changes that have happened?

What would you say are the positives or benefits of the child inclusive mediation process? 

I have had cases where it’s been very difficult, so I’ve and in a case like that where I would see the parents separately at the beginning of the joint session, and that takes some time then to manage and, you know because I can then give the bad news the ability to give the unexpected news to one parent and ,you know also manage the other one’s expectations as to how we’re going to address that when we come back together. But generally speaking, you know if, if you’ve got it right and if they genuinely do want to listen it can be really helpful, it just you know and again you’re getting it right involves, the parents being really clear it’s still their decision, so they don’t have to go along with whatever they said yeah, but you know parents, are interested in all the children say generally speaking, and, you know it has informed, the choices that parents have made in a very positive way.

Do you ever have parents who are separated, and are trying to just come to the best possible scenario for their children who come in just for child inclusive mediation?

Do you ever have parents who are separated, and are trying to just come to the best possible scenario for their children who come in just for child inclusive mediation? 

Yeah, yeah, good. Because quite a lot of people, the thing is in terms of financial work, you know the financial legal work, if parents aren’t married, the finances are actually quite straightforward so often they don’t need to mediate all that they’ve sorted all of that out so it only tends to be in the context to the divorced, when you’ve got the financial stuff as well, and there are lots, lots of you know unmarried families aren’t there so an awful lot of at cases where all they want to talk about is child arrangements.

And are there any disadvantages to child inclusive mediation that you can think of?

Are there any disadvantages to child inclusive mediation? 

Well the role if you get it wrong, so you know if a parent, if a parent does bring pressure on a child I mean, I think coaching is relatively easy spot I mean it’s people will always suggest parents will always suggest that because they’re in a position of fear and they, you know, that it’s entirely natural to be suspicious about, what one, what the other parents saying to a child when they’re not there but, you know you, you either spend time with the parents as an initial Mediation Information Assessment Meeting or a MIAM at the beginning with each of them spending time getting to know them, understanding where they’re coming from, that’s really useful to spend quite a bit of time on that, and then you’ll have them together for a joint session so you do really start to get more of a feel for whether or not you think the impact of that process is, is, is going to be prejudicial because a parent will use it in the wrong way.

So, if you, kind of, don’t spot that for whatever reason and nobody’s perfect are they then there is the potential there for it being prejudicial to the child. We never see it as mediators, we never really see what happens ,further down the line it’s just you’re just involved in resolving that, dispute.

Occasionally people come back and say want to review things and, and so on. There is always a risk with any of these things is that that you know you can’t you can manage a process but you can’t make it perfect. Yeah, yeah, and how many sessions do you see the children for?

How many sessions do you see the children for? 

Usually one, usually just one. So it would usually be, the individual meetings, the meeting with the parents to talk about it, explain it and make sure everything’s right, then you’d write to the child. So I write a handwritten letter, and age appropriately basically saying “you don’t have to come in but your mum and dad have asked me to write to you because they think it would be good for you to have a conversation with me”, so they, tell me what’s going on for you yeah, so maybe coming from mum and dad but you know, he has said duh, duh, duh, duh, it’s me you write to them as well and say I write to them and say mum and dad think it would be a good idea, yeah, you don’t have to do it if you, if you don’t want to, but, you might it might be nice for you to be able to have a chat about all of this.

Um, and you know in in kind of child’s age-appropriate language about, uh you know having to break confidently being confidential about having to break confidentiality if they tell me something that’s a safeguarding issue and then, they could have a session with, with the children, and then shortly afterwards, a session with the parents feedback session with the parents it’s really, important that that’s as short as possible so, you know, nobody’s worried about what’s been said what hasn’t been said, so that’s generally how it works.

I kind of know, the answer to this question seeing how our interview has gone, but what has been your experience of child inclusive mediation, compared to the traditional forms of divorce?

What has been your experience of child inclusive mediation, compared to the traditional forms of divorce mediation? 

Mediation as opposed to traditional yeah, yeah. Where it’s, it’s, you know, “I’m going to see my lawyer, you’re going to see your lawyer” and then yeah, yeah, well. You can probably see this coming but it’s I cannot, say strongly enough, how much better it is, if people can be helped, to keep control of their future, to keep talking about their children.

I think the reality is that even, whether I mean it’s like any profession, there are some really, really good practitioners out there and there are some who, approach it differently, who perhaps don’t kind of get the reality that these are people’s lives. It’s not about scoring points and showing how good you’re at the law or anything like that.

And there are people out there generally speaking is a pretty good enlightened profession but there are people out there so when you get into, you know somebody goes to see a solicitor and straight down the litigation route I can’t tell you how damaging, that is for everybody. I mean it’s bad enough for the lawyers really, it’s not a great job it’s not a great way of earning a living I mean, you know the whole time people firing things that are trying to score points is horrible and it’s not even your life.

So, you know, what mediation, collaborative practice, all of those things. The advantage of those things is that, people keep control of their own lives and, you know, a lot of lawyers would think oh well, they don’t people don’t know what the options are when they come in. They think it’s court, yeah, but I, a very, I can’t really remember anybody who, who you know by the end of the first conversation wants to go to court.

They might think it’s inevitable because they think that their ex, will do that but the reality is, quite often they don’t want to do it it’s fear isn’t it, it’s all about yeah, it’s all about people wanting to protect themselves it’s that kind of fight or flight thing. It’s a clinical, cold process, it’s highly discretion there’s lots of the things that actually matter to people never get mentioned in court proceedings.

So it’s very unsatisfactory all along and all of these things are said in a formal ways, sometimes by pompous lawyers in the courtroom, it’s really, it’s really damaging. Yeah, that I try um, we try to have on The Divorce Magazines when we have contributions you know people will submit articles, that are verging or, leaning very, much towards this part of um, acrimony or, triggering or then we, we don’t talk about that we just want articles, that are because let’s not. Okay, divorce is not pleasant for anybody, no matter which way we go. And I usually say, for the child the separation of the parents is a big deal, but what could be even bigger, which could be the primary trauma is how the whole process is handled, yeah, conflict, yeah, so yeah exactly conflict so in The Divorce Magazine we really try, to not try, we, we I think we do manage to not have articles that are you, know going in that direction and keeping it, letting people know there are other ways of dealing with it and if you have a solicitor these are the things that you need to think about and all articles are contributed by experts like you, you know family lawyers and so forth.

So speaking of the different ways that um, divorce goes, you know the different processes you’ve mentioned some, I’d like to find out a little bit more for instance you mentioned a MIAM. What is a MIAM?

What is a MIAM?

The MIAM is the first stage of the mediation process. So it stands for Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, so it’s a one-to-one meeting between the mediator and one of the couple, one of the separating couple, where it’s not about solving anything, it’s not about the mediating making judgments or anything it’s about understanding what the issues are, understanding where that person is coming from, giving them information about the mediation process, and coming to a decision at the end of that, as to whether they’re willing to give it a go.

