Bird Nesting after Divorce: The New Divorce Trend? – TDM Expert Interviews (EP.1) – Beth Behrendt

Bird Nesting: The New Divorce Trend? - TDM Expert Interviews (EP. 1): Beth Behrendt
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Beth Behrendt
Beth Behrendt
Author, Freelance Writer & Founder

Dive into the world of “Bird Nesting” with our first instalment of TDM Expert Interviews! In this enlightening episode, we bring you an in-depth conversation with Beth Behrendt, where we explore the intriguing trend of Bird Nesting in divorce.

Whether you’re revisiting the discussion, prefer the written word, or want to absorb every detail, this transcript provides a comprehensive summary of Beth’s insights and valuable information shared in the video.

Unlock the secrets of Bird Nesting and how it can revolutionise the divorce experience. Read on for the full transcript of our video, “Bird Nesting: The New Divorce Trend? – TDM Expert Interviews (EP.1) – Beth Behrendt.”

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Hello everybody, so um my name is Soila and I’m the Founding Editor of The Divorce Magazine and um today we have Beth, who’s here with us and I’ll let Beth introduce herself, before she does that just for those who have not been who have just joined or have just come across The Divorce Magazine, it’s an online magazine that has got a lot of information and resources for people going through divorce and separation and what we do on The Divorce Magazine is that we only get articles from professionals.

So, we don’t have articles from bloggers it’s only professionals divorce professionals, authors like Beth, solicitors, psychologists, coaches, all kinds of people who work with divorce family mediators um so they contribute articles to The Divorce Magazine. If ever you want one article that is not on there please do let us know, and we’ll find somebody who can write it up for you and you will get it um on The Divorce Magazine.

So yes as I said, today we have Beth Behrendt, and I’ve said it correctly Beth? You did yeah, good, um and um yeah Beth why don’t you tell us who you are. Okay um just real quickly I um am a freelance writer and I live in the United States in the middle part of the country and um, I wrote a book about nesting which is also sometimes called “bird nesting” where the kids stay in the family home after divorce and it’s the parents who move in and out to take turns parenting them.

And I wrote a book about it because I’ve been a freelance writer for a long time but, um my ex and I when we divorced almost, nine years ago, we decided to try nesting and we are still nesting and so we um have you know a wide range of experience over the years um but in the book I also interviewed, five other nesting families and spoke to um lawyers, real estate agents, financial people, mental health experts as well who give their suggestions and comments about the nesting situation.

Okay. So, the first time I ever came across nesting was back in 2016 when um I think it was a solicitor who contributed an article um on The Divorce Magazine. Um but then silence, after that now you know thankfully it’s coming back again and you’re bringing it up again from you know your book did you tell us what the title of your book is I don’t think you have yet.

I don’t think I mentioned it no it’s called “Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home”. Right, okay, just published I think it came out in the UK on July 20th. And I think you can get it on Amazon ah well in the UK maybe in Waterstones oh fantastic yeah and um in the states I think I saw you can get it from Barnes and Noble as well right yeah yeah okay yeah.

Q: What is nesting?

So, what is nesting Beth? I think um for those who don’t know what it is what is nesting?

Yeah, as I briefly said it’s after you know during separation or after divorce that the kids continue to stay, in the same home usually it’s the family home that you know people have lived in already for a while um, people take different approaches but, generally the kids stay in the family home and the parents find places to live outside of the home, when they are not parenting and then they just come into the home when they are parenting and um, in our case we had a five days on five days off schedule for a very long time, until uh you know the pandemic changed my ex-husband’s work situation and things have evolved over time but we did that for a long time and that’s pretty common that people do maybe three days in three days out but you know whatever works for their schedules and um well I’ll see what questions you have before I.

Yeah one of the, ones I’m thinking about actually when you just started speaking is I had this you know I you know I idea or the way that I was looking at nesting was um so you separate the kids stay at home, but then the other home I think you call it out of “out of residence”, the other home?

