Keeping Your Cool During a Divorce – Is it Possible?

keeping cool during divorce
Christopher G. Aiello
Divorce Lawyer
Jersey Law

Getting divorced can be a nightmare. You are parting ways with someone you’ve probably loved for a long time, shared your hopes and dreams, gone through tough times together – and it isn’t always easy.

There are issues of separating assets, dealing with child custody agreements, and overcoming the emotional challenges of losing a relationship. Therefore, it can get quite heated, and in many cases, people getting a divorce don’t get along.

Unfortunately, arguing and fighting with your ex during your divorce can make it harder than it should be to end one phase and usher in a new one in a positive, empowered way.

Is it possible to keep your cool through the divorce process? Yes, it is! Here are a few tips on how to do it.

1. Look at the long term

Keep in mind from the start, how you handle the divorce will impact your life for years to come. For example, the psychological effects of divorce on children can affect them emotionally in years to come. The arrangements you make about them will also do the same.

Therefore, how you interact with your ex now will set the tone for your future interactions. Avoid losing your cool and making divorce mistakes whose negative effects you will experience for years to come.

2.  Deal with negative emotions

During a divorce, you may be angry with your ex, and that may cause you to lose your cool whenever you interact. However, you must find a way of dealing with your negative emotions to avoid and manage conflict that may lead to an acrimonious divorce. Here are a few tips on how to deal with your emotions.

  • Meditate

When you feel overwhelmed, it’s easy to lose your cool. A great way to calm down is to breathe deeply. Deep breathing will help you cut down on the panic or anger that can cause you to make rash decisions and help you to work on the negative thoughts and feelings.

Starting with a few minutes of meditation every day is a great way to practice deep breathing. You can also do it before you go to any meeting concerning your divorce.

  • Do what you love

When dealing with a divorce (especially a tough one), you can forget to do things that make you happy. Spending your time thinking of your divorce and ex fuels your anger and stops you from enjoying the good things in your life.

Focus on doing things you love even as you deal with your divorce, not only to help you feel good but will also keep you busy and positive. For example, don’t stop going to the gym, exercising, cooking, baking, gardening, going out with friends, etc. Anything that brings you joy but will not compromise your divorce proceedings is a good idea.

  • Talk to someone

Photo by Amy Hirschi on Unsplash

Sometimes, engaging in your hobbies or meditating is not enough to calm you down. You may need to sit down with someone you trust and talk about what’s going on with your divorce.

It’s advisable that you find people you can talk to about your divorce without feeling judged. A good option is a psychologist, as they are impartial and not part of your life. They are likely to give you unbiased opinions and arm you with coping mechanisms during your divorce.

  •    Write it down

When dealing with an ex and fighting for assets or time with your child, it’s easy to lose track of what’s going on.  Writing all your thoughts down  helps you to organise your mind and to make better decisions.

Once you have everything you are feeling and thinking down on paper, you will see what makes sense and what doesn’t.

  •    Focus on the important things

When dealing with an ex, you may feel like fighting about everything. Unfortunately, that will not help you in the long run.

Focus on the important stuff and let the petty go. If you nitpick about everything because your ex triggers you, it will lead to losing your cool.

Therefore as the divorce proceedings continue, pick the things that are important to you and leave the rest. For example, getting child custody is important, but fighting about your ex’s current partner is not.

 3. Consult divorce experts

If you try to face everything in your divorce by yourself, you will get lost in all the things that need doing.  Consult divorce experts and get all the help and support you can from people with your best interests in mind. For example, a New Jersey divorce attorney can advise you on how to get the most out of your divorce, such as your share of the assets or custody of your children.

You should also ask for support from your loved ones, people who will help you keep a level head and calm emotions. Your support network helps you to stay focused on the important things and avoid the triggers.

Are you going through a tough divorce?

These are a few tips on how to keep your cool during an acrimonious divorce. You may think it’s impossible, but it’s not. Try these tips, and they will help you keep your peace during your divorce for your sake and that of your loved ones.

Click here for more articles by Christopher G. Aiello

Author: Christopher G. Aiello

Mr. Aiello has a reputable 30+ year trajectory in law practice. Having been selected for multiple recognitions and awards, including Avvo Top Attorney for all 3 practice areas, NAOPIUA, The American Institute of Legal Counsel, he has been honored with the top 100 trial attorney award in New Jersey by The National Trial Lawyers.

He practices in the Superior Court of New Jersey in both the trial court section and the appellate divisions, the Workers’ Compensation Court, and Municipal Courts. He has appeared in dozens of televised, print and internet media including: New York Post, New York Daily News, ABC, etc., and he served as defense counsel for large corporations including the Chrysler Corporation, the Hertz Corporation, Mitsubishi motors, Stanley tools, and medical professionals involved in medical malpractice cases.

Mr. Aiello then took this intensive background and training and began representing people as plaintiffs in personal injury and employment litigation matters. He also was a former municipal prosecutor representing people in need of criminal defence achieving substantial results for his clients.


Featured Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

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