And it’s the MIAM, so people get confused the, the court rules now say ish, they say there are exemptions that if you want to make an application to a family court for a family order, then you have to have had a MIAM. You don’t say you have to mediate it because you know you take horse to water and all that but you have to have had that information. So that’s what the MIAM is so hopefully what it is, is a preliminary to a mediation process but if not it’s, it’s a conversation, to inform people about alternatives to court applications.

And I’m assuming that, correct me if I’m wrong that the MIAM was put in place in that way, you know preliminary to, going to court in the hope that some people will be diverted into a conversational level, absolutely, absolutely, and it does work but it, it often works I mean I, and many mediator colleagues would say, if you get somebody in, it’s very unlikely they’re going to say they don’t want to do it when you explain you know so do you know how long a Court’s gonna take do you know how much it’s going to cost you that kind of thing.

But you do still get referrals and I just I just needed to sign a form there’s a challenge. I don’t think that’s gonna happen um, yeah, so, so yes it’s um, that’s the idea and courts are getting judges are getting better at, because for years they’ve been regulations in place and what people have been doing is just say there’s an exemptions, there are more pages on the Form A which is the financial form, right, about exemption from mediation than there are about anything else so, there’s all kinds of you know, perfectly followed one’s domestic abuse Etc. Although, you know personally I think an initial meeting to properly screen that, yeah, rather than a solicitor, ticking a box, is I think, don’t think that would be a bad idea.

Can I ask you just with regards to that Nicki so let’s say I’m getting divorced, and I say, I said to my future ex-husband to be, shall we go for, for mediation and he says “no I don’t want to go for mediation” anyway, I come to you, I get my MIAM and we eventually, you know end up in court, the fact that he didn’t want to go to mediation, is that ever taken into account is it, you know does it.

If my ex declines going for mediation, is that take into account when going to court? 

Yes and no I mean what you because the mediation, there’s a lot of confidential issues around mediation so mediator isn’t going to be, giving reasons apportioning blame Etc. So in your, in your situation I’m still contacting, okay, so if you come to me for a MIAM, I would still contact him and say “why don’t you just come for a chat”, so there is still, whatever he says, yeah, yeah there’s still that but if he still says no, the courts are getting much better at A. Making sure people have actually not just ticked an exemption box for the sake of it and have seen that and B. adjourning things and saying I saw a couple last week, is that exactly that had happened, applications being made to the court, the court said come on you can sort this out to between yourselves go to mediation.

Yeah, and I’ve had a few like that, so courts are becoming much more, come on this is, this is parenting it’s not law it’s parenting. Have a supported conversation it’s not here’s a conversation, but have one supported by the right professional. That’s really good to hear, so Nicki this brings us really nicely into, my last question, which is, we started off by talking about the different ways of mediation, of divorcing now the different, different processes that are out there, can you tell us, you know we know the traditional one I go like that again in terms of lawyer, lawyer couples go to court and, and all of that or they don’t go to court but it’s just that the lawyers speaking, and then we’ve talked about mediation, family mediation and we’ve talked about the MIAMs and what that means, and where it goes and we’ve talked about child inclusive mediation but what other, other ways are there of um, going through the divorce process.

What other ways are there of going through the divorce process? 

I think what happens is, you get to know somebody, spend some time at the beginning you kind of assess, where they’re at and you can do whatever it takes and you commit, the thing that I find really exciting now about the way family law is developing and it’s been a long time coming, is that there is now an openness to, you know changing tack as you need to if something doesn’t work find a different way of doing it it’s not just you go to mediation, if mediation fails you go to court, there are lots of other ways that you can do it.

So, the main way in which, that kind of process option I would call is collaborative practice. The collaborative practice is, a bit like mediation, but the lawyers are, it’s a team thing so it’s the couple and their lawyers around the table, they sign a contract that says they’re not going to go to court they’re going to sort it out around that table, they can then bring other professionals into that so whether that’s pensions experts, accountants, valuers whatever they can actually come to the table, have a proper conversation so everybody understands things, and questions can be asked.

And then, they reach an agreement and that’s sorted by the lawyers. So that is a really, effective process, quite kind process as well and it’s, it’s team problem solving at its best and, generally speaking that’s, you know it does work. Are there solicitors from two different firms, yeah, two different they come together then the accountants and everybody else that you mentioned are they from, are there two sets of accountants, two sets of, no, okay, there’s just one so the idea is that and I do this in my mediation practice as well.

Quite often with pensions, erm you know we need some pensions of complicated things, we need somebody with our expertise, let’s send them the information so this is what we want to achieve and they’ll come and talk to us about how that can happen. So that can happen in a collaborative process but it’s one, it’s what’s called a ‘Single Joint Expert’ it’s the same principle in court, that instead you know gone are the days where, you would have you know husband’s accountant, the wife’s accountant, and a big scrap about it the court says “no you need to agree one person to do it they’ve got the expertise, let them do it.”

So, those people can come into any process but what, what I find most, exciting about what’s, maybe sounds a bit, wrong to be talking about it but I mean as professionally exciting for me in terms of, seeing really positive change, is that there is an accept there are different models coming out and we’re in the process in York of thinking about, how we can work, by putting a team together so instead of, somebody going to one solicitor or the other person going to the other solicitor, them having completely different styles and everybody ends up confused and, they can’t agree what to do.

Almost you could have it can have a process and it does work there’s a, we spoke to some people some, fantastic women in Melbourne in Australia they came over and spoke to us in the summer and what they do is they, a couple goes, go to them as an organisation and they say right okay this is what you need in your team, you need, you get a lawyer each because you need that guidance, but actually a lot of the works can be done by a financial person because that financial person can get all the financial information together, that saves your lawyer time, you would need some support from divorce coach, family consultant, various different, words for them but they tend, they are people who will be there skilled people who are there to provide that emotional support, that again reduces illegal costs because people, are reliant on family lawyers, to get them through things and that you know it’s part of the job that I like best it’s forming those relationships but I’m not, I’m not trained as a counsellor or you know anything like that so you get, you bring in the people you create a team and then and from the start the choices to work together to get where you need to be.

So we’re looking at ways at the moment in York of um, trying to make that work talking to different professionals and talking to somebody who already, does it in the south of England and trying to put that together. It sounds like a very holistic way of treating, a divorcement yeah, uh, you know different because divorce means so many different things it’s not just a bit of the couple, there’s the lost family home, there’s the loss of the future, the loss of the children’s idea of what life would be like, your idea, you know there’s so much you know the plans and then, not even talking about the pain and you know the hurt the you know, what you’re, feeling and then you know if somebody has not been working now it’s going to go out and getting reskilled it’s such a huge, emotional roller, no well maybe not roller coaster because sometimes can just keep going up yeah, sometimes yeah, I know yeah, yeah.

Thank you so much Nicki, yeah sure I’ve enjoyed it actually yeah, I might get in touch with you because I want to talk about the pension side of, of divorce because I think that’s what um, has been, it’s spoken about but only, it feels like when people just decide we’re breaking up it’s like who’s going to get the house, and then you don’t think about the other things that come after that or on the side of that or um, it would be good to have another interview that’s about the financial side of, absolutely and pensions weirdly pensions, I blame my dad, my dad was an accountant so I do have a there’s, a there’s a natural streak of me that likes the numbers, so and pensions are really complicated and I love it I do find it really interesting although I don’t share that with everybody because people find that strange. Which is all you need.

