What does marriage mean to you?
With the wedding season approaching, many of us will find our social calendars brimming with vows for the remainder of the summer months, not to mention the investment in wedding attire, presents and supportive pre wedding celebrations.
As a family lawyer, I can’t help but wonder whether many of the happy couples have given a great deal of thought to what marriage means to them from a legal perspective.
Why would they?
Every couple enters into marriage with the absolute belief that marriage is for life – “until death do us part”. It’s always the last thing on most newlyweds’ minds to even consider the possibility of their relationship breaking down and the financial impact that may have in years to come?
The Law Commission have recently issued a report recommending that more information is provided to couples before they get married so they are aware the financial implications marriage can have.
It is a sad reality that modern day Britain sees a very large proportion of marriages ending in divorce. And with rates on the rise as a society, we do not appear to be getting any better at staying together.
Recent studies suggest that married couples who make it to their 10th wedding anniversary are more likely to avoid separation. But conversely figures are rising for the so called ‘silver separators’ who are experiencing an increase in divorce following retirement.
People divorce for many different reasons but the one thing all divorcing couples have in common is that on their wedding day they had usually have very little knowledge, if any, about the legal implication of their commitment.
So, what if, the unthinkable happens and separation is contemplated?
After pooling together resources, sharing a life together and often raising a family, the idea of dividing the hard earned assets built up during a marriage is an emotional and daunting exercise for many separated couples.
What was the family home often becomes a major point of dispute. Suddenly the inheritance received by one or other of the couple during the marriage becomes an asset to protect as do the pre-owned item and chattels which one or both might have brought with them.
What about the family business – how will that be affected? How can the ‘pot’ be split?
The answers to many of these questions will depend upon the extent of the financial resources at their disposal: the first step towards a fair outcome has to be for each spouse to tell the other what they have, what it is all worth and what they each earn.
The question is then how it could and should be shared. This is usually where an experienced family lawyer will ensure a fair arrangement is agreed in a constructive and amicable way.
If you have any reservations about the financial implications of marriage and the impact of a potential divorce, it is important to speak to a family lawyer and deal with any assets which you may wish to protect, such as family inheritance or a business.
It may be appropriate to enter into pre-nuptial agreements which are becoming a popular solution for many couples as they are now recognised in the English Courts.
So should we all know more about what we are entering into when getting married? Saying that there should be some legal guidance on this issue sounds very unromantic and I don’t want to put people off getting married, but I do think it’s important to know the implications of whatever endeavour we undertake so we can make informed decisions.
I have no doubt that for many of us marriage will continue to form the basis of our family units regardless of the legal implications.
But without wishing to give “something blue” to every marrying couple, would it not be better for everyone to know where they stand before saying “I do”?
Rachel is a Senior Associate in the Family Law Service at the city law firm Charles Russell LLP, based in the firm’s Guildford Office.
Charles Russell’s family team is within the magic circle of family lawyers and advise on domestic and international family law. Rachel specialises exclusively in family law and advises on all matters including divorce, civil partnership dissolution, pre-nuptial agreements, cohabitation and matters involving children.
Rachel has particular experience with high net worth financial cases, enforcement of matrimonial orders, cross jurisdictional maintenance disputes and appeals against the Child Maintenance Service.
Email: rachel.donald@charlesrussell.co.uk
Direct tel: 01483 252548
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Imagine you went on a first date with someone who was sarcastic, nasty, disparaging towards you. It’s hard to believe that you would agree to a second date.
Yet an abusive relationship can creep up on us and have us gradually accepting that behaviour, justifying it, perhaps even feeling that we are in some way responsible for it happening.
The abuser often couches their behaviour subtly; they claim to be trying to help us improve, are encouraging us to remedy a perceived failing or flaw.
It is often sexual abuse that gains the most media coverage but abuse also covers physical, emotional and mental cruelty and can be experienced by both men and women, young and old, in all strata of society. It’s important for us to be aware if escalating patterns of unacceptable, sustained bad treatment start to appear.
Forms of Abuse
– Abuse is often about control. The abuser may be insecure, afraid of losing you, fearful that you’ll find someone better, so they try to hold onto the relationship by increasingly checking where you’re going, what you’re doing, how you’re spending your money, how you dress.
Often an abuser will try to make you increasingly dependent and reliant on them. They may discourage you from working; they earn enough, why not take a break, why not take some time to think about doing something else?
