It can be hard hopping into the dating game again after divorce. Rules change after a long hiatus and social media is more
Dating Coach
Author of ‘The Global Guide to Divorce’
prevalent now. Online dating web sites are numerous. There are so many choices how to meet potential dates and it can be daunting where to start. Think about going on dates as fun or an adventure. There may or may not be sparks. You might end up with a new friend or your next life partner.
Do an assessment of your dating goals
To get into a serious relationship?
To mainly have companionship?
Romance? Sex?
There can be an issue when one person is seeking their next life partner and the other wants a casual experience or hookup.
How to get started
Put yourself in a situation where you can meet people particularly other singles. For example, after my divorce I started going to karaoke. It is fun and does not require a great voice. After a while, I met a guy there and we have been together for three years. Two other couples met at karaoke as well. As a writer, I like being surrounded by other creative types. I sit at a community table in a lively coffee shop and conversations usually start among the people. Several times chatting to the person next to me led to ideas for an article.
Go out in groups with your friends, neighbours, co-workers etc.
In a group setting, you can meet a variety of people and not have the to carry a conversation when feeling nervous. I was at a Divorce Club meeting in a London pub and connected with the woman beside to me. We have been good friends for years.
Attend work gatherings. Two co-workers were friends for over a year. Once they were in a group setting away from the job environment {a hospital} sparks started and turned into a huge flame. They saw each other in a different light and later got married.
Other ways to meet people in group settings in through MeetUp.com A divorced friend met her new guy in a hiking one. They chatted casually for awhile before realizing that they want to be together. Other opportunities are volunteering or joining the singles groups in churches or synagogues.
Check on your body language
Are your arms tightly folded across your chest? This means stay away. Do you avoid eye contact? Do you look away when someone approaches you? This type of body language can be misinterpreted as a lack of interest instead of shyness. Are you smiling? Frowning is a road block to connections.
Talk to people around you
Ask the barista a few questions. When someone sees how easily it would be to have a conversation with you, then they will too. Friendly people are approachable. I met a charming guy in a coffee shop this way and we went out for a year before he relocated. You may not feel in a festive mood post-divorce. If friends want you to go to a party with, consider doing that. One nurse who had a bad break-up went to a Halloween fancy dress party. She met her future husband at that gathering.
Be open
Sometimes when you are not looking for someone, is when they pop into your life. Go out and enjoy yourself. The important aspect to moving on is to put yourself in situations where opportunities may arise.
Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.
About Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. https://globalguidetodivorce.com She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.
She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.