single holidays

Single Parent Holidays – How to Travel Light with Children

Published on May 1, 2015September 14, 2019

Women and Divorce — Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

There are tricks to packing for a holiday to make life easier, whether going alone or with the kids. My sons and I usually only have carry on, and in order to do this we have perfected a few practices.

We save socks and underwear with a hole in them for holidays, so they can be worn and thrown away on the trip. Trousers and shoes that still look okay but are getting a bit worn, are also packed and discarded too.

When my sons were little, I took almost outgrown clothes and left them behind in the hotels with a note.

I went to South Africa right after my divorce and the nice looking shirts that my ex had given me, were worn and donated to a local charity. I went to Egypt with a stuffed carry on and got rid of most of my clothes and had room for many souvenirs.

I do not take a handbag, but only a money pouch that can also hold a few other essentials like lip balm. I carry a small bag for books, snacks, an umbrella, etc around the city or while on tours which takes up no space in my suitcase. I take a larger tote bag as my personal item when travelling, that is roomier than a handbag.

Have a small travel wardrobe that washes well in a hotel or cabin’s sink and can be hung up to dry. This includes nice dresses in washable silk, for more formal affairs. I use the shampoo to wash clothes that is provided by the hotel or ship.

Magazines have foundation, lotion, and serum samples that I save for holidays. I get facials at Neal’s Yard and they are generous with trip size containers of their wonderful products.

How to Travel Light A pharmacy has special days where companies come in and hand out small promotional size goodies in their skin care lines. Stash these away for your next holiday, including the small tubes of toothpaste from your dentist.

I save small eye cream and lip balm containers and put my own creams and lotions into them to save space when packing toiletries.

Our local library has a rack where people leave their magazines and pick up other ones. I get some of these freebies for a trip. I read a book and often leave it in the ship or hotel’s library to lighten my load. Some people swear by the plastic bags that take the air out of clothes and squash them for more packing space, however I have not had much luck with these.

Business travellers often take apparel in just two or three colours to mix and match more easily, especially when they have both casual and formal functions.

When travelling with children, accept strangers’ help.

My toddler had a meltdown in an airport and I was losing my cool. I happily let a grandmother entertain him in his stroller with a new toy that she was giving her grandson. I had a newborn and a pre-schooler on a flight when the man sitting in front of us graciously got my stroller and kids’ luggage down from the overhead locker. Then Tiger Woods even insisted that we got off the plane before him.

Wrap up activity books, travel sized games and other entertaining small toys and dole them out on the trip. I gave my young sons medication for their ears on flights after consulting with their paediatrician, since the other remedies did not help their Eustachian tubes.

I took premeasured formula in a container that held three individual bottles’ worth and only had to put water in the bottle. I dumped in the right amount of powdered formula for each bottle given and this made travelling with a baby very easy. Of course carry extra snacks since there can be flight delays.

One doctor thought she would be smart and gave her young sons an anti-histamine on a long haul flight to get them to sleep most of the way. It was a trip from Hell. She said for the entire flight they screamed and cried like when they were on the verge of sleep at home, but were cranky and did not nap at all on the plane.

This is quoted by many folks, “Take twice the money and half of the clothes that you think that you will need on a trip.”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

Children of Divorce

Single Parent Holidays – Toddler and Baby Friendly Boltholes

Published on April 20, 2015September 14, 2019

It may not seem like a relaxing holiday with a baby in tow – but with a little pre-planning it can be rewarding for all.

Having a trip with a limited itinerary, such as a beach holiday worked well for us. My baby or toddler loved sitting in the sand playing with a plastic shovel and when older, making sand castles.

The sea creatures and birds added extra entertainment to lazing around at the shore. One parent suggests going to an area that also has a bay, cove or sound near the ocean which is calmer water for the little ones.

The South Pacific surrounding the Cook Islands, is like stepping into a warm, multi-coloured bathtub water – just perfect for tiny children. Taking my young sons to Na Trang, Vietnam required holding on to them in the large waves. Even beaches on the same island can be vastly different – a surfer’s dream or like a pond.

Many parents have stated that staying in a condo, cottage or villa was worth the extra expense. They liked having extra room, a kitchen and more seclusion for toddler tantrums.

The location, beach or mountains was more secondary as long as they had this bigger space than a hotel room.

