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Next steps for couples living together  - What is a cohabitation agreement?
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Next steps for couples living together  – What is a cohabitation agreement?

Published on
Family Lawyer
Peter Jones
Founder of
Jones Myers
Family Solicitors

Taking tentative steps towards freedom following the lockdown’s first anniversary has re-enforced how challenging and stressful the last year has been for everyone.

This includes the thousands of couples who moved in together during lockdown for practical and financial reasons – and to reduce the risk of passing on the virus.

The emotional rollercoaster sparked by the pandemic has taken its toll on even the most robust relationships – not to mention its devastating economical impact.

Spring is symbolically a time of renewal and, as we readjust to our former lives and freedoms over the coming weeks, we recommend couples who are continuing to live together to protect themselves should they break up.

Cohabiting couples are the fast growing family type in Britain – but, unlike married couples, they do not have any legal protection or rights if their relationship goes sour.

These rights right span savings, income, pensions and business interests and property. In 2020 the Mortgage Advice Bureau saw a 60% year-on-year rise in applications from cohabiting couples, indicating the lockdown had accelerated the moving in process for many.

We urge unmarried partners to consider a cohabitation or ‘living together’ agreement which sets out what they want to happen – both while they live together and if their relationship ends.

The agreement clarifies who owns what and in what proportion. It also includes how property will be divided and what will happen with personal belongings, savings, debts, pensions and other assets.

Documenting how children will be supported, it outlines how to deal with bank accounts, debts and joint purchases such as a house or car and can also address pet ‘custody’ issues.

The agreement can be drafted before or during a couple’s time together. It can likewise be altered as long as both parties agree that the original agreement should be changed, and how.

Agreeing the ‘what if’ scenarios should one partner leave, win the lottery or die, this safeguard can potentially save emotional and financial trauma at a later stage.

The arrangement, which is enforceable, can be set up through virtual ‘round-table’ meetings within the collaborative process and can avoid the likelihood of cohabitees, particularly those with children, being left destitute.

It is important that each party seeks independent legal advice and discloses all financial information in the lead up to signing the agreement, which should be reviewed regularly.

Click here for more articles by Peter Jones

ABOUT PETER JONES

Peter Jones is one of the country’s leading divorce and family lawyers. A qualified Arbitrator and Mediator, Peter set up Jones Myers as the first niche family law firm in the north of England in 1992 and has acted for a string of high-profile clients.

Renowned for his sympathetic approach, Peter is the current chair of Resolution’s Accreditation Committee, a former national chairman of Resolution and a former Deputy District Judge. www.jonesmyers.co.uk

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cohabitation agreement FAQs

Cohabitation Agreement FAQs

Published on
Liz Bell
Solicitor at Jones Myers

Cohabiting couple families remain the fasting growing relationship in the UK, but many mistakenly believe that they have the same legal rights as married couples in critical areas such as savings, income, pensions or business interests.

In fact, cohabiting couples are the second largest family type after married or civil partner couples, but the law does not offer them any protection should their relationship turn sour and separation becomes inevitable. 

Below are some of the questions we are asked by cohabitees:

My partner and I are thinking of living together. Is there anything we can do to protect ourselves should we split up?   

A cohabitation or ‘living together’ agreement, to record who owns what at the outset, provides some security to unmarried partners. It encourages people to think clearly about what they want to happen not only while they live together, but also if their relationship ends, setting out who owns what – and in what proportion.

Cohabitation agreements set out how you will divide property (as well as paying off debts), personal belongings, savings, pensions and other assets should you split up – along with how your children will be supported, plus how to deal with bank accounts, debts and joint purchases such as a car. They can also cover more day-to-day matters including pets.

It is important that each party seeks independent legal advice and discloses all financial information in the lead up to signing the agreement, which should be reviewed regularly.

Can a cohabitation agreement be set up while we’re living together?

Yes. It can be drafted either prior to or during your time together. It can also be amended, as long as both parties agree that the original agreement should be changed and how. 

I’ve paid into our mortgage for many years, but the property is in my partner’s name. What happens if we go our separate ways? 

Cohabitation gives no automatic rights to the home you share if the property is solely in your partner’s name.  It doesn’t matter how long you have lived there. However, if you can show that you have contributed to it and there was ‘an intention to share’, you may be able to make a claim. This is a very complex process, though – and legal advice is essential.

Relating to the above, what happens if my partner dies?

If they die either without having made a Will, or having made one, without making reasonable provision for you, as the surviving partner you would have a potential claim as a cohabitee – providing you have lived together for at least 2 years ending with date of death.

Under current law, if you cannot satisfy the 2 year requirement, you may be able to make a claim on part of your deceased partner’s estate as a dependent. It is important to bear in mind that a dependent’s claim ranks lower in priority than the cohabitee’s claim.

If your partner dies without making a will, the law says that a property in their sole name – or their share of it – must go to their next of kin.

First among these are any spouse, and then any children, followed by the next closest group of living relatives. You will not be a surviving spouse for pension purposes as you were not married. You might be able to make a claim against your deceased partner’s estate if they have not made reasonable provision for you, and subject to other conditions imposed by law.

To avoid this potential issue, you and your partner should make wills and/or consider transferring any property into joint names.

About Liz Bell

Representing clients across the UK and overseas, Elizabeth’s expertise spans wide-ranging financial disputes.

