Kerry Smith

What rights does the father have during divorce
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What rights does the father have during divorce?

Published on
Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

This may come as something of a shock, but neither parent has any rights over their child. The child has rights over their parents, and this includes the right to see both, one or neither of them. In the real world, the default assumption is that the child benefits from having reasonable access to both parents. The term “reasonable” however, has to be defined on a case-by-case basis

Parental agreements and contact orders

There are basically only two ways the terms of “reasonable contact” can be agreed. Firstly, the parents can agree it between themselves. Secondly, a court can issue a contact order. Even in the latter case, there will generally be some leeway for parents to work out the details themselves. This is to allow for the fact that “life happens”.

Fathers should, however, be aware that a court will only issue a contact order if it thinks it’s in the best interests of the child. The potential stumbling block here is the need to maintain the child’s safety and welfare during the contact.

For example, if a father is living in an HMO (sharehouse), the court might have concerns about the child coming into contact with the other residents. There might, however, be ways around this such as meeting the child in their own home.

The overall consideration of the child’s welfare

Modern courts most certainly recognize that, in general, children benefit from time with their father. On the other hand, courts also recognize that fathers are not the be-all and end-all of a child’s life. Other considerations may include the child’s age, where the parents live, the need for contact with other family and friends and the child’s schooling and extra-curricular activities.

These will all impact the practicalities of fathers seeing their children. For example, if parents live a long way away from each other, courts may be very reluctant to allow children to visit the father’s home during the week, at least during term-time. School will come first. Even outside of term-time, courts may hesitate to have children regularly travelling long distances.

Again, there can be ways to work around this. For example, fathers can maintain contact with their children through video-calling (or regular calling). This may not be ideal, but it can be a whole lot better than nothing. What’s more, COVID19 has shown that a bit of thought (and some creativity) can make video-meetings almost as good as real ones.

The rules and etiquette of post-divorce parenting

You have the right to spend time with your child without infringement and without the other parent exercising control over you or the child (either directly or indirectly). You also have the right to be consulted on major decisions such as where your child goes to school.

Be aware, however, that this right is contextual. For example, if a decision needs to be taken in a hurry, the other parent may act alone. Where possible, they should consider what they know of your views. As always, however, the child’s welfare is the guiding consideration.

You do not have the right to take the child out of the UK without written permission from the mother. You do have the right to free speech so, in principle, you can say what you like about the child’s mother. In practice, this is one right it’s generally better not to exercise.

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

About Kerry Smith

Kerry Smith is the Head of Family Law at K J Smith Solicitors. K J Smith Solicitors are experienced family solicitors in the Thames Valley area specialising in family mediation, estate planning and divorce and separation.

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What Does "Unreasonable Behaviour" Mean
Featured Image by Robin Higgins from Pixabay

What Does “Unreasonable Behaviour” Mean?

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Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family at
K J Smith Solicitors

In the UK, at present, if you want a “no-fault divorce”, then you need to wait at least two years. You may have to wait up to five years. If you want to divorce quickly, then you need to show that you have been the victim of adultery, desertion or “unreasonable behaviour”.

Unreasonable behaviour – the theory

In theory, there are three questions which need to be answered in order to decide if behaviour can be legally deemed unreasonable. These are:

  • What did the person do?
  • What impact did that have on the petitioner?
  • What does the court think of this in the context of the history of the marriage?
  • Unreasonable behaviour – the practice

In practice, the court’s job is to determine whether or not a marriage has irretrievably broken down. This means that they generally take that view that “unreasonable behaviour” is whatever the petitioner says it is unless the other party contests it.

What’s more, the law allows both parties and the courts a little room to manoeuvre. The respondent can choose to state that they disagree with the allegations against them but will not contest the divorce. For the most part, this allows divorce claims to progress in the same way as they would have if the respondent had accepted the allegations.

Presenting a claim for unreasonable behaviour

As a rule of thumb, you want to cite four to six examples of behaviours you consider to be unreasonable and their impact on you. In principle, these examples can relate to any behaviour which makes you feel like it is not feasible for you to continue in the marriage. In practice, it’s likely to be in your best interests to choose “no faults” reasons.