Another choice is staying with friends or family who may have baby necessities and other kids. We visited my mother in my old home which still had some of my toys and book. My mother purchased a stroller, travel crib, high chair, and car seat which remained at her place. I just threw a few clothes and essentials in our suitcase for an easy trip. The little ones had lots of playtime with Gran and I vegged out with uninterrupted reading.

Selecting a destination with animals is a hit with youngsters, such as a farm stay or being near a zoo.

In northern Thailand, our hotel was across the street from a fabulous butterfly and orchid farm. Twice a day water buffalo were paraded around the hotel property and my sons petted or rode these gentle beasts. We also went to a nearby elephant sanctuary. Staying near a petting zoo or animal park are other options.

Schedule running around time into the itinerary to blow off toddler energy, such as going to nearby parks. My boys enjoyed meeting and playing with other children in these areas.

One holiday that did not work out well with a baby was going to Disneyworld.

It took too much time going to the different areas and he became fussy. Parking his stroller at different rides and venues became tedious. A small, more local amusement park would okay. My babies also enjoyed children’s museums.

Consider going to hotels that have kids clubs.

My sons’ favourite one was at the Four Seasons in Nevis. It was from ages 3-9, but my 19 month old was welcome with my supervision. They learned Caribbean culture, songs and had field trips around the beach and hotel property.

Most of the Four Seasons resorts have a complimentary kids club for either 3-9 or 4-12, with babies allowed under guardian supervision. All of their hotels have complementary cribs and other baby essentials.

Atlantis Paradise Island Resort in the Bahamas has kids clubs from ages one to seventeen.

Club Med is renowned for their kids clubs which include sports and circus training at no cost for those four and over. There is a fee for the Baby Club starting at six months and the petit club up to age four.

In the evenings, a Pyjama Club is available so parents can enjoy adult company with dinner and drinks. Club med provides free cribs and high chairs. My friend took her baby and pre-schooler to the Club Med in Thailand and all had such a fun holiday. The kids clubs at Club Med have specially trained youth counsellors and have a vast variety of activities for children.

There are various travel agencies that book holiday cottages, villas, hotels and trips for families with babies, whether in the UK or farther afield.

Thomas Cook has a list of Family World hotels and resorts globally which are geared towards kids as young as six months.

These hotels provide the necessary equipment such as cribs and potties. They have a baby service centre where parents can make bottles and special meals. There is a toddler program which includes time in the water in places such as Crete and Menorca.

Another one is Neilson Clubs which provide nannies in their different locations starting with the Starfish Club at four months (has a fee). The Sea Urchin Club for kids 2-4, plus clubs for older siblings are complimentary and includes supervised beach fun along with indoor activities. A mobile listening devise for parents is available. Some of these great clubs are in Turkey and Greece.

Sunsail’s Minnow Club is for those four months to two years and has a charge. Their other kids clubs are complimentary. The kids clubs and activities for parents can be as active as one likes and includes sailing lessons, wind surfing and water sports.

Besides swimming and canoeing, these youngsters can enjoy quieter pursuits, such as story time or games. Some of these destinations include Greece.

Holiday with Baby is a travel company that has baby friendly stays in the UK and abroad. Their UK Cottages are baby proofed with necessary baby equipment. They have listings for villas and hotels globally which are geared to the little ones.

Simpson Travel offers specials providing complimentary childcare particularly in their locations in Greece. Their Hatchlings Creche is for babies six months to three years. The Turtles Club is for 4-10. Twice a week parents can have an adult evening while the kids have fun in the kids club evening sessions.

When divorced, it is nice to have a balance of being with the kids and having some alone or mingling with other adults time too.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

Children of Divorce

Single Parent Holidays – Cruising with Kids

Published on April 12, 2015September 14, 2019

A holiday on a cruise ship can be just the way to tick all of the boxes for fun, adventure, and family time while keeping to a strict budget.

I started cruising when my sons were two and six and we have been hooked ever since.

There are different types of ships for different tastes – so doing a little research before booking is prudent. I am not a fan of the mega ships – but some friends like the vast array of activities, such as rock climbing and ice skating.

The big draw on ships is the kids’ clubs, which have separate age groups. My sons met kids from around the world and especially enjoyed the sea days when they could spend more time there.

Most ships’ clubs are for those between three and seventeen.

Cunard allows babies from six months in the play area with parental supervision. They also have a night nursery for those between twelve and twenty-three months until 11 pm so a parent can enjoy adult company and take in a show.

Carnival, P & O, and Norwegian Cruise Lines start their kids’ clubs at age two.

