Controlling Relationships - Page 2

19 result(s) found.

Signs you're in an Abusive Relationship

7 Signs you’re in an Abusive Relationship or about to Get into One

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

After divorce, one may have joined an online dating site and now has a string of first and second dates.

While people put their best foot forward and hide their darker side – it is still possible to catch a glimpse of who that person really is.

One may feel it is love at first sight, however if something does not quite seem right, put the brakes on. Trust your gut instinct. Your subconscious is screaming at you to back away when these signs appear:

  • Are they disrespectful to anyone? While no one agrees completely with another, people can agree to disagree in a respectful way. When a date treats others callously so early in a relationship, this is bound to get worse. This may include name calling or derogatory labels. If women are called obscene terms, hit the road.
  • Are they controlling? They want to plan your social life and dictate whom you may see. They may tell one how to dress or where they can go. They want their dating partner to get their permission to do various activities.
  • Potential abusers excel at using sarcasm with little jabs at others. They may mock what you say. They make “jokes” at your expense and say you are “too sensitive” if you are hurt or object. They are critical and judgemental. There do put downs which may begin in private and progress to belittling you in front of family and friends.
  • They are possessive which may seem flattering at first. One can mistake this for affection, when really it means you are their property. For example, a person may keep their arm permanently attached to you in a group setting. Instead of love, it can be marking their territory. They may call multiple times of day to check up on you.
  • Signs you're in an Abusive RelationshipThey are jealous of your relationships and may attempt to isolate you from others. In some cases, the person is jealous of their date’s children. They resent the time the parent spends with their kids and competes for attention. These potential abusers want to be the centre of the universe and get upset when forced to share their date.
  • They blame you for their bad mood or blame others for any misfortunes. They cannot handle feedback that points to any mistakes they have made.
  • The biggest sign is that they have violent behaviour which may not necessarily be directed at you. They start with a small action at first, such as throwing a book across the room in rage. It progressively increases in intensity, such as hitting the couch near you, or tossing your possession at something. It is only a matter of time before you become the target of physical abuse. It is so important to get out of this relationship immediately and not listen to any excuses. Leave after the first violent act and not wait until you become the punching bag.

This true case illustrates several points mentioned above.

Violet dated a medical student from a fantastic family. Ken appeared to be loving and caring, yet a few things bothered her. He blamed others for his mistakes or said they were wrong when his discrepancies came to light.

He belittled Violet in front of others and her mum begged her to leave him. She did not.

Right before her trip abroad, Violet asked Ken to drive her to a store to get some cosmetics. He refused –saying he did not want her to look pretty for other men. Then he gave her a prominent hickey on her neck which was very visible.

When Violet returned, Ken put a fist through a door inside her flat. Shortly after that he threw her shoe at the wall, which resulted in a hole. The violence scared her and she realized what would be happening next.

Violet realized she had given Ken too many chances and promptly broke up with him. A few years later an acquaintance revealed that Ken married and got divorced the next year. She knew why.

It is easy to fall into the trap of listening to excuses and giving extra chances as Violet did. When any act of violence occurs – no matter how small – end the relationship.

ABOUT WENDI

 

Global Guide to Divorce

 

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certified in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 200 published articles.

She is a guest on radio programs in the US and UK. Her website is globalguidetodivorce.com.

You might be interested in

Is your Partner Showing Narcissistic Behaviour?

Is your New Partner Exhibiting Narcissistic Behaviour?

Published on
Women and Divorce
Wendi Schuller
Author of
The Global Guide to Divorce

After being out of the dating pool for a decade or so, post-divorce it can be tempting to give an individual the benefit of doubt for erratic behaviour.

One may wonder if things have changed in the dating world, or is it just them.

It can be difficult to ascertain when a new partner has a personality disorder. Whether a person is a full-blown clinically diagnosed Narcissist – or shares a few of those traits – there are clues that someone is bad news.

If there are problems in your relationship, are they willing to work on them? Narcissists do not seek out therapy since it is the other person’s fault that the relationship is deteriorating.

