Zarira Love

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Divorcing? Reach a Financial Agreement for the Best Outcome

Published on
Zarira Love
Zarira Love
Writer / Researcher
Custody X Change

Agreeing isn’t easy when you’ve split, but it has many advantages.

Financial agreements spare you the slog of a drawn-out divorce process, helping you save money and many headaches.

What is a divorce financial agreement?

A divorce financial agreement covers, in writing, how spouses who are ending their marriage will divide:

  • Property
  • Pensions
  • Savings
  • Investments

Agreements may also address spousal maintenance, stating the amount and how long it is to be paid.

To make an agreement legally binding, you must apply for a consent order.

To make sure your spouse can’t pursue you for more money, you can get a clean break order. This severs all financial ties between you and your spouse, and makes it so neither of you can hassle each other for money later on.

What is a child maintenance agreement?

If you have children, you might also agree on child maintenance.

A child maintenance agreement covers:

  • Who pays maintenance
  • How much they will pay
  • How often it’s paid
  • The payment method

It could be a standalone agreement or part of your agreed parenting plan.

Convincing your spouse to negotiate

If there are hard feelings between you and your spouse, you won’t be too eager to sit down at the negotiating table. Set aside your differences and focus on the positives of agreeing.

Get a faster resolution

If you litigate, the court’s calendar will dictate the pace of your case.

Agreeing means you can resolve things on your own time — and you’ll usually get an order sooner.

Even if you don’t reach a full divorce settlement, your case will still go quicker since you already addressed finances.

Save money

It’s common for spouses to rack up several thousand pounds in solicitor and other fees. Long, drawn out cases can even reach six figures.

Exact costs vary case by case, but alternate methods of dispute resolution are much cheaper than litigation.

  • Direct negotiations: You’ll sit down with your spouse and work out your financial agreements. Essentially, you don’t have to pay anything for the negotiations.
  • Negotiations with a solicitor: A solicitor provides guidance as you work out your agreement. They will also put your agreement in writing. Costs are generally around £3,000.
  • Mediation: A neutral third party will help you and your spouse find common ground so you can agree. On average, mediators charge about £100 to £300 per hour. If your financial situation is simple, the entire process could be less than £1,000.

You’ll save even more by splitting costs with your spouse.

Control the outcome

You and your spouse will have the final say on your financial arrangements. You can customise your agreement to suit your unique needs.

For example, instead of setting a specific amount of child maintenance, you can state the parent will pay for certain expenses, like the child’s schooling.

Preserve decorum

Trials are contentious. If you didn’t already have a fraught relationship, going to court could give you a negative opinion of your spouse.

Negotiating shows grace and a willingness to move on. This is essential if you have children. Agreeing on financials will let you practise compromise which might make it easier to collaborate on decisions related to your child.

Preparing for negotiations

Spouses must disclose all financial assets and liabilities.

You might need to consult an expert to get an accurate portrait of your finances. For example:

  • An estate agent or a chartered surveyor to determine property value
  • A forensic accountant to assess the value of a business
  • An actuary for a report on pension funds

It’s possible to split the costs for these services with your spouse.

Create a written proposal to show your spouse what you believe is fair to help move negotiations along.

Once you’ve agreed, you’ll file your agreement with the court.

Your court-approved agreement goes into effect immediately. You’ll have the peace of mind that the financial parts of your divorce are settled.

Read more articles by Custody X Change.

About Zarira Love

Zarira Love has been researching and writing articles about child custody and parenting for nearly six years. She currently resides in New York City.

Zarira is a Writer / Researcher for Custody X Change.

About Custody X Change: This powerful tool helps divorced and single parents create parenting plans, track their custody schedules, manage expenses and more. Since 2005, we’ve helped over 60,000 parents ensure the best possible future for their children.

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Managing Parenting Stress During Separation
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Managing Parenting Stress During Separation

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Parenting stress can be bad enough when you’re in a relationship with your child’s other parent. Going through a separation can make it even more crushing.