I like that families you can do the numbers yeah, yeah. Thank you so much, thank you very much and thank you for all the contributions from you and from Jones Myers on to The Divorce Magazine, pleasure no it’s, it’s great and I, I love the ethos I do like that it’s very clear that what you do, it’s a, it’s a positive force it’s like no look at this yeah, make, make choices make better choices yeah, with the right information people often make poor choices because they don’t got the right information. Exactly, exactly and that’s why we only take contributions from, divorce professionals. Anybody else it’s maybe from their own experience of divorce, or step parenting, but when it’s giving, when it’s sharing knowledge about divorce and the divorce process, only from divorce professionals other no bloggers or writers, no you need to be able to be writing for The Divorce Magazine, yeah. Thank you so much, excellent, absolute pleasure.

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Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

Nicki is a partner at Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors. With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

Skilled in mediation and collaborative family lawyer, Nicki is also a Child Inclusive Mediator which enables her to meet with children of separated parents and hear what they want for their future.

When Court is the Only Solution in Divorce
A guide to when court may be the only solution in divorce, including the process, risks, and key considerations.
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When Court is the Only Solution in Divorce

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

As a niche family law firm which champions a non-confrontational approach to divorce, Jones Myers always strives to offer our clients alternative options to a court divorce such as mediation or collaborative family practice. 

Clients undergoing divorce are at a crossroads of their lives and do not take such an enormous decision lightly. It presents numerous emotional, financial and practical challenges, even where both agree the relationship is over.  

While our experienced family law experts do everything we can to help them to choose the right path for their circumstances, sometimes going to court is the only viable option. I explain in more detail below.     

In what circumstances do couples choose a court divorce? 

This largely depends on the advice they receive. Whilst most lawyers will explain all the Non Court Dispute Resolution (NCDR) options to clients, some, who may perhaps have less or no experience in this area, are more inclined to recommend court applications.  

The court process has its place. A Judge can compel the production of financial information, ultimately, though rarely, by sending someone guilty of non-disclosure to prison. The court can also order third parties, such as accountants and other advisers who hold information relevant to the case, to provide information. 

In extreme cases – in particular where there is a lack of engagement in the process – a court can make orders without engaging with one of the couple. 

What is involved in a court process?

Before an application can be made to the court for a Financial Order – which sets out how the financial assets of separating couples will be divided – an application must have been made for a divorce or dissolution of a Civil Partnership. The various steps required can be found here.

Before applying for a Financial Order or a Child Arrangements Order – a court order court  setting out the living arrangements of a child or children involved in the divorce – the person proposing to make the application must either attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) or be eligible for one of a small number of exemptions.

The MIAM assesses whether mediation is an option for the separating couple. A financial application starts with the exchange of full financial disclosure which is then followed by a series of up to three main court hearings.   

What are the advantages of a court process? 

Court applications are often started because one of the couple refuses to engage. Only a Judge can compel someone to produce documents or make orders in the absence of co-operation.

The court’s role is to encourage couples to make agreed decisions about their finances and children. However, some couples, for a variety of reasons, are simply unable to reach agreement and need someone to make that decision for them.  In default of agreement, the court can impose binding decisions on them. 

…and the disadvantages?

In court proceedings couples run the risk that they will lose control of decisions which will affect them for years to come. They may well not agree with what the court imposes but in reality will find it difficult to do anything about it – appeals are rare and costly. 

There is no guaranteed privacy in a court divorce – journalists can obtain permission to report in family law courts on cases involving finances and/or children’s wellbeing and future.   

Couples are appointed a judge, who is unknown to them, and who potentially makes vital decisions on key issues about their future. Continuity is not assured, with different judges often involved at different stages of the proceedings.  

Court hearings can be costly, stressful and time consuming. They heighten conflict between the couple which inevitably has a negative impact on their children and wider family.  

The duration of a court divorce can vary significantly from a few months to years if the issues are  contested. The court system is under strain and there is always the risk that a hearing may be cancelled or put off if there is insufficient court time or no available Judge. 

Court orders, whether made by agreement or imposed by a Judge, are legally binding and enforceable.  Negotiated agreements are easily converted into court orders without the need for any hearings. 

What are the first steps for those in this situation to take?   

Knowing where to start on this path can seem overwhelming. Whichever route you take, it is vital to secure the best possible legal advice from highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers who are members of family law group Resolution and have a strong track record in their respective fields.  

In circumstances when going to court is a client’s only viable option, Jones Myers is highly experienced in litigating in all court arenas from the Magistrate’s Court through to The Supreme Court.

Our legal experts are dedicated to safeguarding our clients’ best interests throughout the process, taking into careful consideration their immediate and long-term needs – and helping them to face the future with confidence.

For queries on divorce and family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements. 

A skilled Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  01904 202553, www.jonesmyers.co.uk 

Powerful Partnerships: Jones Myers and The Divorce Magazine

Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Jones Myers niche family law firm was among The Divorce Magazine’s first collaborators when it launched in January 2013 – and is delighted to remain a key partner in the publisher’s dynamic journey.

Offering a valuable resource comprising legal, financial and emotional support on divorce from established and respected family law experts chimes with Jones Myers ethos to enhance understanding of family law – and the options, guidance and support available to those in need.

As a practice achieving top rankings in esteemed legal guides for over three decades, TDM’s platform enables us to share our extensive expertise.

For example, many separating couples believe that going to court – which can be expensive, drawn out, and stressful – is the only way forward. Our articles explain how alternatives, such as mediation and collaborative family practice, are conducted in a spirit of cooperation with the aim of resolving matters without the need for court proceedings.

At the forefront of complex areas of children law, including international child abduction, we share insights on how concerned parents can spot warning signs along with advice on other key issues including child arrangement orders, co-parenting, alienating behaviours and grandparents rights.

Understanding only too well how the financial aspects of divorce can be bewildering to those who have not managed practicalities such as tax and direct debits during their relationship, we focus on pertinent areas such as common financial mistakes and related topics like pensions and financial settlements.

Social Media Benefits

Great partnerships always aim to be reciprocal, and additional benefits of this collaboration see TDM and Jones Myers raise awareness of content across our respective social media channels, reaching thousands of followers across LinkedIn and Twitter. I have also been involved in a  podcast with a panel which was well received.

Client Feedback  

Joining Jones Myers as a partner in 2019, I am delighted with feedback from clients and partners on our articles which have been read by almost 88,400 readers in the last three years alone. The need for, and interest in, TDM’s offering looks set to further increase following its  22% readership expansion from 99,000 to 183,000 across 2024-2025.

We have always enjoyed working with Amey and the upbeat team at TDM who are receptive to ideas and pro-actively invite contributors to share their knowledge, experience, and perspectives in the monthly TDM Contributor Update.

TDM’s continued success is well deserved and Jones Myers looks forward to sustaining our long lasting and mutually beneficial partnership with its team.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk

Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You
Image by rawpixel.com on Freepik

Mediation, Arbitration, Collaborative Law, or Court? Choosing the Best Option for You

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

As an experienced Family Law Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer with extensive expertise in litigation, I understand the challenges facing separating couples in finding the right way to divorce for their individual circumstances.

The trepidation of a prolonged, costly and stressful court divorce is prompting an increasing number of  couples to seek out routes such as mediation and collaborative family law which avoid going to court. 

Another option is arbitration where separating couples hire a ‘private judge’ to accelerate the outcome of their financial settlements. 

Known as Alternative Dispute Resolution – because they provide alternatives to litigating in court – these three options put children’s best interests first. They also promote a spirit of spirit of collaboration for spouses and parents to achieve the best solutions.  

I hope the insights below will help you to decide which is best for your unique situation.   

What is mediation?

Mediation is a means of resolving family disputes constructively. It enables you to keep  control over  decisions which will  affect the future of you and your family.  In  the court process you hand those decisions over to a judge, who does not know you or your family and knows nothing about what is important to you. Mediation is appropriate for most situations including the most financially complex. 

Who is involved in mediation?

The private and confidential process takes place in a safe, impartial environment and involves a mediator like me, an independent third party who helps you and your ex to reach an agreement over key areas.  At the outset both of you sign an Agreement to Mediate so negotiations can continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis. 

The number of discussions/sessions varies for each couple depending upon the complexity of the split. As a facilitator, the mediator assists, guides, and helps you to move dialogue forward.  

Many mediators, myself included, are lawyers and can provide extremely useful information about the law to inform your decisions. 

Whether or not they are legally qualified, mediators will recommend that you each  retain  your own solicitor who can provide specific legal advice where required during the process.

What does success in mediation look like?

A successful outcome in mediation can mean many things.  Many couples choose the mediation process to get to an agreement which is formalised in a binding Court Order. 

Often called a Final Order, this is a legal document which officially terminates your marriage without you having to go to court.  However, mediation has many other advantages, including developing a new way of communicating as separated parents. 

Is mediation compulsory?

No. Mediation is a voluntary process. You may have read about a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) meeting, usually relating to cases involving finances or children, which all divorcing couples are expected to attend before court proceedings are issued. 

These meetings are designed to inform  you both about alternative resolution schemes and to establish if the circumstances are suitable for mediation.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Mediation can result in a swifter resolution, reducing legal expenses which mount up in prolonged court cases between warring couples. Highly confidential, it is a more impartial and considered approach and can lessen the emotional impact of separation and divorce on children. 

What happens if mediation fails? 

Due to its voluntary nature, talks can be concluded at any time if headway is not made. However, there are many ways in which the process can be adapted to get over sticky issues and avoid failure.  

There is an increasing trend towards lawyers being present in mediation sessions to provide technical advice and support during the process, in particular where there are complex legal issues.  

Alternatively, disputed legal points can be determined by bringing in a neutral lawyer to give a view or even an arbitrator to give a binding decision on a particular issue.  All of this can be done in the context of mediation.

What is collaborative family practice?

In collaborative family practice separating couples make a commitment to avoid the court route and to work together with specially trained lawyers to make their own decisions about the future. 

Like mediation, it champions a spirit of collaboration and compromise, is entirely confidential – and puts children’s needs at the heart of discussions.   

How does it work – and who is involved?

You and your ex each appoint your own collaboratively trained lawyer and undertake a series of meetings where you all work together to identify, address and resolve financial, parenting and other key issues.   

Collaborative family lawyers  provide support and legal advice throughout the sessions. Accountants, independent financial advisers, pensions advisers and/or childcare specialists can also attend and provide guidance on a neutral basis. You have as many or as few meetings as are necessary to resolve the issues between you.  

At the outset you, your collaborative lawyers and other specialists involved, sign a Participation Agreement that commits all of you to strive to reach resolutions without going to court. 

The agreement  prevents your collaborative lawyers from representing you in court if the collaborative process fails, ensuring everyone is wholly bought into making the process work.    

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Like mediation, collaborative family  practice puts you and your ex in the driving seat so you can progress the sessions at your own pace, working around your respective work and family commitments. 

Faster, less stressful and more cost effective than going to court, it ensures that everyone involved is committed to achieving a solution. In times where transparency is encouraged in the family courts and journalists can attend hearings, collaborative practice guarantees your family’s privacy.

What happens if a successful outcome is reached

Once an agreement is reached, your lawyers will put it into effect, obtaining a formally binding Court Order without you having to go to court. 

What if talks break down?

At any time during the sessions either of you can terminate the process through a Formal Notice of Withdrawal if you feel no headway is being made. Again, as in mediation, failure can be avoided with the right support, including where necessary, an early neutral evaluation or arbitration on disputed legal issues. 

What is the difference between mediation and collaborative family practice?

In mediation, family mediators are neutral – they cannot give advice to either party as their role is  to facilitate discussions.

This differs from collaborative family lawyers who can advise those they represent at the same time as conducting the negotiations. As highlighted above, collaborative lawyers sign up to an agreement not to go to court, which provides a positive investment in the process for the whole team.  

What is arbitration?

Arbitration is a private court hearing where divorcing couples take on a ‘private judge’, officially known as an arbitrator, to achieve a resolution to their financial settlements.  

How does it work?

Like mediation and collaborative family practice, this option, also conducted in a safe and confidential environment, can avoid a prolonged, expensive and, potentially, public court hearing.  

Similar to a judge, the arbitrator hears evidence from both of you, collects relevant facts and bases their decision on the evidence, considering the views of you both.  

The arbitrator then makes an Award over who should have what which is final and binding.

What are the advantages and disadvantages?

Divorcing couples have the same arbitrator through the process, something which  rarely happens at court where different Judges are involved at different stages of the proceedings.

Quicker, confidential and more flexible than a court option, there is a substantial cost saving when delays are avoided. Divorcing couples set and agree their own timetable at the outset. 

If an arbitrator is to be used, this is something which must be agreed. There is no power to compel anyone to arbitrate. Also, arbitrators have no power to secure disclosure from third parties such as accountants or financial advisors or instruct them to present evidence at meetings.      

Can couples involved in a court divorce opt for arbitration?

Yes. Court rules give judges the power to halt court proceedings to give you both the opportunity to resolve the dispute through arbitration or indeed any other form of NCDR.

In what circumstances do couples choose a court divorce?

This largely depends on the advice which couples receive. Whilst most lawyers will explain all the dispute resolution options to clients, some, who may perhaps have less or no experience of NCDR, are more inclined to recommend court applications.  

The court process has its place. A Judge has the power to compel the production of financial information, ultimately by sending someone guilty of non-disclosure to prison. The court can also order third parties who hold information relevant to the case, for example accountants and other advisers, to provide information. In extreme cases a court can make orders without any engagement from one of the parties. 

What does a court process entail?

Before an application can be made to the court for a Financial Order an application must have been made for a divorce or dissolution of a Civil Partnership.  The various steps required to get a divorce can be found on the Government website.

As outlined above, before a court application can be made for a financial or children order, every divorcing couple must also  attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting

A financial application will involve the exchange of full financial disclosure followed by a series of up to three main court hearings.   