It can be a seductive, attractive process where you feel cared for, loved, supported but over time you gradually lose your financial independence, career, friends, even family.
– Emotional abuse often starts by establishing a cosy ‘us against the world’ scenario where you’re assured that you’re all they have/need/want.
At first you feel loved and secure, safe in the loving bubble of warmth and protection. Gradually you’ll find you spend less time with friends, especially if it becomes an increasing hassle to make arrangements, they are regarded as a bad influence or your family is accused of being unfriendly or interfering.
It often becomes harder to make plans to see ‘outsiders’.
You may find that when you try to make plans to see them those plans regularly clash with special or important functions you’re required to attend or there is an insistence in dropping you off and picking you up, often arriving earlier than necessary. This in itself may be fine.
You justify the behaviour as friendly, sociable, helpful, but combined with negative remarks about your clothes, hair, makeup you may gradually start to lose all sense of
confidence in yourself.
Some abusers become so controlling that they methodically check every transaction on bank statements, query every call or text on the itemised phone bill, undertake daily mileage checks on the car, return home at unexpected times to see what their partner is doing.
If you try to challenge their behaviour they will justify themselves logically and reasonably, even making you feel guilty, apologetic at having questioned their motives.
– Physical abuse often starts with a tap, a push, an angry slap.
Sometimes alcohol is involved. The perpetrator is often seriously contrite afterwards, promising never to repeat their behaviour.
It’s important to be firm with them, discuss what’s happened and insist that help is sought, perhaps to specifically deal with anger management or alcohol related issues.
Keep a diary of abusive behaviour, try to save money for an emergency fund and have a safe place where you can escape if you’re afraid that the situation is deteriorating.
– Sexual abuse can involve gradual but increasing degradation; the pressure to do things, engage in practices you find off-putting, unpleasant, painful or humiliating.
You may be accused of being frigid, a prude, old-fashioned but whilst it can be fun to experiment and explore sex together, a relationship should be about both parties feeling comfortable and moving at a pace that is fine for them both.
Start as you mean to go on is an important message for new relationships.
Keep regular channels of communication open between you and be sure to discuss any areas you feel unhappy about. Be firm and refuse to be bullied into doing things you don’t want to do. You’re allowed to change your mind even if you’ve gone along with
things previously.
If you’re beginning to feel uneasy in your relationship find an ally, a friend, a therapist with whom you can confidentially discuss matters. It may be that you’re being over-sensitive, feeling vulnerable, or past experiences have made you ultra-cautious. Even so, you’re entitled to consideration and respect, to have your concerns listened to.
Is there a place you could go to de-stress, take a break, giving you both time to reflect on your relationship? Might you benefit from outside help from a counsellor, a mediator, priest, family friend?
Take time to explore what the triggers are, what happens to spark off the abusive behaviour. Look for help for either or both of you to deal with those issues. It’s important to protect yourself and your self-esteem, but you may be able to help your abuser too.
If you’re worried about your situation and would like to speak with someone, here’s a website that gives you a list of services and charities that can help you – www.thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help
About Susan
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples experiencing relationship difficulties to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
T: 0161 928 7880
E: susan@lifestyletherapy.net
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Why you should listen to Helen Fisher’s talk on Love and Infidelity.
Helen Fisher’s courageous investigations of romantic love — its evolution, its biochemical foundations and its vital importance to human society — are informing and transforming the way we understand ourselves.
Fisher describes love as a universal human drive (stronger than the sex drive; stronger than thirst or hunger; stronger perhaps than the will to live), and her many areas of inquiry shed light on timeless human mysteries, like why we choose one partner over another.
Almost unique among scientists, Fisher explores the science of love without losing a sense of romance: Her work frequently invokes poetry, literature and art — along with scientific findings — helping us appreciate our love affair with love itself.
In her research, and in books such as Anatomy of Love, Why We Love, and her latest work Why Him? Why Her?: How to Find and Keep Lasting Love, Fisher looks at questions with real impact on modern life.
Her latest research raises serious concerns about the widespread, long-term use of antidepressants, which may undermine our natural process of attachment by tampering with hormone levels in the brain.
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Here is a collection on videos I found that I thought are great in making marriages work or helping relationships work. They might give some insight in things that might be going on in your own world love.