Basically, you want to cite behaviours which highlight mutual incompatibility rather than personal failings. For example, you could cite your spouse working long hours, spending long periods socializing without you or being excessively absorbed in a hobby they practice without you. None of these are personal criticisms, just indications that you should go your separate ways.

You generally want to resist the temptation to make any serious allegations especially anything involving children. Firstly, they may rile your spouse. Even if this doesn’t cause them to contest the divorce, it may cause them to be less cooperative about it. Secondly, it may give the judge the impression that you are weaponizing your children.

For clarity, piling on the examples of unreasonable behaviour will not (usually) increase either your chances of getting custody of your children or the value of any divorce settlement. In fact, once a judge is satisfied that the married is, effectively over, the reasons for its ending are generally completely ignored. They are also sealed off from the general public.

Completing the divorce process

It is absolutely permissible to cite unreasonable behaviour as grounds for divorce but still present the judge with a mutually-agreed settlement arrangement. In fact, it’s highly encouraged, particularly when there are children involved.

Keep in mind, however, that judges will look carefully at these settlements to make sure that they are legally sound. If a judge is unhappy with what they see, they can and will reject the proposal.

Resolving their objections may simply be a matter of making some minor amendments. The issue is that the need to make changes may push the divorce case back to the end of a long queue. This is a particular concern at the moment due to the ongoing impact of COVID19.

It is therefore very advisable to have divorce settlements checked by a mediator and/or a lawyer before presenting them to a judge.

Going forward

If you and your partner are not in a rush to divorce, you may wish to consider waiting until the UK implements “no-faults divorce”. This is currently scheduled for autumn 2021, although this is subject to change.

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

Author Bio

Kerry Smith is the head of Family Law at K J Smith Solicitors and are experienced in all matters relating to divorce, civil partnerships, cohabitation disputes and collaborative law.

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Should you divorce now or wait until after Christmas

Should you divorce now or wait until after Christmas?

Published on
Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

Amongst family lawyers, January is commonly known as “divorce month”.

Having kept it together over Christmas, people decide to make a fresh start in the new year. Some people, however, decide that they can’t wait and ask for a divorce over the holidays. If you’re thinking of being one of them, here are some points to consider.

Can you keep it civil?

If you’re not safe, then you need to end the relationship and get yourself to a safe place as quickly as possible. If, however, you are safe, the next question is whether you and your partner can keep it civil over the holidays.

If you can, then you might be better waiting until the “January rush” has passed. This can make it much easier to get hold of the necessary professionals e.g. lawyers. You could still use this time productively. For example, you could get relationship counselling and/or mediation.

If you can’t, then you need to think about whether or not telling your partner you want a divorce will improve the situation. Depending on your relationship, it may clear the air and allow you both to agree on a path forward. On the other hand, it may turn the situation from bad to worse.

Have you explored all other options?

You may want to look at counselling, both individually and as a couple, before you take any final decisions. Individual counselling can help you to clarify if the state of your marriage is actually the cause of your issues or a symptom of them.

Relationship counselling looks at the dynamics between you and your partner. Regardless of whether or not it saves your marriage, it can put you on a stronger footing to deal with each other respectfully going forward. This is vital if you have children and useful if you don’t.

You might also want to look at options such as an informal trial separation and/or legal separation. These can be used instead of or as a precursor to a formal divorce. Legal separations can be complex and are best discussed with legal advice. They can, however, be very useful as a way to ease a long marriage to a gentle end.

Have you already taken care of the practicalities?

So-called “quickie” divorces are only really an option for short marriages, with minimal assets and no children when both parties are in total agreement about what they want. They do certainly happen but they’re the minority of divorce cases.

Most divorces involve at least some legal and financial administration. If the marriage has been long and/or there are significant assets involved, then this can be a very complex process. This is before you get to any child-custody and child-support arrangements.

If you’ve already looked into these, then it may be reasonable to confirm to your partner that you’ve decided you definitely want a divorce. If you haven’t, then there may be very little point in mentioning it over the holidays. It will sour the atmosphere without taking you any closer to your goal.

About Kerry

Kerry Smith is the head of Family Law at K J Smith Solicitors and are experienced in all matters relating to divorce, civil partnerships, cohabitation disputes and collaborative law.