Yeah I don’t know what we call it yeah just “out of the nest” when you’re out of the nest there you go out of the nest at home I imagine that there will it was just one home but then now as you’re speaking you they can find.

They could be different things, um in our case we shared an apartment for a while outside of the nest um, but you know it was “shared” we were never there at the same time. Yeah, we you know trade in and out um eventually my, my ex began to travel a lot for work and so he stopped coming to that apartment and would just travel for work.

Right, and then fairly recently he remarried and so when he’s not here in the nest parenting the kids he’s at, um, the home that his wife has and you know that’s pretty common that people certainly if you’ve been divorced for a while you know have gotten into new relationships and we’ll go in with that person um.

But there are people who and one of the families I interview in the book even they continued to stay in the family home with both parents, but they built on a little addition to give sort of more privacy to the mother and, so she actually has never really left the family home, but they definitely take turns of who’s parenting, and, she can you know have her private space that’s attached to the home. Right.

It can be as creative as, whatever you come up with, you know the goal is just to keep the consistent lifestyle for the kids. Yeah, yeah. Oh that’s really interesting, I hadn’t even thought about you know the extension in the home so, I know I hadn’t either, it seems like it’s a very flexible way of co-parenting um, while the children are staying put in the home.

Q: How does nesting work?

So I have a, the other question I wanted to ask you Beth is, let’s say like in the you know, your case with your, ex husband so you, you know you are nesting the kids stay there and you’ve found a different places let’s say an apartment, where you are, how does that work? You know financially, who pays the bills in that home? How do you split the bills? Um, what about rules? Like if you met somebody, do they come to that nest? Um, I have so many questions just flying, oh I know yeah.

Which is why I wrote the book because I was getting so many of the same questions over and over again and I want, to help people understand again um you know you can be as creative as you want, but, I think in our case and in a lot of cases of nesters um, because we did go through the divorce process we had lawyers who helped us, you know determine financially based on incomes who would be responsible for what part.

In our case, it made sense that Bill, um covered the home, “the nest”, all those for us and I paid for the apartment um, and the cost there and, you know what attracted us to nesting besides keeping it consistent for our kids was that we felt that it, it just seemed to be much, a cheaper option than setting up two big homes you know with all the stuff you need to raise – we have three kids to raise the three children.

And, so we weren’t sure we were going to do this you know forever, yeah, but it was kind of a cheaper way to, you know move into separation and um and so that’s how we worked it out financially and yes we did there were some things that the attorney suggested we put in writing certain rules about you know specifically when, the parent was going to be in the nest, and to be clear that the other parent couldn’t just show up you know unannounced um, and Bill and myself just between ourselves we came up with rules about um you know that if you are dating, that person doesn’t come to the nest, Right, um and if you get to a point where you want to introduce a partner to the children, you have to clear it with the other parent first um but there was plenty of time to date and like you said you know you could date while you were at the apartment and not parenting and um, and we didn’t have you know strict rules there.

Just that it was kind of like an Airbnb that we just expected, when one of us would show up at the apartment that everything was clean you know, clean sheets, garbage out, and stuff like that. There were more rules for the nest because we were more concerned about the kids.

Yeah, and that’s the other question I wanted to ask you um, and I have it here on my list it’s uh, I imagined that um I well I imagined I wondered whether the other place the out of nest home and I think I’m getting the idea now it’s probably flexible and it’s what you make of it, but then if it’s a one bed, then it means that you’re sharing the bed you’re rotating the you know the bed and yeah.

And some people don’t do that some people will find a place that has two bedrooms. My impression is I have a um, a private Facebook group that people are welcome to look for if you look for family nesting in Facebook, there’s a private group that um is people who are nesting and, my impression is that not that many people are sharing the space outside of the nest that often they are living with family or friends so they both aren’t in the same place and, we did it for really just about a year, and then as I said he started traveling and so things changed um.

And there are some, it was good because it was cheaper than having more places, but there was some you know emotional, feelings of not really ever fully getting away from the other person you know because there’d sort of be evidence at the apartment you know that the other person was there but um.

