Author, Mediator, Lawyer
I’m not a psychologist or therapist, so I won’t give you professional advice on how to strengthen family bonds after divorce. But what I can offer is my own experience, as a child whose parents didn’t manage to keep those bonds alive. And I can tell you from the heart: it matters more than you think.
My parents didn’t just stop speaking, they only spoke to fight. Not to communicate, not to listen, and definitely not to put their children’s needs first. It was their own egos, pain, and frustration that took over. And as a result, my relationship with my dad, and with his side of the family, especially my grandparents, deteriorated more with each passing year.
At the beginning (i.e., the first month), it seemed like things would be okay. But very quickly, everything fell apart.
My mum began telling us the divorce was my dad’s fault. She said his parents never supported her. Then my dad started saying he didn’t have enough money to support us and moved in with the girlfriend he had left my mother for. His parents pushed to stay in our lives, while my mum’s family was firmly against them.
The myth of the “good girl” I had grown up with — the girl who pleased everyone — was now completely confused. What did I have to do to keep that title, when my world no longer made sense?
How do you think a 13, 14, or 15-year-old girl is supposed to handle a situation like that? Or my little sister, who was only 6, 7, or 8 at the time?
It was a real nightmare. And it left wounds I carried for years, wounds that shaped the way I saw love, trust, and family.
That’s why I’m sharing this. To show just how important it is to protect the family bonds after divorce. Because for children, it’s almost impossible to truly hate one of their parents — unless they’ve been exposed to violence or abuse. Children need both parents. And deep down, they know they are half Mum and half Dad. Forcing them to hate one parent is like asking them to reject part of themselves.
As a woman, I can now understand how hard it must have been for my mum — the betrayal, the financial pressure, the loss of trust. My dad constantly complained that he couldn’t afford to support us. But here’s the truth: when you give money to your ex, you’re not supporting them, you’re supporting your children. It’s a way to show up for your kids.
Communication between my parents was almost nonexistent. It felt like they were speaking two entirely different languages. And what I remember most as a child was the confusion, the frustration, the fear of abandonment, and the trauma of living in a family that could no longer function.
Kids need both parents in their lives. So whatever you do, you have to find a way to communicate, even if it’s only about the basics.
Think of it like starting a job you hate, working under a boss you dislike. But quitting isn’t an option because you need the income. Would you find a way to communicate? Probably, yes. So why not do the same for the most important part of your life, your children?
And please, don’t badmouth the other parent in front of your children. These comments may make you feel good for two seconds, like a small emotional win, but they leave deep, invisible scars on your child. Scars they may carry silently for years, even a lifetime.
You need to work on creating a sense of coexistence, enough to attend school events, graduations, and birthday parties together without conflict and without your children fearing that if they invite both parents, there will be a fight or it will feel awkward. One way to get there is by working on yourself, ideally with the support of a therapist or coach.
Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Avoid running from difficult conversations. Avoid trying to “save money” by withholding support, because in doing that, you’re not hurting your ex. You’re hurting your child.
Learn to accept yourself, and the other parent, with all the mistakes included.
Is it easy? Oh my God, no — it’s not easy at all.
But kids don’t have the tools or maturity to deal with a broken family when the adults can’t even speak. You do. You are the adult in the room. And if you don’t step up, the message your children receive is that love fails, marriage is doomed, and if it doesn’t work out, they are somehow less worthy.
That’s a burden they will carry into their own relationships — unless you break the cycle.
I’ve seen families thrive after divorce — truly thrive. And what they had in common was that each parent worked through their emotions separately, rather than using the children as weapons or messengers.
I know some ex-partners can make things extremely difficult. It takes two to rebuild parallel lives with respect and boundaries. But in the end, every hard conversation you have, every ounce of restraint you show, is something you do not just for your kids, but for yourself.
Because the greatest gift you can give your children post-divorce isn’t a perfect life, it’s a peaceful one. And the chance to grow into an adult who isn’t burdened by unresolved divorce trauma.
Read more articles by Despina Mavridou.
About Despina Mavridou
My name is Despina Mavridou. I am an author, a mediator and a lawyer in Greece.
I experienced the negative effects of divorce due to my parents’ separation when I was ten years old. For many years I was in the middle of their fights, trying to find a balance. When I was approx. 17 years old, I decided that I didn’t want to see my dad anymore. This cost me my relationship with him for more than 20 years (we have reunited recently).
After many years working as a lawyer, in the last four years I discovered mediation and also my passion for writing. For this reason, I left my job as a lawyer to concentrate on my passion.
My first published book is titled Mum, Dad, Can you hear me? and it is partially based on my personal story. I always wanted to share certain things with my parents to make them understand how I was feeling about their divorce.
Moreover, working as a mediator in family dispute issues, I saw how difficult it is for parents to get in their kid’s shoes.
The specific book Mum, Dad Can you hear me? serves dual purpose.
On one hand I want to help children understand that divorce is not the end of the world and that they can have both parents in their lives.
On the other hand, I want to help parents see divorce through the eyes of a ten-year-old girl to better understand the thoughts, needs and feelings of children and how important it is for them to have both parents in their lives.