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Divorce and Wills 101 - What are the different types of Wills available

Divorce and Wills 101 – What are the Different Types of Wills Available?

Published on
Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

When most people think about Wills, it’s usually the more traditional Will that is created to ensure that their estate and assets are treated and/or shared appropriately when an individual passes away.

There are, however, several different types of Wills that people should be aware of as they can benefit them in many different ways, before and after death.

So here’s a useful breakdown of the different types of Wills.

Mirror Wills

A Mirror Will is similar to that of a normal Will, however a Mirror Will involves your other half in which you both create a will that shares the same wishes in the Will, hence it mirrors.

This type of Will can provide couples (married or not) with some reassurance that should the other person pass away, their assets and belongings will be passed on to their spouse. When the individuals both pass away, the Mirror Will allows for their belongings to be inherited by their children.

Key features of Mirror Wills

  • A Mirror Will can be changed and updated at any time, even after the death of one of the couple; the other person is still able to change their Mirror Will to suit their new circumstances.
  • Upon the first person’s death, everything that is left to the other spouse will be exempt from Inheritance tax.
  • If your children are under the age of 18, you can add a ‘Guardian Clause’ to the Mirror Will which acts as an indication to the courts, of who you like to look after your children upon the death of the parents.

Living Wills

A Living Will is quite different to a traditional Will as the purpose of this Will is to include details of medical treatments an individual does and does not wish to receive should they become subject to a life-altering disease or injury which prevents them from making decisions by themselves.

There are quite a few aspects of the Living Will that have to be achieved in order for it to be ‘valid’ and ‘applicable’. Both of these requirements have to be met in order for the Living Will to be deemed legally binding.

Key features of Living Wills

  • To ensure your Living Will is first valid, you must be 18 or older, have mental capacity and have a complete understanding of the types of treatment (even life-sustaining) that you are choosing NOT to receive and the possible consequences – regardless of whether other people agree or not.
  • Reviewing your Living Will regularly is incredibly important to ensure you still agree with the statements you first once made and treatments you have denied receiving.
  • A Living Will only becomes ‘applicable’ when the specified conditions have been met, that are included within your Living Will. This could be, if you have a stroke, heart attack or no longer have mental capacity.

Create a Will from the comfort of your home

The current pandemic has caused all types of panic and mayhem and one thing that has never been more important is actually creating a Will. Unfortunately, a huge 60% of people in the UK do not have a Will and this can cause disagreements within families.

To ensure this doesn’t happen to you, especially people who are considered vulnerable, some Family Law Firms have created a new process which allows individuals to create a Will from the comfort of their home.

Known as Window Witnessing your Will, this new concept allows for the person creating the Will and their chosen witnesses to come together, in a socially distanced fashion to sign the Will.

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

Author Bio

Kerry Smith is the Head of Family Law at K J Smith Solicitors. K J Smith Solicitors are experienced family solicitors in the Thames Valley area specialising in family mediation, Wills divorce and separation.

Photo by Melinda Gimpel on Unsplash

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Divorce: What Happens when the Woman is the main Breadwinner
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Divorce: What Happens when the Woman is the main Breadwinner?

Published on
Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith Solicitors

In legal terms, divorce is, essentially, the ending of a contract and ideally the parties should work together to bring it to an amicable close, or at the very least, a civil one which both people accept as being reasonably fair.

In the real world, however, divorce can be an unpleasantly sticky mess which family courts have to clean up as best as they can.

The basic ground rules of divorce in the UK

The number one ground rule of divorce in the UK is that if a couple has minor children, their perceived welfare comes before every other consideration.

Family courts will not necessarily give the children exactly what they want (although judges will generally do everything they can to take this into consideration) but they will do everything in their power to provide them with what they need, even if it goes against the wishes of their parents.

After that, the aim of the process is basically to try to create a fair split (literally and metaphorically) so that both parties can move on with their lives.

The question of fairness

In England and Wales, traditionally, it has been considered fair to aim to split assets equally between both parties, regardless of which one was the breadwinner.

It has also been considered fair to order the breadwinner keep the other party indefinitely, so-called “lifelong maintenance”.