What are the pros and cons of a court process?

The role of the court is to encourage parties to make agreed decisions about their finances and children and, in default of agreement, to make binding decisions for them 

Court orders, whether made by agreement or imposed by a Judge, are legally binding and enforceable. 

There is no privacy in a court divorce, where the proceedings are open. Since 2023 journalists have been able to report in family law courts on cases which include the wellbeing and future of children whose parents are divorcing.  

Couples are appointed a judge, who is unknown to them, and who makes vital decisions on key issues about their future.  Continuity is not assured with different judges often involved in the proceedings.  

Court hearings can be costly, stressful and time consuming. They can heighten conflict between the couple and run the risk of a case being adjourned or unfinished due to pressure on court time or a judge becoming unavailable.

The duration of a court divorce can vary significantly from a few months to years if the divorce is contested. 

The breakdown of a marriage invariably leaves those involved emotionally and physically drained and few couples take the decision to separate and divorce lightly

Knowing where to start on this critical path, which will impact on the future of all involved and affect the wellbeing of children involved, can seem overwhelming.  

Whichever route you take when embarking on divorce, it is critical that you secure the best possible legal advice.

I cannot emphasise enough the importance of working with highly experienced family law professionals like Jones Myers who are members of family law group Resolution and have a strong track record in their respective fields.   

Because we understand that every case is different, our family law experts, who are leaders in their field, deliver a bespoke service, outlining options and offering legal and practical advice at every stage to help them make informed decisions.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk

Why a Landmark Ruling Strengthens the Case for Pre-Nups
Photo by Cytonn Photography on Unsplash
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Why a Landmark Ruling Strengthens the Case for Pre-Nups

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

A Supreme Court ruling on whether substantial assets transferred between spouses during marriage should be divided equally on divorce – has reignited the importance of pre-nups. 

The ‘big money case’ saw divorcee Anna Standish lose her legal case to keep almost £80 million which her affluent banker husband had given her in 2017 to put in offshore trusts for their children and to avoid inheritance tax. 

When their marriage fell apart in 2020, the money was still in her name, sparking a bitter, prolonged case which played out in the highest courts in the land.

The outcome is a reminder of the importance of pre-nups for all couples tying the knot, especially for high-net-worth individuals and families involved in estate and inheritance planning. 

Irrespective of a couple’s financial status, a pre-nup helps couples to avoid  the potential distress, acrimony, and expense of disentangling their finances if they split up. 

How to obtain a Pre-nup 

  • To enter into an agreement properly, the couple each need to obtain independent legal advice on the agreement
  • Both must also have disclosed their assets to each other – and the terms of the agreement must produce a result that is fair and reasonable and meets needs
  • The agreement should be negotiated and signed at least 28 days before the wedding. This allows both to obtain advice, have time to consider it, and make an informed decision on signing it

Do courts uphold Pre-nups?

Increasingly courts are upholding pre-nups on divorce if they  are satisfied that the agreement was entered into freely, without undue pressure  and with the benefit of full financial information and independent legal advice.

As the law stands, a court  still needs to approve  the settlement at the point of divorce, ensuring the agreement meets the needs of both parties. If it does not, a different order can be made but this is likely still to take the terms of the Pre-nup into account to some extent.

Are Pre-nups suitable for second marriages? 

Yes. The contracts can  work particularly well for couples marrying for the second time where a husband or wife seeks to retain their own wealth if they separate. They can also protect the interests of children from previous relationships

Taking the time to draw up a pre-nup before marriage can avoid financial and emotional heartache in a marriage breakdown. Jones Myers family law specialists are highly experienced in advising on pre-nups and post-nups. 

For queries on any aspect of family law, call Jones Myers at Leeds 0113 246 0055, Harrogate 01423 276104, or York 01904 202550. Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th in the UK’s Best 25 family law blogs and websites to follow in 2025.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Nicki Mitchell

With over three decades of experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements. 

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  

Common Financial Mistakes to Avoid During and After Divorce
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
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Common Financial Mistakes to Avoid During and After Divorce

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers.

The fear of starting all over again and all the financial worry that can bring with it can understandably have a profound effect on many people going through divorce or separation.

This fear can be particularly acute for those who have not had to deal with financial practicalities such as tax, standing orders and direct debits during their relationship.

If you are going through divorce or contemplating it and are concerned about future finances, this article will help to keep you on the right financial track throughout your divorce and beyond.

Be Open and Honest

Not sharing financial information during a relationship can contribute to problems during divorce proceedings.

One spouse may have no idea where the budget line is – or even where it should be drawn – and may have unrealistic expectations of what they are entitled to, or what is a realistic and affordable.

One spouse may have hidden savings or income from the other or scrutinised the other’s spending without being transparent about their own. On divorce, there is nowhere to hide. It is fundamental that both spouses fully and frankly disclose everything they have to each other as a starting point for an informed negotiation.

The Importance of Financial Disclosure

In every divorce, separating couples must provide to the other full details of their assets, income, pension and liabilities.   This is known as financial disclosure.

Financial disclosure ensures that both spouses can make fully informed decisions about what they consider to be a fair settlement. A failure to disclose anything material to the settlement can in some cases lead to an agreement being set aside. Lawyers and judges know every trick in the book and will ask questions if they suspect that money has been concealed. They may even employ forensic accountants to track down missing assets.

Don’t be tempted to hide money in offshore banks. These still have to be disclosed.  If you do not provide everything that is necessary to understand the financial position, family courts have the power to question your accountant, your financial advisor and even your bank manager.

Setting up a new business shortly before separation may well be seen as suspicious or even a deliberate attempt to hide assets.  Taking steps designed to put money beyond the reach of your spouse could lead to injunctions being made against you, freezing assets, or ordering the return of monies from third parties.  In the long run, actions such as these are highly unlikely to succeed and will almost certainly damage your credibility in the eyes of the court.

The Penalties of Concealing Assets

If it later comes to light that you have withheld material financial information during the financial disclosure process, your spouse might be able to ask the court to set aside the Financial Consent Order and relook at what would be a fair order – taking into account all the assets, including those not previously disclosed.

The court can also make an order that you pay your ex’s legal costs. In the worst-case scenario, deliberately withholding financial information in breach of a court order can amount to a contempt of court for which a range of penalties (including ultimately imprisonment) could be imposed.

Include Pensions in Financial Settlements

Frequently overlooked in financial settlements, pensions are frequently one of the most valuable assets of a marriage. They often make up the second highest- value asset in a divorce settlement after the family home – or sometimes the highest.

It is key that information about pensions is made available in the financial disclosure process which must include details of all pensions, including state pensions – and the value of each one.

The most common way in which a disparity in pensions is addressed in a divorce settlement is pension sharing.  Pension sharing splits the pensions immediately and provides a clean break

As an alternative, in some cases ex-spouses prefer to take a greater share of the equity in the family home or other capital, as a trade-off for a share of the other’s pension.

Some divorces may involve several pension arrangements so it is important to consider which arrangements should be shared, and to what extent.  Pensions are complex and, save in very straightforward cases with pensions of limited value, it is important to get specialist advice about them before agreeing a settlement.