Her track record includes complicated high value cases involving company structures, trusts, offshore assets and jurisdiction issues.

Elizabeth Bell

Feature photo credit – photo credit: naiaraback1 via photopin (license)

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cohabitation agreement for unmarried partners
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Why have a Cohabitation Agreement for Unmarried Partners – Property Issues

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The Divorce Magazine - TDMThe Divorce Magazine spoke with Paul Sandford, the Principal Director of Albert Square Mediation about unmarried couples, separation and property issues.

A cohabitation agreement for unmarried partners is something that couples choosing to live together really need.

People often say that a prenup or a cohabitation agreement is quite “unromantic”.  But as someone ones said, “there is nothing as romantic as a prenup or a cohabitation agreement.  It shows that you care enough about that person to make sure that if anything happens to either of you, including a divorce of separation, that your spouse is taken care off or that your choice to go separate ways is much made that much easier.”

A cohabitation agreement really does signify a commitment.

What provision is there for the unmarried spouse whose partner falls terribly ill and loses all capacity for the rest of his life. What does his unmarried spouse do if his relatives come knocking on the door?

So what does Paul suggest unmarried couples do when they chose to purchase a property together?

When the unmarried couple sign the necessary documents and handover the money on completion, they should sign a deed of trust that says something along the lines of, “this house, is bought by (insert names) and we have a 50/50 interest in it”, for instance.

It should also, for the benefits of the lawyers listening to the interview, specify, tenants in common or joint tenants and if possible specify what circumstances would trigger the employment of the “clause” or deed of trust.

What would happen if, one partner is deceased, and there are children? You cannot cover every eventuality, it’s true, but it still remains vital to have such a clause, for lack of a better word.

It’s a bit like making a will! It really doesn’t have to be a big deal.

It can be incredibly simple.

It is legally binding? Yes it is, it’s effectively a deed of trust and you can change it if need be.

You can reach Paul at http://www.albertsquaremediation.co.uk/

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definition of cohabitation

The Real Definition of Cohabitation – What are Cohabiting Couples Legal Rights towards Each Other

Published on
Thomas Taylor
Thomas Taylor
Director
Net Lawman

The myth of common law marriage rights

Many couples prefer to live together in a committed relationship without getting married.

They assume that living together for a long time gives them the same types of legal right and responsibility to each other as marriage, such as entitlement to the other’s estate if he or she dies; a share of property on separation; and parental responsibility.

However, it doesn’t.

In the UK, the law does not recognise the concept common law marriage (with the exception of Scotland, where cohabiting couples have some basic rights if they separate).

For the most part, it treats you as two individuals – bank accounts, possessions and property held in one name belong to that person and assets held in joint names are held equally.

The misconception that there is common law marriage can be devastating if you separate or if one of you dies.

One person may find that his or her wealth is far less than thought; an assumed inheritance might be passed on to the deceased’s other family members; and both people may still have responsibilities for children – even if only one of them is a biological parent.

Cohabitation Rights

Living in a property does not give you rights to ownership or to stay.

  • If the property is rented

Only the people named in the tenancy agreement have the right to live there, and only during the tenancy.

If you move in with your partner into his or her rented home, then you have no rights to stay there if you break up. That applies even if you give your partner a contribution to the rent.

Additionally, your partner can ask you to move out at any time, without any notice period.

This situation changes if you become a tenant yourself.

You are likely to need the landlord’s permission to live at the property for a significant amount of time, and he or she is likely to ask you to become a tenant.

Most landlords insist that rent is paid jointly and severally – in other words that the tenants together are responsible for paying all the rent. If you are a tenant and this is the case, then you are still liable to pay the rent even if you move out. Only ending the tenancy ends your responsibility.

  • If one of you owns the property

The person who owns the property has the right to make any decision about who lives there or what happens to it.

definition of cohabitationHe or she can ask you to move out at any time, or could sell it, or could change it in any way.

The exception is where there has been a prior agreement or understanding that the non-owner is entitled to a share of the value of the property, perhaps only in certain circumstances, or as a result of certain actions (such as contributing financially to a mortgage repayment or spending time renovating the property). The agreement ideally needs to be in writing so that neither party can later dispute it.

A court may also decide that a parent has a right to live with a child in a property owned by the other parent in order to ensure the welfare of the child.

  • If both of you own the property

If you both own the property, then you both have rights to live there. One of you cannot force the other to sell unless he or she applies to the court for an order.

The share of the property that you own will be determined by whether you own it as “joint tenants” or “tenants in common”. You can read a longer explanation of the difference between these terms, but in short, if you are joint tenants, you are usually entitled to receive half of the proceeds on sale, and if you are tenants in common then you receive whatever share you pre-agreed that you own. How much you contributed often has no influence on how much you own.

If you applied for a mortgage in both names, you will still be liable for repayments even if you do not live at the property. The same usually applies for household bills in joint names.

  • Financial support

Cohabiting couples have no responsibility to support each other financially, or to support each other after separation.

If both people have legal responsibility for any children in the relationship, then one or both may have to make contributions to the other for the welfare of the children.

  • Ownership of possessions

Just as with ownership of a house or flat, ownership of smaller possessions is unaffected by whether you live together or not.

If you buy something with your own money, or if you owned something before the relationship started, it remains yours throughout the relationship and after separation.