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How to Keep a Relationship with John Gottman
Brilliant talk by Dr Gottman – the man who can predict within 3 mins of watching a couple in a conflict discussion, he can predict 96% accuracy how the conversation will go and whether a couple will get divorced or not, how happy they’ll be.
He talks about how to keep a relationship by changing how you deal with conflict and what really is the cornerstone of a good relationship.
I think you will be surprised by most of the things you hear here.
What are the factors that contribute to the demise of a relationship?
Listen to this talk, broken down in four parts, and just try and see what it is that you may do in your own relationship.
If you have contempt in your relationship, you really need to listen to this!
What he talks about:
- Relationships that stay together but remain unhappy? “People who stay together and are unhappy, eventually lead parallel lives.”
- What about respect, where does it come in?
- What is the one thing, the one ingredient that is important in making a relationship work? You will be surprised by the answer you get.
- Honouring the role of fathers. “What is the secret of keeping dads involved with babies is to have low conflict with mum and more intimacy with her”
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Here are our top 7 quotes about marriage!
Enjoy!
It’s always nice to have someone in your life who can make you smile even when they’re not around -Unknown
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage – Lao Tzu
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person – Mignon McLaughlin
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers – Robert Quillen
It’s not lack of love but lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages – Friedrich Nietzsche
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me – Winston Churchill
Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect. If it’s not based on respect, nothing that appears to be good will last very long – Amy Grant
What is your fav love and/marriage quote of all time!
Would love to know
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There’s a fantastic book I’ve been reading by Dr John Gottman called The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work (even as a divorced mum, is never too late to read:-)
I came across him and his work whilst reading a book by Malcolm Gladwell called Blink – which is about the feelings and thoughts you get in the first two seconds of meeting someone or seeing something for the first time. Fabulous book which is, as always, brilliantly recounted in that Malcolm Gladwell style.
But back to Dr Gottman and his book.
What is remarkable about Dr Gottman’s work is that through his research he is now able to watch a couple’s interaction for just fifteen minutes and he is able to predict with 90% accuracy if their marriage will remain intact or not by observing not only the language, tone and manner of speaking to one another but also physical behaviour and reactions such as facial expression, body language, heartbeat and galvanic skin responses.
There are 6 signs that help predict a relationship demise but I will cover just one of them and very briefly just to give you an idea of what he says. This particular Predictor is called “The Four Horsemen” – very apocalyptic.
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Criticism
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Defensiveness
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Contempt
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Stonewalling
Enter the first horseman Criticism: Now there’s a difference between a complaint and criticism. A complaint refers to something specific about the person you live with e.g. “I’m not happy that you forgot to take the rubbish out last night.” We all have complaints and our partners have them about us too. Criticism on the other hand is a blanket that we throw over the person’s personality or character. “You forgot to take the rubbish out again last night. You keep doing it and it’s very selfish of you. You only think about yourself, very selfish.”
And when this happens, more often than not the partner receiving the criticism is pushed into what is the second horseman – defensiveness where the he/she replies by defending their actions and portraying themselves as a victim and by doing this, points the finger back at his/her partner. “Well, I come home late most evenings too tired to even think. Your at home so you know best what needs to be done and when. This is another way of stating – “The problem isn’t me, it’s you.”
The third horseman, and the most destructive is Contempt this is “any statement you make to your partner from a superior place. So most of the time you speak down at them.” I know of a couple where the husband would regularly correct his wife’s grammar in the middle of an argument. Contempt is is poisonous to any relationship and will always lead to more conflict.
Contempt maybe demonstrated verbally or physicalyl or both and may include sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery and hostile humour.
Now what is interesting here too is that it has been found that the recipient of regular contempt is more likely to get a number of infectious diseases as his/her immune functioning weakens.
“Contempt is fuelled by long-simmering negative thoughts about the partner. You’re more likely to have such thoughts if your differences are not resolved.” Pg 31
The final horseman, Stonewalling, is where one partner withdraws from the conflict, where he or she just tunes out and is predominantly a male thing. Although stonewallers may appear calm by the time they tune out, Dr Gottman found that they were far from this clearly indicated by their elevated heart rates. When interviewed later, the stonewallers reported that they were stonewalling as a means of calming themselves down and avoiding conflict but by doing so, they are also avoiding their marriage as things are more likely to be left unresolved and are left to fester and grow, finally erupting at a later time.