Since we’ve been doing it for so long for nine years, you know our relationship the ones with my, my ex Bill, has evolved so much that um it’s almost hard to remember you know the high emotions right after divorce and you know over time you’ve become just, we see each other all the time we’re often in the house at the same time you know in the nest at the same time and um and that’s just because time has passed and we’ve you know, gotten over that uh that heated time right after divorce um.

But you know I think early on especially, if the divorce is a bit contentious um you can set up very strict, rules and boundaries and guidelines and really you know, not interact in front of the kids um, and I give some examples in the book of you know rules you might want to implement to make sure that, your emotions aren’t affecting this uh situation that’s so beneficial for the kids.

So I wanted to ask, I can understand for the children, right, they stay put they have everything there and they know when you go through divorce what it’s like for the children. One thing that I often say I’ve been through divorce myself, and one of the things that I really didn’t want many years ago, so nesting was not even a thing, yeah, but um one of the things that I really didn’t want for my daughters was to be “suitcase children”.

You know where they’re just coming from this home with all their stuff to that home you know um, it kind of like makes it feels feel rootless, you know there’s no there’s no roots there. But that’s those are the children but for you, as the parent who’s going in and out you know I’m trying to imagine where are my clothes? Where are my shoes? Where are my you know I’ve forgotten this in the house, do you move out with everything and then you come in with stuff or you see what I mean?

That’s, that’s what I did was that you know over a matter of months, we decided it makes sense for me to be based at the apartment so the apartment was really where I had all my things and then, yeah like the kids would have to do otherwise I had a little suitcase that brought into the house and you know of course I kept some stuff here but by and large I was like a you know a “visitor” to the home and would bring you know my suitcase and I had a you know set routine of what came with me.

Um and so yes that is, uprooting, but I have always felt that it was fine for me to do that I didn’t want to make my three kids do that um, yeah, nor did I want to manage them you know keeping you know so many friends with the traditional divorce and the stresses they have of you know where’s the soccer uniform? Where is the instrument they need? You know, I left my homework at dads and, and we didn’t have that stress. So it was fine for me as a grown-up to keep track of my own stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah and kind of, “fair” in a way because they didn’t choose it. Exactly, yeah exactly.

Q: What do you think about the opinion that parents get to leave the place where the marriage fell apart, meanwhile the children have to stay put?

I want to ask you a question, I mentioned the whole nesting idea to an adult child who’s um an adult child of divorce you know she’s about in her 30s, and we’re discussing this and I said “oh yes I have this interview with Beth uh Behrendt who’s coming in and she’s written a book about nesting” and we were talking about it. I wanted to find out her views on nesting being an adult child of divorce. Yeah, and what she would imagine it would be like and she said something that was really interesting I had not thought about it that way, and she said “well, I’m not sure if I would really have liked it because you get to go, I get to stay in this home where, everything fell apart.”

So, she’s surrounded by everything else but then the parents are the ones who she was saying it like the parents are the ones who get to escape, then she’s left in that home and I’m not so sure, yeah. Well that’s an interesting point I think it might depend on what the family life was before, yeah, the divorce and if the home was sense you know place with a lot of unhappiness or…

But I think, because my kids didn’t have to experience that change in their lives and maybe because of their ages too at the time they were 12, 9 and 5 when we divorced um, I think for them it was just, about their daily life staying the same you know I don’t think they were, I know they weren’t thinking about it plus their boys uh they weren’t thinking about you know what emotions did Mom have you know oh she was so yeah, yeah, yeah I mean they were just yeah, they were just glad they were with their dog and you know they didn’t have to do anything different so it probably depends on the situation.

Yeah, and um and I think it’s, I talk in the book about how important it is to make sure your kids understand that, you are separating the marriage is ending you’re still parenting but you’re not doing nesting because, you’re trying to keep the marriage going you have to yeah you don’t want to give them false impressions that this might be because we’re all going to you know return to the way it used to be and um and not in a mean way but just to be clear so that they’re not getting you know false um, ideas about what, what might happen with their parents, and uh so it’s important to be clear about that.