If your partner gives you a gift, you own it. Sometimes, however, it is difficult to prove it was given as a gift.

If you buy something together, in most circumstances you would own it in shares to which you contributed to the price, unless you agree otherwise.

Money in joint bank accounts, and joint debts are owned equally. You are both equally responsible for repaying the amount owed, and have equal right to spend the jointly owned money.

  • On death

If one of you dies without having made a will, then the rules of intestacy apply.

The consequence might be that the surviving partner receives very little from the estate.

Jointly owned assets automatically become the property of the other without being included in the estate. So if you own a house as joint tenants together, the other will automatically become the sole owner of it all.

However, savings and investments (including life insurance) in the name of the deceased might not pass to the partner.

A partner may be able to claim in court that he or she was a financial dependent and that the will should be varied in his or her favour. However, this is costly and may not succeed.

The best way to make sure your estate is passed on to the people you want to inherit it is to make a will.

Written Cohabitation Agreements

A written cohabitation agreement can help in a lot of ways to avoid problems on separation or death.

It is a formal legal agreement between both the partners that sets out the rights and responsibilities of each partner and who owns what. For example, an agreement might cover:

  • how much each partner contributes to joint living costs
  • which assets remain the property of one alone
  • how ownership of other assets is divided
  • draft arrangements for any children in the case of separation (although a court may vary these)

About Thomas:

Thomas Taylor is a director of Net Lawman, a legal document template retailer. He writes about a variety of subjects relating to personal law, including living together, separation and divorce.

You can follow other articles on Twitter @NetLawman.

 

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What is Cohabitation Really

What is Cohabitation Really about – 4 Facts Unmarried Couples Should Understand

Published on
Sian Winter Family Solicitor Woolley & Co Solicitors
Sian Winter
Family Solicitor
Woolley & Co Solicitors

In January of this year, a heterosexual couple lost their court case in which they argued that opposite-sex couples are being subjected to discrimination as, unlike same-sex couples, they do not have the choice to enter into a civil partnership instead of marriage.

At present, same sex couples who wish to formalise their relationship and thereby obtain a legal status entitling them to financial protection and benefits, can choose between civil partnership or marriage.

Heterosexual couples need to marry in order to obtain that same financial protection.

The court found that the law as to civil partnerships was not discriminatory as the couple could marry if they wanted to achieve the rights, benefits and protections that flow from a formal recognition of their relationship.

Precarious Position of Unmarried Couples

The case once again highlights the precarious position of unmarried couples compared to married couples (or same sex couples in a civil partnership).

Unmarried couples should understand that if their relationship breaks down:

  • They cannot claim maintenance from the other person, other than maintenance for the support of the children. Compare this to married couples where, on divorce, a spouse can claim maintenance for his or herself as well as maintenance for the children.
  • There is no right to remain in the family home or have a share of its value if the property is held in the other person’s sole name. This is unless the non-owner can show they have made a direct financial contribution towards its purchase or there was a clear understanding that they would be entitled to a share of its value. The onus is on the non-owner to provide evidence to this effect.  Claims can be made on behalf of any children still in full time education, but any capital settlement for the children usually has to be returned to the paying party when the children have left their full-time education. Therefore, in a situation where one partner has moved into a property owned by the other and they have been in a relationship for many years, have had children together and those children have now left home, the non-owning partner may struggle to have any share of the value of that property, or any financial entitlement.
  • There is no entitlement to a share of pensions or any other savings or investments in the other person’s name, no matter how long the relationship has lasted.
  • If one partner dies, the other would have to pay inheritance tax, there is no relief as there is for married couples.

Is there anything unmarried couples can do to protect themselves?

Taking legal and financial advice when you buy a property or move in together can help avoid coming unstuck should the relationship end or one party dies unexpectedly. Lawyers can prepare deeds of trust to record beneficial interests in property, cohabitation agreements and wills.

However, at present, unmarried couples of the opposite sex continue to have a very different legal status from those who decide to marry, and civil partnership remains exclusively for same sex couples.

Guest post written by Sian Winter of Woolley & Co. Solicitors, originally published here 

 

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Cohabitation Agreement: Why and How to Protect yourself in all Eventualities

Published on
Vanessa Fox Partner and Head of Family Law, hlw Keeble Hawson
Vanessa Fox
Partner and Head of Family Law,
hlw Keeble Hawson

More people than ever before are choosing to live together without ‘tying the knot’ – as reinforced by research from the ESRC Centre for Population Change.

Yet, with Relate reporting that separation among cohabiting couples is running neck-and-neck with the divorce rate, it is vital that they know the legal ramifications of their status and are not left disadvantaged by it.

Despite the government’s attempts at promoting marriage and civil partnerships, it is estimated that around six million people in the UK now simply live together – with the numbers set to rise, according to reports from the Centre of Social Justice.

However, these couples have no legal status and, contrary to popular belief, ‘common law marriage’ is not a legal entity.

Whereas there are clear rules in England and Wales regulating the finances of divorcing couples – and who gets what when a spouse or civil partner dies – there is no provision for live-in partners.

There are no specific laws to protect separating cohabitees and they usually have no automatic entitlement to anything upon the death of their partner, no matter how long they have lived together.

The death or separation of a cohabitee can therefore lead to some knotty legal complications that the law is poorly equipped to address at present. This can result in expensive litigation to resolve them, often based on complex property and trust rules – which can in turn result in outcomes that neither party necessarily intended.