Most of the cruise lines offer a babysitting service for a fee. Celebrity Cruises includes science and nature with their kids programs and has slumber parties. Most cruise lines, including Costa and Disney, have year round children’s programs. Fred Olsen’s Black Watch and Balmoral only have them during school holidays although the Braemar has a dedicated playroom.

My sons particularly enjoyed the teens’ hangout on the Holland American ships. When we sailed around the Hawaiian Islands the children’s program included Polynesian culture. They learned songs, dances, vocabulary, and fun facts about these islands.

The nannies on the QE2 ship threw a fabulous 7^th birthday party for my son with an alligator cake and party favours for the other little passengers. My sons were upset when they reached eighteen and were not in a club anymore. Some ships, like on Cunard’s Queen Elizabeth, had a group for those in their twenties.

My son is still in touch with some of those young people and catches up with them when back in London.

Make your expectations clear so you and the kids are on the same page. My rule for lunch and dinner is that we meet in the cabin and go to either the dining room or cafeteria together. I mandate their company for at least one afternoon tea each cruise. I give clear instructions about what time and where we are meeting for shore excursions.

I enjoy my boys’ company, but also my alone time reading or snoozing in a deck chair.

Cruises give us relaxing time to bond without the stress that comes with divorce and the diversion of jobs and commitments.

We concentrate on fun and strengthening our relationships with each other. My mum often joined us and cruising is a way to vacation that keeps three generations happy.

Tips for keeping within your budget when cruising with kids :

I do not buy either the alcoholic or non-alcoholic drink packages, instead we drink the free water, tea or coffee.

We enjoy a latte or beer in an atmospheric place on shore as part of the local culture.

We are judicious with shore excursions and choose the ones that are extraordinary. These included a day trip to Lapland to meet Father Christmas, visiting the villages in Cinque de Terre, going to the archaeological sites on Kirkwall, and a day trip to Albania.

In Oslo, we did a city tour for a fraction of the ship’s excursion price once we got off the ship. In other places such as Croatia, we walked on the city wall and soaked up the culture without a formal tour.

If you enjoy your cruise, consider booking another one while still on board for an additional discount.

We stick to mainly two cruise lines for the perks of being in a loyalty program. The discounts are larger and after a long haul flight, I enjoy being able to board a little earlier.

The beauty of ships’ loyalty programs as opposed to airlines’ ones, is that you keep your status. One you have sailed a certain amount of days, you never lose it, but only go up in the program.

With the airlines, your status is dependent upon how many miles you accrued the year before, and ships are what you have sailed during your life, not past the year.

There are specialist cruise booking sites that compare prices and give good deals. I book with cruise lines directly and get their e-mails regarding specials.

Travel agents can look out for cruise sales and last minute price reductions. I book early and get the best fares. Having a third or fourth person in a cabin brings their fares down drastically. I book early for 2 for the price of one specials, such as on the river cruises.

Two single women I met live in the vicinity of Southampton. They keep a bag packed and call the various cruise lines every few days for a last minute cancellation. They cruise for next to nothing. What a life!

CLICK HERE FOR MORE ARTICLES BY WENDI SCHULLER

ABOUT WENDI

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

Children of Divorce

4 Top Tips on Single Parent Holidays

Published on July 25, 2014September 14, 2019

soila www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk — Soila Sindiyo
Child Trauma Therapist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

When it comes to going on holiday as a single parent and for the first time, it may feel quite different, daunting and unfamiliar.

You may even find yourself looking over at other families and for a brief moment envying them for being “intact” and wanting “one of those.” All very normal reactions.

I remember the first time I went on holiday with my girls, just us, no one else. It was a self-catering holiday in Corsica.

It was fun, exciting but I did get extremely tired as all planning, looking after and decision making lay on my shoulders. There was no one there to ask, “What do you think?” or “Where shall we eat tonight?” That was hard.

But at the end of the day, when I lay my head on my pillow, I could only smile and feel happy, glad and grateful that I managed to do this and that my girls were having a good time. It was truly worth it.

Those were also the moments where I would ask, “would I want to go back “there” and be married to him?” I would imagine if him with us right now and an uneasy feeling would immediately wash over me and I knew what the answer was.

I would acknowledge the challenges but be grateful for the opportunities of a new life that I alone can create and write.

