Dating Coach
Author of ‘The Global Guide to Divorce’
One may get through the Christmas season with all the parties and business gatherings. Going solo is fine. Holiday decorations and rituals can temporarily distract us from divorce proceedings. Families surround us and can be supportive during this difficult time. The world is lit up by a magnitude of lights and the festive mood is contagious. You might congratulate yourself for making it through the holiday season with your sanity intact.
What may hit you hard is New Year’s Eve and Day. The glittering lights start coming down, making the world a darker place. Things are quieter. New Year’s Eve like Valentine’s Day, is geared toward couples. They kiss at midnight and usher in the coming year. Restaurants often have packages aimed at twosomes.
Think about how you are feeling
Do you want to be social and around others? Ask your friends what they are doing. They may not have thought of asking you to join them when you are newly single. One friend threw a big party and there were plenty of other singles as guests. If friends are busy on the Eve, then meeting on New Year’s Day may work.
Find out what your relatives are doing. They may be getting together for dinner and watching global festivities on the telly. You can offer to babysit nieces and nephews or friends’ children. Soon after my divorce I watched an acquaintance’s seven-year-old niece. We did crafts, improv acting and more. I got paid a lot that New Year’s Eve to have fun.
Or are you feeling melancholy and want to stay home? You can tell well-meaning friends that you already have plans. Then curl up with an exciting book. You may be used to living with someone and now they are gone with divorce. Your flat feels empty. If you do not have children, consider adopting a pet. This is companionship when it seems like the rest of the world is out partying. If not ready to make a long-term commitment, consider fostering a cat or dog. Having my cats around me on the couch while watching New Year’s Eve gatherings on television ensures a more pleasurable night. Eating a delectable treat adds to the enjoyment.
What helps some divorced people is to go away over the holidays. I took my sons on a cruise. We celebrated New Year’s Eve sailing around Australia. A friend spent her New Years in India with others in her tour group.
Divorce brings the opportunity to start new traditions
My sons and I skip doing a big meal on New Year’s Day as we did in the past. Instead, we enjoy lunch at a café and then go to the cinema to catch a film. Other divorced friends spend New Year’s Day outside such as skiing. Think of fun activities which you enjoy.
Introspection
This is the time to reflect on what you want to do in the new year. How are you coping? Do you need to change some strategies? How do you want to celebrate holidays? Are you feeling lonely? I was feeling lonely around New Year’s Eve during my divorce. Then I thought about my last several ones while still married. Being in an unhappy marriage was worse than celebrating New Year’s Eve when single. A jolt of realization struck me. I do not have to feel lonely I can do what I want and be with upbeat people.
Others have reflected and feel that the holidays are only a few days to get through. They keep normal routines. Do what feels best to you without any guilt. Be by yourself. Be with others. Volunteer. Get in touch with your feelings and go from there.
Read more articles by Wendi Schuller.
About Wendi Schuller
Wendi Schuller is a dating coach who helps people after divorce and break-ups to start dating again. https://globalguidetodivorce.com She is a hypnotherapist, NLP practitioner and a nurse. She wrote The Global Guide To Divorce.
She writes a children’s book series with the latest, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London. Also The Adventures Of Margo, Girl Detective.