Whilst Criticism, Defensiveness and Contempt maybe present earlier on in a relationship, Stonewalling tends to come later on and is rarely found among newlyweds. The first three horsemen tend to be the path that lead to Stonewalling as all the negativity built over the years pave the way to Stonewalling as means of coping.
As I mentioned, there are other predictors of divorce and you only have to read Dr Gottman’s book to see and understand where you may be or may have contaminated your marriage or relationship.
I hate to say it but it really does take two.
About Soila
Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce
She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families.
Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.
Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.
You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
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In a typical African setting, we would hardly ever hear of domestic abuse. Frankly, I never thought I was being abused until my health started to deteriorate.
When Soila told me the theme of the week on the Divorce Magazine, I knew I had to write an article on this ‘semi-taboo’ topic. It is still a kinda hushed topic because of all the emotions, hurt, shame and you name the rest that come with the abuse.
To make matters worse, sometimes, the abused spouse doesn’t even know what to do or whom to turn to. The spouse cannot leave or doesn’t want to because we may think and hope the situation changes. In my case also, I thought of my kids and what people will say.
Soila once shared a you tube clip of a ted talk on why a spouse (In this case and as often, the woman), stayed although she was grossly abused.
Another contributor also wrote an article on ending the paralysis of shame in abuse cases and yet another on the early signs of domestic abuse.
I will therefore, and as usual, share my own story with abuse and how I ignored what started out as ‘little’ abuse to culminate in some physical abuse and outright violation of my body and our bedroom.
It started out as a ‘cold war’
We may think of the historic cold war and yes that started out over some incident and then carried on and manifested itself in different ways, causing ‘stress’ to the parties.
In my case, I wanted for us to talk and my ex husband didn’t want any ‘communication’. It hurt me terribly that the man I had ‘gotten’ to marry me, couldn’t even talk with me. It tormented me when he would receive an excellent grade at pretending in front of guests and family that we were doing just fine.
Today, I see those episodes as mental abuse. I must admit we ended up abusing each other because I gave up trying to talk and in retaliation refused to speak with him in public although he would have preferred that I ‘fake along’!
The Verbal Abuse Starts
Imagine those heated discussions in the bedrooms between two people who can’t stand each other but don’t know what next?
I think my husband felt hurt too at my behaviour during our “Cold War” and so wanted to show me who he really was. He threatened to beat me up and insulted me over and again especially saying how fat and ugly I had become and how little I brought in as income and much more. Of course I responded too and told him all the nasty things which hurt a man’s ego. What could I do? Who could I turn to? Our relationship was already deep in crisis then but society demands of a woman to bear all that at least for the children’s sake.
When the physical abuse started and I had to do something
As if that was not enough, my ex husband decided to give me a beating one day. I almost lost an eye! Could I retaliate? Hell no!
Did I tell my mother? Oh Yes and what did she say – oh don’t get him angry again!
When the abuse gets physical, there is no turning back. He has done it once, he will probably do it again and again unless…
I remember one episode as recounted in my book, when I locked the door of the room and hid the key with the hope of forcing my ex husband to have a conversation. He first gave me a sound slap, then he broke the door, then he kicked and pulled me out with my hair and throwing me away in the sitting room, screaming he no longer wanted to see me in our bedroom.
Unfortunately, my sons witnessed all this. They were the ones that got him to let go off my hair.
That room stayed without a door for three good months although I slept in there.
When such incidents happens and your spouse still demands sexual intercourse and forcefully gets onto you, I wonder what more we have to undergo before we save ourselves?
In Europe, there are several helplines and shelters but if every domestic abuse incident was ever to be reported, these shelters and helplines would definitely be overwhelmed. Still, I sincerely think it is vital for the victim to attend to that very first abusive incident and not ignore it wishing it won’t happen again.
By the time I took the decision that I was leaving that marriage, we had already sufficiently abused each other, I had been violated, I had become so filthy within and without, I think I was more angry at my self than at anybody else.
It took courage and determination. I knew the rejection I was going to face for leaving and eventually telling my story. Yet I am healing and getting much better and so can we all.
Marie Abanga – Follow Marie on Twitter
Author of My Unconventional Loves: My Hurts, My Adulteries, My Redemption
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Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce
Natalie is a nurse and her husband Jack is a physician who co-owned the medical practice together.
Jack was self-centered when they married, but was really a Narcissist coming out of the closet a bit down the road. His belittling and tearing Natalie down increased in intensity until she began to doubt her own intelligence.
She enrolled in a three month certificate course and received high marks.