The pension share may be internal (when the recipient becomes a member of the scheme) or external when the share must be invested in an existing or new arrangement of the receiving party. Care should be taken to obtain details of the cost of any transfer.

In deciding what is best for them, the couple need to consider how their respective financial needs will be met and what other assets are available for distribution.

Consider Financial Planning

It can be helpful to have financial advice during settlement negotiations.  Many financial advisers use cashflow modelling, which can be a valuable way of how different settlement options might pan out in the future. In processes such as collaborative practice or mediation, it is quite common to bring a financial adviser into the process as a neutral to help the discussions.  Further financial advice can then be taken on an individual basis when settlement terms are clear.

Get a formal Financial Order

Once a financial settlement is agreed, it is almost always best for the terms agreed to be made final and binding in a court order. This is a legally binding document which details the main assets owned by divorcing couples and sets out the financial arrangements agreed between them. The terms of an order are binding and can be enforced through the courts if there are any problems putting those terms into effect.

It is important to understand that the divorce process itself does not dismiss financial claims which  can be pursued many years after the divorce has been finalised provided the person bringing the application has not remarried. Putting off the conversation at the time of separation can sometimes just be kicking the can down the road.

Try to avoid exceeding your budget

I am not a financial adviser, but these are some pointers which might be useful to think about:

  1. Create a ‘to do’ list of all things financial (bills etc) and an aspirational list to set goals for enjoyable things such as treats and breaks
  2. Consider having two bank accounts – one for day-to-day expenses for the house, food, car and associated expenses, direct debits, standing orders and credit card payment. The second is for setting aside some savings for exceptional expenses such non-essential clothing, holidays, and house repairs.
  3. Set out the absolute and exact payments needed every month for your house and family
  4. Know when your maintenance payments arrive and budget accordingly. Ensure standing orders don’t go out before your monthly payments are due in
  5. Apply to your Council for a 25% council tax discount. The concession applies if you are on your own or have younger children
  6. Expand your support network if you’re on your own or have children. Now is an ideal time as the country emerges from lockdown
  7. Take professional advice on preparing and budgeting for your own retirement
  8. Make a will. If you have a pension or life assurance, ensure it includes your chosen beneficiaries and is updated. Review it every few years.
  9. Stay healthy in body and spirit – try new things. You could also consider engaging a life or Divorce coach who specialises in helping people in your situation prepare for their new future

Spousal Maintenance and Child Maintenance

Remember that Spousal Maintenance will usually be paid for a period of time to enable you to adjust to financial independence or when your financial needs are reduced, for example, when your children finish school or university, or leave home.

Be aware that your spousal maintenance will stop if you remarry or enter into a civil partnership or if either of you dies. It could also be affected if you meet a new partner and move in together

It is also important to plan for when child maintenance – which is mandatory for both parents for children under sixteen and youngsters under twenty who are still in full time education – comes to an end.

As part of our holistic approach, Jones Myers advises and guides our clients through the stages of divorce during and after their divorce.

A champion of non-confrontational divorce and resolving issues in a spirit of collaboration and cooperation, our extensive expertise includes alternative to avoid courts which include mediation and collaborative family law.

Our pre-divorce and post- divorce support includes helping them to stay on the right financial track as they embark on the next chapter of their lives.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled Mediator, Child Inclusive Mediator and Collaborative Family Lawyer, Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns.

Direct Dial: 01904 202553 or email  Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk. Website: www.jonesmyers.co.uk

Why it is Vital to Include Pensions in Divorce Settlements in 2025
Image by shurkin_son on Freepik
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Why it is Vital to Include Pensions in Divorce Settlements in 2025

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Sponsored post by Jones Myers. I cannot underestimate the critical role that pensions play in financial settlements as the volume of  divorce enquiries I am receiving increases this January.

Their importance has been further reinforced by New Year calculations from online investment service Interactive Investor, whose financial analysts say that spouses could lose up to £665k by overlooking pensions and failing to take them into account in divorce settlements.

Pensions are frequently one of the most valuable assets of a marriage, often making up the second highest – or sometimes the highest – value asset in a divorce settlement after the family home.

It is key that information about pensions is made available in the financial disclosure process, which must take place before any binding financial settlement can be made.

Disclosure must include details of all pensions, including state pensions – and the value of each one. This ensures that couples are able to make informed decisions as to what a fair settlement looks like for them

The most common way in which a disparity in pensions is addressed in a divorce settlement is pension sharing which provides a clean break between parties, as the pension assets are split immediately.

Alternatively, in some cases ex-spouses prefer to take a greater share of the equity in the family home or other capital, as a trade-off for a share of the other’s pension.

Some divorces may involve several pension arrangements so it is important to consider which arrangements should be shared, and to what extent.

The pension share may be internal (when the recipient becomes a member of the scheme) or external when the share must be invested in an existing or new arrangement of the receiving party. Care should be taken to obtain details of the cost of any transfer.

In deciding what is best for them, the couple need to consider how their respective financial needs will be met  and what other assets are available for distribution.

Alternative and non-confrontational ways for divorcing couples to reach a financial settlement without a lengthy and expensive court process include Mediation and Collaborative Family Law.

Both options – in which I have extensive expertise – are conducted in a spirit of mutual co-operation and put children’s best interest first.

At Jones Myers we always recommend that divorcing couples seek expert advice from highly experienced lawyers regarding their finances. Independent Financial Advisers can assist with pension valuations and projected future incomes.

Taking guidance early on will avoid the risk of losing out on what could be a substantial pension sharing provision that spouses are entitled to – and which can prevent long-term financial issues.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With three decades experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled mediator, child inclusive mediator and collaborative family lawyer Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Direct Dial: 01904 202553 or email  Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  www.jonesmyers.co.uk

Child Maintenance and Spousal Maintenance: Understanding the Differences
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Child Maintenance and Spousal Maintenance: Understanding the Differences

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers Family Law

Sponsored article by Jones Myers Family Law.

In the countdown to the festive season, concerns over finances can understandably escalate – especially for those divorcing and separating who have children but do not have their own income streams.

The aim of this article is to provide key insights into Child Maintenance and Spousal Maintenance.

While they are often believed to be inextricably linked, they are two very distinct issues.

Child Maintenance Support

How do divorcing/separating couples work out Child Maintenance?

Child Maintenance is something which needs to be considered whenever separating couples have children, regardless of whether they were married or not and whatever their financial circumstances.

The Child Maintenance Service (CMS), a stand-alone government body,  provides a formula for parents to calculate child support.

Most separated couples will use the formula as a basis for agreeing the level of child support to be paid and make informal arrangements for this to be paid directly.

Divorcing couples have the option of including their agreement on child support in the order (often known as a consent order) which sets out their agreement as to how their assets, debts, pensions etc will be divided.

Which parent is responsible for paying the support?

The parent with whom the children spend less time will be responsible for paying child support to the other parent.  Where the children’s time and the child care responsibilities are shared equally between the parents then no child support is usually payable.

If there is any dispute between the parents about whether this is the case then the CMS will generally assume the primary carer to be the parent who receives Child Benefit and assess child support accordingly.

