It is so easy to not be truthful when you are hurt.
I remember telling someone I’m good, this divorce isn’t nothing to me I have been there done that. Unfortunately that was far from the truth and ultimately it led to attempted suicide.
I internalized all my hurt and pain because that what a strong woman is supposed to do right?
It’s a sign of weakness in our society to ask for help or to show that we are human and we hurt.
I actually have a name I created for this specific time in my life. I was no other than the “Great Pretender”.
Have you ever met the Great Pretender? Better yet are you living the life of The Great Pretender right now? Well just in case you are wondering who she is here are a few clues to see if you know her.
The Great Pretender will smile daily and seem always be positive, she encourages others, and even sets the bar as far as accomplishments and goals. She smiles and seems as if she has truly overcome her trials.
Occasionally she will get upset but very rarely and she always seems to get it back together. But when she is around you feel something isn’t right. She says the right things and she has it together but something still just isn’t right. She has trained herself to be the Great Pretender. Not because she wants to lie no it’s just the opposite.
Our society in many cases will tell those who are broken that there is no place for them.
If you’re broken you are weak and if you are weak you are not normal until you fix it. If you are broken in our society today you are looked down on as either in pity, charity, and at times alienated. You are told things such as oh it’s just a divorce you will get over it, or we all have been through it just start a new relationship and move on.
But then that day comes when you come to work and you hear the Great Pretender isn’t ok, she has had a breakdown or just hit rock bottom, maybe even attempted suicide, or even worse she took her life.
You pity her and don’t understand why she is going through what she is going through. Why did she lie and what good did it do her? You learn later that she didn’t sleep much or all she can do is sleep from her depression.
She is sick to her stomach daily and when she looks in the mirror she sees the reflection of a stranger possibly even a monster as I did myself. She is lonely even when surrounded by a crowd of people who love her.
Her relationships are not real and the life she created for you to see is really not her life.
However what everyone fails to see is that she is pretending because she is in so much pain spiritually, emotionally and physically. She has trapped herself in a box to a point where she starts to panic because she can’t breathe. She gives her all and helps everyone else and then the days begin to come when she believes the statement “no one can help me.”
However that is a lie there is help.
Now I can speak of myself because when I was about to attempt suicide this is the box that I was in. I was in the box that I created and I felt at one time I could not find my way out. If you ever hit this point stop whatever you are doing and seek help.
If you feel as if you may harm yourself call the suicide prevention line in your area and speak to someone.
Be honest with them and tell them you need help. Also seek professional help from those who are willing and able to help you. If you were like me and cannot afford it call anyways and talk to someone.
In my case I could not afford professional services as a single mother when I called, but a therapist referred me to a program that was free of charge.
Once I was able to afford therapy I had already built a relationship with the therapist who referred me. So I started my therapy with someone I felt had my best interest at heart.
Once you speak up you will soon realize that your help is already there, you just need to ask for it. Your strength will come when you ask for the help that you need.
After her second divorce, Charis decided that it was time to do something not only for herself but also for other women going through similar struggles.
As a survivor of divorce, Charis knows all about the lies and confusion that come with divorce. Though divorce does eventually end, the emotional scars and stress that come with a difficult divorce do not.
Charis is passionate about speaking the truth to women who are caught in the endless cycle of struggle after divorce and she encourages them to share their stories to help provide not only counseling for themselves but also support for others.
Charis does not limit her time to Draw for Women but also reaches out in other ways.
She is an accomplished and published author, having penned God Rarest Diamonds: A Proverbs Life after Divorce Devotional for women and Coming Soon- The 30 Day Life after Divorce Prayer Challenge for Women, which provides encouragement, support, and spiritual enlightenment to those who are struggling, helping readers bring peace to their life journeys. In addition to Draw for Women and writing,
Charis has a personal life that is as full as her professional life.
Charis is married to a wonderful man and is the mother of two talented and beautiful daughters.
Charis earned her Bachelor’s Degree in Business Technical Management with a concentration in Small Business and Entrepreneurship- Magna Cum Laude in Spring of 2016 and is currently pursuing her MBA.
When she is not working or studying, Charis loves to read, write, and travel. Charis is a dedicated individual who wants nothing more than to share her ideas, experiences, and knowledge to help other women who are struggling with divorce to become comfortable with themselves and with the state of their lives again.
Twitter: Charis Rooks @draw4women