Parenting stress can be bad enough when you’re in a relationship with your child’s other parent. Going through a separation can make it even more crushing.
Writer / Researcher
Custody X Change
Luckily, parenting stress is manageable if you put in the work. The following can help you lower your stress levels…
Positive affirmations
Stress can leave you feeling inadequate. Positive affirmations provide reassurance so you worry less.
Remind yourself of the good that you do for your child:
- “I provide my child with what they need.”
- “I listen when my child has a problem.”
- “I’m a great parent.”
- “I love my child unconditionally.”
- “I stay strong for my child no matter what.”
Remind yourself that you can move forward after separation.
- “I can get through this.”
- “I’m desirable and worthy of love.”
- “I have a lot to offer.”
- “My marriage doesn’t define who I am.”
- “This is the start of a new – and better – chapter.”
You can find many affirmations to use online or write your own to directly address your stressors. It’s all about setting intentions and turning negative self-talk into positive self-talk.
You could make crafts that incorporate your affirmations and put them around your home. This is a fun way to de-stress and make a habit of starting your day by reciting your affirmations.
Don’t compare yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to make you feel lousy.
You might wonder why you couldn’t make your relationship work while others can, or why other parents never seem frazzled or overwhelmed like you do.
Understand that people often project an image that is not reality, especially on social media. Stop consuming content that makes you feel worse. Instead, look for more realistic depictions. You might turn to those in your real life who are willing to have honest conversations about their experiences with parenting and separation.
Letting go of chasing the “perfect” separation or being the “perfect” parent will lift a good deal of weight off your shoulders.
Keep yourself in check
If your child sees you engaging in harmful behaviours to relieve stress, they may have trouble managing their own negative emotions. Drinking to excess, yelling, and throwing things are bad behaviours you don’t want your child to mimic.
Stress can shorten your fuse. It’s important to hold back when you find yourself on the verge of breaking down in front of your child. If your child is frustrating you to the point that you might lash out, walk away for a moment. Take a deep breath and collect yourself.
Acknowledge how you’re feeling without letting your negative emotions take over. Eventually, you’ll realise that you are in control, which will make dealing with day-to-day mishaps and your child’s misbehaviour less stressful.
Don’t take on all parenting alone
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for one parent to shoulder all parenting responsibility after separation. But both parents still have an obligation to care for and provide for their child.
Try to sit down together and create a temporary parenting agreement. This ensures both parents know what is expected of them. If it works well, you can make it a permanent agreement.
If you have trouble getting on the same page, you might need to go to court. The family court process in England and Wales is slightly different than the process in Scotland and in Northern Ireland. But the result is the same: a court order that clearly defines each parent’s responsibilities.
Give yourself a break
Take time to relax and reset.
Try to do something for yourself every day. It can be as simple as reading a book or watching a few episodes of your favourite show. Take a warm bath to unwind after the kids are in bed. Exercise to release tension.
You might feel guilty if you aren’t always with your child. However, getting breaks from them lets you reconnect with who you are outside of parenting. The other parent can look after them when they’re available, or you can ask a friend or relative if a sitter is too expensive.
When you are with your kids, do something fun. Baking, playing sports, making crafts, going to the cinema, and other activities are fun ways to help everyone relax.
Get help
It’s comforting to know there are resources available. Get support when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
- Relatives and friends: Lean on your village for support. They can provide childcare, lend an ear when you need to vent, and more.
- Support groups: Look for support groups for separated parents, which can provide encouragement, advice and support.
- Therapists: A good therapist can help you talk through your problems so they aren’t weighing on your mind and help you develop coping strategies.
- Your general practitioner (GP): Your GP makes sure you’re looking after your health and can write referrals to mental health and other services if need be.
- Co-parenting apps: Apps like Custody X Change help you stay organised as you build your child arrangements case, keep track of your child’s activities, and more.
Managing parenting and separation is hard, but working to reduce your stress levels makes dealing with it much more bearable.
Read more articles by Custody X Change.
About Zarira Love
Zarira Love has been researching and writing articles about child custody and parenting for nearly six years. She currently resides in New York City.
Zarira is a Writer / Researcher for Custody X Change.
About Custody X Change: This powerful tool helps divorced and single parents create parenting plans, track their custody schedules, manage expenses and more. Since 2005, we’ve helped over 60,000 parents ensure the best possible future for their children.