Q: Can you talk more about what team you had around you when nesting?

Yeah, which brings me to another point that I found really interesting in your article the one you, um, sent to The Divorce Magazine yeah really interesting I had not even looked at it in that way but you, you talk about a team – having a team around you um, and I’d like to know a little bit more about that because…

Yeah I think just um, as I started thinking about nesting and um and what we had done, yeah at the time like you said there wasn’t that much out there I mean now you can Google it and get tonnes of stuff but when I was doing it I couldn’t find anything. So I felt like Bill and I were just so much creating everything from scratch but then thinking back, I thought well you know what though um, even though yes I felt like I was coming up with everything, I did have you know my attorney, that I was the lawyer, the divorce lawyer that I was consulting with so, that was very helpful you know to have the legal stuff explained to me and think about, you know what ramifications there might be.

I had somebody who helped with my finances and so I was able to talk to her and kind of give some thoughts to, you know that’s not my area of expertise so it was good to have that person and then I had been seeing you know a therapist and we had seen you know therapists, a marriage counsellor during the end of our marriage I continued to see her and I decided it would be good to have a therapist for my kids to talk to you know a neutral party and so, so I, you know looking back realised that there really were a lot of people even though none of them had ever heard nesting before they were very, helpful and um and so I wanted you know to suggest to people you know to think about even family or friends who you might turn to for a space to live or help with you know the logistics of getting the kids to and from school or something that you don’t have to do it all by yourself.

Yeah. And, just like with any other divorce really, you know where you would recommend people to surround themselves with people who can support them, walk the journey with them, um, and the journey talking also about the mental health journey, the financial journey, in that way.

Q: What are the advantages of bird nesting?

I was wondering if um, if you could just say a little bit about the advantages of nesting, we’ve kind of like touched on them already but it would be nice to just have like what are the advantages of nesting and then we can look at what are the disadvantages of nesting.

Okay well um, advantages you know the consistency for the kids and less stress for them, um I think it’s less stressful for the parents because you’re not keeping track of the kids’ stuff between two different places, it’s not as financially burdensome as setting up two separate households you know to house the kids in both places um, the kids never came to the apartment so I didn’t have anything you know kid related at the apartment um everything was just one, location.

I think and I think having that separate space outside of the home, that the kids never came to was really, good uh, for me emotionally because, it kind of forced me to focus on myself instead of get distracted by a kid, things all the time you know which I and then I felt like I was a better parent when I was back in the house because I’d sort of had a break where I wasn’t doing laundry or shopping for them or you know um, of course if they needed me I would be there but, um I felt like I was a much more focussed parent than when I was back because I’d had that break um. So those are kind of the top ones that come to mind.

Q: Was the children curious about the other nest?

Can I just ask, with regards to visiting that was actually one of my questions um, that I had on my list in terms of, were they curious? “Where is Mommy going? Where do they live? What does it look like?” would you, we did take them when we decided to get the apartment we did want them to see, how close it was to the home and so they could just imagine where Mom or Dad was, you know when we weren’t there in the, the nest with them and so yeah we did have them visit um, they didn’t have to be that curious about you know wanting to stay there or I didn’t have an Xbox. Really you know I feel like there was anything fun to do over there. So, but I do think it’s important for them to kind of know where you are at least that’s yeah, that’s why I was asking and I think you touched on something really important there also Beth in terms of, it gave you a break, and you felt like you were a better parent after that.

I wonder if some people would probably think “oh but you’re abandoning them” but I think there’s something about the break, you know we love our children dearly, right but we need to breathe sometimes.

Yeah, yeah. I think so I mean I think it’s important, even if you’re married to get that you know that break and um, and in our case at least we definitely were the more um because I was a part-time freelancer you know it was more the traditional roles where I did most of the house and kid stuff and so it was really, it was good for me to be forced out of that environment and have time to think about my career and my own mental health and um and eventually you know to date and um, and not have it overlapped with my parenting time.

