How legal fairness and personal reinvention work together on the journey back to work

Article written by Peter Burgess, Senior Partner at Burgess Mee and FMC Accredited Mediator, and Stephanie Cohen, Career Coach and Founder at Passenger to Pilot.

The legal approach to maintenance

Over the last 25 years, we have seen a sea-change in the world of work and the relationship between careers and parenting. The seminal House of Lords decision in White v White in 2000 introduced the idea of a partnership of equals between husband and wife.

But although equality is now the lodestar for how financial division is carried out, there is one area in which parties are rarely equal.

Cases such as  SS v NS in 2014 saw the courts refine their approach to maintenance. After years of ‘joint lives maintenance orders’, maintenance is now assessed through the framework of being rehabilitative and needs-based, for fixed or extendable terms only.

The job market in a post-Covid world

In the post-Covid world, we are on the cusp of further changes to work, with the advent of AI and automation likely to make many traditional career paths redundant. This makes life even more complex for those looking for work after an extended period out of the job market. For a wife (as is still often the case) who finds herself at the end of a long marriage with children who becoming more independent, there is an expectation that she must find work to support herself within a short period of time, perhaps with some retraining. Typically, salary figures of between £20,000 and £40,000 per annum would be mentioned, depending on professional experience.  A spouse is therefore placed in the position of seeking work, coming to terms with the end of a relationship, while often bearing the brunt of childcare. It is no mean feat.

Returning to work after divorce: A different reality

Once that shift in legal framework is understood (the shift away from joint lives maintenance, the focus on rehabilitation and the expectation that an individual will return to work) a different reality enters the picture.  The law can assess needs and acknowledge career sacrifice, but it cannot account for a person’s internal experience as they must now rebuild or inhabit a working identity.  This is where financial fairness and emotional readiness often fall out of sync.

For many clients who seek out coaching, the private moment when they realise they must re-enter work feels less like a practical task and more like an existential one.  After years spent centring the home, children and a partner’s career, many describe their sense of professional self as being diminished or absent.  Even those who remained employed throughout the marriage often speak of a subtler erosion where confidence has shrunk, they feel “behind” professional peers or overwhelmed from the strain of holding down a job while carrying the weight of personal lives unravelling.   On paper their professional selves are intact, but privately they feel depleted or disconnected from the work they once did successfully.

This emotional landscape at this stage is often hidden in the legal process and can be best described as a complex mix of fear, fatigue and (sometimes) a flicker of excitement. Re-entering the workplace or shifting career goals can raise fears about being competent enough in a world that has moved on, as well as fatigue from the prolonged emotional labour of a marriage’s demise.  There can even be a fragile excitement about the possibility of reclaiming or redefining a career that feels like their own.  This is why returning to work, though originally framed as a financial step, can often also be an act of self-care, agency and identity repair.

Redefining career goals: a reset moment

As is often the case in advisory work or mediation, what is reasonable in legal terms may not always feel manageable in human terms. A timeline for returning to work can feel insurmountable to someone who has not inhabited their professional self in years or who has simply been surviving at work.  This can often be a disorientating experience. Bridging the gap works best when a client can take an approach that is both steadying and clarifying.  In our respective fields, our work starts with helping clients assert their legal rights and restoring the internal capability to live a full and self-actualised life.

In coaching, for example, that often begins with helping individuals understand who they are now as a professional, rather than who they once were. We explore the attributes that remain strong, those that are dormant and the new ones emerging in the wake of such significant personal change. Through our engagement, the process of “starting again” becomes a more grounded rediscovery of confidence and authorship. Clients who have been absent from the workforce entirely begin to see paths back in.  Others renegotiate flexible work so they can rebuild at a humane pace for themselves and their families.  Those who stayed in work can find steadiness and a renewed sense of themselves.

Exercise by Stephanie Cohen: Reclaim Space

Often, the turning point is not cognitive but embodied.  I use a simple exercise called “Reclaim Space”, where I ask my client to step into a busy lift, standing in the centre rather than the corner, and holding their place as others move around them.  No apologising. No shrinking.  Just quietly occupying their place in the world and giving themselves permission to do so.  What initially feels uncomfortable, for many becomes the first moment they feel themselves reappear after years of contraction.  From that point, returning to work (or returning presence to work) becomes more than an obligation.  It becomes a way back to self.

Read more articles by Peter Burgess.

About Peter Burgess

Peter co-founded Burgess Mee in 2013 after starting his legal career at Withersworldwide. With over 20 years’ experience in family law, he is recognised as one of London’s leading divorce lawyers, advising on high-value financial cases and complex children matters, including international relocations. He is also an FMC Accredited Mediator. His expertise has earned industry-wide recognition, including in Spear’s, The Legal 500 and Chambers UK. He is a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers and serves on Resolution’s National Committee. Peter has acted in significant reported cases, including Cazalet v Abu-Zalaf [2023] and AH v BH [2024], and co-authored International Trust and Divorce Litigation. He also co-created resources such as Within the Window and The Happy Co-Parent to support clients who are navigating trauma and co-parenting.

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About Stephanie Cohen

Stephanie Cohen is the founder of Passenger to Pilot, a career coaching and advisory practice supporting senior leaders and high performers navigating transition, identity shifts, and high-pressure professional environments. She brings over 20 years of leadership experience at the highest levels of financial services and regulation, having previously served as Global Chief Operating Officer for BlackRock’s investment businesses and as an Executive Director at the UK Financial Conduct Authority. Drawing on this background, Stephanie now works with clients across sectors and regions to rebuild confidence, clarity, and professional presence during periods of change, including returning to work after divorce, career breaks, or significant personal upheaval. Her coaching approach blends strategic insight, psychological depth, and lived senior leadership experience to help individuals regain authorship of their careers.

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