Zarira Love
Zarira Love
Writer / Researcher
Custody X Change

Luckily, parenting stress is manageable if you put in the work. The following can help you lower your stress levels…

Positive affirmations

Stress can leave you feeling inadequate. Positive affirmations provide reassurance so you worry less.

Remind yourself of the good that you do for your child:

  • “I provide my child with what they need.”
  • “I listen when my child has a problem.”
  • “I’m a great parent.”
  • “I love my child unconditionally.”
  • “I stay strong for my child no matter what.”

Remind yourself that you can move forward after separation.

  • “I can get through this.”
  • “I’m desirable and worthy of love.”
  • “I have a lot to offer.”
  • “My marriage doesn’t define who I am.”
  • “This is the start of a new – and better – chapter.”

You can find many affirmations to use online or write your own to directly address your stressors. It’s all about setting intentions and turning negative self-talk into positive self-talk.

You could make crafts that incorporate your affirmations and put them around your home. This is a fun way to de-stress and make a habit of starting your day by reciting your affirmations.

Don’t compare yourself to others

Comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to make you feel lousy.

You might wonder why you couldn’t make your relationship work while others can, or why other parents never seem frazzled or overwhelmed like you do.

Understand that people often project an image that is not reality, especially on social media. Stop consuming content that makes you feel worse. Instead, look for more realistic depictions. You might turn to those in your real life who are willing to have honest conversations about their experiences with parenting and separation.

Letting go of chasing the “perfect” separation or being the “perfect” parent will lift a good deal of weight off your shoulders.

Keep yourself in check

If your child sees you engaging in harmful behaviours to relieve stress, they may have trouble managing their own negative emotions. Drinking to excess, yelling, and throwing things are bad behaviours you don’t want your child to mimic.

Stress can shorten your fuse. It’s important to hold back when you find yourself on the verge of breaking down in front of your child. If your child is frustrating you to the point that you might lash out, walk away for a moment. Take a deep breath and collect yourself.

Acknowledge how you’re feeling without letting your negative emotions take over. Eventually, you’ll realise that you are in control, which will make dealing with day-to-day mishaps and your child’s misbehaviour less stressful.

Don’t take on all parenting alone

Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for one parent to shoulder all parenting responsibility after separation. But both parents still have an obligation to care for and provide for their child.

Try to sit down together and create a temporary parenting agreement. This ensures both parents know what is expected of them. If it works well, you can make it a permanent agreement.

If you have trouble getting on the same page, you might need to go to court. The family court process in England and Wales is slightly different than the process in Scotland and in Northern Ireland. But the result is the same: a court order that clearly defines each parent’s responsibilities.

Give yourself a break

Take time to relax and reset.

Try to do something for yourself every day. It can be as simple as reading a book or watching a few episodes of your favourite show. Take a warm bath to unwind after the kids are in bed. Exercise to release tension.

You might feel guilty if you aren’t always with your child. However, getting breaks from them lets you reconnect with who you are outside of parenting. The other parent can look after them when they’re available, or you can ask a friend or relative if a sitter is too expensive.

When you are with your kids, do something fun. Baking, playing sports, making crafts, going to the cinema, and other activities are fun ways to help everyone relax.

 

Get help

It’s comforting to know there are resources available. Get support when you’re feeling overwhelmed.

  • Relatives and friends: Lean on your village for support. They can provide childcare, lend an ear when you need to vent, and more.
  • Support groups: Look for support groups for separated parents, which can provide encouragement, advice and support.
  • Therapists: A good therapist can help you talk through your problems so they aren’t weighing on your mind and help you develop coping strategies.
  • Your general practitioner (GP): Your GP makes sure you’re looking after your health and can write referrals to mental health and other services if need be.
  • Co-parenting apps: Apps like Custody X Change help you stay organised as you build your child arrangements case, keep track of your child’s activities, and more.

 

Managing parenting and separation is hard, but working to reduce your stress levels makes dealing with it much more bearable.