And look what happened you came up with a book! Yeah, which hopefully as you and I said before it started like I really just hope it helps people consider other, ways to divorce you know that it doesn’t have to be the way it was for so many decades and um.

Q: Do you have to be on good terms with your ex to make bird nesting work?

Do you have to be in good terms with your soon to be ex or your ex or can nesting work even where there’s acrimony?

I think it can work as long as you both agree that you want to try it and that you’re both you know willing to make it, work and as I, um, I think I referenced earlier that you can set it up so that you really hardly ever interact you know and, and we definitely, you know had some tough times especially the first couple of years, and so, we did have times where it was really just you know one parent came in just as the other one was leaving you know we didn’t stand around the kitchen and talk like we do like we did eventually but um, it was very you know set times you know 7 A.M you’re here and, and it became much more flexible over the years but um, I think that as long as you both, think that nesting is what you want to try and are willing you know to put aside your ego sometimes just for the good of the situation of the kids rather than, you know proving your point or whatever that um, that you can do it for sure.

Q: What was the most difficult time or experience when nesting?

I hope you don’t mind me asking this question but, um what was your most difficult time or experience with nesting what, what did you find most difficult? Yeah, I’m asking you between you yeah you and your ex you know, okay, what was the most challenging, between the two of us?

Yeah, we definitely had a um, some tough times early on with the state of the house when one of us would come back in and so we did get more specific about you know I don’t want to come into a mountain of laundry, you know I can’t show up at seven in the morning and there are no, groceries in the fridge for me to make breakfast for the kids you know and so and it wasn’t that either of us was being malicious, we just hadn’t really parented completely on our own before, and also you know you’re ,you’re there’s always kind of like well shouldn’t that other person figure it out? You know and so we had to really have some talks about what do we expect the house to be like, you know what, what needs to be done and um, and to know what’s coming up with the kids for the week you know like you don’t want to show up and find out oh, they have a science project due tomorrow and you haven’t done anything the past five days you know and we definitely had arguments about all of those things early on until we hit our stride you know.

So it’s true it’s actually important to realise that yes nesting can be brilliant but then there’s a settling in period, and you have to be ready to sit in, in a different routine and likes and dislikes and, and all of that.

Q: What are the disadvantages of nesting?

Okay, what would you say are the disadvantages of nesting? Well I think it’s really as I mentioned before, it can be emotionally challenging for one or the other of the parents. I think especially if there’s one who maybe didn’t want the divorce and then it’s hard to still see evidence of the other person around all the time you know um, and again that was something that we created more separation in the nest because originally we were just moving in and out of the master bedroom as well you know the main bedroom as well, and then as it began to evolve I set up you know we had an extra bedroom it was a guest bedroom and that became my space and more, private you know it just felt like it was more private that and we you know stopped having our stuff kind of in the common areas like that was just where the kids could have whatever they wanted but we didn’t have our stuff out for the other person to be stumbling over all the time and so, so that I think is the challenge sometimes is the emotions of, you know because you’re getting divorced you kind of want to be done but you can’t really and of course even if you’re doing a traditional divorce with two houses you’re, if you have kids you’re gonna be in each other’s lives, you know to some extent. Yeah, so it’s just sort of figuring out what, boundaries you need to make it um, bearable.

Yeah I’m just trying to imagine myself nesting with my, you know with my ex and thinking because he loves to cook and shop and all of that and I just cannot stand it and that would be a fantastic um, advantage for me because then I think I would always be food in the fridge probably wouldn’t, he’d probably tell me at some point you need to buy your own food and yeah, but initially I think I would just be eating his food um, and uh, yeah no it’s, it’s a, it’s a good you know I think about that I imagine that it’s not for everybody, um especially if there is a lot of um, malice from the other partner or you know um, if there isn’t an understanding in terms of keeping the boundaries and the rules of the house. “Please don’t come in half an hour before you’re supposed to be here” um, “don’t come too late”, don’t you know um, and also the normal things that we have in divorce you know where maybe one parent can be, speaking disparagingly about the other parent they can do that in their home.

Um, so I think there’s, there’s so much to think about it but that’s thinking about it from our perspective as the parents, for the children there’s this whole other world of “I know exactly where my stuff is”, “I don’t have to go to and fro” and friends always know where to find them, yeah, exactly and if there’s a pet, you know that’s there as well you know, um it’s not going up and down or being left and thinking you know, right, where’s everybody oh here they are always everybody else, you know.

No, I totally agree with that yeah so um. It uh, in the book at the very beginning I talk about where, uh certain situations where I don’t think you should even consider nesting and that’s certainly if there’s any kind of abuse, um if there are problems of addiction, or if the children you know do not want to be alone with one of either of the parents and so, you know there’s certainly cases where it’s, definitely don’t and try it um I don’t think you should try it too if you’re hoping it’s going to keep your marriage going you know that that’s not, honest and um helpful and so um but I think you can both you know, not want to be married anymore and not maybe particularly like each other that much but you can make nesting work because yeah you can find a way to do it for your kids.

Q: Who came up with the idea of doing nesting?

Who came up with the nesting idea between you and your ex? It was myself but I read it in a book so I didn’t just you know dream it up in the air I saw it mentioned in a book just and it was really just like a paragraph about it and I had never even heard of it, and yeah this would have been 2013.

And it was a book written by a divorce attorney out in California and in the U.S at least like all the, the more creative ideas start on the coast and then they eventually make their way into the mid-west, you know what I was bringing it up to people here like attorneys they’d never even heard of it but, but there was enough of a description that it just blew my mind that I had this huge switch of like “oh, we don’t have to make the kids leave the house” because, because I just I just thought that’s what you had to do, and I didn’t like it and I was worried about it, and luckily when I brought it up to Bill he was like “that’s, we could probably figure that out it’s not their fault we’re getting divorced like, why should we make them have the have to suffer you know so let’s see if we can figure it out.”

Yeah, yeah I know. I, I do I do um, I like the idea from, because I just think children with consistency, structure routine, um, they can just absolutely flourish.

Whether you know in that way um, um so you’ve been nesting for nine years? Right, when will it stop? Well um, our youngest is just entering high school so there’s four more years of school you know here by the house um the other two have gone off or my middle son is about to go off to University um, so our plan is to do it through him getting through high school and then we’ll see um.

But you know when we started out we didn’t, intend to do it for so long it just um and we talked a couple of times about ending it but it was a lot of work to end it so, you know this is actually working great for the kids like I think we should deal with whatever we deal with so.

That’s actually a question if you’re, I, I can see how you know it can continue because it just works you know everything is, doctors letters, school letters, everything stays yeah, where it’s supposed to be um, but uh, I’m thinking, ending it you know.

Q: Is there a good way to end nesting?

How is there a good way to end it? I mean for you it’s kind of like a natural ending, but what if um, the children are still maybe 10 and 12 and you’re ending the nesting and maybe moving it for five, six years – do you have any advice for parents who are ending it well they’re still quite young?

Yeah I did a chapter in the book about that and while I haven’t gone through it myself I did talk to some people who had gone through ending it and um, and it’s almost, you know kind of the same as beginning it that, it’s good to consult people about what does this mean financially, what are we going to do with the home, you know does it make sense to sell it or not? And um and, and of course communicating with the children about, what, how things are going to change and be very specific with them about what the new changes are going to be and um, maybe involve them in those decisions if they’re old enough so they don’t feel you know totally out of control so I think there’s it’s always better to take things gradually you know if you can and so I think it takes probably as much planning to end it as it did, to start it and, and we’re already talking about you know things we need to do if, when we’re going to end it and what does that mean for the house and um and so, and ourselves you know where are we going to live um but there are certainly people too who thought they might end it when the children went to University but then sometimes life circumstances happen that you know the children need more help or they don’t stay at that University and come back for a while so sometimes people go on longer than they really thought they would but it’s, for the benefit of the kids so.

Yeah, and I think you touched on that in your article where you mentioned where maybe, if a child has special needs for instance, sure yeah that might be a reason where you would go longer or you know continue to somehow keep whatever works best for the child you know and so even if they’re you know not little anymore um, sometimes they still need that security so.

Q: What is the ideal age for nesting?

And is there an ideal age would you say, or can it just work for any age children? You know I, I’ve thought about that sometimes, like I said we have the three and they’re spread out over you know, nine years so they’re pretty spread out but um. You know maybe if you did have older children you know like, 16 or 17, depending on their men, you know their mental health whatever issues they have going on like maybe it wouldn’t, maybe it would be better to just do the split you know they’re probably old enough to drive themselves to friends houses and, so I could see that it may not be such a strong pull but I certainly know people who have divorced with teenage kids and have nested because either, you know the it just, the children have anxiety or other things that they, think they want to you know ease them more carefully into the next stage of life so it’d probably just depend on the, maturity of your kids um or if they’re very, very little you know like a little baby a one-year-old I don’t, an infant, you know because they don’t really have that sense of, you know this is my home and my school where you know they just don’t have all the complications so, each situation is different I think.

Q: How is bird nesting set up?

I, I have so many questions you know and, and I’m aware that I’m going just to keep you here but I have so many questions even and you mentioned some of them like um, you know financial side of it you mentioned that you know it can be quite, a good way of managing their finances because you’re not buying everything again everything is there, but then there’s a question about the home um, what happens with the home um, there’s a question about uh, alimony and you know and um, what do you call the other one um, child support, how does that work because it sounds it becomes more 50/50 so there’s a whole other area which um, I would love to hear more about but I know it’s – I’m not going to keep you any longer Beth.

Well I’ll just make a quick comment that it can evolve as well like we had certain um financial things set up in our divorce settlement. But as time went by you know, we found that uh, either it was it didn’t feel fair, or maybe I was doing a lot more of the labour so then, did I really need to pay as much you know so over time we have made adjustments just to uh, you know reflect both of our, uh situations and level of comfort so certainly again it, it can evolve.

Yeah, yeah. Beth? Yes, what next are you going to do with it you know you’ve written your book I hope you’re going to go out and just. Yeah, I just feel like I’m really enjoying sharing the message and I don’t know if you saw um in your Sunday Times the, the weekend edition, um I wrote a piece about the fabulous prime minister Trudeau’s separating from his wife and they have three children and so I shared the nesting idea and what we had done you know in relation to that news and so um, so I like you know being able just to keep promoting the idea and you know encouraging people or helping people if I can to um.

And this broke it up into the spotlight haven’t they the whole nesting you know yeah, which is great, Trudeau in his wife um, I think nesting actually works in, in their situation I can imagine that you know um it would be difficult anyway to have the “conventional” in inverted commas um, was because he’s probably always traveling and is he going to see them every other weekend? Is it going you know, so yeah they’re realistic side of it um, nesting is probably their best option and for their children um.

But thank you so much. Thank you! I really appreciate that you’ve taken the time and I hope um please do send me um the information about your Facebook group you know also so that you can put it up there, um and a little bit about your book uh if you’re giving any talks or anything that you want us to put out just let us know because we’re big at The Divorce Magazine we’re really big on um making divorce as, uh, it’s always painful but as manageable as possible and, and one area is always looking after the kids what are they like? How is it going to be like for them? So, thank you so much for giving us, thank you yeah this was nice thank you so much


Find out more about Beth Behrendt

Beth Behrendt is a freelance writer and divorced mother of three. She’s the author of Nesting After Divorce: Co-Parenting in the Family Home. She’s written about nesting for The New York Times, Psychology Today and other publications and has appeared on a variety of podcasts and TV shows, all of which can be found at her website FamilyNesting.Org.

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