There is, however, a simple, relatively inexpensive solution to all of this, albeit a little known one.

For while increasing numbers of couples are entering into pre-nuptial agreements before marrying, to plan in the best of times for what should happen in the worst of times, many cohabiting couples are unaware that they can do something similar.

Having a cohabitation agreement in place could avoid financial and emotional trauma later on.

This can give both partners peace of mind by making clear in the case of a split or death:

  • Who will own the home you live in or intend to live in – and, if jointly, the shares
  • Who will pay the bills, including any improvements or renovations to the home
  • What will happen to the property if the relationship ends or should one of you die
  • Whether the survivor can stay in the property after the death of the other and, if so, for how long
  • How any children, including those from previous relationships, will be protected financially

The first step is to make contact with a legal practice with an experienced, respected team of family and will and estate planning specialists to discuss your specific circumstances and what you need to consider.

Acknowledged the latest Legal 500 2015 Guide as ‘Extremely bright and resourceful’, Vanessa has amassed almost three decades of experience in family law and has been head of the family law team at Keeble Hawson since 1991.

An accredited mediator, Vanessa is also a Resolution accredited expert and has been Chair of South Yorkshire Resolution since 2013.

A member of the Law Society’s Children’s Panel, Vanessa receives instructions from Children’s Guardians. She is also accredited by the Law Society Family Law Panel.

Vanessa’s work is typically characterised by sensible and practical advice that supports a speedy and pragmatic resolution.

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Moving in Together? Do you have a Cohabitation Agreement?

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If your thinking of moving in together then this video is for you.

Not everyone wants to get married but loads do want to live together.

Luckily there are things that you can do to make sure that you and your partner are ok should anything happen to either of you in the eyes of the law.

Lots of people believe that marriage is just a piece of paper.

This might be so, literally, but it’s a very heavy piece of paper.

Watch this video with Austin Chessell a family mediator and solicitor with Feltons Solicitor and if you’re not planning on walking down the aisle then at least put some safeguarding measures for you and your partner in place.

Is marriage just a piece of paper?

Do marriage certificate matter much?

What is a cohabitation agreement?

Can children be included in the cohabitation agreement?

What happens after separation or death if there isn’t an agreement in place?

Where can I get a cohabitation agreement?

What about inheritance rights during cohabitation?

Is my partner protected in the event of my death?

What types of protection, for my partner and I, can I get if we decided not to get married?

 

 

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Why Proposed Reforms are Vital to Financially Protect Cohabiting Couples
Happy young couple moving to new house together.
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Why Proposed Reforms are Vital to Financially Protect Cohabiting Couples

Published on
Katie Jennings
Katie Jennings
Solicitor
Jones Myers

Jones Myers niche family law firm  has been at the forefront of ongoing campaigns to overhaul outdated cohabitation laws which currently do not give couples living together legal protection or rights if they split up.    

This is a far cry from the situation with married couples, who, on separation, are safeguarded in crucial areas such as savings, income, pensions, property, business interests, and their children’s future.

We therefore embrace proposals at the heart of a Government consultation which seeks to protect cohabitants who are parting ways in areas including financial remedies – and in situations when one of them dies without leaving a will.

As a specialist family law firm we are frequently instructed by clients – who have been cohabiting and are unmarried or in a civil partnership – and who are unaware that they have no automatic rights to their partner’s property or savings when their relationship breaks down.   

The current situation can cause even more uncertainly when there are children from the relationship. 

As we await the outcome of the proposed changes, we suggest that cohabitees in this situation  obtain advice about their protections under the law – ideally before they move in together – or at any stage of their cohabiting relationship. 

More couples are entering into Cohabitation Agreements which set out how financial matters within the relationship will be managed . The contracts are especially useful documents in circumstances where people already own assets in their sole names or have made purchases with contributions from parents or from inheritance. They provide an essential roadmap for them to follow should they split up.  

It is important that each party seeks independent legal advice and discloses all financial information in the lead up to signing the agreement, which should be reviewed regularly.

Entered into correctly, a cohabitation agreement is legally binding and can be used as the framework for a Prenuptial Agreement should marriage be on the cards. 

Jones Myers is committed to helping our clients navigate these issues, whether through our team of specialist family lawyers or through our experienced mediation practitioners. 

More on the Government consultation, which closes on August 14, can be found here.  

For queries on cohabitation agreements or any areas of divorce and family law, call 0113 246 0055 (Leeds) 01423 276104 (Harrogate), 202550 (York). Visit www.jonesmyers.co.uk, email info@jonesmyers.co.uk or tweet @helpwithdivorce

Jones Myers blog is ranked 5th in the 20 Best UK Family Law Blogs to Follow in 2026.

Read more articles by Jones Myers.

About Katie Jennings

Katie is a member of Jones Myers’ award-winning Divorce and Financial Remedies Department. A family law specialist skilled in litigation, Katie is also a family mediator currently working towards accreditation with the Family Mediation Council. 

Committed to reaching solutions which avoid going to court, Katie was drawn to Jones Myers’ standing as  a leading niche family law firm with a focus on resolving relationship breakdown through non-confrontational routes. Katie is based at the York city centre offices of Jones Myers at The Quadrant, Bootham Row.   

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Financial Independence After Separation: Three Steps to a Better Future
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Financial Independence After Separation: Three Steps to a Better Future

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Elspeth Kinder
Elspeth Kinder
Partner & Joint Head of Family Law
JMW Solicitors LLP

For many people, the final divorce order or financial settlement is expected to feel like the finish line. It matters, of course: the marriage has legally ended, the financial arrangements have been decided, and the immediate uncertainty may have reduced. Yet this is often the point at which a different set of questions becomes louder. Can I manage the household finances alone? What needs to change now? How do I turn the terms of my financial settlement into a life that feels secure, manageable and genuinely mine?

As a family lawyer, I help clients protect their position and reach clear, workable outcomes. As a divorce coach, I also support them with what comes next: rebuilding confidence, making decisions, and moving from simply coping to planning ahead. That continuity is important. Legal advice and coaching do different jobs, but together they can provide a more complete route towards independence.

What is financial independence?

You may have a court-approved agreement but still feel unsure about its practical effect. Perhaps you have never managed investments, pensions, tax returns or household bills. You may be moving home, returning to work, adjusting to a different income or trying to make decisions without the person who previously dealt with the finances. Even where the outcome is fair, the transition can feel daunting.

Financial independence does not mean knowing everything immediately, nor does it mean refusing help. It means understanding your position well enough to make informed choices, knowing where to obtain specialist advice and developing systems that reduce uncertainty. For some, that begins with opening online banking without anxiety. For others, it means understanding a pension share, taking control of a business interest or deciding how to use a lump sum without rushing.

Step One: Implementing your order

A final divorce order ends the marriage, but it does not by itself resolve financial claims. Any agreement about property, pensions, lump sums, or maintenance should be recorded in a court-approved financial order. If you are uncertain whether this has been done, or whether every part of an existing order has been implemented, seek advice before assuming matters are closed.

Check the dates and actions within the order. Is a property transfer complete? Should maintenance payments be varied? Keep the sealed order, final divorce order and key correspondence together. If circumstances change, or the other person does not comply, take advice promptly rather than allowing problems to accumulate.

Step two: Turning your settlement into everyday life

Once you’re confident your settlement is properly recorded, prepare a clear snapshot of your new financial life. Record income, essential spending, debts, savings, pensions and insurance. Use these figures to build a realistic monthly budget rather than one based on an ideal month. Include annual costs such as car insurance, school expenses, holidays and home repairs. A separate contingency fund built gradually if necessary, can make unexpected costs feel less destabilising.

Next, review any practical arrangements that still reflect married life. This may include updating bank mandates, standing orders, credit cards and digital subscriptions, as well as checking who can access shared accounts or cloud storage. Where appropriate, update passwords and recovery details so that your personal and financial information remains secure.

Some financial decisions should not be made without specialist advice. Choices about how to hold or invest a lump sum, draw pension benefits, structure borrowing or deal with tax can have significant and sometimes irreversible consequences. A regulated financial adviser or wealth manager can help you understand the options, forecast future expenditure and test how different decisions may affect your income and capital over time. Taking advice at an early stage can help you avoid making rushed choices, use the settlement in a way that reflects your priorities and put in place a realistic plan for longer-term financial security. Your family lawyer can help identify when specialist financial, tax or mortgage advice is needed. 

Step three: Believe in yourself — and seek support when you need it

During divorce proceedings, there is usually a timetable and a professional team. Once the legal work ends, that structure can disappear almost overnight. Friends and family may expect you to feel relieved, while you may feel exhausted and overwhelmed by ordinary tasks. This is not a failure to move on. It is often the natural consequence of having spent months making high-stakes decisions while also managing work, children and emotional change.

Many of my clients find at this stage, coaching can be an invaluable tool. Coaching offers a confidential, forward-looking space in which to decide what matters now. It is not therapy, financial advice or a substitute for legal advice. A coach can help you break large problems into realistic steps, prepare for difficult conversations, recognise unhelpful patterns, set boundaries and remain accountable to the plans you have made. The aim is not to tell you what to do, but to help you recover confidence in your ability to decide.

Once the legal work has concluded, coaching can provide structure whilst you adjust to the practical realities of your new circumstances. This might include preparing questions for a financial adviser, setting realistic short- and longer-term goals, and developing routines for reviewing spending and progress. Coaching does not provide financial recommendations, but it can help you feel better prepared to engage with the appropriate specialists, make informed decisions and take greater ownership of your financial life.

Begin with the right next step

You do not need a perfect five-year plan. Begin by asking: what is still legally unresolved, what is causing the greatest practical pressure and what single action would give me more clarity this week? The answer might be locating your financial order, preparing a budget, booking an appointment with a financial adviser or simply creating a list of questions.

Divorce closes one legal chapter, but financial independence is built through the choices that follow. With the right legal foundations, practical systems and continuing support, the aftermath of separation can become more than an ending. It can be the point at which you begin to feel informed, capable and in control of your future.

Read more articles by Elspeth Kinder.

About Elspeth Kinder

Elspeth joined JMW Solicitors in May 2018 as a Partner and Joint Head of the Family Team. Elspeth is recognised as a leader in her field by the legal directories Legal 500 and Chambers and Partners for her experience in all aspects of the law relating to personal relationships:

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Managing Conflict and Stress During Divorce and Financial Remedy Proceedings

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Katie Lowe
Partner in the Family Team
JMW Solicitors LLP

Katie Lowe, Partner in the JMW family team, examines how individuals can manage conflict and stress during divorce and financial remedy proceedings, with practical guidance for navigating the process calmly and confidently.

Divorce is rarely just a legal process. For many people, it is one of the most emotionally demanding periods of their lives, involving uncertainty about children, finances and the future. Even where both people want to resolve matters sensibly, the pressure of divorce and financial remedy proceedings can make communication difficult and conflict harder to avoid.

As a family lawyer, I often meet people at a point when they feel overwhelmed, exhausted or unsure how to move forward. That is completely understandable. Divorce involves important decisions, and those decisions are often being made at a time when emotions are high, and trust may have broken down. The aim is not to remove every difficult feeling from the process, but to manage the pressure and make informed choices.

Understand what is within your control

One of the most stressful aspects of divorce is feeling that events are happening to you and are out of your control. You may not be able to determine how your former partner behaves or whether they approach matters constructively. You can, however, shape how you prepare and the advice you take before making decisions.

It can help to separate issues into two categories: what needs a legal response and what is an emotional trigger. Not every message requires an immediate reply. Not every disagreement needs to become a battle. Taking advice early can give you a clearer sense of which issues genuinely matter to your long-term position, and which may be better not engaged with at all.

Keep communication calm, brief and purposeful

During divorce, communication can quickly become emotionally charged, particularly where there are unresolved issues or concerns about money or children. Where possible, try to keep written communication calm, brief and focused. Long explanations or repeated messages often increase tension rather than resolve it.

Before sending a message, it can be useful to pause and ask: what outcome am I trying to achieve? If the purpose is to confirm a date, request information or agree a practical arrangement, keep the message limited to that issue. If the topic is sensitive or likely to escalate, speak to your solicitor about whether communication should go through lawyers or be managed in a more structured way.

Do not let financial remedy proceedings consume every part of your life

Financial remedy proceedings can feel particularly stressful, and it is natural to worry about the outcome, especially if the family finances are not straightforward, if there are complex assets structures or concerns about whether everything has been fully disclosed.

A practical way to reduce stress is to create a system. Keep documents in one place, make a note of questions as they arise, and avoid trying to review everything late at night or when you are already emotionally drained. Your legal team can help you understand what information is needed, why it matters and how it fits into the wider strategy.

Choose your support network carefully

Support from friends and family can be invaluable, but it is important to choose the right people to lean on. Well-meaning advice is not always helpful, particularly where it is based on someone else’s divorce or encourages you to take a more aggressive approach than your circumstances require.

Try to identify a small number of people who can listen without inflaming the situation. Counselling, coaching or therapeutic help can also sit alongside legal advice. A solicitor’s role is to guide you through the legal issues and strategy; emotional support can help you cope with the personal impact of the process and make decisions from a steadier place.

Be realistic about conflict, but do not assume court is inevitable

Some conflict is normal during divorce. Disagreement does not necessarily mean the case will end up in a contested court hearing. Many cases can be resolved through solicitor-led negotiation, mediation, or other forms of non-court dispute resolution. The right route will depend on several factors including the personalities involved, the level of trust, and whether there are any safeguarding concerns.

When narcissistic behaviour or coercive control is part of the picture

For some people, the stress of divorce is made significantly worse by patterns of narcissistic behaviour or coercive control. In these cases, the usual advice about communication and compromise may not be enough. A person who has used control within the relationship may continue to use the divorce process, finances or arrangements for children as a way to exert pressure.

Where this is happening, a more structured and strategic approach is often needed. That may include tighter boundaries around communication, careful record keeping, a clear plan for disclosure, consideration of protective orders where appropriate and legal advice that recognises the emotional and practical reality of dealing with controlling behaviour.

Protect your wellbeing alongside your legal position

Looking after yourself during divorce is not a distraction from the legal process. It is part of managing it well. Fatigue, anxiety and emotional overload can make it harder to process advice, respond proportionately and make decisions that serve your long-term interests.

Small, consistent steps can make a difference: keep some structure in your week, take breaks from emails and legal documents, avoid using social media as an outlet for frustration, and give yourself permission not to deal with every issue immediately. If you are struggling, seek professional emotional support. Divorce is a major life event, and you do not have to navigate it alone.

Practical tips for reducing conflict and stress

  • Pause before responding to difficult messages and avoid replying when you are angry, upset or tired.
  • Keep communication focused on practical issues rather than revisiting the history of the relationship.
  • Save important documents and correspondence in an organised way so you can access them easily when needed.
  • Take legal advice before making significant financial decisions or agreeing to proposals.
  • Set realistic expectations about timescales, especially where financial disclosure is complex.
  • Use professional support, including therapeutic or coaching support, where the emotional impact feels overwhelming.
  • Remember that being calm does not mean being passive; you can be measured and firm at the same time.

Final thoughts

Divorce and financial remedy proceedings can feel daunting, but the way the process is managed can make a significant difference. With the right advice, clear boundaries and appropriate support, it is possible to reduce unnecessary conflict and make decisions with greater confidence.

If you are contemplating divorce, already involved in financial remedy proceedings, or concerned about high-conflict behaviour, early specialist advice can help you understand your options and plan the next steps. JMW’s family law team supports clients with clear, compassionate and strategic advice tailored to their circumstances, helping them move through divorce with clarity and confidence.

About Katie Lowe

Katie Lowe is a Partner in JMW’s family law team, advising clients on all aspects of divorce, financial remedy proceedings and arrangements for children. Recommended by clients and recognised in the legal directories, Katie is known for her clear, strategic and compassionate approach. She has a niche specialism in cases involving narcissistic behaviour and coercive control, helping clients navigate high-conflict dynamics with confidence and care.

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Divorce: How a Family Law Solicitor Can Help You Resolve Matters Out of Court

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Elspeth Kinder, Head of JMW’s Family Law Team, discusses how a family law solicitor can help clients resolve divorce matters out of court through mediation, negotiation, arbitration and other strategic solutions.

For many individuals, divorce involves far more than the legal process of bringing a marriage to an end. It can include making decisions on complex financial arrangements, business interests, property portfolios, pensions, trusts. Those divorcing may also have concerns around privacy, family relationships and future financial security. In the right circumstances, resolving matters out of court can provide a constructive, flexible and discreet way forward. With the support of an experienced family law solicitor, it is often possible to reach a fair outcome without the intervention of the court, whilst retaining greater control over the process and the overall approach to negotiations.

Clear advice from the outset

Taking legal advice at an early stage can make a significant difference to how your case progresses. Particularly in high net worth divorce matters, there may be immediate questions around financial disclosure, valuations, liquidity, tax, and the best way to protect your position. An experienced family law solicitor will understand the issues from the outset, identify the priorities and develop a strategy that is tailored to your circumstances. This early clarity can reduce unnecessary conflict and place negotiations on a more productive footing.

Choosing the right form of non-court dispute resolution

There are several ways to resolve divorce-related issues outside of court, including solicitor-led negotiation, mediation, collaborative law, and arbitration. Each process works differently, and the right option will depend on the complexity of your case, the level of cooperation between you and your spouse and the outcome you are trying to achieve. Some cases benefit from the flexibility of mediation, while others may be better suited to arbitration where a binding decision is needed on a particular issue. A specialist family law solicitor will explain the advantages and limitations of each route and help you choose the most appropriate process for your circumstances.

Protecting your interests in complex financial cases

High net worth divorce cases often involve assets that require detailed analysis, such as family businesses, investments, inherited wealth, offshore structures, trusts and substantial pensions. Resolving these matters out of court does not mean taking a less rigorous approach. On the contrary, thorough preparation is often what makes successful negotiation possible. A solicitor with experience in complex financial remedy cases will work closely with barristers, accountants, valuers and tax advisers where needed, so that discussions are informed, realistic and focused on achieving a fair settlement.

Privacy as a key consideration

For many clients, privacy is an important factor when deciding how to approach divorce. Court proceedings can feel intrusive, particularly where there are significant assets, business interests or sensitive family matters involved. Out-of-court resolution can offer a more discreet setting in which to negotiate and resolve issues, helping to limit unnecessary exposure and keep personal and financial matters private wherever possible. An experienced family law solicitor can advise on the processes most likely to support confidentiality while still working towards a fair and practical outcome.

Working towards a fair and lasting outcome

A good outcome is not simply one that resolves the immediate dispute. It should also provide clarity, stability and a workable framework for the future. This is particularly important where there are children, ongoing business interests or continuing financial connections between the parties. A family law solicitor will help you keep sight of the bigger picture, balancing legal principles with practical realities.

Resolving divorce matters out of court can offer a more measured, private and effective way to deal with complex financial and family issues. With the right legal advice, it is possible to protect your interests, maintain greater control over the process and work towards a fair settlement that reflects your individual circumstances. If you are considering divorce and want clear advice on the options available to you, our family law team can help. Contact us today to discuss your situation in confidence and explore the most appropriate route forward.

About Elspeth Kinder

Elspeth joined JMW Solicitors in May 2018 as a Partner and Joint Head of the Family Team. Elspeth is recognised as a leader in her field by the legal directories Legal 500 and Chambers and Partners for her experience in all aspects of the law relating to personal relationships:

 

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Signs of Coercive Control, Legal Significance and Why Ruby's Law Matters
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Signs of Coercive Control, Legal Significance and Why Ruby’s Law Matters

Published on
Rachel Cook
Rachel Cook
Of Counsel
Peters &Peters

In 2015, the law in England and Wales fundamentally changed how domestic abuse was understood. With the introduction of section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015, the criminal law finally recognised that abuse does not have to be violent to be devastating. Patterns of domination, intimidation and control, often invisible from the outside, were brought within the scope of criminal liability.

A decade on, coercive and controlling behaviour (CCB) sits at the crossroads of criminal law, family law and separation disputes. For many families navigating divorce or child arrangements, it is no longer a background issue but a central one. Understanding how the offence works, how it has evolved, and how it interacts with family proceedings can make a critical difference to outcomes.

What qualifies as coercive and controlling behaviour?

Under section 76, a person commits an offence if they repeatedly or continuously engage in controlling or coercive behaviour towards a current or former intimate partner or family member, and that behaviour has a “serious effect” on the victim.

That “serious effect” is defined in one of two ways: either the victim is caused to fear violence on at least two occasions, or the behaviour causes serious alarm or distress which has a substantial adverse effect on their day-to-day life. Importantly, the perpetrator must know, or ought to know, that their behaviour would have that effect.

What matters is pattern, not isolated incidents. Courts look at the cumulative impact of conduct over time. Individually, acts may appear trivial or even reasonable. Together, they can amount to criminal abuse.

Common examples include:

  • Monitoring movements, messages or spending
  • Restricting access to money or conditioning basic expenses on compliance
  • Isolation from friends, family or professional support
  • Undermining parenting confidence or threatening child contact
  • Using litigation, complaints or financial pressure as tools of control post-separation

The law now expressly recognises economic abuse as a core form of domestic abuse. Control over resources, enforced dependency and financial gatekeeping can satisfy the criminal threshold even where there is objective wealth.

How the offence has evolved since 2015

The offence has developed significantly since its introduction.

Charging practice and case law have clarified that prosecutors can rely on a wide range of evidence to demonstrate patterns over time: digital communications, financial records, CCTV, smart-home data and third-party testimony. Courts increasingly accept a “mosaic” approach, where meaning lies in the accumulation rather than any single act.

The scope of the offence has also expanded beyond cohabitation. Amendments now recognise post-separation abuse, reflecting the reality that control often continues, or intensifies, after a relationship ends, particularly through children or finances.

Sentencing guidance has likewise evolved, with courts treating sustained, sophisticated campaigns of control as serious offending, especially where professional status, financial power or third parties are used to entrench dominance.

Where Ruby’s Law fits in

One area that has historically been overlooked is the role of pets in coercive control. Threats to harm animals, restriction of access to veterinary care, or using pets as leverage to prevent a victim from leaving are well-documented abuse tactics.

Surrounding the recent publication of the Government’s Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG) strategy, there has been an increased demand from cross-party MPs to introduce Ruby’s Law.

Ruby’s Law seeks to close this gap by advocating for the explicit recognition of harm or threats to pets as part of coercive and controlling behaviour, and by allowing pets to be included in protective orders. This is not about elevating animals above people, but about acknowledging lived reality: for many victims, fear for a beloved pet is a decisive barrier to safety.

In family proceedings, Ruby’s Law could also provide clarity, enabling courts to address pet-related abuse directly rather than treating it as peripheral or irrelevant.

How coercive control intersects with divorce and child arrangements

Allegations of coercive and controlling behaviour frequently arise during separation, often alongside disputes about children, finances or housing.

In family court, the focus is not punishment but protection and welfare. Findings of coercive control can influence:

  • Whether a fact-finding hearing is required
  • Whether contact should be supervised or restricted
  • The court’s assessment of parental insight, risk and future behaviour
  • Protective orders such as non-molestation or occupation orders

A critical point for parents is that coercive control does not require physical violence. Family courts are increasingly alive to patterns of manipulation, intimidation and emotional harm, particularly where children are exposed to controlling dynamics.

Equally, false or exaggerated allegations can have profound consequences. Lengthy investigations, interim contact restrictions and reputational damage can occur long before any finding is made. This is why early, careful legal advice is essential on both sides.

Criminal courts and family courts: parallel tracks, real consequences

Criminal and family proceedings operate independently, but they interact in powerful ways.

A police investigation or criminal charge can affect family proceedings immediately, particularly where bail conditions restrict contact or residence. Conversely, material generated in family proceedings (statements, expert reports, messages disclosed during financial disclosure) may later become relevant in a criminal case.

There are also practical tensions. Criminal courts operate on principles of open justice; family proceedings are largely private. Material cannot simply be transferred between forums without careful consideration and, often, permission.

Timing matters too. While coercive control is not subject to the six-month limitation that applies to many summary offences, delay can affect evidential strength and police appetite to prosecute. The offence is not retrospective: conduct before 2015 cannot itself be charged, though it may form relevant background.

Practical guidance for those navigating both systems

For individuals and families facing these issues, several principles consistently matter:

  • Seek early advice across disciplines. Criminal and family lawyers bring different perspectives. Coordinated advice avoids missteps that can have long-term consequences.
  • Preserve evidence. Messages, bank records, diaries and third-party accounts can be crucial, whether you are alleging abuse or defending an accusation.
  • Think strategically, not emotionally. Reporting to the police is not the only route to protection. Family law remedies may be faster and more targeted in some cases.
  • Understand the impact of interim measures. Bail conditions, protective orders and temporary contact arrangements often shape reality long before any final decision.

There is no single “right” approach. Objectives differ: safety, recognition, protection of children, reputation, or simply bringing an end to uncertainty.

Looking ahead

Coercive and controlling behaviour has reshaped how abuse is understood across both criminal and family law. Ruby’s Law represents the next step in recognising the full ecology of control within families, including the role of pets, and aligning the law more closely with lived experience.

For separating families, the message is clear: these issues are no longer marginal, and they cannot be navigated safely in silos. Early, informed and joined-up advice remains the most effective protection of all.

Rachel Cook, Of Counsel, Peters & Peters

Rachel Cook is a criminal solicitor with extensive experience advising individuals and families at the intersection of criminal and family proceedings. She regularly advises clients at the police station and acts in complex cases involving allegations of coercive and controlling behaviour, domestic abuse and reputational risk. Rachel works closely with family law teams to provide strategic, joined up advice for clients navigating separation, child arrangements and parallel investigations.

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