If you’re going on holiday for the first time this year as a single parent here are some things you might want to keep in mind:

4 Top Tips on Single Parent Holidays:

If you want an easy life, choose an age appropriate destination that your children will love and enjoy. Don’t take a toddler to walk the beautiful ancient streets of Rome. That’s asking for trouble. Water and child focused events and activities are all that matter to them.

You will find it awkward not being with your ex-partner at times but that’s normal and that’s ok. Remember that one time it was you, as a family, where the other people are around you are, but you were unhappy. Would you want to go back there? Not for anything I would assume. Isn’t it funny how you notice other families on holiday much more now than when you were married?

Don’t feel guilty if you go to a hotel and drop your child at the holiday activities centre from 9 – 5. If your child wants to go, let them. Hurrah for you! They will have a blast and you can sit, breathe, swim and do what you want, all the while knowing that they are having a great time. Enjoy. When you come together at the end of the day, they will be able to share the most wonderful stories with you!

If you forget some important something or other at home, like your child’s favourite teddybear, it’s ok. It may be hard at first but they will manage. Don’t be too hard on yourself because you forgot his/her pyjamas but brought yours. It’s fine. It happens. You had plenty to organise and think about, forgetting a couple of things is really not a big deal.

Single parent holidays can be fun if you keep your child’s age and interests in mind. So enjoy, have fun and don’t feel too bad if at times you wish you had stayed at home and that you really don’t like your children and wonder, out loud, why you even bothered!

It’s normal, very normal because at the end of the day, we are only human!

Enjoy!

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families and is the author of “When Love is Broken. A read-together book for children and parents going through divorce and separation.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk

Coping with Divorce

Letters to Linda – Co-parenting over the Christmas holidays

Published on December 23, 2020

Linda Simpson –
Divorce and Parenting Consultant
Writer and Speaker

I don’t know if I can do it. There is so much written about abusive men, but I was the victim in our marriage and left my wife right after the new year last January. It has not been an easy year and now she wants to share Christmas and our kids want us to make a plan and get organized so we can do it. How do I manage this? I love my kids but I can’t pretend anything with my former wife. I do not want to stay with them on Christmas Eve. We share custody in a co-parenting arrangement that has worked through the lockdown. Without disappointing my kids, what can I do?

First of all, you need to remember, you have a voice and a choice in the matter. You have mentioned what your former wife and your children want but what arrangement would work for you?

The very first thing you need to do is decide exactly what plan feels most comfortable. You have said you don’t want to stay overnight Christmas Eve but would you open presents together Christmas morning? Is this possible?

The focus should be on your children and not on your former wife with everyone prepared to be flexible with the plans. It is not the time to bring up old wounds or argue. It has already been a stressful year in so many ways. Aim for neutral in every dealing with her if you can.

Try to collaborate on gift-giving for your children. It would not be helpful to attempt to overshadow each other’s gifts for your kids. Can you have a conversation about gift decisions? Think about your own gift ideas before the conversation and negotiate. An abundance of gifts or extravagance does not fix anything and sets a precedent that can get out of control in the coming years.

Talk to your children about the options you feel are acceptable for holiday plans. You can arrive early Christmas morning and not miss any of the excitement. If you feel a whole day is not manageable, then leave for a few hours and come back to have a meal together.

If that feels like too much then talk to your kids about doing your own Christmas morning. Your former wife can do presents and a meal with them one day and you can do the same thing the next day. Without oversharing, be honest with them when explaining your decisions.

This is the first Christmas apart and new traditions will need to be created. Because it is the first Christmas after the separation it is also the biggest challenge. Remind your kids how much they are loved and that the holiday is a chance for some new beginnings.

Remember that children often feel it was their fault the marriage ended. They need to feel secure and loved and maintaining some civility with your former wife over the holiday is one step toward that goal. Be honest with them that you are doing the very best you can to make the holiday work. If you can think of a good idea together, start a brand-new tradition with your kids, one this is just yours.

Every family member sees the change in a different way and that means extended family and friends will all have opinions about what is the best choice. Be open with them about your choices and ask for their support. If anyone gets a little overzealous with advice, ask them to wait till the new year for those heavy discussions.

Make time for yourself through the holiday. Divorce recovery takes time and recovering from an abusive relationship requires even more attention. If you haven’t already, think about some counseling. Start with your family doctor for suggestions and go from there. A good counselor should offer a feeling of safety and trust. Make a choice that works for you.

Christmas holidays are the most pressured time of year. Emotions run high under normal circumstances. A divorce and a pandemic are enormous challenges to tackle. Keep your expectations in check.