Up until relatively recently, this approach, was, arguably, if not necessarily fair, then very far from totally unreasonable. It recognized the fact that the party who “stayed at home with the children” (usually the woman) was making a contribution to the marriage and made it possible for the other half of the couple (usually the man) to go out to work.

It also recognized that younger children required care and that by the time they were old enough to fend for themselves, their carer (usually their mother) might struggle to find a decent job, especially if they had neither trade skills nor education.

That, however, was then, this is now. Women are not just able to work, they are the main breadwinners in about a third of households in the UK and marriages do not necessarily involve children.

In short, the world has moved on and the legal system needs to move on with it.

Laws and attitudes both need to change

In principle there should be absolutely no difference in what happens when a woman is the main breadwinner and what happens when a man is the main breadwinner.

The law itself makes no distinction between these two situations, the challenge is to change attitudes amongst those who apply it (who tend to be people who are middle-aged and older) so that they become less inclined to see women as being automatically in need of protection (meaning maintenance) and men as being necessarily always able to provide for themselves (and possibly others) on an indefinite basis.

The good news is that this change does appear to be trickling through, albeit possibly at a slower pace than some people would have liked.

The Maria Mills case, for example, has highlighted both the issues of the traditional open-ended maintenance system and the fact that judges are becoming more willing to push back on people, including women, who view it as a “meal ticket for life” and who therefore see themselves as entitled to depend on their former partner financially even though their children are adults and they, themselves, are quite capable of working.

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

 About Kerry

Kerry Smith is the Head of Family Law at K J Smith Solicitors. K J Smith Solicitors are experienced family solicitors in the Thames Valley area specialising in family mediation, estate planning and divorce and separation.

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Tips for Surviving Over the Christmas Period

Tips for Surviving Divorce Over the Christmas Period

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Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith Head of Family Law at K J Smith

Christmas is a stressful time of year for everyone, even more so for divorcees who may be spending the holidays alone for the first time in their lives.

Despite the stress and strain of the festive period, Christmas is ultimately about spending time with loved ones and spreading festive cheer (and the food, of course).

But some aren’t fortunate enough to be surrounded by their nearest and dearest, and for newly divorced couples it can often be a hard reality to face.

With this in mind, let’s look at 4 top tips that will help every divorcee survive the Christmas period.

Don’t Spend Christmas Alone

At the top of the list for obvious reasons, it is important that you don’t spend the holidays alone. You should make the effort to surround yourself with family and friends who care about you.

Understandably, you may be not be feeling very cheery after the breakdown of your marriage, but surrounding yourself with family and friends that care about you will go a long way in lifting your spirits.

Even if visiting your loved ones on Christmas Day isn’t practical, you should still make the effort to see family and friends. You could get in touch with old school friends and arrange a reunion or simply catch up with a trusted family member and talk to them about how you’re dealing with divorce.

Simply put, try not to isolate yourself at Christmas. Just because you’re facing a tough time it doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty for letting loose and embracing single life again.

Be Patient

If this is your first Christmas alone post-divorce, then festivities can often feel overwhelming. The stress of your divorce paired with general Christmas madness can leave you screaming into the abyss, but having a little patience (both with yourself and those around you) can make the world of difference.

If you feel as if your emotions are building up and up and up, ready to explode at any minute, then taking time out to focus on your wellbeing is an absolute must. It can be difficult to come to terms with your relationship breakdown and seeing other couples happy at Christmas sometimes heightens these emotions.

Remove yourself from the situations making you unhappy, go into an unoccupied and quiet room, take time to breathe and calm yourself down.

Meditation has also proven helpful when dealing with trauma and meditation techniques can help to promote serenity. Being patient with yourself rather than letting your emotions get the better of you can save you a lot of regret and stress in the future.

Make New Traditions

With marriage often comes children, and divorce will play a huge part in how Christmas traditions change for them once their parents separate. Of course some things will change as a result of your divorce, but making the most of a bad situation for the sake of your children is in everyone’s best interests.

You can introduce some new fun festive traditions for your children such as two different Christmas Days, one with mum and one with dad.You should also communicate with your ex-partner and come to an agreement regarding who the children spend Christmas with.

Above all, you should put the needs of your children before your own. You may desperately want to spend Christmas day with them but arguing with your ex-partner about custody rights could upset your children and ruin the magical season. You should try to compromise, and if you can’t see your children until a few days after Christmas, try and make the time spent together as special as possible.

