Moving in Together – Are you Ready to be a Step-mum?

Tamar Klaus

Tamar Klaus – Founder of

You’ve been dating for a while and he’s introduced you to his children. Things are going well. You’re still living on your own but seeing each other a few nights a week, maybe staying over at his a night or two.

In traditional relationships, ones where there are no kids involved, this is the best bit, the exciting bit.

You’re probably going to move in with your boyfriend. You’re so in love with each other and you can see your happily ever after playing out right in front of you.

You’ll live together for a while, grow closer, learn more about each other and if it carries on this good, eventually he may pop the question. This is what dreams are made of. A beautiful house with a white picket fence. I can hear the sounds of the birds singing already.

The reality is that if you do move in together and later down the line it doesn’t work out, you are probably bound to suffer some kind of heartache. He wasn’t the man you thought he was, he’s super untidy, never paid his bills on time, always left his dirty underwear on the floor and never did the washing up.

So he’s not the man for you. All is not lost, you’re young, gorgeous and funny as hell. You can move back to your own pad and jump head first back into the singles dating scene.

You might spend a few weeks looking at the bottom of a carton of Ben and Jerrys or Pinot Grigio, depending on which way you swing, but you know eventually you will be just fine and your next prince charming is just around the corner.

Now let’s revisit the situation when a woman meets a man with children. It is a whole different ball game. Right at this very point you have to make an enormous decision. You are not making a decision just for you, you are making a decision that could affect the happiness and wellbeing of children whom you are yet to love and care for.

Put your feelings aside for just a moment and put back on your sensible hat which you lost during your whirlwind romance. This is the time when you really need your wits about you. You have to look ahead to what might be.

Being young single and carefree is great when you are making decisions that will affect you alone. This is a time when you need to assess if your relationship has a future. Before you make any choices I would suggest you do some proper soul searching.

Step Parenting Advice

Ready to be a Step-mum?

Look at what the future might hold for you all as a blended family.  Now start investigating and asking questions.

Potential Step-mums without kids, here’s some questions you may want to consider:

  •   I don’t have kids, will I want them in the future? If yes, have I discussed this with my man?
  •   If I don’t want kids, do I want to get involved bringing up someone else’s?
  •   If I don’t want kids is that because I like my own space or peace and quiet? How will that work in a house full of     people?
  •  Will I cope with the stress of my already busy work life and taking on a ready-made family?
  •  What is the relationship like between your man and his ex-wife, if she is around?
  •  How are the kids doing without mum and dad together?

Potential Step-mums with kids, here’s some questions you could ask

  • How do my kids feel about my new man? How will they cope with his kids?
  • Will my kids want to live with my man and his kids?
  • Will I want a child with my man? If yes, have we discussed this?
  • Will I cope with the stress of my already busy work life, my own family and taking on a ready-made extended family?
  • How is the father of my kids likely to react? And my mans’ ex-wife
  • What is the relationship like between your man and his ex-wife, if she is around?
  • How are the kids doing without mum and dad together?
  • Do we have enough space to house us all comfortably?
  • How do our parenting styles differ? If they are quite different how will that work in real life?
  • How often does my man see his children? What would our new routine look like?  Will we ever have any free time for us?

Kids often suffer the most during and after the fallout of a divorce. The last thing they deserve is to have another person turn up in their lives and then leave again. Kids need stability.

You owe it to yourself, your partner and any kids involved to make an informed decision as to whether you make the next step.

STOP, put on the brakes and speak to as many people as you can. Try and connect with step mums who have been in this exact situation.

About Tamar

Tamar Klaus is Owner of a site dedicated to supporting step-mums through positive messaging, creativity and a community forum. With an emphasis on balance with a sometimes slightly satirical edge, Tamar has created a warm embracing space for Step Mums to have a voice, share stories, learn from and support each other.

With a twenty year background in Marketing, Tamar has worked with some of the world’s biggest brands you know, including Google, Microsoft, Unilever, Nike & GSK plus many more! Now turning her hand to ensure Step Mums everywhere have a voice and redefining the sometimes provocative ‘Step-Mum’ label.

Tamar lives in Manchester, England. She is Step Mum to three awesomely wonderful teenage boys who keep her extremely busy.

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