It will not all go according to plan so best be prepared for some compromise and some disappointment. The goal is to get through the holiday with your children feeling a level of happiness, you feel that your voice was heard, and that the plans worked reasonably well.

For a complimentary divorce coaching session with Linda contact The Divorce Magazine UK.

MORE LETTERS TO LINDA

Letters to Linda Disclaimer

ABOUT LINDA SIMPSON

“I take strength from your calm, your honesty, and the hope you give me for my future.” Cheryl

Linda is a fresh voice in the divorce advice world. She offers a pragmatic, common sense approach to life after divorce issues based on over twenty years surviving and thriving following a very traumatic divorce.

As a single parent, her sons are an enormous source of joy in her life. She is a loving mother and grandmother to four delightful grandchildren.

She holds a degree from the University of Waterloo with concentrations in sociology and philosophy and guidance counselling certification from Queen’s University.

She is an accredited trainer for The Peace Education Foundation, a leader in conflict resolution training. The institute is ‘dedicated to educating children and adults in the dynamics of conflict resolution and promoting peacemaking skills in home, schools, and community.’

In a long and successful teaching career, she also served as a counsellor and workshop facilitator for SEL (social emotional learning) programming and The Peace Education Foundation throughout her school and school district and was a frequent conference presenter for SUNY Potsdam Faculty of Education USA.

She writes for The Divorce Magazine UK and her blog is seen regularly on Huffington Post Canada where the focus is life after divorce and parenting issues.

She is a writer and poet and is presently at work on a book based on her divorce experience.

Main Photo by Jeremiah Lawrence on Unsplash

Children of Divorce

Letters to Linda – Coping with Divorce when Holidays are Over

Published on January 13, 2020

The holidays are over and I cannot face doing it again next year. My former spouse and I have been divorced for a few years. We decided at the time that we would continue to share the Christmas holiday and we have done so ever since. I hate this arrangement. It was made during the separation when I was feeling guilty I’d failed my kids. Instead of it being a happy time, I end up feeling angry and it takes all my energy to just get through the holiday. Every year it has become more difficult to continue this family tradition. What can I do?

Holidays are a stressful time no matter what the family arrangement. It seems that your holiday get-togethers might have worked for a time but now they don’t.

Holidays put enormous pressure on families. Even more so in your case because an agreement made several years ago just isn’t working anymore. If the holiday isn’t working for you, then admitting that is the first step to solving the problem.

First and foremost, don’t blame yourself. Often in divorce, we can feel coerced into agreeing to certain arrangements as the settlement is being sorted and then time and distance change our outlook. The New Year is a good time to do a review of holiday traditions and begin a discussion with your family.

In every family, traditions that once worked don’t after a time. It is always healthy to assess holiday traditions and create new ones if necessary. You may be surprised to find others in the family welcome a change.

You have several options. First, consider ways that would work for you to celebrate a family holiday. There might be several options.

The time after the holiday is usually less stressful and there is more time for a good discussion. You can speak to everyone individually if need be, but the pressure is off to make a quick decision.

Simply telling family members you would like to change the present family holiday arrangements is a starting point. If they ask why remember, ‘less is more’ in the details. Avoid any extreme language if possible. But be honest. You don’t like the present arrangement and it doesn’t work for you anymore and move the discussion on to what new possibilities could be considered.

You can put out some ideas and give your family members time to think about your preferred choices and then chat.

Time is on your side in the new year. Share the decision-making process and be prepared for some compromise. As this is all to make a more agreeable family holiday, determine what is your threshold for compromise. Traditions have a way of owning us instead of us being in control.

You might agree that doing one more holiday in the same arrangement is the answer. Rather than view it as an enormous burden- frame those hours as part of a whole year.

Be clear that after this year, the holiday will take a new form. Be firm in your expectations for change. Too often we do what we think other people want or expect us to do and sacrifice our own well being. It gives others too much power over our own lives. It’s OK to take care of yourself and your own emotional health.

Changing a family tradition often makes for difficult discussions because we hang so many expectations on holidays. It’s even more challenging because having the present arrangement has probably been something your children enjoy. However, your happiness is important too.

If a decision is made to change, then the New Year gives everyone a whole year to come to terms with the new family tradition. With love and consideration, you and your family can find a path forward that works for everyone.

If you are in need of a place to seek some advice on a way forward during separation and divorce please write to letterstolinda@thedivorcemagazine.co.uk – Reaching out is the first step.