Help those Less Fortunate

As a divorcee you can feel like the most unfortunate person in the world, and whilst your sadness at this difficult time is completely justified, it can often help to put things in perspective by helping those less fortunate than yourself.

Christmas is supposed to be about spreading cheer and love, and what better way to do that than to volunteer throughout the festive period. If you find yourself alone this Christmas, then creating new traditions and helping those in need is a great way to make the most of the holiday season.

Volunteering at Christmas time is a win-win – you get to help those less fortunate and at the same time distract yourself from your own troubling personal circumstances by surrounding yourself with new and like-minded friends.

Now that’s a lot to take in, especially when your head has been left spinning thanks to divorce proceedings and frantic Christmas planning – so instead of overwhelming yourself, why not try to bear in mind one or two top tips throughout the festive season. And you never know, a change in tradition could be the best thing that’s happened to you!

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

ABOUT KERRY

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

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Civil Partnerships – A Step in the Right Direction?

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Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

In the wake of a Supreme Court ruling in June, heterosexual couples will now be given the chance to form civil partnerships.

The new legislation, which follows the tireless campaign efforts of Rebecca Steinfeld and Charles Keidan, aims to address a deep-rooted and long-standing imbalance in the law.

Steinfeld and Keidan were successful in their recent campaign for civil partnerships to be opened up to heterosexual couples, stating that it was a “major step forward”.

Theresa May announced earlier this month that all couples in England and Wales will have the legal rights to enter into a civil partnership whilst the Scottish government continue to take steps in the right direction.

Created in 2004, civil partnerships have previously been an exclusive unification ceremony restricted to same-sex couples only, however in light of recent events, this is set to change.

Since the legalisation of same sex marriage under the 2014 Act, homosexual couples have had the ability to choose between two different options that both formalise a relationship whilst giving both parties the ability to acquire rights similar to those held by married couples.

It is since these changes to the law in 2014 that an increasing number of people have started to campaign in the hope to equalise the imbalance of traditional heterosexual partnership ceremonies.

The court also issued a statement on the matter, declaring that the Civil Partnership Act 2004 was incompatible with the European Convention on Human Rights.

There are numerous reasons as to why heterosexual couples would prefer to enter into a civil partnership rather than marriage, the overriding reason being that marriage is seen as outdated and patriarchal.

Unlike marriage which has deep-rooted historical, religious and gendered connotations, civil partnerships offer couples the ability to form a relationship based on their own values and culture.

Despite social advancements and changes in attitudes that promote gender equality, marriage still continues to treat women as property and as a result people are seeking alternatives that are more reflective of modern society.

Families are also trying to set an example for future generations by raising children as equals and entering into a civil partnership which places importance on equality and symmetry is the best way of achieving this for many.

Furthermore, opting for a civil partnership will give cohabitating couples the legal rights and protection they would otherwise not be entitled to, without having to embark on the traditional route of marriage.

Many cohabiting couples believe that they are protected under ‘common law marriage’, however unmarried cohabiting couples have no protection or rights to their partners assets and this only accentuates the stresses when an individual finds out during separation proceedings or due to the death of their partner.

The civil partnership reform, which was pioneered by “accidental campaigners” Rebecca Steinfeld and Charles Keidan, gained an enormous amount of support during the 4 year process with more than 130,000 signatures for an online petition.

Equalities Minister Penny Mordaunt has promised that change to civil partnership laws will happen “as swiftly as possible”, with the legislation set to be introduced in April 2019.

Despite the positive steps that are being taken to equalise partnership ceremonies, there still remains a gap in the law regarding cohabiting couples that don’t want to enter into a civil partnership or marriage and their legal protection.

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

ABOUT KERRY

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

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Divorces Based on Unreasonable Behaviour

The Rise in Divorces Based on Unreasonable Behaviour

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Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

These days, divorce is rarely out of the news headlines.

While gossip columns cover rumours and facts about celebrity splits, the more serious sections of the media cover the issues raised by the UK’s current divorce laws and, in particular, the question of whether they are still fit for purpose.

The Five Grounds for Divorce in the UK

There are only five grounds for divorce accepted throughout the whole of the UK.

