I’ve no shame in confessing, the subject of mathematics and I “retired” our friendship long ago.
It was no secret during my high school and college years, that the M-word and I had a love-hate relationship.
We never fought or shared harsh words or anything like that (well maybe a few harsh words just before or after an assignment or exam), but I knew at an early age, while we would have to work together regularly, we were best doing so apart rather than together.
Math & Science -vs- Arts & Literature; I fell into the latter category. As a true-heart collaborative spirit however, while I tried to reconcile our differences, I made a wise choice to invest in the services of others on important matters of business and finance and surrounded myself with a superb and inspired success team to handle all things numbered.
In hindsight, I suppose the mindset and strategies needed to one day collaborate my own divorce were in place long before I would need to access them.
While I have the utmost respect and admiration for digits, ledgers, numbers and the like, they just don’t inspire me…like prose: the written word – a letter, word, sentence, paragraph, the classics and the newly penned. As a writer and author, my passion for the written word, sometimes results in obsessive note-taking and can produce inspiring thoughts and a new plan for any given day based on the words that flow through me to paper.
“There are no weapons more lethal, no formulas more potent, no roses sweeter, than words.” – Birgitte Rasine
There is ONE word and its definition that causes me great concern. My issue is with the standardized and tired definition of the word Divorce, The D-Word, as it is currently defined by society and…in the Dictionary.
I am convinced that a revolution is in order; a redefinition – a re-imagining is long overdue. As more and more enlightened people are finding new ways to overcome the struggles and dysfunction of divorce through the collaborative team approach, they are part of a movement to shift the paradigm in which divorce breathes and survives within an old framework and set of standards and mindsets.
Many have challenged themselves to transform their thinking, grow and break free of old patterns and are finding solutions that might surprise and amaze even the skeptics.
While collaborative divorce is not a one-size-fits-all solution, for those whose lives welcome it and find themselves capable of reaping the benefits, ordinary families are living extra-ordinary divorced lives and doing so by applying the new terminology of the collaborative philosophy to guide and nurture their lifestyle.
D–Word = Negative Outcome
The word Divorce by its very nature signifies an automatic response of negativity and for many, failure.
“It’s idiotic to assume that because a marriage ends, it’s failed.“ – Margaret Mead
The most commonly known definition sets the stage: to set or force apart, to divorce your wishes from the realities of the world as it is. Synonyms for the word Divorce paint an equally dismal picture: disassociate, disconnect, dis-join, break-down, disintegrate, dissolve, break, fracture, pull, rip, tear, isolate, segregate, detach, disengage, unravel, untie. How might anyone possibly associate a potential positive outcome with these words?
D-Word Paradigm Shift or Re-Define
So I submit to you that perhaps it is a matter of shifting the paradigm for the definition of this D-Word and the assumptions that the Divorce journey must be Defined by Destruction, Discourse and Dysfunction.
It’s high time we Draw the Drapes and let the glorious sun shine in and focus the lens on what I call the “art of the possible” with a kinder and gentler approach when retiring a marriage by working together whenever possible, with the help of a team of dedicated professionals, to re-define the family from its state of normal to a transformed New Normal.
Let’s Ditch the D-words and try the other letters of the alphabet on for size: alliance, appreciation, assistance, collaboration, co-parenting, change, coalition, courage, combined effort, grace, gratitude, harmony, legacy, love, partnership, praise, pulling together, success, symbiosis, team effort, union, unity, vision for the future, working together.
DO it for the kids. DO it for your family values and legacy. DO it to build character. DO it and model the behavior you want to teach and have Duplicated. Our family is living proof who has thrived for the last 12 years living a collaborative co-parenting lifestyle and raised three kids from youngsters to young adults with respect and dignity for all.
Use the D–Word to your advantage and DO the right thing. Difficult? Definitely will be challenging sometimes but is it Do-able and worth all the effort? Yes, without a Doubt.
Carolyn Flower is the CEO of Carolyn Flower Enterprises (1992) Inc.
She is an industry renowned promotional communication specialist with a team of in-house creative graphic designers and professional editors. Carolyn is an international bestselling author, columnist, and media contributor. Her next book, Family Ever After ™ – Collaborate Life After Divorce, is scheduled for release in late 2016. She is the founder of the Pathways to Publishing Academy© Author Success Systems. She encourages others to refocus the lens of their lives and discover the art of their possible. Her mission is to provide value by serving and motivating her clients to inspire themselves and then, inspire it forward.
Visit the Flower Community at www.carolynflower.com.