This propelled her to take stock of her situation. She felt conflicted because she thought it best that their two sons had a father in the house, especially since Jack was so active in Boy Scouts.
The Emotional and Financial Abuse
Emotional abuse is about punishing and keeping the other spouse in line.
Natalie started bringing it to Jack’s attention when he or a son was disrespectful towards her. She began limiting their couple time in public because she felt uncomfortable around Jack.
This meant not going out for office lunches and telling him that she no longer would attend his business functions including when he was the keynote speaker. Natalie started feeling stronger and refused to enable Jack’s façade of the charming family man.
Jack had been past president of various organizations in their city and Natalie was not playing the part of the adoring wife. To a Narcissist this is unacceptable.
Natalie did the office bookkeeping and paid their personal bills and mortgage. She completely paid the balances on their credit cards so no interest accrued. Then Natalie received a £35,000 inheritance which she wisely put exclusively in her own name.
Natalie also bought a Mediterranean cruise for the family, which Jack declined going on at the last minute, assuming Natalie and sons would forego this non-refundable trip.
Upon their return, Natalie and sons had a big shock.
Financial abuse is about control and that is what Jack did. While they were away, Jack and the female accountant colluded to remove Natalie as signer on the business account which is where all of their income was derived.
Jack took over paying all bills which resulted in their house going into foreclosure, high interest charges on credit cards and the utility company threatening to disconnect service.
Natalie sold some of her jewellery and dipped into her inheritance to stay afloat. Although she confided to family and friends, no one stepped in to help or say “Get out.” Only their financial institution was concerned enough to ask Natalie about an exit plan.
The sons asked their father why Mum had no money. Jack told them that she would have to come to him and ask for some, which Natalie was not going to do.
Natalie was so stressed that she refused to go out for their anniversary and Valentine’s Day dinners and offered to have them at home with the family instead. She got a collaborative solicitor shortly after that.
Looking back, there were signs early in the marriage of emotional abuse, but Natalie would explain them away. Or she listened to supposedly wiser, older folks who would downplay Jack’s actions.
When Natalie became a more independent person, then the financial abuse started. It is harder to spot abuse when it is your life as opposed to someone else’s.
We all make mistakes, it is how we rectify them that matters. Adversity builds strength.
More articles by Wendi Schuller
ABOUT WENDI
Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).
Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.
She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.
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You’ve found yourself in a relationship with a partner who began to physically and emotionally hurt you.
Four things I can guarantee you:
1) It is not your fault
2) You could not and cannot help the person who did this to you
3) You feel ASHAMED of being with such a person
4) You deserve more than this person could ever give you
Recovery from such a physically and emotionally tormenting place is a tough journey I can’t ‘dress that up’. It can feel harder than surviving the relationship itself. The reason why is whilst you are in it you can feel hope. When it has gone beyond hope we are left only with the physical, emotional and consequent psychological injuries.
Finding yourself with a partner who cannot truly cherish you, and has resorted to ridicule, control, and violence, means all your dreams and hopes for the loving relationship you envisaged are gone.
Shame becomes so familiar that we don’t even realise it. Shame becomes the controller like the perpetrator was. It keeps us feeling small, powerless and hidden away.
This will feel familiar to you I’m sure. Shame starts in the relationship and goes beyond it too. It’s comes on the school run, it becomes our bed fellow; it stops us eating or makes us eat too much; it goes to family gatherings with us; it’s with us in the queue of a shop. This is your reality and due to something that is no fault of your own.
What’s the positive in SHAME?
The positive way of looking at shame is that initially it keeps us safe; it’s keeps our lives small enough for us to even believe we can recover. We need time to recover from our physical and emotional injuries and we need to become strong enough to combat the shame.
What’s the negative in SHAME?
Shame I’m afraid quickly starts to work against us. It is the sheer agony of ridicule and public humiliation, and it doesn’t serve us at all.
Shame keeps us small, powerless and in fact only serves the perpetrators of this kind of abuse. Whilst they deny to themselves and others what they have done, our shame provides the environment for the bully to prosper.
Whilst we feel shame, we are paralysed by it. We might learn to live with it, carrying it around like a dusty old suitcase; a dirty old secret and whilst no one can see it, it corrodes us, and keeps us small. We stay unfulfilled even when we have so much to offer the World, and it feels safe there. It’s not fun; not stimulating; not right but it’s safe.
