After going through one million emotions during the period of divorce, the last thing you want to imagine is loving again.
Regardless of your reasons for divorce, you will need to move on with your life at some point. Many are times after divorce, especially after horrible divorces, many people get scared of even allowing their minds to wander into the cloud nine area; where nothing else matters apart from what your heart and soul feels at that moment.
It is ok to be scared. It is ok to want to stay in the protective shells behind the walls we build around our hearts. It is totally ok to want to shield our hearts from the heartbreak again, but that means that we lock our hearts away from experiencing love again, which is a shame.
Take baby steps to venture back into the dating world again. Allow your heart to take chances on love. The simple ways to know that you are ready again:
- Take all the time to cry your pain out. You need to ensure that you get rid of the pain and hurt your past relationship caused you before even thinking about starting a new one.
- Have honest conversations with YOURSELF. Ask yourself questions, Talk to yourself and listen to the answers you give yourself. Make time everyday be it morning or end of the day to have a conversation with yourself about how you feel and how your day was. Challenge your emotions and feelings. Question them. Ask yourself honestly what might have triggered the emotion you feel. I personally found out that I am able to control my emotions better by having these conversations and questioning my emotions honestly.
- Start doing things you used to do with your partner again, but this time start doing them alone. Like going to the movies, going out for dinner alone. It might sound scary, but getting yourself to live ‘normally’ like you used to ensures that you help yourself heal faster. It will take time to get used to it, but when you are at a point where you are totally comfortable with this, you know you are healing well.
- Spend time with family and friends, but only the people who bring the good side of you out. Avoid negative people and people who always try to bring you down.
- Treat yourself to something good. Learn to appreciate yourself. Make it a habit to do something good for yourself without feeling guilty about it. When you learn to appreciate yourself more without needing any reason, you know you are on the right direction.
- Go on speed dates. You have nothing to lose. Get on a dating site, see if you can have conversations with person of the opposite sex without expectations.
- Go on dates without expecting it to turn into anything serious. The most important thing is to ensure that you are having fun and enjoying the moment of meeting new people.
When you are in a place where you can be on your own, do things on your own, go places on your own and appreciate yourself just because, then you know you are in a good place to think about love.
Try online dating, go with an open mind and don’t forget to have fun. Take one step at a time and allow your heart to feel and not think. You will know when you are ready to love again because you will feel so much love inside. You will feel that you have enough love left even after giving out love to the people you love like family, friends and kids. When you are at that point, then you know you are ready to love again!
I will leave you with the poem below:
I can not explain the pain, the emptiness that fills the void,
As I open my eyes again, I just want the light to avoid,
Would want the ache to restrain, supress this feeling of paranoid,
Free my heart from imaginary chain,and print ”never again” in the tabloid.
But wouldn’t that make me a fool, scared shitless of the world to explore,
Or maybe could cause me drool, of all the spirits I could chance to adore,
How could I my poor heart befool, forgetting I have been there before,
If only I could make this heat to cool, save my poor self from an eyesore.
Who dared call this innocent heart cruel, for trying thyself to protect,
Caused the atteries discard enough gruel, instead of having its strength recollect,
Couldn’t you replenish it with some fuel, enough for the veins to reconnect,
Help this heart stop this duel, and all the negative vibes reject.
I pain I hurt I cry,but no voice comes out of my throat,
As I lay on this bed so dry, trying to keep my emotions afloat,
Seems I pain for all my ancestry, so strong that it makes me bloat,
And that makes me my own adversary, wishing I could run away on a sailboat.
Someday I hope all this will end, the inner peace thy heart to shield,
Close my eyes and feel the spirit accend, and wave goodbye to the battlefield,
Only then I can dare the heart amend, with the much dignity it always upheld,
Then I will finally comprehend, all the treasures love does indeed yield!