Narcissists may begin therapy when pressured, but drop out fairly quickly.  They do not want to see their flaws or contribution to a floundering relationship. They are not going to exert any effort for a change nor try to understand your viewpoint and needs.

Sense of entitlement. Narcissists feel they deserve special treatment – the best restaurant table, hotel upgrade to a suite, place of honour and so forth. They want special consideration from others and bask in adoration. Narcissists will trample on family and friends to save face or get what they want. They are very into materialism.

Narcissists perceive themselves as experts. You name it – they will know all there is on that subject. A young woman received her degree in philosophy, yet a narcissistic man working in security initiated a discussion to show off his brilliance. Although he was clearly off the mark on a philosopher, he bragged about winning the “debate.”

Narcissistic Behaviour?He regularly spouts nonsense to the staff and gets belligerent when facts conflict with his views. Watch out if your  new beau is Mr. Know-It-All or your girlfriend always has to be right. They get furious when others disagree with them or catch their discrepancies.

Is your new partner extremely competitive with you – even when your careers are vastly different? Narcissists crave fame and do not tolerate you sharing their spotlight.

When a partner moves up the career ladder, garnishes praise or wins professional awards, this can be threatening to a Narcissist. They want the attention with a date in the background.

One may be on the receiving end of putdowns concerning their abilities and stating achievements are due to luck. I sometimes socialized with an acquaintance, who was an excellent nurse, and with her husband. He would criticise her and this was awkward for the rest of us.

After their divorce, Clare stated that her ex was a Narcissist and she had  reached the breaking point. Disrespect towards you is a red flag that this is not a healthy relationship.

Narcissists want power over others. They are the puppeteers who pull the strings so others do their bidding. Your new date is controlling which can initially be mistaken for seemingly to be in love. The old Rolling Stones’ song “Under my Thumb” describes this controlling behaviour and lack of a cooperative partnership.

Narcissists attempt to steal centre stage from others. For example, when a person told a joke or humorous story, one Narcissist would quickly add his sentence to the end of it, right before people started laughing. His lame one-liner was not relevant to what the jokester had previously said.

We were not fooled and were not laughing over the Narcissist’s addition. A Narcissistic date may try to top your or other people’s adventures in a conversation. They have to come out on top.

Relationships are not exactly 50/50, but if yours is 90/10 in their favour, then something is amiss. Are your needs and desires being lost in the background while their every whim is being met?

Remember, a relationship does not consist of a dictator and follower. If yours is beginning to feel that way, then talk it over with a trusted friend or professional.

 

Wendi Schuller - Global Guide to Divorce

Wendi Schuller is a nurse, hypnotherapist and is certied in Neuro-linguistic Programing (NLP).

Her most recent book is The Global Guide to Divorce and she has over 100 published articles.

Her other book is The Woman’s Holistic Guide to Divorce. Web site is globalguidetodivorce.com.

Follow Wendi on Twitter,  Facebook, google+

You might be interested in

The Benefits of Solitude

Published on
the benefits of solitude
Professor Stephen Joseph. Professor in Psychology, Health and Social Care at the University of Nottingham,

I cam across this post on “The Benefits of Solitude” by Prof Stephen Joseph recently and thought it really appropriate in letting us know that being alone is not only all right but can indeed be necessary for our welfare and wellbeing.

Humanistic and positive psychologists talk about the importance of relationships in fostering good mental health. Relationships that are unconditional, genuine, and empathic help to bring the best out in us. In such relationships we flourish.

Not surprisingly, as psychologists we tend to promote the idea that people need to develop their relationships as a way to find happiness in life.

What is rarely pointed out however is the scarcity of such relationships. The fact is that on a day to day basis most of our relationships are controlling, false and lack understanding.

Be they family relationships or those we have at work, the stark reality of what most of us have to contend with are relationships that we only too glad to escape from. It might be the relief at leaving home to get to work or the relief of leaving work to get home, or sadly for many of us, the in between ground of the car when we have the solitude of being alone.

The point is that we might deeply desire positive relationships in which we are accepted for who we are and able to be ourselves but it is not what we always have.