“I know that you can SAFELY transform shame into an energy that is so personally powerful that you will never be able to be ‘knocked down’ by another person ever again”
We must physically over power shame like once we were over powered; it’s in this shame free place that we can recover, dream again and achieve our dreams.
Anna Pinkerton BA Hons PGDipCAP DipPW TIRCouns AccPT-s HPC MBACP
If you believe you’re in a abusive situation and need help please find below some free services helplines and websites:
- 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247
- Lesbian and Gay Helpline -0300 330 0630
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Art Psychotherapist
At the beginning of any relationship there is the usual fervour and excitement.
This is no different in a relationship where domestic abusers reside. The early signs are very subtle and our best chance of being free from abusive behaviour is to gain knowledge of abuse; in order to get out early, or preferably not get into it at all.
Abusive men will always ‘move in’ on you quickly, this is like a way of snaring you, and removes the chance of you discovering what they are really like.
Remember this person will always seem amazing and be almost everything you want in a man; kind, loving, generous. If he wasn’t that way you wouldn’t be attracted to him. Of upmost importance is you take your time in the early stages of a relationship.
Domestic abusers CANNOT keep up the act and so they will reveal their true selves before too long
Here are some early very early signs of mental abuse and other forms of abuse:
- They want the relationship to move quickly.
- These men are often not talked about kindly even by their own family and friends.
- They will have had a violent past and if you confront them will this early on, they will say that it’s all in the past and it was when they were young men/boys.
- They show early signs of not being able to tolerate that you have had other relationships in the past. This can appear to be ordinary jealousy early on which you’d imagine would go quickly as your relationship deepens. This however does not go away and in fact intensifies to dangerous proportions; including YOUR close family and friends. They want to have you exclusively and this is an early sign that they will try to isolate you from family and friends.
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Early signs of mental abuse They are not at ease sexually, often inadequate in this area, and inconsiderate to their partner. You will pick up very early that he will struggle to talk about this. Domestic abusers are unable to accept their inexperience/inadequacy in this area, they will anger quickly if you approach this subject.
- They will think that they are right about everything, and will talk as if all others are rubbish at their jobs. This includes bank managers, accountants, financial advisors, teachers etc. Often most people who earn more than them, or are more successful or simply nicer people. This is a crucial sign; “do not enter into a relationship with someone who has nothing good to say about others”.
- They will often ‘blank’ you if you approach a subject they do not want to talk about. They will go completely quiet and not respond to you, this is in order to hide their fury at you for having the audacity to bring up an uncomfortable subject, and that you dare challenge them. Later this will ALWAYS lead to rage, controlling behaviour and/or violence. If this man cannot talk as an adult about things in life, he is not acting as an adult and is not good (and likely to be unsafe) to be in a relationship with.
- These men will often leave the house without telling you where they are going. What kind of person in a relationship does this? Someone who is self obsessed; wants to be in control; and may be trying to hide their rage. If someone needs to leave the house WITHOUT telling you where they are going it’s about controlling you, leaving you in an unknowing place, and is a thinly veiled threat.
- Listen carefully to their attitude towards children and women. This often reveals itself with a bullying attitude towards their own mothers, sisters, and children.
- These men are often so immature that they ‘score points’ against children even their own, and they think it is ok to hit children if the child hits them. They are affronted by ordinary childlike behaviours and retaliate without conscience that they are abusing their psychological and physical power over a child.
- Early and extravagant presents
- If it seems to good to be true, it simply IS
About Anna
With 20 years of experience Anna is known for her building of relationships with people struggling to get back to their successes, both personally and in public life she finds where experience works for people and where it holds them still or in private turmoil. Anna makes a unique space for discovering the power beneath the stuff we ‘tuck away’, whether it be sudden events, long terms pains or hidden talents.
Anna knows there is a direct correlation between what we do not ‘attend to’ and the energy that it takes to keep it silent. She believes that when this energy is propelled in the opposite direction it leads to positivity and resilience never felt before. She genuinely supports people to make this happen, and fast.
People she works with have gone on to feel stronger than before and have expanded their 7 figure businesses or can see they achieve their full potential for the first time.
Contact Anna now to see how she can help you
Email: anna@annapinkerton.com
Phone: 07899 688845
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If you believe you’re in a abusive situation and need help please find below some free services helplines and websites:
- 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247
- Lesbian and Gay Helpline -0300 330 0630
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