Three of these relate to couples having split up in practical terms and therefore are essentially just recognising an existing state.

One is adultery (which is legally defined as having sexual relations with a member of the opposite sex) and one is unreasonable behaviour.

Scotland permits divorce where one party has undergone gender reassignment surgery and has obtained an interim gender-recognition certificate. No part of the UK, as yet, has a “no faults” divorce option, not even Scotland. Scotland does, however, allow for divorce in a much shorter time frame than other parts of the UK.

Where both parties consent to a divorce, a year’s separation is sufficient, as compared to two years in England and Wales.

Where only one party consents to a divorce, two years’ of separation is acceptable, as compared to five years in England and Wales.

The Issue of “Unreasonable Behaviour”

Research from Oxford University highlights a significant increase in the number of people seeking divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. In 1971 it was used in 17% of divorces granted to wives and 2% of divorces granted to men.

In 2016 the figures were 51% and 36% respectively. This raises the obvious question of what has caused this increase and it would be very interesting to see the figures split out for Scotland, post the implementation of the Family Law (Scotland) Act 2006, (which amended the Divorce (Scotland) Act 1976) and England and Wales over the same period.

This might go some way to answering the question of whether this change reflects a genuine feeling on the part of one of the separating spouses, a feeling which can be substantiated in court, or if it is simply a convenient way to allow people to make a clean break and go their separate ways without the need for an extended period of separation.

The Advantages of Splitting Quickly

Most of us can probably appreciate the idea that people prefer to get unpleasant experiences over and done with quickly and even when the split is amicable, divorce probably comes under that category, at least for the majority of people.

There are, however, practical reasons for wanting the decoupling to move forward as quickly as possible and that is the fact that divorce proceedings finalize the divisions of a couple’s assets (except in very exceptional circumstances).

This can be particularly important where there is a significant difference in income between the two divorcing parties as being left in matrimonial limbo could have a serious detrimental effect on the lower-earning partner since they would only be eligible for a financial settlement once the divorce proceedings were actually underway. 

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

ABOUT KERRY

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

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Top 5 Tips for Parenting after Divorce

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Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

Becoming a parent is the most joyous and rewarding moment of your life, but it can also be the most difficult challenge that you are ever tasked with, and if you separate from the parent of your children, you may well think that the task is about to get much harder.

However, this does not have to be the case and you can indeed manage as a single parent living without the other parent of your children, without the failure of your relationship having any form of negative impact on them.

Parenting Post-Divorce: Our Top 5 Tips

Although certain aspects of parenting may become harder being on your own and without the other parent of your children, our top tips will certainly go a long way in helping you to manage.

Here are our top five tips to parenting post-divorce:

Ensure that your Children aren’t Involved in any of your Disputes – Before, during and after a divorce, you are likely to have many disputes with your former partner, and this is very understandable.

However, one thing that you should always make sure of is that you never allow your children to be involved in any of the conflict. Not only can it have a big impact on your children, it can also damage the relationship that both you and your former partner have with them, and that is not good for anybody involved.

Take Advantage of Counselling – After a divorce, issues that you were suffering from can often stay with you, even if they are as a result of the marriage rather than just the divorce.

If you are suffering from any issues, then it may be wise for you to seek counselling in order to deal with those issues in the most effective way possible. By gaining support and advice from an expert, you will be able to move on from those issues, helping you to be a better parent to your children.

Make sure that the Children don’t blame themselves – One of the biggest worries as a parent going through a divorce is that the children will begin to blame themselves for your separation, which can cause them deep distress.

You should be looking to dismiss these thoughts as soon as you can, telling them that it was nothing to do with them or anything that they did, allowing them to focus on feeling like a normal child once again.

Be Civil with your Former Partner and Never Speak Badly of them – In order to move on from the relationship and any issues that you have previously suffered from, you should refrain from speaking badly of your former partner to anybody, especially your children, whilst also focusing on being civil whenever you come into contact with them.

Although you are likely to have issues with the other parent of your children, it is not fair on them for you to express them, as they still love them and look up to them. Voicing your issues is only going to cause further issues, and may well place a barrier between you and your children.

Work as a Parenting Team with your Former Partner – Your children should be the main priority and focus of both you and your former partner, so you should both do all that you can to do right by them.

The best way to do this is to set aside your issues and work together as a team to be good parents to your children, which is sure to enable them to have the best childhood possible.

ABOUT KERRY

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

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help children deal with news of your divorce
Photo by Samantha Sophia on Unsplash

Best Ways to Help your Children Deal with News of your Divorce

Published on

Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

Although it may be a very difficult and testing time for both you and your partner as you are separating and about to go through divorce proceedings, it can also be very difficult for your children.

However, one of the most difficult parts of a divorce is the moment you tell your children the news, with both you and your children set to face a tough time.

With this in mind, we have created a list of the best ways to help your children to deal with the news, to help minimise the impact that the news will have on them.

Tell your Children at the Right Time

A big mistake that parents sometimes make is informing their children of their divorce too soon, which then involves the children much more than they should have to be.

The best thing to do as a parent would be to formulate a plan for what you are going to say, how you are going to say it and ultimately when might be the best time to do so.

A big part of this would be to make sure that your children understand that they aren’t the reason behind the divorce, as this may well be one of their first thoughts.

They may begin to think that they could have done things differently to make their parents stay together, and it is essential that you make sure that they don’t think this way.

You and your former partner should ensure that you have everything in place for the divorce, such as a new home for the parent moving out and the divorce having already been filed, before telling your children.

This is because you don’t want there to be a big period of time before anything really happens, particularly as this can be very confusing and may provide false hope to your children.

As well as this, making it a joint effort will show your children that they will always have full support and love from the both of you, regardless of what happens.

Pay Close Attention to your Children

Once you have told your children about the impending divorce, try to pay extra close attention to them to monitor what they are saying, what they are doing and how they are behaving.

The news of your divorce may well have a negative impact upon them, and if it does, you will be able to notice it and look at ways to help them. Most children adapt well to changes that happen as a result of a divorce, but there is almost certainly going to be a difficult period of transition and you need to stay on top of things to notice any impact.

Your children’s teacher could also help with this, as if you mention to them the situation, then they will certainly keep an eye on your child and inform you of anything out of the ordinary.

If you do notice any changes and you aren’t able to work through them with your children, you may want to consider professional help, as this could really help your child to recover and will benefit them in the long run.

You as a parent may also benefit from professional help, as it may enable you to deal with any issues that you may face with your child’s behaviour and reactions.

Allow your Children to be Emotional but don’t give them Extra Reason to

It is very normal for children to be emotional when they learn that their parents are going to be getting a divorce, and often one of the most prominent emotions is anger.

Children will typically look for somebody to blame, and if that person isn’t immediately themselves, it will most likely be you as their parents.

It is important for you to allow them to be angry and to be hurt, but make sure that you don’t get too upset and get into conflict with them by going into any details, just simply maintain that the decision was a joint one between you and your former partner.

Something that you shouldn’t do is giving your children extra reason to be upset by saying things that may upset them or may trigger their anger again.

Telling them details of an affair or about what the other partner did or didn’t do is only likely to antagonise them and cause more issues.

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

About Kerry Smith

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

Photo by Samantha Sophia on Unsplash

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property rights during separation

The Effects of Restrictions on your Property Rights during Separation

Published on

Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

When a couple end their relationship, there is typically a big dispute between the two parties regarding all of their assets and finances.

In a lot of situations, it can often be the case that one member of the couple holds the legal title to the owned property, rather than any property being jointly owned.

This can bring potential issues to you if you are the individual that doesn’t have legal ownership of the property, but there are a number of things that you can do to help your situation.

What should you do if you aren’t named as a Proprietor of the Property?

Following the separation from your partner, it is important that you determine whether or not you are named as a proprietor of the property in question.

In the case that you aren’t named as the proprietor, you will need to contact the Land registry and permit yourself occupation by registering a ‘Home Rights Notice’ against the property as soon as you can.

By completing this process, you are essentially protecting your personal rights in relation to eviction and exclusion, and this allows you to enter the property and means that you can continue to live there, even if you had already previously left the family home.

Although this process provides you with the previously mentioned rights, it doesn’t give you ownership of the property.