 

Read more articles by Custody X Change.

About Zarira Love

Zarira Love has been researching and writing articles about child custody and parenting for nearly six years. She currently resides in New York City.

Zarira is a Writer / Researcher for Custody X Change.

About Custody X Change: This powerful tool helps divorced and single parents create parenting plans, track their custody schedules, manage expenses and more. Since 2005, we’ve helped over 60,000 parents ensure the best possible future for their children.

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5 Tips for Managing Your Child's Expenses Post Divorce
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5 Tips for Managing Your Child’s Expenses Post Divorce

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Zarira Love
Zarira Love
Writer / Researcher
Custody X Change

Divorce leads to major changes in your finances. You might pay thousands for solicitor and court fees. With one income leaving your home, you’ll likely incur new expenses like child care if a parent will no longer be at home to care for the children.

While your ex should shoulder some of the burden for the cost of raising your child, it might fall mostly on you if you provide the child’s primary residence.

It’s a lot to take on, but if you’re proactive, you can manage.

Tip #1: Create a monthly budget

A budget can help you stay within your means and figure out where you need to cut corners.

As you prepare for divorce, make a categorised list of all your bills (e.g., housing, electricity) and expected expenses (e.g., food, petrol), along with how much you expect to spend in each category.

While bills are straightforward, it can be a bit tricky to estimate expenses. Look at receipts, bank statements and other proofs of payment to help you figure out your average expenses. Keep in mind, this amount might vary month to month. The goal is to figure out how much you spend on average so you don’t spend more than you make.

You could do separate accounting for your child’s expenses (a sound idea if the other parent is expected to pay a portion) or keep it all together. Example expenses you might incur because of your child include:

  • Schooling (e.g., uniforms, tutoring, supplies)
  • Transport
  • Communications (e.g., TV, internet, mobile phone)
  • Clothing and footwear
  • Extra-curriculars
  • Recreation (e.g., eating out, going to concerts)
  • Child care
  • Medicine
  • Personal care

Add up your bills and expenses to get your total monthly spending.

Next, add up your earnings from work and other sources, like spousal or child maintenance if you’re receiving payments.

Subtract total bills and expenses from your earnings. You could allocate a portion of your residuals to savings. Include this in your budget as well.

If you’re left with zero or less, find ways to adjust your budget to suit your income. Your child might have a piano lesson once a week rather than twice. You might unsubscribe from a streaming service.

Keep track of your monthly spending to make sure you’re sticking to your budget. If you’re looking for a template for your budget, there are budget worksheets available online or you can create a spreadsheet. There are also finance apps that help you stay on top of spending.

Tip #2: Make a plan for shared co-parenting expenses

Co-parents often argue about how to sort out costs related to the children.

A good way to lessen headaches is to make a list of co-parenting shared expenses. Discuss with your co-parent how you’ll split each expense or whether one parent will cover the full cost.

You might split everything equally or split in relation to each parent’s income. You could keep track of these expenses and invoice one another for reimbursement at the end of the month.

Tip #3: Prioritise needs over wants

In the aftermath of divorce, you’ll feel some guilt that makes you want to spoil your kids.

It’s tough not being able to get your child everything they want. However, if you spoil them, they’ll expect that treatment all the time, which may not be possible with your budget.

Budget for gifts, entertainment and recreation last so they don’t get in the way of paying bills and buying necessities.

Tip #4: Teach your children financial responsibility

Help your children learn the value of money so their expectations become a bit more realistic.

One way to teach your children financial literacy is to give them pocket money. Assign chores for them to do to earn their money so they gain understanding of the work you put in to provide for them.

When your child asks for something pricey, encourage them to save up a portion of their pocket money until they can afford it so they learn the importance and benefits of saving.

If your child is mature enough, you could allow them to have their own bank account and debit card.

Tip #5: Seek help when needed

Newly divorced parents often feel the need to prove they can go it alone. While learning self-reliance is essential to moving on, there’s nothing wrong with getting help to benefit your child.