My worry is that as psychologists we induce guilt and shame with our message that relationships are the path to happiness. Let us not also forget that relationships are the path to misery. It is when we we are in relationships that are controlling, inauthentic and which lack empathic understanding that we are at our worst.

Sometimes, being on our own is the best and most healthy option we have at that moment in time.

We should strive to be unconditionally accepting, genuine and empathic in our relationships with others and we might hope that we get the same back. But if we don’t get it back, then it is okay to walk away.

Positive relationships are worth striving for, but surely solitude is better than relationships that make us feel ill? It is in solitude that we can begin to find ourselves and the new directions in life that will take us to better relationships.

Stephen Joseph is Professor in Psychology, Health and Social Care at the University of Nottingham, a senior practitioner member of the British Psychological Societies register of psychologists who specialise in psychotherapy, and an HCPC registered health and counselling psychologist.

He is the author of “What Doesn’t Kill Us.”

You might be interested in

Adultery and Divorce

10 Steps to Coping with Infidelity

Published on
coping with infidelity
An affair is an opportunity to legitimately press the pause button on the relationship

Many couples remain married despite infidelity and this is often celebrated as marital success by both the infidelity support community and marital therapists.

What is discussed less often is the quality and nature of the post-infidelity marriage – unfortunately many are little more than Divorce Avoidance Plans, not successful Happy Ever After Reconciliations.

The traditional approach to coping with infidelity might initially prevent divorce but the long-term outlook for the relationship isn’t encouraging.

In our experience, the traditional approach itself is directly responsible for the widespread failure of post-affair reconciliation attempts.

We must stop promoting reconciliation as ‘the successful’ outcome and instead recognise that cheater and marriage-centric strategies are responsible for promoting divorce avoidance despite dysfunction, abuse, or incompatibility.

An affair is an opportunity to legitimately press the pause button on the relationship, creating space to devise a rational, informed and authentic strategy to avoid unhealthy emotional ricocheting.

We should stress that infidelity is not gender specific, and these steps equally apply to faithful spouses of either gender.

 

1. Protect Yourself

Most faithful spouses feel out of control and fearful when they discover an affair and there are basic steps that are necessary to protect yourself and regain some stability:

  1. Get tested for STIs and make a condom mandatory.
  2. Seek legal counsel to understand your risks, entitlements, and liabilities (take advantage of free consultations).
  3. Take inventory of assets and make copies of important documents and financial records.
  4. Ensure that you have sole access to a financial cushion – cheaters can quickly become unreasonable, ugly, and retributive, often using financial muscle regardless of how that affects their family/children.

Affair discovery commonly precipitates abusive, manipulative, and callous behaviour but there are also correlations between violence and accusations of infidelity – keep yourself and your children safe.

2. Get Support

Having a good support network around you is important. Joining a chat room and support forum like ours at Infidelity Help Group can be a lifeline. Don’t rely on friends or family to give informed infidelity advice.

3. Understand Infidelity

coping with infidelity
Affairs are not the product of bad marriages.

Firstly, understand that affairs are not the product of bad marriages or faults in the faithful spouse. You didn’t cause the affair, you didn’t drive them to it, you couldn’t have stopped it, and you didn’t deserve it.

Affairs are similarly not caused by sex addiction, altered brain chemistry, or midlife crisis. Identifying the cheater’s behavioural patterns, understanding their core character, and observing their responses can help you make good, informed decisions for your future.

It can be difficult for the faithful spouse to accept that cheating is a symptom of larger behavioural patterns because many are reluctant to admit that they have tolerated, ignored, or justified abuse prior to the affair.

4. Disengage From Their Manipulations

Resist the temptation to engage in lengthy discussions about the affair and marriage. Instead, disengage from drama and firmly communicate that:

  1. You will not be a convenient fall-back position.
  2. Their affair changed the dynamic of the marriage and your participation in it.
  3. You will take the necessary steps to protect yourself from further harm.
  4. It is incumbent on them to address whatever internal issues created their affair.

If you wish to reconcile be explicit that until you observe evidence of changed thinking you will be moving your own life forward towards your own goals, without them.

