Alternative Dispute Resolution professional and Certified Divorce Coach
The Divorce and Separation Coach
When people think about divorce, the first professional who comes to mind is usually a lawyer. That is natural, since divorce has an important legal dimension. But relying on one person to guide you through every aspect of divorce is a common mistake.
I made this mistake myself. During my divorce, my “team” consisted of my lawyer and my parents. I did not know that other professionals could support me. As a result, I agreed to financial arrangements without understanding their long-term consequences. Over time, they proved unsustainable and led to repeated renegotiations, which caused unnecessary conflict.
Divorce affects your finances, your emotional wellbeing, your children, and your long-term future. My experience taught me (the hard way!) that no single professional can provide expert support in all these areas. That is why building a divorce team is one of the most important steps you can take.
Avoiding the “one-person trap”
Money is often the greatest concern when people are separating. Many hesitate to hire more than one professional, worried about costs. Yet the unintended consequence is that they lean on their lawyer for everything: financial advice, emotional support, and sometimes even parenting guidance. This is not only expensive, but also ineffective.
Think of it like surgery on your back. You would need a surgeon, of course, but also a nurse, an anaesthetist, and afterwards a physiotherapist to get you back on your feet. Divorce is no different. You need different professionals working together to ensure every aspect is handled properly: a lawyer for legal advice, a financial adviser for money matters, a divorce coach to help you make the right decisions every step of the way, and emotional support to keep you grounded.
The professionals to consider
A divorce team does not look the same for everyone. The right mix of professionals will depend on your situation. Here are some of the key roles:
- Lawyer – Advises on your legal rights, prepares divorce documentation, and, if necessary, represents you in court. Some lawyers specialise in areas such as high net worth cases, domestic abuse, or international divorce. Even in countries where a lawyer is not legally required, it is still wise to consult one to ensure your agreement is solid.
- Family mediator – Works with both partners to negotiate terms, from property division to parenting arrangements. A mediator is impartial and helps keep discussions constructive.
- Divorce coach – Helps you focus on your future goals, make clear decisions, and approach negotiations with confidence. A coach also provides practical guidance and emotional steadiness.
- Therapist – Supports you in understanding what went wrong in the relationship, addressing trauma, and maintaining mental health.
- Financial adviser – Reviews your assets, debts, and income, models long-term implications of settlement proposals, and helps you plan for financial stability after divorce.
While one person may cover two roles, expecting them to manage everything leaves serious gaps.
Choosing the right lawyer
Selecting the right lawyer is one of the most important decisions you will make. Too often people choose based only on price or convenience. One client of mine instructed a lawyer because he was “cheap”. Fifteen months later, she had spent tens of thousands of pounds with no progress and little trust in his advice. She eventually changed lawyers and finally moved forward.
When choosing a lawyer, consider:
- Do they have experience with your type of case?
- How do they communicate and how quickly will they respond?
- Will your case be handled by them personally or mostly by a junior associate?
- What is their approach to resolving disputes out of court?
- Can they give you realistic visibility of likely legal costs?
If your divorce involves more than one country, you will also need someone with expertise in international divorce. Look for a lawyer who understands both jurisdictions, speaks your language, and has a network of international advisers, such as tax specialists and immigration lawyers.
How to build your divorce team
A simple exercise can help you identify where you need support. Picture a five-pointed star, with each point representing one area of support: legal, financial, emotional, practical, and personal. Write down the person or professional covering each area. One person can cover two—but no more. If you see gaps, you will know where to add expertise.
This keeps your support balanced and prevents overloading one professional or family member. Your aim is to create a well-rounded team that can carry you through divorce and beyond.
Final thoughts
Divorce is one of life’s most complex transitions. Going through it with only one professional is like attempting surgery with only a surgeon and no nurse or anaesthetist—it is simply not enough. By building a divorce team, you ensure that every dimension—legal, financial, emotional, and practical—is addressed properly.
It may feel like a bigger investment at the start, but a coordinated divorce team saves time, money, and stress in the long run. More importantly, it helps you build a stronger foundation for the next chapter of your life.
Read more articles by Chloe O.
About Chloe O.
“My name is Chloe O., I am an Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) professional and a Certified Divorce Coach. I specialise in working with women to help them reduce conflict during and after divorce by improving their negotiation and communication skills with their spouse. The objective is to work towards an amicable divorce outcome in order to minimise the emotional and financial cost of divorce. I work with all types of clients but I have extensive experience in supporting expatriates and international families who are dealing with the unique situation of living abroad during and after their divorce, with limited local family support, language barriers and relocation considerations.”
For more information about my work and services (including my Podcasts, newsletter, myth-buster videos…), you can visit my website and/or follow me on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn.