Karim Assaad

How Dads can Stay Positive During Divorce

Published on May 29, 2019

Karim Assad
Partner in
Family Department of Fletcher Day

Breaking up is famously hard to do, but sadly it’s a fact of modern life and in reality it probably really is better than two people sticking in a relationship which has clearly run its course “for the children”.

When there are children involved, the law will put their needs right at the forefront during any divorce proceedings and, hopefully, both parents will do likewise.

It is, however also important to remember that parents need to take care of themselves in order to be able to take care of their children and that this includes their mental health as well as their physical health.

This can be particularly true for dads as they are often the ones who move out of what was the family home and have to deal with the notorious stress of moving home as well as the stress of the divorce and of becoming a “live-out dad”.

With that in mind, here are five tips on how dads can stay positive during divorce (which will also apply to unmarried couples with children who are going through a break up).

Get your employer on your side

You may want to keep it private that you are going through a divorce, but there is a big difference between telling your employer and telling your workmates.

If necessary you can usually bypass your line manager and go direct to HR, although in reality it may be helpful for your line manager to know your situation.

Most employers will be sympathetic and will do what they can to help, especially these days when employers, by and large, are becoming more aware of the importance of being able to balance work with family responsibilities.

Tell the people who need to know on your own terms

It may sound brutal, but in these days of the internet in general and social media in particular, it is probably going to be extremely difficult to keep rumours about your divorce out of general circulation for any length of time, especially not once you actually move out of the family home (in fact from that point on, you should probably take it as impossible).

Beat the internet gossips by telling the people who need to know on your own terms. This will be best for them and you.

Work on your physical fitness

There is a strong link between physical health and mental health so make time to work on your physical wellbeing (or to keep working on it if you are already active).

How Dads can Stay Positive During Divorce — Image by HamiJeezy from Pixabay

Even if money is tight, there are many and various affordable ways to exercise regardless of whether you prefer to work out alone or as part of a group, at home or at a gym or outdoors.

If you are already a gym-goer and are thinking of giving up your membership to save cash, then make sure that you are being honest with yourself that this is the real reason (and not that you are making an excuse for losing motivation) and then make an informed decision about what it was you liked about the gym and how you could either take that with you or recreate it in another way.

For example, if you have your gym buddies, you can give them your contact details and keep in touch socially in another way, then use some of the money you saved on your gym membership to join an online gym class while exercising at home.

Keep eating properly

This is really picking up from the above point. Our eating habits can be massively influenced by our emotions, some people comfort eat, others lose their appetite.

Practicalities can play a role too, if you’ve moved out of the family home then your kitchen facilities may not be what they were and if you’re rushing about trying to navigate your way around a new routine, then it can be only too easy to skip meals or turn to junk food.

Compromising your diet can compromise both your physical and mental health so do your level best to eat the way you’d like to see your children eat.

The same comments apply to what you drink, excess alcohol is obviously to be avoided but you also want to steer clear of excess caffeine and of excess fizzing drinks especially of the sort which are advertised as energy drinks.

Consider some form of therapy to help you manage your emotions

Therapy can range from buying downloadable guided meditations (from reputable sources) to visiting online forums, to going to real-world support groups to having one-on-one sessions with a counsellor or therapist.

In fact, you may opt for a combination of any or all of the above depending on your situation, needs and wants. If budget is an issue, then your local GP may be able to help as mental health is now much more of a priority than it used to be.

Keep your eyes on the prize of maintaining a good relationship with your children

You’re breaking up with your ex not with your children. You will always be your children’s dad and nothing can ever change that. Keep this thought front and centre in your every decision and every action.

Hard as it may be, try to focus on what you can do rather than dwelling on what you can’t.

For example, instead of smarting over the fact that you cannot be there in person to read your children a bedtime story and then kiss them goodnight, focus on the fact that you can still read your children a bedtime story over the internet.

Nobody’s pretending that this is as good as being there in person, but it is a whole lot better than nothing and men who have to work away from home (for example members of the armed forces) often maintain good relationships with their children even when they’re at a distance by making sure that they are in regular contact with their children and playing a meaningful role in their lives.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY FLETCHER DAY

About Karim Assad

Karim Assaad is a partner in the Family Department of Fletcher Day.

Fletcher Day have an experienced team of family solicitors in London who specialise in divorce, civil partnerships, prenuptial agreements and financial settlements.

Divorce Law UK

A Guide to Fathers Rights in Divorce

Published on October 4, 2017December 11, 2017

When it comes to fathers and divorce situations, there seems to be two common narratives.

One is the “feckless father” who disappears and leaves the unfortunate mother to manage as best as she can without any support (financial or otherwise from the father) and the other is the father who is denied access to his children by a scheming mother who simply wants all the money she can get.

Hopefully most divorces avoid both of these narratives and involve parents who put their children’s interests’ front and centre at all times.

For the sake of clarity, however, here is a brief guide to where father’s stand legally in the event of a divorce.

Children have rights, parents have responsibilities

Contrary to what can appear to be popular belief, neither the mother nor the father has rights with regards to their children.

Children have rights with regards to their parents, both of them. Parents have responsibilities with regard to their children.

The issue of parental responsibility

In very blunt terms, it’s usually obvious who a child’s mother is. Identifying a child’s father can be rather more complicated.

If a man is married to the mother of a child (during the period in which it was conceived), he is assumed to be that child’s father. Likewise if a child’s birth was registered after 1st December 2003 and a father is named on the birth certificate, that man is deemed to have parental responsibility for the child.

Outside of these situations, a man can be granted parental responsibility by means of an agreement with the child’s mother or through a court order.

What does parental responsibility mean in practice?

The legal definition of parental responsibility is: “all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property”.

In practice this means that a person with parental responsibility essentially has a significant say in how the child lives his or her life, including what they do, where they go and when and with whom they spend their time.

Parental responsibility is distinct from the issue of parental access and it is possible for a parent to have the former without the latter, for example to be required to make maintenance payments without having the right of access to the child, although this would be highly unusual.

The right of access

Picking up on the initial point, it is a child who has the right to see his or her father rather than vice versa and access cases therefore revolve around what a court sees as being in the child’s best interests.

The child’s opinions will be taken into consideration although it is possible for a court to overrule them if the court believes that the child is unable to make a solid assessment of the situation, given that, by definition, children lack life experience.

One recent example of this was a case in which a judge ordered a child to continue to live with his mother, when the child expressed a wish to live with his father. The judge wrote a letter to the child explaining his decision and this letter became headline news. Such situations are, of course, extremely unusual.

About Karim Assaad

Karim Assaad is a partner in the Family Department of Fletcher Day.

Karim is an experienced family lawyer for men, who specialises in representing men in family law cases.

Children of Divorce

Can I Force my Ex to Stick to our Parenting Plan?

Published on December 18, 2015September 14, 2019

Is there anything a father can do in the case where an ex spouse is preventing him from seeing his children?

Is it possible to force a mother to agree to a parenting plan?

A father who is not getting the contact with his children that he wishes to have, should start a formal action in Court. The result will be a formal and enforceable order securing his time and presence in his children’s life.

While a parent can not force the other to agree to a parenting time plan, if the parties don’t agree, the matter will be put to the Judge to decide. So, there will be a resulting order securing presence in their children’s lives.

There are of course risks as in every form of litigation that the order arrived at by a Judge may not be as much as a Father thought he expect to receive.

However, times are a changing and with the formal amendment to the Children Act of a presumption that the role of a non-resident is as equally important to the life of a child or children than a resident parent; the presumption being rebuttable on the basis of evidence to the contrary, it is a move to recognise the importance of both parents; in the life of a child(ren).

Can a father prevent an ex partner from moving out of the country with the children?

A father is always able to apply, in circumstances where he has a genuine concern that his child(ren) will be removed to another country to prevent that course from occurring by applying to the court for an order to prohibit such removal.

That matter will of course be returnable to the court and ultimately the court may have to decide the issue as to whether the removal either temporary or longer term of any child is in that child’s best interests.

What is important to note also here; is that if there are already child arrangements orders in place for a child already, there can not be removal of a child without a Father’s consent for a period of longer than 28 days.

Karim Assaad is a London divorce solicitor at Cordell & Cordell. He has a wealth of knowledge and experience practicing family law, owning a proven record of providing indispensable advice to clients and delivering positive outcomes for them.

Divorce and Finances/Financial and Legal Advice

Not Paying Child Maintenance? Then Read this.

Published on December 16, 2015December 16, 2015

If a parent fails to pay child maintenance he can be sanctioned (punished) by the Court in many ways and those are often sanctions with far reaching consequences.

On the making by the Magistrates Court of a liability order for the sum not paid in child maintenance, the options available for enforcement include:

Deductions from earnings order. This is where a persons employer will be ordered to deduct a certain amount automatically from the employees salary and those amounts will be paid directly to the Child Support Agency

Deductions from paid benefits

Disqualification from driving

Imprisonment

Sale of Property

And even, in some circumstances, taking arrears from the estate of a person who has died.

This is a very serious matter. If men find themselves unable to pay their support, they must ask for a detailed breakdown of the calculation arrived at by the CSA or ultimately by the Court if enforcement proceedings have commenced.

An application can be made, just like with any other debt for instalment orders and it is entirely possible for there to be an application made to downward vary the amount being enforced, if certain circumstances have either been ignored or overlooked by the CSA which would have a material affect on the sums payable.

Oral agreements need to be filed with the Court and made an order, or they mean very little.

In summary, men need to pay what the order says, or get the order changed.

Karim Assaad is a London divorce solicitor at Cordell & Cordell. He has a wealth of knowledge and experience practicing family law, owning a proven record of providing indispensable advice to clients and delivering positive outcomes for them.

Click here for the Child Maintenance Calculator

Divorce Law UK

Child Custody and the Prenup

Published on November 30, 2015November 28, 2017

The Divorce Magazine recently got a reader’s question through regarding child custody and the prenup. The enquirer wanted to know if, in the event of a divorce, child custody, child arrangment or guardianship can be included in the prenuptial agreement.

We put this question of child custody and the prenup through to Karim Assaad and this is what he responded that pre-Nuptial agreements should not be used when considering the arrangements for a child, as the interests change over the course of time.

Matters may arise which would render any agreement reached in relation to children by way of a pre-nuptial agreement entirely unsuitable and inconsistent with the best interests of a child or children of the family.

The best course of action if one finds himself not getting the time and contact with his children he believes is best, is often to simply start a formal action and get the process moving toward an enforceable order.

Karim Assaad is a London divorce solicitor at Cordell & Cordell. He has a wealth of knowledge and experience practicing family law, owning a proven record of providing indispensable advice to clients and delivering positive outcomes for them.

Divorce News/Financial and Legal Advice

What Fathers Need to Know About Child Maintenance UK

Published on November 23, 2015December 16, 2015

Whatever stage of the divorce process you are at, one thing remains the same: as a parent your children always come first. So it is very important to familiarise yourself with how you can help support them emotionally, but also financially.

Here we take a look at fathers’ rights regarding child maintenance UK.

About Child Maintenance UK

Also known as child support, this refers to the amount of money you are responsible for contributing to your child’s upbringing. Child maintenance is paid to the person that takes care of the child on a day-to-day basis.

How much you pay depends on whether the child lives with you and how often they stay with you overnight. Family law assigns a title to each parent: the parent with care (PWC) and the non-resident parent (NRP).

If you have a dispute about whom your child or children should live with, this must be resolved in a family court. If equal child arrangements are granted, each parent is still assigned the aforementioned title of PWC or NRP. The non-resident parent is responsible for providing child maintenance for their child. This can be paid directly to your ex-partner or a third party living with the child or guardian.

What Are Your Rights as a Father?

Women gain automatic responsibility for their child when they give birth. For men it isn’t as straightforward.

You have rights as the father of your child if:

You and the child’s mother are married.
Your child was born after 1^st December 2003 and you are cited as the child’s father on the birth certificate.
Your name was later added to the birth certificate as the father.
You previously signed a Parental Responsibility Agreement.
You have been granted parental responsibility or an Order of Residency by a Magistrate, a Justice of the Peace or the Family Court.

Arranging Child Maintenance Outside of a Demand by the Child Support Agency

What Fathers Need to Know About Child Maintenance uk — Know your rights about Child Maintenance UK

If you and your partner still have an amicable relationship, it may be worth arranging your child maintenance out of court. This private agreement is classed as a ‘family-based arrangement’. It’s imperative that both you and your ex-partner make a copy of the signed document. This way you can come back to the agreement if a payment dispute is raised.

However, the private option isn’t for everyone. If you can’t come to an agreement, it is best to go through the formal route with the Child Maintenance Service (CMS).

How to Apply for Child Maintenance

It’s worth talking to Child Maintenance Options before you submit your application with the CMS. They will discuss the different choices available and help find the right one for you and your ex-partner.

The child maintenance can be paid to the parent responsible for caring for the child on a regular basis. This option is known as Direct Pay.

It’s also possible to pay the child maintenance directly to the CMS, who will then pass this on to the parent taking care of the child on a day-to-day basis. Unlike Child Maintenance Options, CMS is a paid service.

Calculating Child Maintenance

Family finances can be a challenge at the best of times, so it can be difficult to calculate how much child maintenance needs to be paid following a divorce.

That’s where the CMS can help. With financial information provided by both parents, they can determine how much child maintenance is due. The CMS may also draw information from other sources, like current employers and HMRC.

For more information on how child maintenance is calculated, visit the Child Maintenance Service site.

Failing to Make Payments

It’s important to make sure that you can keep up the regular child maintenance payments. A failure to make payments is likely to have an impact on your child’s welfare. The CMS may take the following steps to retrieve the unpaid funds:

Deduct money from your salary, benefits or bank account
Instruct bailiffs to remove goods from your home to the value of the amount owed (England and Scotland)
Revoke your driver’s licence
Imprisonment

Karim Assaad is a London divorce solicitor at Cordell & Cordell. He has a wealth of knowledge and experience practicing family law, owning a proven record of providing indispensable advice to clients and delivering positive outcomes for them.

You can contact Karim on 0330 60 60 161 or by visiting http://cordellcordell.co.uk/.

Child Maintenance UK Number – 0800 028 7439

Child Support Agency UK – www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/overview

Divorce Law UK/Financial and Legal Advice

Divorcing Fathers – Keeping a Hold of your Children

Published on November 18, 2015November 11, 2018

How can divorcing fathers ensure that their relationships with their children are not interrupted or disrupted by their ex-partner?

A Father can prepare for divorce first by staying in the home, with his children, until there are orders in place that ensure him the contact he desires once he leaves the home.

This is essential in that once out of the home and away from the children, their contact with the children often becomes at the discretion of their spouse. This allows the parent who remains resident; and often that is the wife or female partner to be able manipulate contact with the children to further or advance her own agenda.

It is not uncommon, once out of the home for men to find themselves going weeks or months without meaningful consistent contact with their children because they are not in “care and control” of their children and no longer have unfettered discretion as to when they are able to see them.

Continuous periods of limited contact put men at a disadvantage when they want to increase their contact and presence in their children’s lives.

There is also an implicit statement or concession, as often viewed by the Court, that when a man leaves the home and the children, he is agreeing that it is best for the children to be primarily with their mother in the family home and have limited, controlled, or less than equal access to the children.

Further, once out of the home, it can be very difficult to get back in as attempting to do so may cause friction, result in police involvement, or even a possession order preventing a man from re-entering the home.

We find that men often leave the home under the assurances from their wife that they “can see the children as often as they like”, but they then find it limited in some way or other that they weren’t experience. Perhaps they are not “permitted” to have the children spend the night where they live, or have them for extended periods of time. Or, often they experience resistance if they are not providing enough financial support in the opinions of their spouses or partners.

There is no way to enforce oral commitments regarding time and contact with the children. So, it is best for men, when possible, to remain in the home with their children until there is an enforceable agreement regarding their contact with their children. At which time, moving out may make sense and be appropriate, as the orders are enforceable by the Court if the wife doesn’t comply.

If a father does find himself put out of the house, then it is essential that he immediately consider starting an action under the Children Act 1989 so he is moving toward those orders that become enforceable. Men put themselves and their presence in their children’s lives at risk every day they are without access to them in a manner they believe is appropriate. Time is of the essence as it can take weeks or months to get an order from the Court.

Karim Assaad is a London divorce solicitor at Cordell & Cordell. He has a wealth of knowledge and experience practicing family law, owning a proven record of providing indispensable advice to clients and delivering positive outcomes for them.

You can contact Karim on 0330 60 60 161 or by visiting http://cordellcordell.co.uk/.

Because so much is riding on your divorce