Be mindful that cheaters feel entitled to control and manipulate for their own benefit and preferred outcome. An angry/negative reaction can indicate that your approach has frustrated their cheater-centric agenda.

5. Stop Trying to Manage It

Faithful spouses are often codependent ‘fixers’ but declaring your love and promising to change will backfire.

If you want evidence of your cheater’s authentic intent to reconcile, your meddling is counter-productive. Stop ‘guiding’ them to books, articles, or therapy – if their motivation is genuine, they will feel frustrated, bombarded and controlled.

The more you direct, control, or manage reconciliation the more you will feel resentful, devalued, and let down in the long run.

6. Avoid Marital Therapy

It’s tempting to rush off to marital counselling but marital therapy does not facilitate the personal change necessary for reconciliation. Instead, it gives the cheater a platform to deflect blame and teaches them how to further manipulate you.

7. Identify Your Goals

Many people lose their individual identity to their marriage. Be independent, resourceful, and fearless.

Don’t make your happiness contingent on your cheater’s choices.

Take inventory of your life and identify goals and dreams for yourself that are yours alone and within your own control.

8. Be Open to Divorce

coping with infidelity
Don’t stand, waiting for your spouse’s affair to end.

Most faithful spouses will doggedly attempt to engineer reconciliation, entirely unwilling to accept that this may be the worst outcome for their children, their cheater, and themselves.

STOP:

  1. Holding reconciliation as the only successful outcome: unhealthy relationships aren’t successful reconciliations.
  2. Justifying and defending your cheater: infidelity is indefensible.
  3. Rationalising why you have to fix it: it’s controlling and unhealthy.
  4. Insisting on marital therapy: the marriage didn’t cause the affair.
  5. Claiming that ‘staying for the kids’ is selfless: it’s misguided.
  6. Holding ‘marriage’ or an ‘intact family’ as your goal: you can’t choose this for someone else.
  7. Rationalising why this advice doesn’t apply to you: it does.

9. Act, Act, Act

Discovering your spouse’s infidelity can freeze you in inaction, but doing nothing is the worst thing you can do.

Don’t stand, waiting for your spouse’s affair to end. The longer you don’t act, tolerating or justifying their affair, the more it minimises the cheater’s unethical behaviour and normalises their new dynamic with both you and their affair partner.

Even if you don’t file, you must respond to the new reality you’re facing. Doing nothing is a tacit agreement to a unilateral open marriage now or in the future. Your inaction and scrambling to win back your cheater and make them happy doesn’t present them with consequences to their actions – it rewards them.

Don’t wait around unhappy, pining, your self-worth shattered. Start your own life in your own right, making new friends and enjoying new interests that are solely yours.

Be brave, be fun, be interesting – your cheater’s affair has highlighted how tenuous marriage can be so don’t make it your whole life. When your entire identity is tied up in your marriage and your marriage ends, where does that leave you?

10. See the Upside

If the affair does result in a divorce, understand that divorcing a cheater DOES have an upside, despite the challenges it brings.

The affair might have motivated you to lose weight, get a degree, move closer to friends and family, or get more involved in your community. All of these are positive things that you likely wouldn’t have done without the affair.

Truly understand the value of your freedom and celebrate the benefits of no longer having to walk on egg-shells to keep someone else happy. Create a peaceful, content life for you and your children, and nurture the relationships with those who treat you with love and respect.

Don’t idealise reconciliation because most reconciliations aren’t happy and most cheaters are selfish, entitled, and lazy.

Infidelity Help Group offers free support and education for those whose lives have been affected by infidelity. We are secular advocates of self-esteem, self-worth, personal goals, and self-empowerment.
Email: wayfarer@infidelityhelpgroup.com

You might be interested in

taking advantage of your divorce

Taking Advantage of your Divorce

Published on
Soila Sindiyo
Soila Sindiyo
Child Development Psychologist
Founder of The Divorce Magazine

Of course divorce is a difficult process.  It’s more often than not shrouded in anger, animosity and resentment. Children get caught in the middle of it all and families and friends are split at times forever.

