Kate Banerjee

Reduce Half-term Friction

Co-parenting Children of Divorce and Separation – How Cooperation can Reduce Half-term Friction

Published on
Kate Banerjee
Partner and Head of the Children Department
Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors

Half-term holidays can spark the onset of headaches for many divorced and separated parents.

The perennial argument over who gets the children – and when – can be further exacerbated by work patterns and domestic arrangements.

Common issues include full time working fathers being unable to arrange days off when colleagues are also requesting leave – sparking mothers’ concerns that their children will be put in Kids’ Clubs or left with a new partner.

Similarly, a parent who works from home or does not work is better placed to justify having the children than their commuting ex.

With increasing family and work demands putting leisure time at a premium, rifts and tensions result in some couples ending up back in court. Here are some tips to reduce the emotional strain of half term.

  1. Set objectives: just as in the wider context of separation and divorce, start with seeking to achieve what is best for the children, despite your feelings or grievances. Genuinely strive for what will make them happiest, don’t criticise your ex in front of them – and avoid asking them directly or indirectly to take sides.
  1. Be flexible: accept that children will want to see as much of both their parents, their grandparents, wider family and their friends as possible. It falls to both parents to try to achieve this – and if it means that you end up spending less time with your children this half-term, discuss it reasonably with your ex to make up for it in the next one.
  1. Communicate regularly: talk to each other and plan ahead – giving you time to agree on and organise logistics, such as travel, seeing wider family and grandparents’ access.
  1. Keep the children updated on what’s happening: they like certainty and security so let them know as far in advance as possible about half-term arrangements. This will help them adjust to the unexpected and, hopefully, present a scenario they can look forward to.

If you really can’t reach agreement with your ex, mediation is a far less stressful, more cost-effective option than a return to court.

About Kate Banerjee

Kate, Head of the Children Department at Leeds and London based Jones Myers, is highly skilled in cases relating to children including contact and residence disputes. She specialises in child protection law and is a Member of the Child Care Panel with experience representing parents, guardians, Local Authorities and children.

As well as working regionally and nationally, Kate has considerable expertise in international child abduction cases and is a Member of the International Child Abduction and Custody Unit.

Kate has “Higher Court Rights,” something fewer than 2,500 solicitors have in England and Wales, which enables her to offer clients an all-round litigation service.

 

You might be interested in

6 Steps to Make your Children’s First Christmas after Divorce Special

Published on
Kate Banerjee
Partner and Head of the Children Department
Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors

The festive countdown will leave many separated spouses and their children feeling apprehensive, distressed and nervous – particularly for estranged couples who are embarking on their first Christmas post-divorce.

For the newly single, these sentiments are understandably exacerbated at what is already an emotional time of year – and if they no longer live with the children.

The partner looking after the children can likewise feel overwhelmed with the prospect of feeling they single-handedly need to organise everything and everyone.

In this scenario, effective planning, communication and a spirit of goodwill can help both parents to survive the break while keeping the children at the heart of celebrations.

Here are six top tips for reducing stress at Christmas:

  • Double the magic: if you don’t spend Christmas Day with the children, why not organise a second celebration or an added treat for them? As well as enhancing their anticipation and enjoyment, it will strengthen the bonds between you.
  • Talk to each other: planning ahead with regular communications should allow you to agree and organise a holiday season that will suit as many people as possible.
  • Set objectives: always aim to achieve what is best for the children, despite any lingering grievances you may have. Don’t criticise your ex in front of them or ask them to take sides – as this will make them less likely to want to spend time with you.
  • Be flexible: accept that children will want to see as much as possible of both parents, wider family and their friends. If that means you spend less time with them this year, discuss it reasonably with your ex and aim to make up for it next Christmas.
  • Tell the children what’s happening: the further ahead you can let children know how Christmas will be spent the better; they like security and certainty – and will already have been unsettled by the split. Hopefully, keeping them informed will allow them to adjust to the Christmas changes and give them a scenario they can look forward to.
  • Treat yourself: many parents hanker for a break from the children after a few days confined with them. As such, make the most of the time you’re apart; treat yourself or do something you couldn’t if they were there – and be sure not to neglect your health and wellbeing.