Professionals like financial advisers assist your transition to post-divorce life by advising you on your spending and how to save more. Plus, government resources are available. Reach out to family and friends for support as well. They can be especially important when it comes to saving on child care costs.

Read more articles by Zarira Love.

Read more articles by Custody X Change.

About Zarira Love

Zarira Love has been researching and writing articles about child custody and parenting for nearly six years. She currently resides in New York City.

Zarira is a Writer / Researcher for Custody X Change.

About Custody X Change: This powerful tool helps divorced and single parents create parenting plans, track their custody schedules, manage expenses and more. Since 2005, we’ve helped over 60,000 parents ensure the best possible future for their children.

You might be interested in

Five Co-Parenting Rules for a Painless Festive Season
Image by Drazen Zigic on Freepik

Five Co-Parenting Rules for a Painless Festive Season

Published on
Zarira Love
Zarira Love
Writer / Researcher
Custody X Change

The festive season is a joyous time for many families. However, if you’re going through a divorce or separation, you might be dreading it.

Navigating co-parenting during this time can cause headaches that may take away from the season’s excitement.

Follow these rules for a (relatively) painless festive season.

Rule #1: Plan ahead by creating a holiday schedule

A holiday schedule tells exactly how you will share time during the festive season.

Choosing a holiday schedule that suits your child’s best interests and relationship with your co-parent is vital. When you create a parenting plan, browse holiday parenting schedules for inspiration.

Get your schedule approved by the court (as a consent order) in case one parent fails to follow the arrangement.

Rule #2: Stick to what the kids know

Straying too far from what the children are used to can cause stress and confusion. If their normal is spending the festive season with both parents, do what you can to maintain that tradition.

For example, you could still have a shared Christmas dinner. Friends and family can serve as a buffer to help you avoid awkwardness.

If this won’t do, find ways to divide the time somewhat evenly. One parent could have Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve, and the other could have it on Christmas Day.

Sit down with the kids so they know ahead of time how they will be splitting holiday time with you and your co-parent. Do what will reassure your children that they will still have two parents actively involved in their lives.

Rule #3: Be cordial

The first festive season after your separation will set the stage for what the children will expect going forward.

Put aside bad feelings towards your ex and focus on the memories your child can create with both of their parents.

You don’t have to buy your ex a gift, but common decency can help everyone enjoy the festive season. Communicate your plans. If you’re dropping the kids at the other parent’s home, take them to the door and say hello. If you do decide to exchange gifts, discuss it in advance to avoid awkward surprises.

A show of goodwill benefits your co-parenting relationship and can help your children cope with divorce.

Rule #4: Don’t compete

Co-parenting is all about working together although you’re apart. However, parents may try to get the kids to favor them.

Competition coupled with guilt may lead some to go overboard with gift-giving during the festive season. Children may come to expect this treatment every year, which may not be feasible in the long term. Plus, it may teach them that belongings are more important than time together.

Children need love and support more than any material gift. Be present with them instead of trying to outdo your ex.

Rule #5: Be patient

Adjusting to co-parenting takes time. It’s okay if your first time co-parenting during the festive season is a bit rocky.

View this first festive season as a trial run and make adjustments as needed. Address any confusion ahead of time to avoid arguments. If you’re unable to pick up the children at the time you’re scheduled to, give a heads up.

It’s important you don’t let these setbacks overshadow your time with the children. Start new traditions. Put on your silliest Christmas jumpers and take a photo. Bake cookies. Do arts and crafts. All this can be therapeutic for parents and children alike.

Read more articles by Custody X Change.

About Zarira Love

Zarira Love has been researching and writing articles about child custody and parenting for nearly six years. She currently resides in New York City.

Zarira is a Writer / Researcher for Custody X Change.

About Custody X Change: This powerful tool helps divorced and single parents create parenting plans, track their custody schedules, manage expenses and more. Since 2005, we’ve helped over 60,000 parents ensure the best possible future for their children.

You might be interested in