Yet despite all this, divorce has it’s benefits and advantages, whether you grab them or not is a different matter.

Divorce has its hidden treasures and gifts.

Each time I say this, I’m met with either a raise of eyebrows or a barrage of questions, some a tiny bit on the angry side. How dare I put the words treasure and divorce in the same sentence?

Well I can and I do and here’s why.

It is so very possible to use your divorce as a catalyst to reconnect with life and love.   I should know, I have been divorced twice.

Of course and as in most things, there are cases where this taking charge of your new life is terrifyingly difficult as in the cases where children and parents are separated or abducted.  I have no answer to this as I cannot imagine anything more difficult than not being with my girls.

However, where it’s a “straightforward” divorce and both parents are in contact with their children, here are 6 treasures that divorce has for you, if only you can start taking advantage of your divorce:

  • No matter how acrimonious it is or was, divorce provides you with a new life –   you can either embrace it or reject it the choice is entirely yours. You cannot live both in the past and in the present – one of them will rule and affect the other. Pick the present and you will find a whole new life and world before you, one that might be difficult in the beginning but as you continue on this new path your journey becomes easier and more fulfilling. The first step in doing this requires that you accept that your marriage is over. Really truly accepting that it’s done and that’s that and start writing your new chapter!
  • As the saying goes, “it takes two”. When a marriage ends, it’s never due to the fault of one person. It may not be equal
    Taking advantage of your Divorce
    What’s the title of this new chapter in your life? Go ahead and start writing it.

    blame but we all do play a role in the creation and breakup of relationships. If you can take responsibility for your own role in the demise of your marriage and accepting it completely, chances are that you will not repeat them in your next relationship nor in others be they platonic, business or otherwise. I have yet to meet someone who is and remains totally adamant that they had absolutely nothing at all to do with the break-up.

    Once you look at your divorce as being partly your doing, then you give your next relationship a much, much better rate of survival. There is truly a reason why the rate of divorce in second marriages is much higher than the first.

  • By knowing and understanding why you picked the person that you married then you will know what to avoid next time. The chances of getting involved with the same person albeit in a different from, will be eliminated. Are you attracted to the needy type, the controlling type or the one who is just unavailable.
  • Being able to handle what divorce throws your way and moving on means that you realise your abilities, capabilities and power and this can give you that oomph you need to venture out there and try new things because you can do it! And should divorce come knocking on your door again, you know that you will be fine.
  • When you realise all these things, the biggest and best thing that happens is that you learn to listen to yourself again. Your instinct shines through because you have taken the time to work through the divorce and it’s repercussions, discarding what you want and keeping a hold of what works for you. You have made and created space for this to happen and this gut feeling, this instinct, whatever it is that you want to call it, never means you any harm.

As Maya Angelou so aptly put it, “Nothing works unless you do.”

 

Soila is the founder of The Divorce Magazine and creator of the online course – Helping Children Cope with Divorce

She is known for taking away the pain of trauma and loss in children, adolescents and their families.

Soila holds an MSc in Psychoanalytic Developmental Psychology from UCL (University College London), is an accredited Positive Parenting Program (Triple P) practitioner and a trained Family Mediator.

Soila is Graduate Member of the British Psychological Society.

You can contact her on 07850 85 60 66 or via email soila@parentinglives.co.uk

You might be interested in

forms of abuse

Forms of Abuse and how Abuse can Creep up on You

Published on
Susan Leigh
Susan Leigh

Imagine you went on a first date with someone who was sarcastic, nasty, disparaging towards you.  It’s hard to believe that you would agree to a second date.

Yet an abusive relationship can creep up on us and have us gradually accepting that behaviour, justifying it, perhaps even feeling that we are in some way responsible for it happening.

The abuser often couches their behaviour subtly; they claim to be trying to help us improve, are encouraging us to remedy a perceived failing or flaw.

It is often sexual abuse that gains the most media coverage but abuse also covers physical, emotional and mental cruelty and can be experienced by both men and women, young and old, in all strata of society. It’s important for us to be aware if escalating patterns of unacceptable, sustained bad treatment start to appear.