Property Restrictions

Restrictions for the property in question will prevent any unnatural dealings with the property by your former partner, particularly as restrictions can ultimately prevent them from selling it.

In order to file a restriction against the property, you must demonstrate a particular interest in the property, as well as matching a variety of different criteria.

As restrictions specifically relate to the property and the way in which it is handled by the proprietor, they are typically used within family law cases.

The main focus of this would be to prevent the sale of the property without the consent of the individual, or their solicitors, that ensured the restrictions. This would work in a way that the Land Registry would notify the proprietor of the property of your wish to apply a restriction against the property, with any objections to the restriction leading the case to be reviewed be an adjudicator.

A restriction would be removed from the property in the event of divorce, a court ordering or even a voluntary release, from the individual that initially requested the restriction, be put in place.

A restriction would be put in place against a property up until one of the parties applies for its removal, but this is typically following an agreement between the two parties for it to be removed, ready for the sale of the property.

Home Rights Notices and their Purpose

These notices are specifically designed to protect the rights of third parties as they will be lodged within the charges register of the property title, which would in turn inform any potential buyers of the property.

By having such a notice, you will be informed of any attempts to sell or transfer the property, giving you the ability to stop any transactions.

There are three types of notice that can be registered including:

Registrar’s Notice – This type of notice is designed for certain circumstances, and isn’t a very common occurrence within Family Law.

Agreed Notice – This type of notice would need consent from the proprietor of the property.

Unilateral Notice – This type of notice does not require any consent from the proprietor of the property.

It is essential that you know where you stand in relation to your property and your living arrangements. In the case that you aren’t a named proprietor of the property, we advise that you make use of this guide and take the relevant steps to protecting yourself and your position.

Click here for more articles by Kerry Smith

About Kerry Smith

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

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Arguing Causes More Damage than Divorce in Children

Arguing Causes More Damage than Divorce in Children, New Study Reveals

Published on

Kerry Smith
Kerry Smith
Head of Family Law
at K J Smith

In the lead up to a divorce, those parents who argue are causing their child to develop at a slower rate in comparison to the actual divorce according to new research.

It has been found that a lot of the damage caused to children as a result of divorce is down to the arguing that occurs before the parents separate.

The research, carried out by the University of Yorkshire studied the data of 19,000 children who were born in 2000 and it identified that there are behavioural problems, hyperactivity and emotional development in those children of divorced parents who argued prior to the divorce being finalised.

Therefore, the research identified that children of divorced parents have reduced cognitive and non-cognitive skills when compared to those children who are not exposed to divorcing parents although the divorce itself is not the main reason for this.

A lot of the damage is caused by the circumstances prior to the divorce as well as the characteristics linked to the family. This could be down to many of those families having a lower education as well as struggling financially or they could have regular conflicts. The conflicts between parents could therefore, harm the development of a child more than the separation itself.

Those children that have separated parents have behavioural development problems that are 30% worse than those children who come from families that remain intact.

In England and Wales, the number of divorces occurring is on the increase. The majority of these divorces involve children who are below the age of 16 while 66% of them include children under the age of 11.

When it comes to helping children who are involved in a divorce, there are a number of things that parents can do to ensure they are affected as little as possible. Children are simply children and so, they do not need to see any conflict or discussions. These should take place at a time when the children are not around.

Children also benefit from a routine, this means it is important to keep any routine that they may have.

Any disruption can cause them problems so continue to take them to school or pick them up at the same time, visit grandparents in the way they do and if they take part in an activity during the week, continue the arrangement.

In addition to this, negativity can also have a detrimental impact on their development. They do not need to see or feel the negativity from the parents as this will also impact them.

Regardless of any problems between parents, the children still need them as parents so it is important that they continue to be involved in their lives.

It is now believed that the research could assist Government interventions in a positive way so that parents can be educated in a way that will allow them to understand how they could be having a negative influence on the way in which their child develops.

The results show that those interventions that are intended to enhance co-operation as well as those interventions that ensure parents are aware of how negative conflict can be could help to reduce the number of divorces which will help to improve the non-cognitive skills of children.

About Kerry

Kerry Smith is the head of family law at K J Smith Solicitors, a specialist family law firm who deal with a wide range of issues including divorce, domestic violence, civil partnerships and prenuptial agreements.

 

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