For how long does Child Maintenance continue?

The paying parent is obligated to provide child maintenance until the child completes “qualifying education” which is generally full-time secondary education but can include other forms of ongoing study such as some apprenticeships. No child support is payable after the child attains the age of twenty.

What happens if parents cannot agree on the level of support?

If the parents are unable to agree then either one of them can make an application the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) for a calculation.

The CMS will calculate the support payable using a six-step process.

The various stages include determining the paying parent’s yearly gross income. The relevant parent usually provides this. However, the CMS can obtain the information from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) if the parents do not supply this.

Factors, such as pensions and school fees, which could change the paying parent’s financial situation, are also assessed before converting the yearly gross income into a weekly figure.

Key criteria the calculator draws on includes the number of children receiving the income and the level of what is called ‘shared care.’ This is based on how much time the child/children of the paying parent spends with them and includes overnight stays.

What happens if the paying parent loses their job?

Either parent can let the CMS know of a change in circumstance. The Agency will then re-evaluate and reduce the level of support the paying parent needs to provide based on the calculator system.

What happens if the paying parent refuses to pay?

The receiving parent can contact the CMS which would then take appropriate enforcement measures such as applying for a court order to take legal action.

What happens if the paying parent dies during the support period?

CMS payments would cease on the death of the paying parent. State benefits, such as Universal Credit, may be available to the surviving parent, depending on their circumstances at the time.

Are there any other options besides the CMS for parents to agree Child Maintenance?   

Agreements between parents can be negotiated with support from experienced family law experts such as Jones Myers.

Our specialist services include mediation, a non-confrontational option for parents to reach a solution in a spirit of co-operation which puts their children’s best interests first.

As a qualified Mediator and Child Inclusive Mediator I regularly see at first hand the  benefits of the mediation process for parents, children and the wider family.

Spousal Maintenance

Divorce does not automatically bring an end to the financial obligations between divorcing and separating couples.

Significant income disparities between spouses may require ongoing financial support to prevent undue hardship, especially when considering the well-being of any children involved.

What is Spousal Maintenance?

Spousal Maintenance is a payment made by one party to the other as part of the financial settlement on their divorce or separation.

Usually, it is paid every month and can last for either a defined period or, in increasingly rare cases, until one of the former spouses dies.

Spousal Maintenance is different from Child Maintenance, which is statutory. It is not an automatic  entitlement and only applies to divorcing couples.

How is the amount and duration agreed?

There is no set formula for working out Spousal Maintenance payments. How much is paid and for how long can be settled through mutual agreement between a spouse and their ex during divorce proceedings.

Information is exchanged about each spouse’s income and their monthly outgoings. If one spouse has insufficient income to meet their needs and the other can afford to make up or contribute to that shortfall then Spousal Maintenance may be appropriate.

Interim Spousal Maintenance can be agreed or ordered in the initial stages of separation to ensure that the spouse who is weaker financially can manage their basic monthly outgoings.

Does getting Spousal Maintenance involve going to Court? 

If the couple are unable to come to a mutual agreement, the Court can decide whether Spousal Maintenance should be paid.

In every case the Court must consider the possibility of a Clean Break Order – which severs all financial ties between the couple.

If a Clean Break Order is not appropriate immediately, the court will order what the Judge considers to be a reasonable level  of Spousal Maintenance – and for how long this must be paid.

The court will have before it detailed information about the income available and each party’s income needs. Spousal Maintenance is usually only ordered for a fixed period of time, long enough to enable an adjustment to independence.

How can couples reach a solution without going to court?  

More couples are turning to non-confrontational options, which allow them to retain control of decisions which affect them, put their children’s best interests first and avoid costly and destructive court battles.

They include negotiation, mediation or collaborative practice where couples and their lawyers commit to find a positive solution without going to court and sign a binding agreement to that effect. Our specialist lawyers at Jones Myers have extensive experience in advising couples in these areas.

In what circumstances is Spousal Maintenance terminated?

When Spousal Maintenance ends will be set out in the court order.  Typically this will be when the spouse receiving the payments has had time to adjust to independence or when their financial needs are reduced. For example, when the children finish school or university, or they leave home.

Spousal Maintenance will cease when one of the spouses dies or if the recipient of the maintenance gets married again or enters into a civil partnership.

What happens if the parties situation changes?   

If the circumstances of the spouses alter significantly after a Spousal Maintenance Order has been made, they can agree to change the payments ordered and send an agreed order to the Court which supersedes the original order.  If agreement is not possible then either of them can apply to the Court to vary the terms of the order.

The Court will consider factors such as changes in income, employment status or financial needs to assess if a variation is appropriate.

For vital areas of law such as Child Maintenance and Spousal Maintenance, I cannot emphasise enough the importance of consulting experienced family lawyers like Jones Myers.

Offering expert legal advice to our clients, we help them to understand their legal position and options.

Providing legal guidance and representation with child maintenance disputes, we support clients to ensure that the child maintenance arrangements are fair and reasonable.

Our approach prioritises resolving disputes in a non-confrontational manner, allowing us to assist couples in reaching voluntary agreements for child maintenance.

We can also assist in negotiating Spousal Maintenance agreements to reach a fair and mutually acceptable solution. If an agreement cannot be reached through negotiation, we can represent clients in court proceedings to seek a Spousal Maintenance Order or to vary an existing order.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With three decades experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled mediator, child inclusive mediator and collaborative family lawyer Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Direct Dial: 01904 202553 or email  Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  www.jonesmyers.co.uk

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Jones Myers

Jones Myers LogoJones Myers is widely acknowledged as an exceptional niche family law firm which consistently delivers excellence by getting to the heart of what matters most to you.

Our clients and peers regionally, nationally and internationally say we are ‘outstanding’ in our client care and our innovative and bespoke solutions which always put children’s best interests first. With headquarters in Leeds and offices in Harrogate and York, we are “The leading matrimonial finance firm in Yorkshire, with outstanding individuals and unparalleled strength and depth” (Legal 500, 2023).

Why choose Jones Myers Family Law?

Described as a ‘Northern Powerhouse’, Jones Myers attracts the best family lawyers who are acknowledged leaders in their field.

With extensive expertise in all aspects of relationship breakdown including divorce and separation, finances, children, and mediation, we treat every case and every client as unique. Succeeding with the most complex cases, we are at the forefront of new areas of law including Deprivation of a Child’s Liberty, an extremely complex and rapidly developing area.

Our bespoke, innovative and problem-solving approach, ensures we always seek the best solution for your individual situation.

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By Anthony Parrish

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Grandparents' Rights: How They Can See Their Estranged Grandchildren
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Grandparents’ Rights: How They Can See Their Estranged Grandchildren

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

The contribution of grandparents, which is celebrated on Sunday, October 6 this year, is a reminder of the formative role they play in their grandchildren’s upbringing, wellbeing and development.

Sadly, these vital bonds can be severed if the children’s parents’ divorce or separate. Here are some questions we are often asked about grandparents’ rights.

What are grandparents’ rights?

As the law stands, grandparents have no automatic legal right to contact with their grandchildren.

What happens if the parents break up?

Grandparents involvement with their grandchildren takes on an even greater importance during divorce and separation when their homes can become a stable haven away from the stresses and strains of their parents’ break up.

The loss of such intimate connections can impact upon a child’s emotional welfare and be detrimental to their overall wellbeing.

In situations like this it is possible for grandparents to make an agreement with the children’s parents regarding contact with their grandchildren.

Arrangements can be agreed informally, or through a formal agreement drawn up by experienced family lawyers. Agreements often include when grandparents can visit their grandchildren and /or contact them by phone or email, and any other provisions they wish to make.

Is mediation an option in such cases?

Yes, family mediation offers a non-confrontational option where grandparents and parents can commit to reaching a solution in a spirit of communication and cooperation.

How does mediation work?

An experienced and impartial mediator like me would have a confidential Mediation Information Assessment Meeting (MIAM) with the grandparents.

After establishing that this option is the right way forward, the mediator meets separately with the grandchildren’s parents. Both parties then sign an ‘Agreement to Mediate,’ enabling negotiations to continue on a ‘without prejudice’ basis.

Both grandparents and parents can each appoint and retain their own solicitors who can, where appropriate, also attend the mediation discussions and consult with them outside of the meetings.

Agreed arrangements for contact with grandchildren can be compiled in an agreement signed by parents and grandparents. The process can be completed in as many or as few meetings as are required to reach agreed solutions.

What if the children’s parents refuse to mediate?

In situations where an agreement cannot be reached, grandparents can apply for permission from the court to apply for an order, known as a Child Arrangement Order from the Family Court to see their grandchildren. Experienced family lawyers can also assist and guide clients through this process.

The emotional and physical bonds between grandparents and their grandchildren are unique. Ensuring their continuity will go a long way to enhance their grandchildren’s stability and advancement in their formative years ahead.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled mediator, child inclusive mediator and collaborative family lawyer Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Direct Dial: 01904 202553 or email  Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  www.jonesmyers.co.uk

Photo by James Orr on Unsplash

Why Pre-Nups Protect Assets and Peace of Mind

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

Pre-nups are in headlines as Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck face a messy and complicated divorce amid reports that they tied the knot without one in 2022.

While the assets of the high-profile stars, who are jointly worth $550 million, are a far cry from those of most divorcing couples, pre-nups – which set out how finances will be resolved – continue to be on the rise.

This is because more couples embarking on marriage want to protect themselves and their assets, avoiding the potential distress, acrimony, and expense of disentangling their finances if they break up.

The growing popularity of pre-nups reflects how more couples want to protect their own futures and do ‘the right thing’ by each other – and by any children, whose interests should always come first.

Pre-nups can work particularly well for couples marrying for a second time who often want to make sure they can retain their own wealth in the event of a separation and protect the interests of children from previous relationships.

The agreements can also give reassurance in cases where a wealthier spouse agrees to provide for the other spouse if they separate.

How do you go about getting a pre-nup?

  • To enter into a pre-nuptial agreement properly, the couple each need to obtain independent legal advice on the agreement
  • Both must also have disclosed their assets to each other and the terms of the agreement must produce a result that is fair and reasonable
  • The agreement should be negotiated and signed at least 28 days before the wedding. This allows both to obtain advice, have time to consider it, and make an informed decision on signing it

Do courts uphold pre-nups?

Increasingly courts are upholding pre-nups on divorce as long as they  are satisfied that the agreement was entered into freely, without undue pressure  and with the benefit of full financial information and independent legal advice.

As the law stands, a court  still needs to approve  the settlement at the point of divorce, ensuring the agreement meets the needs of both parties. If it does not, a different order can be made but this is very likely still to take the terms of the pre-nup into account to some extent.

Taking the time to draw up a pre-nup before marriage can avoid financial and emotional heartache in a marriage breakdown.

Highly experienced family lawyers like Jones Myers can advise on pre-nups, post-nups or any aspect of family law.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

About Nicki Mitchell

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled mediator, child inclusive mediator and collaborative family lawyer Nicki champions Alternative Dispute Resolution processes which avoid a lengthy court process and can lead much more quickly and cost effectively to a successful resolution.

Her exceptional track record also includes advising clients on the more traditional methods of resolving issues surrounding family breakdowns. Direct Dial: 01904 202553 or email  Nicki.mitchell@jonesmyers.co.uk  www.jonesmyers.co.uk

All You Need to Know About Financial Consent Orders
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All You Need to Know About Financial Consent Orders  

Nicki Mitchell
Nicki Mitchell
Partner
Jones Myers

In the divorce process, a Financial Consent Order is vital for the immediate and long-term future of divorcing couples and their children, whose best interests should always come first.

The significance of the agreement, which divides financial assets between separating couples, cannot be downplayed – especially in protecting them from future financial claims. Here are some key insights into their role and relevance.

What is a Financial Consent Order?

A legally binding document which details the main assets owned by divorcing couples and sets out the financial arrangements between them. Formalising the division of assets, income, and other financial matters in a fair and equitable manner, it covers key elements such as maintenance payments, school fees, pension sharing or offsetting, and a clean break clause.

Bringing legal finality to the financial aspects of divorce, it protects the interests of separating couples and provides a clear and binding framework for their financial obligations and rights after divorce.

How do I obtain a Financial Consent Order?

Both of you agree on the terms of the agreement and submit it to the Court. If the Court deems it to be fair and reasonable, it will make the order legally binding.

This prevents either of you from making further future financial claims against each other, providing clarity and security in the division of assets and finances after divorce.

How long does it take to sort out?   

The circumstances of every divorce are different and there are a variety of options, many of which avoid a long and stressful court process. In straightforward cases, a Financial Consent Order can take only a few weeks to agree.

When does the Financial Consent Order Take Effect?  

Once the court has approved the Consent Order and the Final Divorce Order, which legally ends the marriage, has been granted then the Consent Order is final and binding.

What happens if I withhold any assets during the process?

If it later comes to light that you have withheld material financial information, your spouse might be able to ask the court to set aside the order and look again at what would be a fair order taking into account all the assets, including those not previously disclosed. The court can also make an order that you pay your ex’s legal costs.

In the worst-case scenario, deliberately withholding financial information in breach of a court order can amount to contempt of court for which a range of penalties (including ultimately imprisonment) could be imposed.

How is a Financial Consent Order enforced?

Every Order is different and how it is enforced depends very much on the specific circumstances of the case. It is vital to obtain expert advice at the outset from highly experienced family lawyers like Jones Myers who can guide and support you through the process.

Ultimately a Financial Consent Order provides clarity and certainty to you and your former spouse, enabling you both to get on with your lives with security and peace of mind.

Read more articles by Nicki Mitchell.

ABOUT NICKI MITCHELL

With extensive experience in family law, Nicki specialises in the financial aspects of relationship breakdown – and particularly complex cases involving family businesses, multiple properties, and complicated pension arrangements.

A skilled mediator and collaborative family lawyer, Nicki has recently further enhanced her extensive expertise by becoming a child-inclusive mediator. The accreditation enables her to meet with children of separated parents and hear what they want for their future.