Forms of Abuse

– Abuse is often about control. The abuser may be insecure, afraid of losing you, fearful that you’ll find someone better, so they try to hold onto the relationship by increasingly checking where you’re going, what you’re doing, how you’re spending your money, how you dress.

Often an abuser will try to make you increasingly dependent and reliant on them. They may discourage you from working; they earn enough, why not take a break, why not take some time to think about doing something else?

It can be a seductive, attractive process where you feel cared for, loved, supported but over time you gradually lose your financial independence, career, friends, even family.

– Emotional abuse often starts by establishing a cosy ‘us against the world’ scenario where you’re assured that you’re all they have/need/want.  

At first you feel loved and secure, safe in the loving bubble of warmth and protection. Gradually you’ll find you spend less time with friends, especially if it becomes an increasing hassle to make arrangements, they are regarded as a bad influence or your family is accused of being unfriendly or interfering.

It often becomes harder to make plans to see ‘outsiders’.

You may find that when you try to make plans to see them those plans regularly clash with special or important functions you’re required to attend or there is an insistence in dropping you off and picking you up, often arriving earlier than necessary. This in itself may be fine.

You justify the behaviour as friendly, sociable, helpful, but combined with negative remarks about your clothes, hair, makeup you may gradually start to lose all sense of 
confidence in yourself.

Some abusers become so controlling that they methodically check every transaction on bank statements, query every call or text on the itemised phone bill, undertake daily mileage checks on the car, return home at unexpected times to see what their partner is doing.

forms of abuse www.thedivorcemagazine.co.uk
Abuse in a relationship can happen to anyone

If you try to challenge their behaviour they will justify themselves logically and reasonably, even making you feel guilty, apologetic at having questioned their motives.

– Physical abuse often starts with a tap, a push, an angry slap.

Sometimes alcohol is involved. The perpetrator is often seriously contrite afterwards, promising never to repeat their behaviour.

It’s important to be firm with them, discuss what’s happened and insist that help is sought, perhaps to specifically deal with anger management or alcohol related issues.

Keep a diary of abusive behaviour, try to save money for an emergency fund and have a safe place where you can escape if you’re afraid that the situation is deteriorating.

– Sexual abuse can involve gradual but increasing degradation; the pressure to do things, engage in practices you find off-putting, unpleasant, painful or humiliating.

You may be accused of being frigid, a prude, old-fashioned but whilst it can be fun to experiment and explore sex together, a relationship should be about both parties feeling comfortable and moving at a pace that is fine for them both.

Start as you mean to go on is an important message for new relationships.

Keep regular channels of communication open between you and be sure to discuss any areas you feel unhappy about. Be firm and refuse to be bullied into doing things you don’t want to do. You’re allowed to change your mind even if you’ve gone along with 
things previously.

If you’re beginning to feel uneasy in your relationship find an ally, a friend, a therapist with whom you can confidentially discuss matters. It may be that you’re being over-sensitive, feeling vulnerable, or past experiences have made you ultra-cautious. Even so, you’re entitled to consideration and respect, to have your concerns listened to. 

Is there a place you could go to de-stress, take a break, giving you both time to reflect on your relationship? Might you benefit from outside help from a counsellor, a mediator, priest, family friend?

Take time to explore what the triggers are, what happens to spark off the abusive behaviour. Look for help for either or both of you to deal with those issues. It’s important to protect yourself and your self-esteem, but you may be able to help your abuser too.

If you’re worried about your situation and would like to speak with someone, here’s a website that gives you a list of services and charities that can help you – www.thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/need-help

About Susan

Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples experiencing relationship difficulties to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.

T: 0161 928 7880
E: susan@lifestyletherapy.net 

Don’t forget to subscribe to our youtube channel today!

You might be interested in

Signs of Mental Abuse and others

Early Signs of Mental Abuse and others

Published on
Domestic Violence Grounds for Divorce
Anna Pinkerton
Art Psychotherapist

At the beginning of any relationship there is the usual fervour and excitement.

