When saying “I do” to someone and begin planning your wedding together, you dream of living “happily ever after” with them.
You envision being married and happy like a fairy tale princess. You choose your dress, tuxedo, wedding colors, best man, maid of honor, bridal party, food and beverage for the reception, officiant, venue, and honeymoon location.
You trusted your spouse and wanted to spend your life together, full of love, laughter, and lasting memories. You never thought of getting a divorce!
All of a sudden, what you didn’t think could happen, it did happen…you were getting a divorce! You went from “happy in love” to “heartbroken and lonely” out of love.
Going through a divorce is life-altering and devastating. It can turn your world upside down and affect you emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. It can leave you helpless and hopeless, and broken and bruised. It can lower your self-esteem; it can make you feel like a victim; it can decrease your confidence; it can make you lose your identity and your mind.
Listen to your inner feelings and accept that the divorce is over. Do not become angry, bitter, or embarrassed because you went through a divorce. Do not give up on life, because you are going through a divorce, or already divorced. Life happens…you are not alone! Whether you were married for five months, 15 years, or 25 years, things will get better!
Naturally, after your divorce, you may have doubts, fears, and negative thoughts flowing through your mind; saying words such as: “I can’t make it; I will never find happiness again; I don’t want to be alone; I am not worthy of being loved, I don’t know how to move on without my ex-spouse, I am just a failure, etc.”
You may also feel that “all hope is lost,” and that “you cannot start over” after divorce.
The truth is: “you can recover, be happy again, rebuild and thrive in life “after” divorce.
Are you ready to feel normal after going through your divorce? Are you tired of being stuck and don’t know “how” to move forward? Are you ready to get your life back and experience joy and happiness? There is hope for you: I want to inspire you, dear, that “you can make it; you will love again; you will survive and smile again!”
Yes, “there is life after divorce!”
To help you jumpstart your new life, and navigate your road to recovery, please consider using the 8 tips listed below:
- Forgive your ex-spouse. Forgiveness allows you to be set free and start the recovery process. Holding on to bitterness will keep you stuck. Forgiveness is for you. After forgiving your ex-spouse, forgive yourself also, and let go of it. However, don’t blame yourself for what happened. Move forward!
- Grieve and mourn. You have to cry and grieve through the hurt, pain, and betrayal. Going through a divorce is similar to experiencing the death of someone you loved so dearly. Allow yourself time to heal.
- Rediscover who you are: Your new identity. Find out what you like to do (hobbies, favorite foods, things that you used to enjoy before the marriage), and discover new things that you want to explore (opportunities, friendships, etc.) Identify new goals and visions for yourself. Discover who you are: the new YOU!
- Love yourself again. Focus on getting yourself together – mentally, physically, and spiritually. Spend time alone and take time to go for walks, dinner, movies, and other places alone. Put yourself first…take care of you!
- Celebrate. Plan celebrations with friends, family, or co-workers when you achieve a milestone in your life. If you lose 10 pounds, wrote a book, traveled to a new destination…celebrate it! Small or large victories…celebrate it!
- Get financially savvy. Get empowered and take control of your finances. Learn to become financially independent and achieve financial freedom.
- Seek professional help. Reach out and ask for help. Consult a trained professional and begin the journey to healing, transformation, and recovery. “You Can Make It!”
About Dr Anita K. Smith
Dr. Anita K. Smith graduated in 2018 from Walden University with a doctorate degree in Finance. She is an inducted member of the National Society of Leadership and Success (NSLS) at Walden University.
Dr. Anita K. Smith is a Certified Life After Divorce Coach and Personal Finance Coach. She empowers clients to become relentless, courageous, and fearless as they recover, reignite, and rebuild their life after divorce. Dr. Anita K. Smith is the author of “Strategies of E-Commerce Adoption in a Travel Agency” (2018) and “You Can Make It!” (2020).
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