Simple planning and communication can help the whole family feel better about Christmas following a breakup – and could be key to more harmonious relationships in the years ahead as everyone moves on.

About Kate

Kate, Head of the Children Department at Leeds and London based Jones Myers, is highly skilled in cases relating to children including contact and residence disputes. She specialises in child protection law and is a Member of the Child Care Panel with experience representing parents, guardians, Local Authorities and children.

As well as working regionally and nationally, Kate has considerable expertise in international child abduction cases and is a Member of the International Child Abduction and Custody Unit.

Kate has “Higher Court Rights,” something fewer than 2,500 solicitors have in England and Wales, which enables her to offer clients an all-round litigation service.

 

You might be interested in

Bird’s Nest Custody – a New Approach to Joint Custody?

Published on
Kate Banerjee Partner and Head of the Children Department Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors
Kate Banerjee
Head of the Children Department
Jones Myers Family Law Solicitors

Touted as the smart new way to divorce by the media, ‘bird’s nest custody’ is becoming more common in the UK as rising numbers of British courts recommend shared parenting instead of sole custody for one of them.

Bird’s nest custody sees children stay in the family home, while their parents move in and out on an agreed schedule to look after them.

As well as the intended benefit of reducing stress and change for the youngsters, it can also be a cheaper solution for parents who might struggle to maintain their pre-divorce lifestyle.

Here, children would remain in the family home with one parent, while the other would live in a smaller flat, removing the need to provide two bedrooms for each child – complete with toys, fixtures and furniture at each place.

Parents can either swap between homes or stay with family and friends when their ex moves in.

To date, UK courts have not forced bird’s nesting onto anyone; however couples are coming across the solution via mediation, before reaching court.

With many divorcees reporting that it has also brought them closer together as they collaborate on the common goal of securing their children’s best interests, it is likely to increase in popularity.

On the surface, then, this is a promising route to a civilised family life after divorce.

However, it must be borne in mind that no two couples and no two divorces are the same, so there are no one-size-fits-all options. Below are some factors to consider if you’re wondering whether birds’ nest custody is right for your family:

  • The ages of the children. Some may be of an age where they can accommodate this arrangement, but older children may rebel, or feel unsettled by the situation.
  • How you will communicate what’s happening to your offspring. While the arrangement might give children a sense of security, it could also be quite confusing for them and raise false hope that their parents might get back together. Explaining it very carefully – particularly to younger children – is vital.
  •  Co-operation from your ex. The levels of trust and support needed to make birds’ nest custody work are quite rare among ex-partners, as inconvenient ‘real world’ practicalities will inevitably effect the arrangement. For example, one or both of you could meet someone else. There is also the issue of cooking and shopping for your ex, when you must declare that you have lived separately and apart before decree absolute can be granted.

We recommend that boundaries and rules are drawn up, written down – and signed up to before you embark on this arrangement.

Difficulties and obstacles are not insurmountable, but parents would need to compromise and plan and communicate effectively – just as in other child custody matters.

 Kate, is the Head of the Children Department at Jones Myers.   She is highly skilled in cases relating to children including contact and residence disputes.

Kate specialises in child protection law and is a Member of the Child Care Panel with experience representing parents, guardians, Local Authorities and children.

As well as working regionally and nationally, Kate has considerable expertise in international child abduction cases and is a Member of the International Child Abduction and Custody Unit.

Kate has “Higher Court Rights,” something fewer than 2,500 solicitors have in England and Wales, which enables her to offer clients an all-round litigation service.

Clients find her sensitive, caring and approachable and she engenders these principles in all of her team.

You might be interested in

1 2