This is no different in a relationship where domestic abusers reside.  The early signs are very subtle and our best chance of being free from abusive behaviour is to gain knowledge of abuse; in order to get out early, or preferably not get into it at all.

Abusive men will always ‘move in’ on you quickly, this is like a way of snaring you, and removes the chance of you discovering what they are really like.

Remember this person will always seem amazing and be almost everything you want in a man; kind, loving, generous.  If he wasn’t that way you wouldn’t be attracted to him.  Of upmost importance is you take your time in the early stages of a relationship.

Domestic abusers CANNOT keep up the act and so they will reveal their true selves before too long

Here are some early very early signs of mental abuse and other forms of abuse:

  • They want the relationship to move quickly.
  • These men are often not talked about kindly even by their own family and friends.
  • They will have had a violent past and if you confront them will this early on, they will say that it’s all in the past and it was when they were young men/boys.
  • They show early signs of not being able to tolerate that you have had other relationships in the past.  This can appear to be ordinary jealousy early on which you’d imagine would go quickly as your relationship deepens.  This however does not go away and in fact intensifies to dangerous proportions; including YOUR close family and friends.  They want to have you exclusively and this is an early sign that they will try to isolate you from family and friends.
  • Signs of Mental Abuse
    Early signs of mental abuse

    They are not at ease sexually, often inadequate in this area, and inconsiderate to their partner.  You will pick up very early that he will struggle to talk about this.  Domestic abusers are unable to accept their inexperience/inadequacy in this area, they will anger quickly if you approach this subject.

  • They will think that they are right about everything, and will talk as if all others are rubbish at their jobs.  This includes bank managers, accountants, financial advisors, teachers etc.  Often most people who earn more than them, or are more successful or simply nicer people.  This is a crucial sign; “do not enter into a relationship with someone who has nothing good to say about others”.
  • They will often ‘blank’ you if you approach a subject they do not want to talk about.  They will go completely quiet and not respond to you, this is in order to hide their fury at you for having the audacity to bring up an uncomfortable subject, and that you dare challenge them.  Later this will ALWAYS lead to rage, controlling behaviour and/or violence.  If this man cannot talk as an adult about things in life, he is not acting as an adult and is not good (and likely to be unsafe) to be in a relationship with.
  • These men will often leave the house without telling you where they are going.  What kind of person in a relationship does this?  Someone who is self obsessed; wants to be in control; and may be trying to hide their rage.  If someone needs to leave the house WITHOUT telling you where they are going it’s about controlling you, leaving you in an unknowing place, and is a thinly veiled threat.
  • Listen carefully to their attitude towards children and women.  This often reveals itself with a bullying attitude towards their own mothers, sisters, and children.
  • These men are often so immature that they ‘score points’ against children even their own, and they think it is ok to hit children if the child hits them.  They are affronted by ordinary childlike behaviours and retaliate without conscience that they are abusing their psychological and physical power over a child.
  • Early and extravagant presents
  • If it seems to good to be true, it simply IS

About Anna

With 20 years of experience Anna is known for her building of relationships with people struggling to get back to their successes, both personally and in public life she finds where experience works for people and where it holds them still or in private turmoil. Anna makes a unique space for discovering the power beneath the stuff we ‘tuck away’, whether it be sudden events, long terms pains or hidden talents.

Anna knows there is a direct correlation between what we do not ‘attend to’ and the energy that it takes to keep it silent. She believes that when this energy is propelled in the opposite direction it leads to positivity and resilience never felt before.  She genuinely supports people to make this happen, and fast.

People she works with have gone on to feel stronger than before and have expanded their 7 figure businesses or can see they achieve their full potential for the first time.

Contact Anna now to see how she can help you

Email: anna@annapinkerton.com

Phone: 07899 688845

www.annapinkerton.com

 

Related Posts:

 

If you believe you’re in a abusive situation and need help please find below some free services helplines and websites:

  • 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247
  • Lesbian and Gay Helpline -0300 330 0630

 

 

 

 

 

You might be interested in

1 2